Out of love with my hair

[RedRose]

Hi everyone,

I'm pretty new here, so here's my hair story/problem in brief. I've been dying (yes, eek! wish I'd never started) my hair for 5 years and now I want to stop. I want natural, healthy hair, even though I'm fairly sure I'm not going to *love* my natural colour. But my hair (naturally a dark blondeish, I have a LOT of hair and it's kinda patchy in colour....that was what started off the dying) was bright bright (blue)-red. So, I had it stripped (gently) and now what is left is mostly the colour of runny honey, with some very reddish parts around the front and the underneath. So my hair is patchy and stripey with the roots now starting to come through. It's a very 'warm' colour and I'm cool toned so it doesn't look great at all. It is also short (about shoulder lengthish). And frazzled and over processed and yuck. I have horrible, horrible hair. And it's really beginning to get me down, I just scrape it back every day and try to hide it, because it looks so hideous and frizzy. :(

So basically, I'd like some advice: I know growing my hair is going to just have to happen in its own time so there's nothing much I can do about that, but I'd really like to try and fade out as much of the remaining dye as possible to get it to a uniformish colour, hopefully as close to my natural as possible, and of course, get it in as good condition as I possibly can. I've been doing protein treatments and warm oil treatments, and to begin with (after the stripping) they seemed to help and make my hair feel better, but now it feels more like wire wool, kinda stiff and crunchy, than like hair. I think I have 2b/iii/m/c hair, oh and I never use heat, don't often use shampoo (and then it's diluted c-w-c), but i'm not sure if i use cones or not in my condish, atm it's a protein condish, and I use coconut oil on damp hair.

Thanks in advance :)

[Pegasus Marsters]

Perhaps you should go to a good salon to get the colour evened out? They know best what to do when it comes to dye :flowers:

As for growing... give it time honey. My hair's about shoulder length and we have similar hairtypes and I abuse my hair way more than you do... your hair will be fantastic soon.

In the meantime, try deep treatments. They're always fun :)

[Kirin]

if your hair is feeling stiff, hard and like steel wool, it could very well be that you are overdoing the protein. No matter how good it is purported to be, some hair hates the stuff.

I would recommend first, before dealing with the color issues, to try and get your hair into a much better shape. If you must shampoo, find one without protein in it, its hard, but they are out there, and dillute it. Then condition, condition condition...... again with something without protein. Your hair sounds like its screaming for moisture.

I am not against chemical colors though I myself have ditched them after many years of use. The trick is to not fall into the trap of trying one thing right after another when results arent exactly what you want. Make sure to give your hair a break between processes, and give it extra love in the rest period.

If you haven't yet tried it I would also try oiling. I use carrot oil, many use coconut oil and other oils, jajoba, and many others. Oiling your ends lightly and using just a drop rubbed in her hands and smoothed through your hair after a shampoo can make a world of difference!

HTH and good luck with your hair journey.

[spidermom]

Based on reading lots of stories like yours, here is what I would recommend:
1) Continue wearing it pulled back. Try braiding ribbons into it or wrapping it in a scarf or wearing a ball-cap -- all great looks for summer. This totally hides dye damage and protects those fragile ends.
2) Use warm oil treatments in it.
3) Wash gently CWC style, with occasional full-strength shampoo for clarifying.
4) Get small, regular trims - like 1/4 or 1/2 inch every other month.

No more heat styling or dyeing or other chemical process.

Your hair will be terrific in 4-6 months; no lie.

