How to deal with ultra thick long hair (male)

[fj33]

I am a male with ridiculously thick and wavy hair. About a decade ago I had it fairly long, but I cut it off after a year because it was just too much work. I've missed it ever since though, and I'm working on getting back to that length again now. It is so thick that when it is short, people think I'm crazy if I say I will grow it out, but once it gets long I get lots of compliments. But I still feel it is so thick it looks bad sometimes. Image from before:



Note that those waves are after running a straightener through it, something I refuse to deal with this time around, I want it to be as natural as possible. Most of the waves are only near the end anyway, the weight of the hair makes it straight as you move up toward the root. From that front view I feel like it looks pretty decent and not too thick. But when you look from the back, or especially from the side, it becomes clear how thick it is.



I feel like the side view is ridiculous, it fans out backward several inches. I think part of this could be blamed on all hairs being cut to the same length (combined with the waves), which I do because I like cutting it myself for simplicity, easy to chop it all to same length in ponytail.

Even in ponytail it is so thick I think it looks ridiculous, the ponytail is like 6 inches wide at some points.



So I guess a couple questions, are my worries founded at all, is the thickness too much, and if so how could I deal with it? If I give up my insistence on cutting it myself I could have somebody else layer it which maybe would help the flare out. I could also shave part of the back (undercut?) but I don't really like that idea in general.

Those were all old pics. Here's how it's looking at present:



Part of me was hoping that if I kept it shorter than before, i.e. just long enough for a ponytail but not a long ponytail, then the ponytail wouldn't look so thick and ridiculous like before. But this is a new problem, with the short ponytail it just flares out like a volcano, the waves at the tips trying to go in every direction. Thoughts on that?

All I do for care now is wash, condition, and then put leave in conditioner and a small amount of grapeseed oil in. The latter two steps I never did years ago, and I feel like they help a lot making it immediately manageable and no longer needing straightening. But at the cost of it getting dirty faster and needing re-washed in 2-3 days rather than 4-5 like before (actually it feels slightly dirty from the moment it dries with the oil in, there is a very fine balance between too little oil causing poofing/frizzing, and too much oil making it greasy). Looking for opinions on both how it looks (then and now) and also what I can do differently in terms of care and cut to make it more manageable... thanks a bunch!

[yogagirl]

Welcome! Your hair is beautiful!

I'm not a fan of undercuts unless that is really the look you're going for. Doesn't sound like it though. You could try using thinning shears if you want to keeping cutting yourself.

Happy growing. I'm sure your hair will look great at longer lengths too!

[AZDesertRose]

Wow, you've got beautiful hair! Lovely color and great shine.

I also have fairly thick hair, although I don't think mine is quite as thick as yours. Honestly, a lot of it is trial and error, figuring out what works and what doesn't for your individual head of hair.

With oiling, I tend to go towards too little at first, basing this on the concept of "I can add more if need be, but if I put too much in, I'm hosed."

I might not do both the leave-in conditioner AND the oil. I usually don't use a leave-in, just a little bit of coconut oil on mine. The doubling up may be leading to the greasy feeling.

Also, with my hair, I tend to oil it when it's dry or very close to dry, because if I oil it wet, it seems to feel yucky and greasy, and it seems to me to be easier to control the amount of oil if I do it on dry or mostly-dry hair. I also oil by hand and then brush my hair with a boar-bristle brush to help distribute the oil more evenly. (A boar-bristle brush can be a great tool to have. If you haven't already seen it, people around here abbreviate it as BBB.) Brushing with a natural brush also seems to help to tame my hair. My hair is thick and has a slight wave, so it has a bit of an attitude problem if I don't oil it and brush it (gently, of course).

What are you using for shampoo and conditioner? Changing that up may make a difference too, depending on how well what you're currently using is working for you.

Sorry for the novel. I hope some of this helps.

[swords & roses]

I think your hair looks fantastic! (Also, I'm kind of jealous of it, lol!) I'm not sure what your goal length is, but I'm pretty sure that as it gets longer, the natural effect of taper will take over and soften your hemline, keeping it from flaring so much at the ends. A couple other things you can try, to help soften the look of your thickness, would be to experiment with different hemline shapes (V-shape & U-shape, instead of the almost straight across cut you had) (See Faye's Self-Trim), or try cutting in layers yourself using the pony tail method/compact cut method. You may also find some help over on the Thick Hair thread, as well as the Wavy Hair thread. This thread might help you, too.

[fj33]

I'm not a fan of undercuts unless that is really the look you're going for. Doesn't sound like it though. You could try using thinning shears if you want to keeping cutting yourself.

Thanks for the input. I wouldn't want to do thinning shears on top since I think that would just increase flyaways, but in the back it might make sense, which happens to be where it's thickest also. Will keep it in mind.

I might not do both the leave-in conditioner AND the oil. I usually don't use a leave-in, just a little bit of coconut oil on mine. The doubling up may be leading to the greasy feeling.

I've tried doing only one or the other, but it seems the leave-in is necessary to prevent frizz, and the oil to decrease volume and waviness and make it soft and less dry. Without both I can't solve all the problems. I have way more frizz now than the first time around, maybe because I'm older, or also because I'm living in a dryer climate (though I always thought humidity caused frizz when I lived in humid southeast before).

Also, with my hair, I tend to oil it when it's dry or very close to dry, because if I oil it wet, it seems to feel yucky and greasy, and it seems to me to be easier to control the amount of oil if I do it on dry or mostly-dry hair.

