Dealing with regret

[Obsidian]

I know most everyone has done stupid things to their hair, things they have regretted. I've always experimented with the mindset "its just hair, it will grow back" and for the most part, I still feel this way.

Its been close to a year since I decided to give up henna. I don't necessarily regret that, I wanted to see how grey I was and henna is always easy to go back to. What I am regretting is the way I went around getting rid of henna. A couple chops, a few rounds of bleach and finally a pair of clippers and a buzz cut got me back blonde.

My progress has been slow, I've constantly colored and cut trying to find a look that made me feel like me. I've been all shades of blonde, blue and even pink. In the last three weeks, I've been through 2 box dyes and color remover. I still hate my hair, I still feel ugly and boring. Worse is I'm killing my hair and I know I won't stop.

I was looking through pictures of my henna head earlier and almost broke out in tears. I had lovely hair, it was getting long enough to do updos, I felt special and like I had finally found myself. My hair was the longest I had ever had. Why did I cut it? Why did I leave something I loved? I was beginning to feel like I was too old for bright hair but now I look old and unhappy.

I so regret that first hair cut last year, the one that sent my spiraling down to a buzz cut. All that time wasted, all that virgin hair gone. I feel like a idiot, the regret is real. I'm thawing out my henna, if I have my way I will go to my deathbed with dragon breath hair.

[embee]

Much sympathy on your unfortunate journey and choices. Yyou know what you're looking for now. Goals are important, and many people here will offer support - we've all made bad choices ourselves.

Happy growing to you!

[-Fern]

I regret cutting more than a foot of hair off a few months ago. I don't feel like myself with shorter hair. So I absolutely understand how it can feel downright disorienting to not have it anymore. Along with feelings of loss and guilt sprinkled in.

But it will grow back. I breathe, and I remind myself that I am me no matter what, my hair is just...one of my favorite expressions of myself.

And that to get back to my goal, I have to stick to the plan and take care of it. For me, it is really hard not to straighten it at this length, because my hair is so thick it kind of sticks straight out from my head unless I slick it back with gel. Bleh.

But the goal is to get back to waist length, and beyond. I have to be honest with myself that that might take two years, but... It's worth it.

[DoomKitty]

Oh Obsidian...I just want to give you a big hug and tell you it'll all be okay. I guess that's the Mum side of me lol. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.

[Obsidian]

Thanks ladies, your words help and no one else would understand how I'm feeling right now.

I'm hoping that I will feel better once I get the henna rinsed out. Its weird how soothing the scent of henna is right now. I'm not looking forward to the initial carrot juice color though, my hair is so light blond it will probably be pretty bright. I'm planning on doing another application tomorrow then hiding until it oxidizes.

[emilyogini]

Last year I had long virgin brunette hair down to mid back and creeping towards waist; that was the longest I'd ever had too. I was so happy and finally comfortable! Then in October (after a slew of chops + experimenting with balayage/bleaching all for a not-worth-it significant other who kept saying my long hair was always in the way, why don't I try lightening it, he likes short hair, blah blah blah) it eventually ended up in a jaw length style with baby bangs. There's still some blonde left, but I'm definitely growing it all back out now and getting back to myself. But I feel you. If you feel like an idiot, I'm just plain dumb! I sure did dump that guy not long after--for a FEW reasons ;-)

[Strawonaberry]

I understand how you're feeling but I want to tell you that you're not an idiot for having wanted to experiment something with your hair! We all get the urge now and then, I think it's natural. And you can never now for sure if you're making the right decision, on any kind of matter, until you see the outcome.
Please don't be so hard on yourself, your hair won't magically grow because of you dwelling on it, it'll just make you bitter.

I found comfort in this kind of situation by appreciating every little hair pampering, like "this hair mask smells so nice, it makes my hair so soft", etc.
I wish you a good growing journey!

[Kat]

I'm sorry you went through this.

I think going back to henna and having bright hair is fine! But what about just slowing down, stopping, breathing for a while? You said you have gone through many colors trying to find one that feels like "you"-- but is it possible you're just so used to the henna color that you need time to get used to your original color or another color, and then it won't feel so foreign to you? (Especially if you're already also feeling anxious about the chop). If your henna color is the one you want, then absolutely wear it, but if there is a reason you quit it and you are only going back to it because it feels safe and familiar and you're not sure what other color to have, it's possible you might only need time to get used to the difference?

(I don't want to try to tell you I know what you want or what is going on in your head better than you do, and maybe you already thought all of that through-- as you said, maybe it will just continue to bother you too much-- but I have known people before who did need time to become accustomed to a new look, and then were more easily able to decide whether it was really for them or not-- whether they realized they liked it, or that it did need to change.)

[Stray_mind]

If i hadn't cut my hair into a short layered bob, i would be very close to TBL by now. Now it will take about 3 years to grow back to where i left off before chopping and 5 years to TBL.

When i start thinking about it, regret hits hard, so i Do understand how you feel

However now we have more experience in hair care thanks to LHC and i for one expect my hair to grow out thicker and healthier than it was before.

[Simsy]

There is nothing that says you must not have bright hair in your old age. One grandmother is a pale gold blonde (occasioning pale grey) and shooting for 90. The other grandmother was a fire truck red until late 70s, at which point she went albino white and stayed there until her death a few years later. My MIL can’t cope with the (utterly gorgeous) black and silver speckled natural colour she grows these days, so she colours brunette and dark blonde, and occasionally bright red because screw the rules of getting older.

If dragon breath hair makes you happy, rock it and tell the complainers to jump off something. Besides, henna is a decent hair treatment. So it’s not like it’s going to damage your hair like bleach and hair dye will; so you have that going for you.