Why I decided to keep my long hair as I get older

[Altowoman]

I almost cut my waist-length hair recently, even though I like it long. I kept reading all these articles about what a giant fashion mistake it is for women to have long hair past a certain age. Some said 30, some said 35, but ALL were in agreement that it is an atrocity for a woman to wear her hair long after age 40.

I'm getting close to 40. All the other women I know my own age do not have long hair like this. I figured it was time to give it up. Grow up, like everyone else. Be realistic. Everything all the articles implied I was NOT if I "desperately clung" to my long hair.

Desperate. There's a word that keeps popping up. A woman past 40 who keeps her hair long is desperate. Desperately trying to hold on to youth. Desperately trying to look like a teenager. Desperately trying to be what she once was and can never be again.

But why should it be interpreted that way?

I started thinking about it, and I realized: throughout the ages, older women have always been revered for their long hair. I thought of the pioneer women with their simple braids . . . I thought of my own grandmother with her little bun, and how amazed I was when she took it down, to discover that Grandma has long hair! In natural societies, ages ago and even today, a old woman's long hair was a sign of honor. The crone with her long white hair was honored and respected for her wisdom. Her long hair was a sign of the wisdom and experience that come with age. To cut it off would have been the atrocity, not that she would keep it. How dare our society shame our women of that right? The right to keep their own hair -- the right to the evidence of their rightful place as wise-woman?

And that's how I became a rebel. If that's the way it is, I will keep my long hair. I will keep it as I turn 40, and beyond. Not only will I not heed the practice of cutting my hair as I grow old, but at this rate, when I die, I hope they have trouble fitting it all in my casket! :p

[SimplyViki]

I completely agree. I think sometimes the "big chop" is more an act of desperation than leaving it long. I don't really understand how they could view long hair as desperate... it takes time and patience for it to get there, not something as fleeting as a brief, frustrating moment of desperation.

[Radulfr]

Does a long-haired woman 40+ have to be labeled "desperate?" How did those writers get to be mind-readers anyway?

Can she not keep her hair long just because she likes it that way?

[wintersun99]

A sarcastic observation only

Western Society seems to require [most likely based on intense media influence] that women 35+ should cut their hair (at least shoulder length) but "older" women, let's say 60+ are admired for long and healthy hair, should they choose to have it... There is a 20 year period that mandates short hair on women?

I have a few "choice" words for this sentiment, but will keep them to myself. I will say that I look forward to becoming that Rebel, too. :)

[magpielaura]

Yey! Glad you realized how much you wanted it before the Chop. You saved yourself all the hassle of growing it back. I just don't get why anyone should think longhair is not appropiate as you age. I'm looking forward to haveing abnormally long, silver-grey hair when I'm an old lady!

[HairyCarrie]

Magpielaura: I too want long silver hair when I'm old. And I'm gonna beatcha! :gabigrin:

[Elbereth]

I don't remember where I read this...could have been here...anyway, here is some food for thought

There was this theory that as a woman's long hair is a powerful fertility symbol, she is being encouraged to cut it off when she is beginning to reach the end of her fertile age. "Why be beautiful (to the point of possibly luring attention away from younger women) if you can no longer reproduce?" How stone age is that? :rolleyes: Long, healthy hair communicates health and ability to take care of oneself. Many consider a woman's long hair to be a strong sign of her femininity- and therefore, something you just are not supposed to have once your reproductive ability declines.

It has also been suggested that a woman's long hair can be intimately connected to her emotional well being. This too makes sense: if you have a waist length or longer hair, it means that you have not had urges to cut it all away for quite some time. Which might indicate certain stability: after all, many women react to emotional stress or crisis via cutting their hair. And a sign of emotional stability...yes, that makes one more attractive in the minds of many men! Hair is a very delicate part of a woman and to have it strong and long...well, that is just SO unbecoming for a woman who is supposed to suck up that she is no longer as much of a woman as younger women...

In my religion, long hair is thought to contain special spiritual power. For me, this seems to be true. There is something inexplicably empowering about having long, flowing hair (says someone who was a sincere atheist when she started to grow her hair...) Older (married) women set themselves apart from young girls by wearing their hair mostly up and possibly covering it. This is partly why the image of a wise woman with her long gray hair is so powerful: she is -among other things- one who has unleashed the spiritual power of her hair. Even free men have sported long styles (compared to today's standard). The ancient lore tells that short cut signals slavery. To me, this seems to be true to this day: the fashion of short hair in men originated in Roman military where soldiers were told to cut their hair and shave their beard in order to minimize spreading lice. Again, in Europe, men often had longer hair than they do today until the great wars of Europe. Even today, young men often cut their hair as they graduate and enter the workforce. As women have been "liberated" they have, a little ironically, decided to share the sign of slavery with men. In our societies, individuality, beauty and independent thinking are not just desirable qualities but markedly youthful traits. As one ages, she is supposed to quietly give up her place in the spotlight and become just another person among the uninteresting masses of older people.

Needless to say, I never intend to grow too old for long hair and think that you have made a great choice!:D

[Grenwich]

Welcome to Long Hair. Rebellious, wrong, and ever so much fun.
I'm glad you didn't cut.

[magpielaura]

Magpielaura: I too want long silver hair when I'm old. And I'm gonna beatcha! :gabigrin:


Ha! I already have a few...might not need to be particularily old so it might not be that long....the race is on!

[florenonite]

I've never understood the whole "women oughtn't go grey" phenomenon, either. Grey hair signifies wisdom that comes with age; why, then is it unprofessional for a woman to not dye her hair when it goes grey? It just seems a bit counterintuitive to me.

