Hair Breakdown (or rather, emotional breakdown over hair)

[EverydayMiracle]

I have been a member for a while here, but I haven't posted very much. I think that I was scared to start a topic or something like that, and I couldn't always think of things to say in other peoples' topics.

Anyway, I decided to start growing my hair about nine months ago. In the past I've gone through a spurt every few years where I just don't cut my hair for quite some time, but I wasn't really caring for it. I was just going through the normal routine of wash, condition, blow dry, repeat, with the occasional coloring. This time, however, I found this place and decide to change my routine. I tried a CWC and then switched to CO. The CO didn't work for me since my hair was almost always flat. I didn't like the look, though the texture was remarkable. I also tried baking soda and vinegar, though that seemed to strip my hair of all oil. I have *not* been oiling my hair regularly, though I plan to start this week. I just need to get something to cover my hair with when I'm in bed.

Anyway, I've been discussing some of my progress on Facebook, and generally with friends. Over the course of the last year my hair has gone from right at my shoulders to just an inch shy of waist length. I'm "plateaued" right now, and the growth has gotten slower. I am going to start taking boitin again, though I am completely frustrated.

What has begun to happen for me is that friends who are either in cosmetology school or who work in hair design/care/etc feel a need to criticize my hair care. My first thought is that they are trying to sell me salon products when they tell me that "your hair needs shampoo! It's very good for your scalp!" or "eww! Don't put oil on your hair, use this expensive salon treatment!" Then I realized that they are likely being told these lies by their teachers. That being said, this has left me in tears several times in the past. I am so frustrated and fed up with being told "cut your hair so it will grow faster!" that I want to scream.

So far I've been very polite to people, but I was wondering what you all say to the naysayers when they get started? My plan right now is to stop cutting my hair altogether except for standard trims. I need a pep talk here, folks. I'm really getting fed up.

[manderly]

You will find that many of us do not talk about our hair routines to "outsiders" because of the general negative reactions. There is so much misinformation out there that it does best for us to just keep it a secret

[Demetrue]

Well, it sounds like you've had some amazing hair growth this year! Maybe your shampoo, conditioner routine was working well for you (just cut back on the blow-drying and coloring). The problem with being part of LHC is that you gain a great deal of information that counteracts some of the hair myths circulating out there (like cutting your hair will make it grow longer) and people outside the LHC circle often don't understand or support your hair choices. I don't talk about hair much to people outside LHC unless they seem really open and interested.

[Carolyn]

It's simple really. You don't talk to your friends and family about your hair and what you are doing to your hair. Unless they are actively growing their hair and are interested in finding good long hair care methods they aren't going to be interested or understand LHC type hair care. You don't have to tell anyone you oil your hair. If you are doing CO you can use the word "wash" instead of "shampoo" if you are asked. We are here for you to talk about hair to.

[punkcatknitter]

I've always been a fan of the 'information overload' method. Since most people who offer helpful little 'tips' don't really want to know all the details, I like to give them way more information than they ever wanted about how their hair care, shampoo, whatever is destroying their hair and the grand conspiracies of the hair care industry. I can get really passionate about subjects like that.

It either shuts them up and/or they think I'm insane. Either way I don't have to listen to them anymore.

[meowmeow]

I'm sorry your friends aren't being very kind about your hair routine. You can either share it or keep it to yourself.

Since you've already shared some of the stuff you're doing, your friends might ask if you've taken their advice once you stop posting (if you decide to stop posting about your progress) or they will continue to criticize if you continue to post.

I think the best way to deal with this is to ignore them or respond accordingly. If I were you, I'd respond. Here are some examples from your post:

They say: "cut your hair so it will grow faster!"

You say: "Explain how" or "The roots have no way of knowing when the ends have been cut since there are no nerve endings down there. The hair will continue to grow at its current rate regardless if the hair has been cut or not."

They say: "eww! Don't put oil on your hair, use this expensive salon treatment!"

You say: "Why?" or "It's not your place to tell me what to do to my hair" or point them to scientific studies that show the effects of different kinds of oils on hair (this blog post has an example -> http://thebeautybrains.com/2007/05/1...ny-and-strong/).

I consider myself very science minded so if someone tells you that you should or should not do something, my first instinct would to ask why. If people make claims, it's their responsibility to back it up.

"Do you have any double blind studies to back up your claims?" Anecdote is not the plural of data (or whatever that phrase is).

At the end of the day, it's not their place to tell you what to do with your hair, and if they don't know that then you should let them know. Don't worry, it's not rude to set boundaries.

I hope this post was helpful.

[trolleypup]

So far I've been very polite to people, but I was wondering what you all say to the naysayers when they get started? My plan right now is to stop cutting my hair altogether except for standard trims. I need a pep talk here, folks. I'm really getting fed up.

"Uhhh, thanks!" and move on.

[Athena's Owl]

What has begun to happen for me is that friends who are either in cosmetology school or who work in hair design/care/etc feel a need to criticize my hair care. *snip*

So far I've been very polite to people, but I was wondering what you all say to the naysayers when they get started? My plan right now is to stop cutting my hair altogether except for standard trims. I need a pep talk here, folks. I'm really getting fed up.

it's simple - I don't tell them.

the fact is most people are completely ignorant about hair care for long hair, curly hair, and black hair - and I have all three. I cannot explain to people outside of this board and the board i'm on that is populated almost exclusively by black women the techniques i use to care for my hair. they can see my hair, they can see how long it is, how nice it looks, they can ask me what that wonderful smell is (nightblooming's panacea, in fact!) but if i actually answer them when they ask me what i have to do to get my hair like that, it's like they lose all ability to reason.

I mean, they're telling me that my hair is amazing, that it's beautiful, that they can't believe that it's real, that they wish they could have nice hair like mine --

And then they go EW! when i tell them I almost never use shampoo, choosing to wash with conditioner instead. and then howl in outrage when i tell them that I just use Suave and not some crazy expensive salon treatments. and lose their timy minds when I tell them the reason why my updos look so sleek is because i've brushed through the length of my hair with various oils, and turn their noses up when i say that I do not and have never owned a blowdryer. Seriously, there's no explaining to a closed mind, so don't bother.

[jeanniet]

I'd say you must be doing something right to get that kind of growth. Personally, I'd either ignore the comments or just say "Thanks for the advice!" and then ignore it. You really don't have to defend yourself to anyone. If the comments really bother you, then just stop posting about your hair on Facebook--you can post here instead!

[McFearless]

Aw don't cry over their comments. I don't think there is malice in their words but only lack of knowledge about hair care. You too believed that shampoo was completely necessary before joining these boards right? I know I did. Just enjoy your hair growth and let the negative comments slide. A week later they don't really seem like a big deal right?

Cheer up