is my hair beyond saving ?

**SarahSar** · November 4th, 2023, 05:09 AM

Hi guys newbie here.
A little context about my hair : M, i/ii and wavy (2b/2c) cut it at chin length in 2019 and managed to grow it to BSL in two years despite using a straightener about every two weeks (low setting) and dyeing it once or twice ( to a darker color ) and never using any oil !
I then got a very mild relaxer last year made for wavy hair, it went well and didn't get any breakage ( by then I had learned more about hair and started using leave-in, coney oils and a satin pillowcase) but as soon as I re-started to dye it ( a demi permanent) it started to break ( white dots and split ends ) I had also started to use heat again since the relaxed grew out.
Two weeks ago I had enough of the breakage and decided to stop using heat, I searched and destroyed EVERY split end and white dot and then trimmed the uneven lengths ( ended at about APL ) and wore my hair wavy for the last two weeks, my hair felt less dry but as I checked yesterday, the splits and the white dots came back ( I used NO heat since the trim ) I am desperate now, are my ends doomed to keep breaking until I get rid of the relaxed part ? ( about 2-3 inches) I don't want to cut it shorted and wish to keep my lengths as long as possible.
Routine : mainly hydrating products with silicones, I use olaplex n3 and proteins about every two weeks.

**Sarahlabyrinth** · November 4th, 2023, 07:33 AM

Hi, welcome to the forum

Unfortunately the damage you have done to your hair cannot be undone and will remain until either the individual hairs fall out, or are cut off. But you can help it from now on by babying it, always treating it gently, and not using heat tools or dyes on it. Gradual, small trims will slowly (if you choose to do this) remove the damage over several years. Moisturising conditioners and hair masks will help it to look better along the way.
Just think, from now on your hair will gradually get better and better, each day a bit better than the day before

as the new growth gets longer and longer. Don't worry, you know, many of us here (including me) joined here with damaged hair, it takes time and care over years but you can gradually get your hair healthy again.

**Sarahlabyrinth** · November 4th, 2023, 07:40 AM

Hi, welcome to the forum

Unfortunately the damage you have done to your hair cannot be undone and will remain until either the individual hairs fall out, or are cut off. But you can help it from now on by babying it, always treating it gently, and not using heat tools or dyes on it. Gradual, small trims will slowly (if you choose to do this) remove the damage over several years. Moisturising conditioners and hair masks will help it to look better along the way.
Just think, from now on your hair will gradually get better and better, each day a bit better than the day before

as the new growth gets longer and longer. Don't worry, you know, many of us here (including me) joined here with damaged hair, it takes time and care over years but you can gradually get your hair healthy again.

**spidermom** · November 4th, 2023, 02:13 PM

I don't have better advice than Sarah has already given. I encourage you: do small, regular trims to gradually get rid of the damage. You could trim half your length increase every 3-4 months and gradually grow longer hair as you improve the condition. For example, if your hair grows 1 inch, get a 1/2 inch trim.

I hate fighting with my hair, which always happens when it's damaged because it tangles so much. I'm more the type to just get rid of the damage as quickly as possible even if it means I have to cut off 5 inches (which happened this past January) and have shorter hair. Now my hair is as long as it was before I had that cut. The time has passed pretty quickly, so I'm not at all upset.

**lapushka** · November 4th, 2023, 03:30 PM

Welcome.

I had white dots (up the strand, they're quite high up, so not the end of a hair, that's normal) all the way to within an inch of my roots. Half of my hair+ was filled with them. I had about shoulder length + permed hair. I had used heat for a while as well. I grew it all out with the white dots in it, to hip. Yes I'm not joking. Thing is, white dots will not cause a break unless you actually really pull at that hair. So there is absolutely *no need* to get rid of them asap. I later cut back to bra strap, from hip, to get rid of all the damage. I was in no mood to cut my hair to pixie length, you see.

Just baby your hair, pamper it. Quit the heat if you can (or else you'll get more of them, yes even on a low setting if it's a straightener or other type of iron / blow dryers on low will not do that if you "rough dry").

It's gonna be OK; oh, and welcome!

**SarahSar** · November 5th, 2023, 05:03 AM

Originally Posted by Sarahlabyrinth

Hi, welcome to the forum

Unfortunately the damage you have done to your hair cannot be undone and will remain until either the individual hairs fall out, or are cut off. But you can help it from now on by babying it, always treating it gently, and not using heat tools or dyes on it. Gradual, small trims will slowly (if you choose to do this) remove the damage over several years. Moisturising conditioners and hair masks will help it to look better along the way.
Just think, from now on your hair will gradually get better and better, each day a bit better than the day before

as the new growth gets longer and longer. Don't worry, you know, many of us here (including me) joined here with damaged hair, it takes time and care over years but you can gradually get your hair healthy again.

Thank you. I've stopped dyeing and using heat,even though wavy hair is not my thing. Finger crossed now.

**SarahSar** · November 5th, 2023, 05:04 AM

Originally Posted by spidermom

I don't have better advice than Sarah has already given. I encourage you: do small, regular trims to gradually get rid of the damage. You could trim half your length increase every 3-4 months and gradually grow longer hair as you improve the condition. For example, if your hair grows 1 inch, get a 1/2 inch trim.

I hate fighting with my hair, which always happens when it's damaged because it tangles so much. I'm more the type to just get rid of the damage as quickly as possible even if it means I have to cut off 5 inches (which happened this past January) and have shorter hair. Now my hair is as long as it was before I had that cut. The time has passed pretty quickly, so I'm not at all upset.

Yeah I guess cutting the damaged part would make the process easier but I'm already making a big effort with wearing it wavy, a short wavy hairstyle is REALLY not my thin.

**SarahSar** · November 5th, 2023, 05:08 AM

Originally Posted by lapushka

Welcome.

I had white dots (up the strand, they're kiquite high up, so not the end of a hair, that's normal) all the way to within an inch of my roots. Half of my hair+ was filled with them. I had about shoulder length + permed hair. I had used heat for a while as well. I grew it all out with the white dots in it, to hip. Yes I'm not joking. Thing is, white dots will not cause a break unless you actually really pull at that hair. So there is absolutely *no need* to get rid of them asap. I later cut back to bra strap, from hip, to get rid of all the damage. I was in no mood to cut my hair to pixie length, you see.

Just baby your hair, pamper it. Quit the heat if you can (or else you'll get more of them, yes even on a low setting if it's a straightener or other type of iron / blow dryers on low will not do that if you "rough dry").

It's gonna be OK; oh, and welcome!

Thank you.
I never thought about leaving the white dots on my hair. Everytime I see one I have to pull on it because I always thought it would break anyway ? I'll stop pulling on them and baby my hair and see what happens.
Also like I said in my post I managed to grow my hair when using a straightener with a low temperature but it was healthy to begin with. I guess now with the chemical damage from the relaxer and repeated dyes it couldn't take the heat even if low.

**lapushka** · November 5th, 2023, 09:39 AM

Oh gosh nooo do not pull on them. You will leave a gap in your hair if you do that to all of them (they can be quite high up) and would have to resort to a huge trim. Just leave them be. Do not obsess (easier said than done) over it, do not look at it 24/7. Just do your regular routine, no cutting stuff out, leave your scissors alone but for the one that may be splitting or breaking off. That way. And just yes, baby/pamper the hair. I mean, if I can grow a mess like that (and it was a mess) out, then you can too. Just time and patience (very hard, not gonna lie). You'll be fine!