Massive breakage

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I have been granted access to government-supported therapy for 3 years. I am now through 1 year and I can say that I am only just starting to notice some improvement, but the real improvements don't usually come until the final year. Sure it depends on one's individual issues as well, but I just wanted to give an indication of what to perhaps expect. A few months into therapy is... not that much.

I saw her for 3 months.
I saw another before her for 2.
And I saw a family councilor through my home city clinic for 2 years straight before that. The family councilor was the longest person I saw, and it was 0 help.
And then once I left school, it was like, that was it. The girl I was seeing, couldnt see me anymore after seeing her for 2 years and I had to see someone else.
They asked if I wanted to keep going to the meetings even though my councilor was changing and I said no, it was 2 years of talking to this woman, with 0 change just to be told that I now had to see someone else. That was when I gave up on seeing someone consistently.
Every single person that was supposed to "help" was always just a body that would listen to my talking for an hour 2 times a week.
I have just never seen benefits from therapy, and unfortunately it doesnt work for everyone.

[Ylva]

I saw her for 3 months.
I saw another before her for 2.
And I saw a family councilor through my home city clinic for 2 years straight before that. The family councilor was the longest person I saw, and it was 0 help.
And then once I left school, it was like, that was it. The girl I was seeing, couldnt see me anymore after seeing her for 2 years and I had to see someone else.
They asked if I wanted to keep going to the meetings even though my councilor was changing and I said no, it was 2 years of talking to this woman, with 0 change just to be told that I now had to see someone else. That was when I gave up on seeing someone consistently.
Every single person that was supposed to "help" was always just a body that would listen to my talking for an hour 2 times a week.
I have just never seen benefits from therapy, and unfortunately it doesnt work for everyone.

It doesn't sound like very good therapy in my opinion if it's just you talking the whole time and the therapist is just listening, not asking any questions, not getting you to think about stuff and trying to "make sense" of it all.

[cathair]

I've not been paying my hair as much attention as usual due to life happening. I'm just starting to sort it out a bit now. This week I did an hour's S&D, then took 1.5 inches of it. I will probably do the same again next month with a smaller trim, which isn't far away now.

I find at the moment the only way I can put my hair up without it hurting is with a lightweight fork with at least three prongs. It distributes weight better. Even spin pins aren't that comfortable right now.

Failing that, in a bun that isn't fixed then under a beanie hat works okay, it all stays put. It helps me on really low energy days. If it's combed great, if it's not it will survive and probably not get any worse.

If it's got really tangly, I won't finger comb it dry. I do much less damage jumping in the shower and letting conditioner work.

Those are my current strategies, I hope you find some that work for you.

[spidermom]

Well I'm going to swim against the stream here and tell you to stay far-far away from S&D. It's depressing!

I urge you to give careful consideration as to why you're holding onto long hair that seems to give you no pleasure. A new look can be very refreshing!

Best wishes to you. It seems there's been a lot of distressing situations going on, and I applaud you for hanging on as well as you have. You need a break, and I hope one is coming your way soon.

[lapushka]

Well I'm going to swim against the stream here and tell you to stay far-far away from S&D. It's depressing

If there's a lot of splits & white dots, I would not S&D either but rather go for a good trim. If it's about half the hair, you are going to thin it out severely for one, and for the other... it's a *chore* doing half of your hair, and if you're not feeling well as it is - oh no, just don't do it! I don't know how long my mom took when she did my hair, but she was busy for a couple hours, and then we did end up cutting it from hip to BSL because it was just so thin after S&D (half the hair gone, it was extensive damage).

I'm with spidermom on this! ^^


I also just want to wish you all the best, and wish you well. I hope it goes uphill from here on out!

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

It doesn't sound like very good therapy in my opinion if it's just you talking the whole time and the therapist is just listening, not asking any questions, not getting you to think about stuff and trying to "make sense" of it all.

Yeah and unfortunately I just cant afford better care.

So I distract myself with exercise, work, hobbies and tattooing. Its better time spent, rather than going into an office.
While I was working, I had kaiser, and I thought about seeing someone. My GP recommended I give zoloft and therapy a try.
Referred me to the mental health office, I tried to book appointments and nobody would answer my call.
I couldnt even get the inital period started, it really discouraged me even more.