Weird, I've found the opposite. The longer I wait to oil, the more it stays greasy in the hair. If I oil within 30 minutes after washing, it mostly soaks into the hair or evaporates with the water. If I oil completely dry hair, it just sits on the surface forever until washed off.

What are you using for shampoo and conditioner? Changing that up may make a difference too, depending on how well what you're currently using is working for you.

Yeah I've been experimenting a lot. I have dandruff to deal with that I never did before, again maybe because I'm in a dry climate now. Also I feel like the oil both helps dandruff by moistening my scalp, and worsens it by accumulating into this gross yellow buildup by day 2, that nobody can see, but if I scratch my scalp it comes out under my fingernails. So maybe it reduces dandruff amount but traps it to scalp making it itchier, I dunno. As far as shampoo...

I like this one, but it makes dandruff horrible so I never use.
This one seems best at both controlling dandruff and not overly drying hair.
This one is also ok but dries a bit too much.

As far as conditioner, this one seems best but takes forever to rinse out. This one also seems ok.

Thanks for the input and kind words.

[Equestrienne]

My 16 year old son has hair that thick, but longer. I can say that the longer it gets, the better it looks. It gets to where the neck area is much less "puffy" and the fullness shows mostly at the bottom, and looks *really* nice. The weight "pulls" everything down more. He has always had long hair, longest has been his waist, but now it's back to below his shoulder blades. His ends are also wavy, and actually since we've moved to a more humid climate, it's practically curly on the very bottom. Still looks really nice on him.

Of course my 17 refuses to grow out again, because he (also thick of hair) HATES the "poofiness" of the entire middle-phase.

[endlessly]

Firstly, I'll start by saying that your hair looks wonderful and extremely healthy. Secondly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having thick hair - most people here would probably kill to have as much hair as you do. With that in mind and speaking as someone also with thicker hair, the reason it's most likely bothering you as much as it is now is a result of the growth stage you're currently in. Once my hair reached mid-back, it started to calm down quite a bit and I actually find it to be much more manageable now that it's at tailbone length. When it was shorter and actually just about the length yours is, it drove me absolutely insane. Once I passed that awkward growth stage, it became much easier to control.

Depending on the specific products you're using to wash your hair, you might be creating additional volume that way, too. You could always try switching to products geared towards reducing frizz because those have a tendency of calming down overly voluminous hair, however, your hair will feel a bit weighed down as a result. If all else fails, you could even look at purchasing a thinning shears and using that to trim your hair to cut down on thickness, but the result will be quite a few layers.

Best of luck!

[Colochita]

I've got super thick hair myself, and I'm not sure whether it's been said yet, but: sections. Part your hair in sections that you can deal with and clip them up/tire them up in hair bands. Moisturize/wash/condition/etc. them one at a time. Otherwise, your hair will overwhelm you and you will get incredibly frustrated with it. Your hair is fairly short now, so you shouldn't have to worry about it yet. But once you're looking at the length in your old photos, I'd suggest sectioning. It helps me keep my sanity.

[AZDesertRose]

I've tried doing only one or the other, but it seems the leave-in is necessary to prevent frizz, and the oil to decrease volume and waviness and make it soft and less dry. Without both I can't solve all the problems. I have way more frizz now than the first time around, maybe because I'm older, or also because I'm living in a dryer climate (though I always thought humidity caused frizz when I lived in humid southeast before).

Yeah I've been experimenting a lot. I have dandruff to deal with that I never did before, again maybe because I'm in a dry climate now. Also I feel like the oil both helps dandruff by moistening my scalp, and worsens it by accumulating into this gross yellow buildup by day 2, that nobody can see, but if I scratch my scalp it comes out under my fingernails. So maybe it reduces dandruff amount but traps it to scalp making it itchier, I dunno. As far as shampoo...

I like this one, but it makes dandruff horrible so I never use.
This one seems best at both controlling dandruff and not overly drying hair.
This one is also ok but dries a bit too much.

As far as conditioner, this one seems best but takes forever to rinse out. This one also seems ok.

Thanks for the input and kind words.

Yeah, hair will change as you get older. Mine is much drier these days than it was before I hit 30. (I'm 39 now.) And moving to a different climate will change it too.

Isn't it funny how different people's hair likes different things (wrt oiling wet or dry)? You might try doing the leave-in and oil while it's wet, waiting until it dries, and then trying a boar-bristle brush on it once it's dry. (Brushing wet hair is basically asking for breakage, and if you're trying to grow your hair, breakage is the enemy.)

The dandruff and yellow gunk under your nails if you scratch your scalp sounds like it could be seborrheic dermatitis. There are over-the-counter ways to treat it, but I'd suggest seeing a dermatologist if possible to make sure that SD is in fact what's going on and maybe a dermatologist could suggest ways to deal with it. I have it myself, and I use a prescription ketoconazole shampoo every other wash to treat mine, but that's another YMMV thing. I used to use Neutrogena T-Gel shampoo on it, but the prescription shampoo works better for me.

I agree with others that as your hair gets longer, it gets less likely to floof out on you. The weight of long hair, even super-thick long hair, tends to pull the fullness down a bit, which can be a very good thing in terms of manageability of thick hair.

Anyway, again, you have magnificent hair, and I hope you're getting some helpful tips.

[Aurum]

Wow. I WANT YOUR HAIR!! Seriously, there are a lot of people who would love to have your hair. It might be causing you problems now, but I promise that life gets better after you get through the awkward short-long stage.