Horrible shop experience: A Warning

[Calaelen]

This is not normally something that I would do, call out a business publicly due to an issue I had, but this couple of experiences I have had with this shop is beyond anything I would have ever imagined possible from a business owner. I feel that I should warn others that this is a possibility, because it SERIOUSLY upset me, and I would not want anyone else to go through it.

It's not like it's a one off, either, this happened twice. (Yes, fool me once...)

My first interaction with KathilasWoodworking on Etsy was for our most recent winter swap. I contacted the artist to create a custom fork for my giftee, based on my own design that I'd made blueprints for. There were a few snags along the way, such as it taking forever for me to decide the type of wood (and I might have come across annoying. I am autistic, and over-explain, and was very concerned with getting it right for my giftee) mistaken measurements, etc. It worked out in the end, but there was one interaction where the artist had a bit of an odd reaction, calling herself an idiot, and started a completely new fork (cut, and partly shaped) without confirming with me that it was required, that in retrospect seems to fit the pattern of a very unstable person.

While that fork for my giftee was being made, she posted an amazing stick in the shop, that I asked her to reserve for me, so I could purchase it along with the custom fork when it was finished. She did so, and listed it reserved for me (by name).
Once the fork was finished, I was extremely happy with it, and very excited to purchase it for my giftee. I profusely thanked the artist for everything, and made a plan for purchase.

However I got extremely sick, ended up in the hospital, and multiple other issues happened, all at once, which delayed the purchase. I did have contact with the shop owner to explain this, mentioning that I had been hospitalized, have a chronic disease, and that I was definitely going to purchase the items, but was so sick that I couldn't get to my computer to do so.
(Some of you will have experienced this yourselves..I do not do banking of any kind on my phone, or any device, except my husband's secure work computer. We actually have been the target of identity theft, and credit fraud..)
She was understanding, and I thought this was fine, based on what she had said. She ended up selling the reserved stick to someone else in the meantime without mentioning it to me at all, not asking if I was still interested, if I was going to be able to make my purchase soon, or anything. I just went to make my purchase, and discovered it sold. This was weird, and I was dismayed, but I contacted her nicely, and only said I was very disappointed, as it was the most beautiful wood I had ever seen. She apologized, and told me she had more of the same wood. I asked her to reserve the blank for me for a later custom order.
She happily agreed, and said she was looking forward to it. I purchased the custom I had done for the swap, and all went went well from there.

A few months later, I contacted her about the reserved piece of wood, and we started discussing my custom piece. To be very clear here, I designed the entire fork. At the same, I time saw another blank and had a pair of forks made from it, also completely custom (based upon the wedge style that VotePalatine created)and drawn in EXTREME detail showing exactly what parts of the very unique wood grain I wanted for each, exactly where to cut the wood.. every single part of all three forks.

Once they were ready, I was in love, and my custom order was listed. Now here's where things went south. I again experienced illness (actual bacterial food poisoning, and then a bad cold right after, some severe family crises, a mental health breakdown, my cat getting sick to the tune of an upcoming 7k vet bill, and more.) I was MIA for a month where I didn't think of my custom listing, or anything hair related even once... It didn't occur to me to message her, because I didn't think of it, at all, in all the chaos.

She did end up contacting me, with an attitude, to ask what was up, and threatened to sell them individually in the store in a few days, as it had been a month. I replied to her that my entire life had blown up in that month, and explained many of the circumstances including the multiple illnesses, the family crises, and that I had a mental breakdown and suicidal ideation. I told her that I would make the purchase as soon as I was able, but could not at the moment, and I would be happy to pay her for a second Etsy listing, should the current one run out.

She replied saying "how was I to know any of this if you didn't get in touch?" (remember earlier, in the previous order, I mentioned to her the severe chronic disease I deal with that leaves me unable to even get to the computer..) and that she doesn't understand why I cannot make the purchase now.

I then explained that I actually don't have the funds for it, because several unexpected horrible things had happened, including my cat, and the vet bill that would soon be required. I told her that I very much want my listing, I designed them, I love them, and I will purchase them as soon as I can.

She acted understanding, and told me the listing will run out June 11th, so I will have until then to make the purchase. (This exchange happened in April). I told her that I will, for sure, purchase them before the listing runs out, and that if anything changes I will be in touch to let her know this.

On June 8th, I messaged her that I would be making the purchase the next morning, and that I had been in the hospital for much of the time, and knew I had cut it close, but I made it in time. I then went to look at my listing and discovered it gone!! The single fork was listed for sale, separately, and the pair was gone completely, but not in the sold items.

I messaged her saying I don't see my listing in the shop, that I can see the 3 prong as a single listing, and it's in someone's cart, and to please not sell it to them!! That I am going to purchase it in the morning, that if she has the pair of forks, please re-list them as I want them as well, that as she told me I had until the 11th, and that yes, this it cutting it close, but I am in time, and I said "I sort of can't believe you did this, AGAIN, I might add"
Her reply was short, "I decided that.
And ask you to accept that. I wish you all the best."

My next reply was quite upset, but civil, informing her that she is a very nasty person, why I was in the hospital, that life happens, and that, basically I find what goes around comes around, that this nastiness she put out in the universe will return to her.

She revealed herself to be quite possibly mentally ill in the next few exchanges, but the contents are not important. She had said, and this is a direct quote, "And I don't think I'm mean. I find it inappropriate to insult me like that. It is within my right to decide after so long of waiting and patience and understanding that I will not sell you the items."