[ChloeDharma]

I grew out chemical colour, luckily i grew out red chemical colour using henna which helped even it up at first but i did get a line as it grew down. I know henna is no use to you as you don't want the warm tones.
I hate to say it, but it can be really frustrating growing it out and seems to take forever.....but it does grow out quicker than we think really.
Other than the henna i did ALOT of heavy oilings and washed once or twice a week, making sure i did a DT every sunday and in time that helped the condition a huge amount.
I'd agree with switching from so much protein to more moisture treatments.....daily misting, SMT's etc. Also Pegs suggestion of getting your colour evened out by a colourist might help alot too, then you only really have condition to deal with as opposed to colour as well which just adds to the frustration.
I know it seems daunting at the moment, but hang in there and it will get better in time :)

[brok3nwings]

I agree with spidermom,
and i will again strongly advice you...
dont dye your hair again, even if you think your hair colour is not even or anything... it WILL make it worst, it will dye your virgin roots.
Yes, we all wish hair could grow faster but if you concentrate yourself into caring about it you will see results, you will see your hair grow. I think thats the best way of getting to your goal of healthy hair ;)

[Islandgrrl]

Spidermom nailed it with her advice.

All I can add is to treat your hair very gently. Consider SMT (you'll find tons of info on the boards for this amazing moisture treatment). Be very, very patient. :)

You will find heaps of support here...so welcome!

[squiggyflop]

ok so with your coloring henna is out of the question.. hmm all i can say is that if you take some vitamins you might speed up your growth.. i recomend natrol.. its like 5-6 dollars for a months supply of hair skin and nails vitamins.. i took them to speed the growth of my hair back when i was more obsessed with growing out my dye damage..(i used to bleach white and dye with manic panic)i went from shoulder to bsl in 2 months and i trimmed 2 inches during that 2 months.. so it really kicked my hair into hyper speedy growing.. i originally was going to bob my hair when my non damaged hair reached chin but after henna treatments my hair wasnt as bad..
maybe you can go to a salon and have your hair dyed back to its natural color..

for now maybe you could try using baby shampoo (i know that some swear that it fades henna.. and if it can fade henna maybe it can fade anything)

too bad your not a brunett because then indigo could be your friend

[Elenna]

Growing out dyed and damaged hair is difficult, but IMHO you are trying to do too many things to your hair. Continual dyes and processing are not going to get you back to undamaged hair.

The only thing that I'd recommend are deep moisture treatments as the first C in CWC.

[Nevermore]

This isn't going to be a popular suggestion, but perhaps get it to a workable short length, if there is one for you, and chop. If your dye damage and uneven color bothers you that much, perhaps going short is the best option. I hated my hair short, but it did get rid of all the old bleach and left me with totally virgin hair.

[Katze]

I was in a similar boat and am still struggling with the remaining bleached ends, so I'll try to help.

First of all it WILL grow. It's slow, but if you stop the dye cold turkey your hair WILL recover. Perhaps one final corrective dye at a salon will help the patchiness and warm tones? Get a dye closest to your natural color, then STOP dyeing, live with the two-tone look for a few months, and let your hair grow.

One of the very best pieces of advice I got when I first came here and was struggling with bleach-damaged, overly dry ends, was to do an SMT with EVERY wash. It's a pain, but it really, really helps "reset" your hair's moisture balance and helps it look better.

You may want to consider small trims - if you don't want to cut off and start over - to slowly get rid of the colored parts. In my case, I've got much finer/thinner hair AND had layers, so the bleached, damaged ends look much worse than they would with thicker hair. This means, since coming here, I've cut off probably half my growth, but have been rewarded with thicker hair and less of it that is that weird brassy yellow.

hope all the advice you are getting helps, and feel free to PM me if you want any further advice from or just to chat with someone who's "been there"

peace

Katze

[Nightshade]

Another person who started here with really REALLY dye-damaged hair. Years later, I'm still living with the results. If you're interested in my back story you can check it out here (http://www.hennaforhair.com/mixes/anya/).

