Eep! I let someone bully my hair!

[Petite Simone]

I'm on vacation and we're about to go out to dinner. My mom REAAAALLY wanted to blowfry my hair. I tried to decline, but my feeble mumblings of "....heat styling....bad...eep" were met with scorn by my sister so I let mom do it to keep her happy. She was ripping through knots and i could hear my hair stretching and breaking. I was cringing the whole time. I was torn between being kind to my hair and letting mom have her fun. Have you ever sacrificed hair care to please someone you love? Even though you try to argue, they just shake it off with, "Oh pleaaaase?"

[Quixii]

I once let my friend straighten my hair. I didn't really want her to, and kept saying things like, "I don't really want straight hair.." and "But I'm worried about the damage." But she wouldn't let up so I let her. Sigh. It didn't even get very straight, so I'm annoyed that I probably still got damage from it without it getting much straighter than if I brush out my hair.

[akrasia]

When you were little, did she do your hair? I notice you're 18, it sounds as though your mom is trying to still show love and care by doing your hair for you.

You could resolve it in two ways, depending on the context. If she's really bullying, you could just say, "No, I do my own hair now, thanks," and refuse to engage further. Or if she's sort of wheedling and trying to baby you a little, you could *re-direct* her by saying, "No, my hair's fine, but what I *really* need from you Mom, is one of your great manicures! I can never do it as well as you!" (Or whatever might apply.)

[luxepiggy]

My ex loved the way I looked with curled hair, so ONCE a year, for his birthday, I would have it curled before we went out to dinner . . . by the time we got home from dinner, it was always halfway back to straight again . . . *sigh* . . . so much damage for such brief results!

[Fractalsofhair]

Yeah, my aunt likes to flat iron my hair( she hates curly/wavy hair. My hair is pretty straight, but to her it's wavy.), and I let her do it sometimes. My hair breaks a lot after, and now my excuse is that I use henna so I can't because it will change the color. My mum likes to comb my hair, and she's really bad at it, so normally I let her do it after a shower when I can detangle my own hair first.(my dad was the one who combed my hair most as a child, he used to have long hair, rather as my mother has mainly had shorter hair, so my dad knew how to detangle hair without it hurting)

[tinti]

No, because I have never had much damage from straightening, blowfrying etc. But one time I let my aunt herringbraid it, and she pulled so hard because my hair is so silky/smooth that it hurt terribly.

[Islandgrrl]

Last time I did that my hair was still 2 inches long all over. I figured, "What could it hurt?" :shrug:

[spidermom]

My hair stylist likes to straighten my hair so that she can see the detail of her cut. Every once in awhile, I let her.

[ghost]

I might let someone heat-style my hair once in a while if I knew I could get home and do a deep conditioning treatment right away, but not if they were going to be ripping and breaking my hair.
Akrasia's tip for redirecting your mom and talking her into doing something else for you is a good one, or maybe you could show her how to do some of your favorite hairstyles so she can still play with your hair without making you fear for its safety.

[emsahib]

Yeah, my aunt likes to flat iron my hair( she hates curly/wavy hair. My hair is pretty straight, but to her it's wavy.), and I let her do it sometimes. My hair breaks a lot after, and now my excuse is that I use henna so I can't because it will change the color. My mum likes to comb my hair, and she's really bad at it, so normally I let her do it after a shower when I can detangle my own hair first.(my dad was the one who combed my hair most as a child, he used to have long hair, rather as my mother has mainly had shorter hair, so my dad knew how to detangle hair without it hurting)
__________________

I'm really shocked at that your aunt straightens your hair becuase she'll hate it otherwise. It's your hair! Seems strange to me as well for someone to hate a hair type there's so many beautiful types of different kind of hair, its nice to have some variety.

Also Petite Simone it doesn't sound like your mum meant to treat your hair bad she probably doesnt realise how much care hair needs, I'm sure if you put your foot down next time no one will make you do anything to your hair you don't want to :)

[ElusiveMuse]

I would not let anyone do anything to my hair I didn't want done to it. However, I am extremely assertive when it comes to protecting my personal comfort and preferences.

[Carolyn]

Perhaps your mom thought it would be a treat for you and that she was doing something nice for you. It sounds like your mom doesn't have the best long hair care skills so try to avoid it in the future. It you are in the same situation, finish your hair before you join them. Your sister wasn't much help was she? :rolleyes:

[EmpressRi]

Never. I have to live with this hair. I never alter my appearance to appease anyone.

[Kristin]

I haven't let anyone pressure me into heat styling or a hair cut for a long time. I did try to teach my sister to 5-strand braid and she broke a couple of strands while practicing on me. I don't let her practice on me anymore. :)

[adiapalic]

Have you ever sacrificed hair care to please someone you love?