So now I just focus the energy I do have on things I enjoy doing.
Drawing every day, is really helping me.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Well I'm going to swim against the stream here and tell you to stay far-far away from S&D. It's depressing!

I urge you to give careful consideration as to why you're holding onto long hair that seems to give you no pleasure. A new look can be very refreshing!

Best wishes to you. It seems there's been a lot of distressing situations going on, and I applaud you for hanging on as well as you have. You need a break, and I hope one is coming your way soon.

I mean, I love my hair when its looking good and not breaking off.
I cant tell if its my depression telling me that my hair looks worse than it actually does. Or if it looks as gross as I think it looks.

And its hard because most other people IRL tell me to cut my hair. My mom at christmas asked me when i was going to get a trim.
I guess my ends really look bad, and its moments like that, that really fuel the idea that my hair is damaged and ugly.

I hate my hair because no matter what it just looks terrible due to breakage
But I am attached to the length.

[Ylva]

How do you feel about posting a pic of your hair here? The members are sure to give you their honest opinions.

[blackgothicdoll]

I saw her for 3 months.
I saw another before her for 2.
And I saw a family councilor through my home city clinic for 2 years straight before that. The family councilor was the longest person I saw, and it was 0 help.
And then once I left school, it was like, that was it. The girl I was seeing, couldnt see me anymore after seeing her for 2 years and I had to see someone else.
They asked if I wanted to keep going to the meetings even though my councilor was changing and I said no, it was 2 years of talking to this woman, with 0 change just to be told that I now had to see someone else. That was when I gave up on seeing someone consistently.
Every single person that was supposed to "help" was always just a body that would listen to my talking for an hour 2 times a week.
I have just never seen benefits from therapy, and unfortunately it doesnt work for everyone.

I'm only chiming in here because I understand what you're experiencing. I always say counselling is worth trying, but it doesn't work for everyone. I had your similar experience; it just kind of felt like I was paying somebody to whine at - and since my biggest flaw was insecurity, I just felt like I was being judged by a total stranger who could never understand my entire life's worth of baggage in 20 minute sessions. It's not very helpful, especially if you have people you can whine at for free. If a counselor isn't actually paying attention to your issues and making suggestions you haven't heard before, it's not really something that you need. Especially if money and insurance are problems.

Of course, I would not in the least bit discourage you from continuing to pursue it if you feel it will help. I do not want to directly dissuade medication, but if you are feeling suicidal, then it may be for you. If not, then I do see it can sometimes simply be a bandaid that can have very ill long-term effects... I've experienced this, too. What I would recommend, if you can spare even just $10 for a book on dialectal behavioral therapy, or look online for sources that can walk you through it. I find that in some cases of depression, it is a mental thing and not a medical thing, if that makes sense? Meaning medication to increase serotonin does not exactly improve the reasons why you feel poorly. Finding the ability to learn how to cope with those feelings is the most important thing, since just 'fixing your life' isn't a realistic expectation for anyone. It sounds like you have outlets such as gym and art, which is great, but learning how to speak to yourself and understand your feelings, slowly unravel them and analyze them, then find the best way to re-mediate them is what, in my experience, is a very important thing to learn when it comes down to it.

Again, not a doctor, not making any hard recommendations, just sharing some things from my own experience and hoping that, if it fits, it can help you a bit. Depression is definitely not a one-size-fits-all ball and chain.

Anyhow, I do agree that when your hair is damaged past the point of no return, a trim (maybe start with a really small one, something not too drastic?) can bring you some optimism. It is also symbolic of cutting out bad things and getting a new start, which can be cathartic in its own way.

I don't know your entire story but I understand you're having a hard time. I can't promise things will magically get better, but I can assure you that you can feel better and there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, but the way to that light is through your own eyes. Art is a wonderful way to find that. I hope the best for you.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

How do you feel about posting a pic of your hair here? The members are sure to give you their honest opinions.

i havent posted photos of my hair in a long while but here is the current state:




As you can see, its thin around APL, I cant tell if its a texture thing or breakage thing. But the hair from that point on has the most damage from what I can tell.