It is a conundrum, isn't it.
Personally I was *delighted* when my bangs finally grew out enough to be part of my updo. Seemed like it took about forever to get there, also. Plus, my bangs always looked oily/greasy and made me want to wash my hair more often - though I usually ended up just washing the bangs.
Although I probably look better with bangs, I need all my thickness (ha, what? ) for any updo, and bangs made my updo efforts look very strange.
Perhaps you can encourage what few "baby hairs" you have at your hairline in front to act like softening, fluff them up a bit, let them be sort of frizzy? I find that works well for me now, it really does help soften the hairline.
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