How do you know when you'e REALLY ready to cut?

[TheLuckyLurker]

My hair is waist length, and has been for several months now. For a couple weeks now I've been kind of obsessed with the idea of cutting back to APL, or at least BSL. The ends are jacked, it doesn't look very nice, and I can never wear it down because it tangles seconds after brushing/combing, unless I straighten it. Which I can't do. I learned the hard way that my choices are long or straight; I can't have both. And it feels like such a burden, especially washing it. I only wash it once a week, mainly because I so dread doing it. This Saturday (my usual wash day) the thought of going through that was so overwhelming that I just... didn't. I made myself do it the next day because I can't just not wash my hair, but I spent the whole time fondly remembering the pixie cut I had when I signed up here; how I only needed a drop of shampoo, a slightly bigger drop of conditioner, and one swipe of a towel over my head afterward and I was done.

So, what's stopping me? First, I spent six years growing my hair, and it feels like wasted effort if I cut it now (kind of like holding on to clutter because if you get rid of it, you have to admit you wasted the money buying it in the first place). Next, there's the possibility that it's really just the depression talking. Things really haven't been so great, and my hair is just one. More. Thing. That I have to deal with. Maybe my hair is just the easiest target.

I don't know. I grew to waist because there were a couple styles I wanted to do (or at least try), that I needed to be at this length to do. So far, I've done one of them once, and haven't even tried the other. And it's not like they're hard styles; milkmaid braids and Elizabethan hair taping are not hard styles to do. I just can't be bothered. But maybe that's depression; maybe days or weeks from now I'll actually want do do one or both of those styles, and they'll become my regular, go-to styles. Or maybe not. How long do I hold on to this hair because I might want to do something with it later? On the other hand, what if I cut it off and then rediscover the desire for styles I can no longer do? I mean, growing it back from APL wouldn't take as long as it did from pixie, but still; how many stories have we seen here from members that were absolutely sure they wanted the cut, did the two week thing and everything, and immediately went "my god, what have I done?!" after the fact?

So. For any of you who have gone through something like this, how can I be sure I really do want what I think I want?

[Frankenstein]

I've been feeling depressed also recently and considered cutting a lot of my hair off. Although I'm still feeling down, eventually the urge to chop faded away. I would suggest taking some time to think about it first and if you still want to cut it, go for it.

[Seeshami]

I will be annoyed enough that cutting is the better option than not

[rhosyn_du]

For me, the answer is pretty simple. If I'm excited about the prospect of having shorter hair, and the thought consistently makes me smile, then I cut. Otherwise, I don't, because past experience tells me I will not be happy with the result. I'm especially wary about the desire to cut if I'm unhappy with my current hair, but not excited about the prospect of cutting, because that has never ended well for me. If I were in your situation, with damaged ends, I think I might go for a shorter trim and some TLC rather than a full cut and see how I feel about it after that. Nightshade wrote a really great article about rehabbing damaged hair on the old boards; maybe someone still has a link?

As far as your straight vs. long dilemma goes, have you considered fully embracing your curls and forgoing combing/brushing while dry if you're leaving your hair down? My hair isn't nearly as curly as yours, but I get all kinds of tangles if I brush after my hair is dried and then leave it down. However, if I detangle while it's full of conditioner and then don't brush or comb again until my next shower, it stays mostly tangle free for a couple days unless I go out in the wind. This was true when my hair was FTL, as well, so I'd get a couple days of wearing it down before I needed to comb it out and wear updos until my next wash.

All that said, what I would do isn't necessarily what's best for you. My best advice would be to consider what might make you happy with your hair at different lengths, rather than thinking about the things you're currently unhappy with.

Edit: Also, consider whether shorter hair would really be easier to deal with, or if you're just remembering your old hair care routine with rose-colored glasses. It might, but I thought I should mention it, because every time I've made a significant cut, I've been surprised by how much more difficult my hair is to deal with at some shorter lengths. For me, waist+ is really the most low-maintenance length.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

If you are not completely sure about cutting then don't. If you have decided to cut, just take an inch off and wait for a few days to decide if you want to take more off.

[RebekahE]

I went through this last month. I was having my first really big shed and was depressed, wishing my hair was thicker and reminiscing at pictures of what it was like when it was short (apl). I finally decided to take it back up to waist (it was at hip/TBL). I am soooo glad I didn't hack it all off! The urge passed and I might slightly regret the length I took off, but my shed has leveled out and I am hoping to get my wispies (shed strands that are growing back out) sort of caught up.