You mentioned pulling out the dye, but if the dyes you used were permanent you have bleached hair underneath, not your natural color anymore. So stripping out the dye won't give you your natural color back :(

Your the advice you've already been given is really good, but here's what worked for me, coming from a situation similar to yours:

~ Start a journal to track what you try. Also, only try ONE major thing at a time. Otherwise you'll never be able to pinpoint what's working and what isn't. Some things you can try to start right away that don't apply to this rule are
Read Ursula's Newbie Advice. (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=39)
Clarify your hair. If you've been using product of silicone-heavy shampoo you may have buildup that is preventing any deep treatments you may try from getting to the hair. A good clarifying shampoo will do the trick (here's what I use (http://www.avalonorganics.com/?id=88&pid=27)), and while some people use baking sods in shampoo, that may be a bit harsh for your fragile hair.
dilute your current shampoo and apply only to the scalp, apply conditioner only to the length (ears down). If you're using a conditioner with a lot of silicone, you will need to clarify to strip off the silicone to allow more moisture into your hair. For more information on cones, check out this article (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=13). You can try the CWC wash method (conditioner on the length, shampoo on the scalp, rinse, apply more conditioner to the length, rinse), and you can look into CO, (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=18)which if you hair is moisture-deprived may be worth a go.
Read how to gently handle your hair (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=8)
Read the Hair Diagnostic Article (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=44)
Read, read, read some more and take notes in your journal. Keep links, notes and experiment results there.~ Oils didn't work for my damaged ends. There's a theory that oils bind to protein, and that if your hair is protein deficient that the oils don't grab or penetrate well, and you get crunchy ends. I use Fox's shea conditioning cream with much better results. Shea helps the cuticle of the hair lay down, which also helps keep hair better moisturized and prevents tangles. I snipped from my journal how to make and use it

After a shower I use Fox's Shea Butter leave in, which is 1 part coconut oil, 2 parts conditioner, and 2 parts shea. I use Frank & Myrrh Shea (http://store.africansheabuttercompany.com/sheabutterjars.html) because I love the smell, and my Jason Henna-Hi Lights conditioner. To make it I add the shea to a glass bowl in the sink, surrounding it with hot hot water and mash with a spatula until it's melted, replenishing the hot water as often as necessary to keep the glass hot. Then I add in the coconut oil (it has a lower melting point, so it blends into the shea quickly. Then I take out the bowl, dry it off and add the conditioner and blend with a hand mixer. To make it set faster and keep it from getting grainy I put it in the freezer for a minute or two, take it out and hit it with the hand mixer again. Repeat until it's the consistency of frosting and well blended. Once its done I transfer it into a glass jar and put it in the bathroom. To apply I scrape up about two peas worth and smooth it between my palms, then start at the ends, smoothing them, working higher up as there is less and less shea on my hands. http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/halalmall_1989_263858~ Worry about the condition of your hair and not the color. I know it's hard, and I still fight with it, but if you worry about finding what works to give you the healthiest hair possible, the color will follow. many people here have fallen in love with their virgin color once their hair was healthy as it's true color and shine were finally able to come through.

ETA:~ Consider monthly trims as Katze and I have both done. Taking off half your growth a month (so about 1/4 in on average) helps keep the worst of the ratty ends off, which keeps down tangles and more breakage. I won't lie your damage hair is going to split again, which is why you skim off just a bit the next month. Your hair keeps getting longer (albeit slowly), but it's also improving it's condition as you go.

It's getting long, so I'll stop, but start slow and do lots of reading :)

[RedRose]

Oh wow you guys have been offering some really great advice, thank you all so very much, its so nice to know that I'm not alone in dealing with these hair problems and that *hopefully* one day I too will have long, beautiful, healthy hair.

Spidermom, Kirin and ChloeDharma: that all seems like some pretty great advice, I'm definitely going to try to follow your suggestions. I didn't know that about hair and protein, but it could well explain things.

I totally take on board what everyone says about not-dyeing again, I really want to break free from the dye-cycle and I guess I will just have to live with patchy hair for a while.

Nightshade and Katze: thank you, it's really nice to hear from others who've been there and now have such beautiful hair! Inspirational really.

I think I'm just going to:
1. not dye!
2. cut out on the protein
3. try smts
4. oiling
5. trim (oh i wish i didn't have to!)

and try to be as gentle with my hair as possible.

I can't tell you all how much I appreciate your suggestions, and the feeling of support! Thank you all so much, I'll keep you posted on how the condition improves. You've all made me feel so welcome :)