Never. I've kept my hair the way I want it for.. gosh... for ever since I can remember. It's been exactly as I've chosen, and never to please others. My lady family members have said "Ooo... get some highlights with me... get a hair cut with me... you should blowdry it straight, it looks better." I haven't heard those suggestions for a long time though--mainly because I was steadfast in what I wanted, and never gave in. They gave up on it I guess. Maybe that runs the risk of seeming like a "fuddy-duddy" to them, but they'll get over it. I can be a fun person without having my hair damaged to the liking of someone else.

It you hold your ground, they should give up. IHTH :) :flower:

[loralie]

No... since I started here I've been giving Mom and DBF tips on their haircare! Mom still blowdries, and often before we leave the house or are in the car about to go somewhere she says.. "Uh, don't you want to brush your hair? I have a brush right here-" and usually it's a plastic, scary looking thing. I have to patiently explain to her that I don't really brush my hair because it rips it out. She sighs, but she knows better than to tangle with me (hehe) over the little stuff anymore ;)

[jackiesjottings]

I might have given in at one time. But I am far more assertive than I once was, so I am afraid I would just say, firmly but politely, something along the lines of "it is my hair and I don't want that done to it". Easier said than done sometimes though.

[Petite Simone]

I do think part of it is because I'm going away to uni and mom really wants to connect as much as possible. I let her because I love her and I know she wanted to do the "mom thing" and do her little girl's hair. I felt guilty that I was so resistant. I didn't show it much, because I wanted her to be happy, but yipes she was rough with it!

[kabelaced]

Hate to say it, but I used to be a hair bullier. :P One of my guy friends was growing his hair longer, and it was straight, so one year we all begged him to let us put it up in curlers. It came out VERY curly, like permed-looking...and we all laughed so hard!

Later that year, his girlfriend at the time took a straightener to his hair to get it VERY straight (guessing my buddy's hair was about a 1b/1c normally) - it looked just awful, but his girlfriend loved the results. He wasn't too keen on it, but he was very easygoing about the whole thing.

My mom used to style my hair for every party we would go to when I was a little girl (and she'd put makeup on me, and put me in dresses she made for herself, ay yay yay! :rolleyes:). When my hair got really long back in high school, she would just play with it all the time, sometimes braid it or try to put it up, but she would never mess with it more than that. I had too much hair for her to bother trying to tame anymore! :p

ETA: It actually got to be annoying after a while that my mom would always be messing with my hair, so the summer after I graduated high school, I cut it pretty short - it was kind of like another way of telling her that I needed my space, and then I moved out a month later. Looking back on it, that was kind of cold for me to do to her - but I feel for you! Set boundaries, firmly but GENTLY! :(

[Madame J]

Hate to say it, but I used to be a hair bullier. :P One of my guy friends was growing his hair longer, and it was straight, so one year we all begged him to let us put it up in curlers. It came out VERY curly, like permed-looking...and we all laughed so hard!

The first time I ever used a flat iron was on a guy's hair. We were in Twelfth Night together and he was Sebastian, so he had to have his hair straight to match the girl playing Viola. I think he enjoyed me playing with his hair -- we ended up dating later on. He'd cut his hair by then, which bummed me out, so I got back at him by calling him the first of anyone to let him know when I chopped off my hair (he cried).

Personally, I don't let myself be bullied. I grew up with a father who liked my hair loose and a mother who liked it pulled back off my face. Occasionally I would try to please them both with a half-up, but mostly I just did my own thing because someone would always be telling me I should have done differently anyway. My (former) hairdresser is upset that I won't let him dye it burgundy, even though I have silver hairs. But then again, I'm a very controlling person, especially when it comes to my own body, so I will fight tooth and nail if I perceive someone else trying to tell me how I should live. I choose for myself, thanks.

[mglmdvd]

Hate to say it, but I used to be a hair bullier. :P One of my guy friends was growing his hair longer, and it was straight, so one year we all begged him to let us put it up in curlers. It came out VERY curly, like permed-looking...and we all laughed so hard!

Later that year, his girlfriend at the time took a straightener to his hair to get it VERY straight (guessing my buddy's hair was about a 1b/1c normally) - it looked just awful, but his girlfriend loved the results. He wasn't too keen on it, but he was very easygoing about the whole thing.

My mom used to style my hair for every party we would go to when I was a little girl (and she'd put makeup on me, and put me in dresses she made for herself, ay yay yay! :rolleyes:). When my hair got really long back in high school, she would just play with it all the time, sometimes braid it or try to put it up, but she would never mess with it more than that. I had too much hair for her to bother trying to tame anymore! :p

ETA: It actually got to be annoying after a while that my mom would always be messing with my hair, so the summer after I graduated high school, I cut it pretty short - it was kind of like another way of telling her that I needed my space, and then I moved out a month later. Looking back on it, that was kind of cold for me to do to her - but I feel for you! Set boundaries, firmly but GENTLY! :(
I once let a girl I really liked straighten my hair, because she begged me to do it. I liked the attention but hated the result, not to mention the thought of all the damage. I still sometimes let girls "style" my hair when they ask, but no straighteners and I do all I can to keep away from any heating device.