[Deborah]

I think maybe you just need a substantial trim. You say your ends are 'jacked'. I'm not familiar with that phrase, but I am guessing it means they are not in good condition. Why not cut off two inches, then re-evaluate. You can always take more off later, but you may find that evening up your ends and removing the bad parts will be enough to make you happy with your hair once more. If not, then snip off two more inches. Cutting in this way, you will avoid doing an extreme cut unless and until you really want an extreme cut.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[turtlelover]

If you aren't sure, cut an inch, and then wait a few days. If you feel better about your hair, you can either leave it or cut more till it annoys you less. If you feel sad that you did it, at least you didn't lose much. Longer isn't always better, and moderately long hair can be very pretty, too. Just don't do a drastic, huge chop if you aren't sure, because that usually doesn't end well in my experience!

[MsPharaohMoan]

All good ideas here. I had some thoughts to share with you.

Washing hair once a week because you find it a bother isn't necessarily depression, but depression can definitely result in you not wanting to put in the effort to take care of yourself. There are some members here who hate the feeling of wet hair for example. Not caring for yourself because you feel too lethargic or annoyed or frustrated or worthless? That's a different beast...

It might do you good to really examine the kinds of thoughts in your head surrounding how you feel about washing. You mentioned feeling overwhelmed by it, what does that entail exactly? You've made an interesting observation about targeting your hair. Do you feel like your hair is a part of yourself you can express yourself with? What would the behavior of cutting your hair communicate to yourself and others? You mention feeling obsessed with this idea... Does the timeline of the appearance of these obsessive thoughts coincide with drops in your mood?

Depression can be quite the demon and the above questions of course don't need to be answered in this thread or at once. If you did want support in the form of discussion, I've found the members here to be open to talking about the effects of mental illness and supporting each other through rough periods. That being said I feel I should say for your sake and for anyone reading this thread: if you have any thoughts of harming yourself or others, including suicidal thoughts, please call 911 or contact a mental health professional. You don't need to suffer alone, there are people out there who can help.

I thought of a few coping mechanisms for you while reading your post:

- punching a bag/pillow
- screaming as loud as you can into pillow/blanket/stuffy
- communicating with friends and family; call someone just to say hi, ask someone for a small bit of help (like a homemade meal or a plan for a night out).
- make a short term goal you know you can attain. When you achieve it, celebrate in a way that makes sense to you... then set another!
- your favorite self care activity (in winter mine is a bubble bath )
- make a piece of art

<3

[bunneh.]

How do you know you're ready to cut your hair? When you realize it's just hair, that it does grow back and when you think about how much you're willing to cut and how long you're willing to wait before you get back to where you were in case you don't like your short hair anymore. What you should do: try hairstyles you want to try at this length and pay attention to how it makes you feel. Do you feel happy and pretty, do you like your hair styled in such interesting ways? Or does it feel annoying and like another thing you don't want to bother with? If you want to reach maximum hair length, you will have to take a good care of your hair, you will need to spend some time experimenting with shampoos, conditioners, oils and other things depending on what your hair likes. If hair is not at least a little passion/hobby for you, you will have a hard time and it will be annoying to take care of it properly.

Once you realize what you want, you have two options. If long hair is what you enjoy and you like the hairstyles you can do with it and all the time spent caring for it isn't a waste of time for you then great, continue caring for your hair and growing it. If you feel like hair is a bit of a burden, then I suggest cutting it but not too much. Start with 3 - 6 inches. With an average growth, you can get back to your current length in 6 months to a year depending how much you cut. That for me personally is not too long to wait. After you cut your hair, keep it for at least a month and pay attention to how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel better then you can maintain or cut a bit shorter, depending on what you want (go slowly with the cutting, you can always cut more, but you can't grow it back overnight) or let it grow long again.

I cut my hair from tailbone to waist because I felt like my hair was too long when it was at tailbone, it kept getting in the way, I felt like I couldn't do any hairstyles with it because it was so long and thick and heavy. Then I put layers in my hair and I never regret length cut or layers. Then I came on LHC and got very inspired to grow it, I learnt how to better take care of my hair, how to style it, how to protect it and enable it to grow long. So now I'm growing it again and putting my knowledge in practice and I'm not stressing about layers, I know they will grow out, besides, it's the longest sections of hair that truly matter to me, I can work on evening my hemline at a later time, when my hair gets a bit longer (since I want more length right now, rather than an even hemline).