Quandary

[GlennaGirl]

This shouldn't be in the "quandary" category. Something more important should be. Like going back to work v. staying home with the kids or whether to visit my sister on the east coast yet again or make her come here for once, even if she will throw a temper tantrum/sulking fit.

But as stupid as it is, this IS a quandary for me. Here it is: I want long hair. I love long hair.

But my husband hates long hair on me.

(Bear with me. I know there have been a lot of threads along these lines. This one is personal so I'd love some input.)

Anyway. He doesn't specifically say he hates it. And he NEVER says "Why don't you do X Y Z to your hair?"--or to any other part of me. I know he accepts my hair when it's longer.

But he secretly, quietly hates it.

Granted when my hair is longer it's thin and stringy. I admit this. But just seeing sheer length on my head makes me happy. Yet...I understand how my husband feels about it. It's totally not trendy. At all. It's a little Walmart-shopper-ish (long non-styled strings). It's thin. It just lies there. I understand this...

And my reasons for wanting long hair are stupid. To stand out; to be special. To see long long strands of shining hair...just so beautiful all on their own, for some reason. The soft, soft feel.

I don't know what to do. Every time I get past 24" I go crazy with the thinness and with knowing my husband is embarrassed to be seen with me and I cut. And my husband flips out with joy and practically lets out a sigh of relief.

Any input at all would be great...advice is fine...but so is just general input...any words at all from anyone who understands.

[IsleChik]

Sorry - I have no ideas as my better half LOVES long hair.
I guess if I had to say something, I'd say do what makes you happy
I used to look to what my ex preferred and - it didn't make me happy so ...
That's just my 2¢

[Amara]

In the end, the most important thing we can do it what makes us happy. If you want longer hair, then that's what you need to have.

A compromise perhaps - if your hair doesn't look so good down one day and it makes you self conscious or you think your husband is bothered by it, just put it up!

[spidermom]

Learn to do the faux bob and wear that when you go out with him.

(This hair is 33 inches long.)

[Eireann]

I second the putting it up idea. Be imaginative with up-dos that look chic and stylish, and not Walmart-y. You could even have your DH look through photos with you of up-dos that he might find attractive, so he feels that his opinion matters, and he can have a "stake" in your long hair. You might also consider long layers that might make your long hair look a little trendier.

I have to comment on the grass being greener, though. I'm excited to have long hair, and I'm enjoying growing it out, but I also know that if I were to cut it short, my DH would be devastated! I'm seeing all the cute pixie cuts that are so in right now (e.g. Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes). If it weren't for the fact that it would break my DH's heart, I might give in to the temptation to chop! If he had his way, I'd probably have hair to my ankles. I think I'll stop at classic!

[jel]

Glenna Girl, we joined the LHC at about the same time and at a similar hair length. I remember you had one or two similar quandaries in the past 3 years. I have two questions for you, which are for you to think about, not answer here.

1. How do you *know* your husband 'secretly' hates your hair if he never said so? Are you sure you're not possibly attributing your own ambivalence about long hair to him?

2. Do you really desire to have long hair? If so, do. Your hair is your own responsibility and should reflect your own taste. Not anybody else's. Husband, mother, priest, friend can grow (or not) their own hair.

On a more practical note, I agree with putting hair up. An elegant updo, discreet chignon or a French twist must be the antithesis of Walmart-shopper-ish style!

[Dolly]

I had similar questions to jel's when I read your post. How do you KNOW that he hates it or is embarrassed to be seen with you? Have you asked him? Maybe his joyful reaction when you cut it is because he thinks that cutting is what YOU want, and he is trying to be supportive of you.

Maybe you like long hair on others, but not on YOURSELF. I personally love my hair and don't give a FLYING FIG what anyone else thinks about it.

So, I guess my ending statement is do what makes YOU happy. Your husband love YOU and married YOU, not your hair. Your hair is totally your business.

[paper]

Your hair in your sig does not look thin at all, to me.

I know it's tough when your SO wants one thing and you want another. You can't change how they feel. But, you should make yourself happy. What do you want? Good luck!

[GlennaGirl]

Good questions, girls.

Know what I really want? Long hair that's full and swing-y. Long hair that I'm "allowed" to have. Sounds stupid...let me rephrase. I suppose I could be misinterpreting my DH's reactions. But...we've been together for a while now and I'm able to read him. I don't think I'm being paranoid about this though I'll think on that some more.

Whenever I grow my hair longer...I get the "cut it, you're a hippie" thing from my sister...and I get the looks from my husband. The not-good looks. Friends don't generally say anything at all. But...and this WILL sound babyish...never once when I've taken my hair down has anyone ever said, "Oh, that's pretty." Not once. (ETA: I mean outside of LHC. Here, people are very supportive.) Well, once. I lied. When I was in the 8th grade, I was brushing my hair and my stepfather walked past and said, "Wow, you sure have pretty hair!" but that doesn't count because A) it was almost 30 years ago and B) he said a lot of much-more personal things than that and it got worse from there...that's all that's needed to be said about that, I'm sure.

But for the most part...the few times I've mentioned to a friend that I'm growing my hair I get, "Why?" with a curled lip. That sort of thing. Obviously, I have pretty fugly hair. In my siggie it looks GREAT. But the light hit it to turn it fire-engine red (henna...I love that color...it shows up brown indoors, though) and I had had it bunned, so it looks fuller.

I want...not just long hair. I want long pretty hair. But my hair never grows into what I want.

At 41, I'm way too old to whine about stuff like this and I'm not sure why hair should be such a big issue for me. It's hair. Big deal. Must be some sort of psychology in there.

So...maybe I'll take a break & think on it?

Thanks a bunch.

[Dolly]

Good questions, girls.

Know what I really want? Long hair that's full and swing-y. Long hair that I'm "allowed" to have. Sounds stupid...let me rephrase. I suppose I could be misinterpreting my DH's reactions. But...we've been together for a while now and I'm able to read him. I don't think I'm being paranoid about this though I'll think on that some more.

Whenever I grow my hair longer...I get the "cut it, you're a hippie" thing from my sister...and I get the looks from my husband. The not-good looks. Friends don't generally say anything at all. But...and this WILL sound babyish...never once when I've taken my hair down has anyone ever said, "Oh, that's pretty." Not once. Well, once. I lied. When I was in the 8th grade, I was brushing my hair and my stepfather walked past and said, "Wow, you sure have pretty hair!" but that doesn't count because A) it was almost 30 years ago and B) he said a lot of much-more personal things than that and it got worse from there...that's all that's needed to be said about that, I'm sure.

But for the most part...the few times I've mentioned to a friend that I'm growing my hair I get, "Why?" with a curled lip. That sort of thing. Obviously, I have pretty fugly hair. In my siggie it looks GREAT. But the light hit it to turn it fire-engine red (henna...I love that color...it shows up brown indoors, though) and I had had it bunned, so it looks fuller.

I want...not just long hair. I want long pretty hair. But my hair never grows into what I want.

At 41, I'm way too old to whine about stuff like this and I'm not sure why hair should be such a big issue for me. It's hair. Big deal. Must be some sort of psychology in there.

So...maybe I'll take a break & think on it?

Thanks a bunch.

I think your hair is lovely.....I am your same age, and I have gotten similar comments from my mom, my grandmother, my sister, acquaintances, yadda yadda yadda. Know what I do? I ignore them.....then when I am looking in the mirror, brushing my hair and thinking how pretty it is, I remind myself why I am growing my hair.....and their statements don't phase me.....