But she then backtracked, after realizing just how badly she had screwed herself in all of this, when I pointed out that I had told her in detail everything I had been going through, including my chronic disease, and much more, and that we'd made a specific deal that I had until June 11th. She said the fork is still in the shop, and I am free to purchase it. She then shared that the pair of forks no longer exist, but that she didn't sell them, she took them to edit them herself, and broke one...

All of this was extremely upsetting to me. She had shown herself to be very apathetic, that a custom order where the person designed every aspect of the forks, and drew them in great detail even specifying EXACTLY where to make the cuts in the wood, meant nothing to her. That she would not consider that a special circumstance to treat a listing as the customer's personal property. She'd gone back on her word, in exactly the same way, for a second time, and didn't even have the courtesy to contact me before doing so, either time.

The first instance could be considered forgivable, because it was just a listing she'd reserved for me. It was her design. The second offense however is the kind of thing that I have only seen in people who are not to be trusted.

I know for a fact that she has a full time job, and that the Etsy shop is her hobby, as she'd mentioned that more than once in our interactions. Otherwise, I might think twice about sharing these encounters, for fear it could affect her financially. As it stands, I simply couldn't let this go without sharing to warn others that the person behind the shop is callous, and will not honour her word, nor does a custom order that was designed by the customer matter in any way to her.

She also went ahead and sold the fork to someone else, the day after I had asked her not to sell it on me.

I guess I just wanted to share this with people who would understand how crappy the whole thing was, but also to warn everyone that the shop owner isn't a good person. It sucks, because her work is beautiful, but I certainly will not be a repeat customer. :

[Shorty89]

I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time with that shop. Despite the trouble, I still love my fork. I'm wearing it today.

[Für immer]

Have not had any contact with that seller, but am sorry to hear of your troubles.
I understand why you found this upsetting.

[spidermom]

I completely understand. I would be upset too.

Do keep in mind that "life happens" goes both ways. Maybe she needed the money and couldn't wait anymore.

But as I said, I do understand how you feel. I hope future transactions with other sellers goes a lot better. Most of all, I hope your health takes a turn for the better.

[Ylva]

Do keep in mind that "life happens" goes both ways. Maybe she needed the money and couldn't wait anymore.

This is my thought as well.

That being said, I also understand why you’re upset, and you have every right to be. However, I also understand it’s not necessarily sustainable for business to be holding onto items for months. They belong to the seller until someone pays for them.

We humans often expect to be equally important to others as we are to ourselves, but this is simply not true. It is likely impossible for a seller to remember details about an individual buyer’s life and health and medical history, so I would try not to take it so personally although it can be tough.

[lapushka]

Yes, apart from leaving out the nasty interactions that she sent you... I just see it both ways. I can't be upset at the seller. But *I do know and fully realize* that you are so very baffled and upset by this. I would be hurt as well. But you know, girl, life happens and it's not her fault (I realize you know this) you ended up with severe issues both times. But also, accept that it is *supremely hard* as a small-time Etsy seller to navigate this type of thing. She is not a caretaker, a nurse, a "giving" person. She is a business. She sells stuff. What is she supposed to do when there's stuff sitting unsold in her shop, probably costing a pretty penny to have had to create. She is not seeing money from that, for a long time. Consider that, please? Could she have been more understanding? Probably. But look at it from her side (only trying to help) and it happened twice that you sort of fell off the radar. It's tough, you know...

[Calaelen]

I definitely do hear what you are all saying. I think the parts that I left out, leave a lot out. Lol.

My purpose of the thread though is only to highlight the part about not honouring her word, and that a custom order of a person's own design means nothing to her, so to proceed with caution specifically for custom orders.

Personally, I would never treat anyone the way she treated me. I did have an Etsy shop selling hair accessories years ago and I made custom pieces for people. To me, it was much different than a piece I had created randomly, especially if the client were to come to me with detailed blueprints, and a design completely their own. In my mind the piece was theirs. If a situation like the one I described above were to happen to me, and despite knowing that the person was in a very bad place with family crises, personal health, etc I needed the money urgently, before the very specific time I had agreed on with them, I would message them prior to removing the listing and making it a free for all to ask if they could make the purchase now, or explain my situation and that I really am sorry but I am in need of the funds and must post the listing to attempt to make a sale.

I will directly copy paste what she said about the pair for forks though, as this definitely had nothing to do with a financially tight, small business needing funds. "The 2 wedges no longer exist. But I didn't sell them! One is completely broken. The other is here with me. I had no intention of reselling them. Possibly edit. Yes but it was not to be" She took them for herself, and broke one trying to alter it.

I will remind all, one more time, she had given me of her own conjuring, a date that I had to pay by. She came up with June 11 on her own, which led me to believe I could let this wait, safely, until that date. Prior to that date, she decided she wanted the pair for herself, and listed the other as available, leaving me with just one more horrible experience, and very sad that I lost forks that I designed, and LOVED.

Anyway, I definitely see that it is not reasonable to expect a person to keep a product for months, and that I was late for both orders, showing a pattern. In the real world of big business my life experiences, and reasons for the delay would likely not matter, and there might not even be a way for me to attempt to explain the situation to ask for an extension. I think it was extra shocking because, so far, everyone I have met on Etsy has been exceedingly kind, and I have ended up building relationships with the ones I interact with in the process of having my personal designs made. I had not run into anything like this before, so it was a shock for that reason, and for the bits that showed what seems to me an almost pathological lack of empathy, and someone very..reactive

My experience could very well be a one off.

I will not be responding back to this thread unless asked a direct question, as I think I have well accomplished the warning I was trying to convey, and if I haven't, then I don't have the words to explain what I am trying to get at.