Someone also posted something here ages ago about how the only reason women over x age are told to cut their hair is so hairdressers make money. The theory runs that younger women are more confident in their appearance, and so won't cut their hair just because society tells them to. Older women (who aren't really old at all, but just entering middle age, which is called "middle" for a reason) are less secure, and are therefore more likely to cut their hair if society tells them to. Thus, they get cuts that need maintained every six to eight weeks, providing money for the hairdressers. I suppose that explains the no-grey-hair issue, too. They'll spend even more money at the salon if they're getting their greys coloured, too.

I'm not condemning anyone's personal decision to cut their hair or to dye their greys, just the idea that that it must be done. No one's around to decorate anyone else's world, therefore we should all wear our hair as we like, not as we're told to.

[caribou55313]

One of the best things about getting old is losing the belief that we have to do what THEY say we should do ;)

"They" think older women are desperate anyway, no matter what we do.

To me, it's a little silly to let our magnificent selves be defined by what others think of our appearance and our choices!

[Unofficial_Rose]

I am so glad for you that you didn't cut it. It's so quick to cut, and the regrets (and growing back time) just seem to go on and on!

I'm looking forward to proper age-inappropriate hair. Surely a woman would have to also dress in a particular manner to look "desperate" though? :confused:

I really hate that over-coiffured puffy short look , it's such a shame anyone does that to themselves. Especially if it's in a spirit of fear regarding what other people might think.

[punky]

I'm glad you didn't cut your hair. You hang in there. I'm a rebel with a cause, and that is to wear my hair as long as it will grow and go against the grain of what society thinks I should look like at age sixy and beyond. If I am blessed to live in to my nineties I will be wearing my jeans and t-shirts with long gray hair.:)

[ButterCup02]

Good for you!! It seems that these days it is just expected for women to have shorter hair, even as soon as after college. I know a lot of my friends cut off their long hair once they started their careers. I just got married and so many people have been asking me (even before the wedding!!) if I was going to cut my hair shorter now!!

My hair isn't even that long, and I'm trying to grow it longer LOL! No cutting for me :) I hope to be one of those ladies in my 60's with looooong silver hair!

[Spiffyhink]

I think you definitely made the right decision. It sort of makes sense to me that our society almost condemns long hair on older women, though (not that it's right). In the west, we don't really have "wise women" anymore. I mean, certainly we have women who are wise, but our culture doesn't revere and respect women who have gotten to a certain age. That's what we get for being so youth-centric! But if you don't encourage respect for age, then it would seem only natural to want to curb the freedom and expression of older people, by encouraging them to hide their sexuality and cut their hair.

Me? I say let's bring back the Wise Women! I'm still very young right now, but I look forward to having long, silvery hair when I'm old!

[Forever_Sophie]

I don't remember where I read this...could have been here...anyway, here is some food for thought

There was this theory that as a woman's long hair is a powerful fertility symbol, she is being encouraged to cut it off when she is beginning to reach the end of her fertile age. "Why be beautiful (to the point of possibly luring attention away from younger women) if you can no longer reproduce?" How stone age is that? :rolleyes: Long, healthy hair communicates health and ability to take care of oneself. Many consider a woman's long hair to be a strong sign of her femininity- and therefore, something you just are not supposed to have once your reproductive ability declines.

It has also been suggested that a woman's long hair can be intimately connected to her emotional well being. This too makes sense: if you have a waist length or longer hair, it means that you have not had urges to cut it all away for quite some time. Which might indicate certain stability: after all, many women react to emotional stress or crisis via cutting their hair. And a sign of emotional stability...yes, that makes one more attractive in the minds of many men! Hair is a very delicate part of a woman and to have it strong and long...well, that is just SO unbecoming for a woman who is supposed to suck up that she is no longer as much of a woman as younger women...

In my religion, long hair is thought to contain special spiritual power. For me, this seems to be true. There is something inexplicably empowering about having long, flowing hair (says someone who was a sincere atheist when she started to grow her hair...) Older (married) women set themselves apart from young girls by wearing their hair mostly up and possibly covering it. This is partly why the image of a wise woman with her long gray hair is so powerful: she is -among other things- one who has unleashed the spiritual power of her hair. Even free men have sported long styles (compared to today's standard). The ancient lore tells that short cut signals slavery. To me, this seems to be true to this day: the fashion of short hair in men originated in Roman military where soldiers were told to cut their hair and shave their beard in order to minimize spreading lice. Again, in Europe, men often had longer hair than they do today until the great wars of Europe. Even today, young men often cut their hair as they graduate and enter the workforce. As women have been "liberated" they have, a little ironically, decided to share the sign of slavery with men. In our societies, individuality, beauty and independent thinking are not just desirable qualities but markedly youthful traits. As one ages, she is supposed to quietly give up her place in the spotlight and become just another person among the uninteresting masses of older people.

Needless to say, I never intend to grow too old for long hair and think that you have made a great choice!:D

Aww, I really enjoyed reading this post! :)

[Redheaded Raven]

Well said! My mom has long hair and she has almost reached the half century mark! And so happy about it! LOL she loves how that people are shocked by her "real" age. They never come close when guessing. :D I think that woman look younger with long hair, but not a trying to look younger, if you know what I mean.

I want to be that long older woman with silver hair to her ankles and beyond!:cheese:

Being a rebel can be a good thing.:cool::rockerdud

[cakedcake]

I'm glad you were not discouraged enough to cut off your hair.

It makes me feel deeply uncomfortable when I hear people saying 35 is "old" for a woman and acting like 40 is practically elderly. What kind of crap is that to look forward to! I see plenty of older women who are beautiful and youthful, and, sheesh, it's 2009; we do not die at 30. Plus, my mom is in her mid-50s, and even if I can't make a good case for objectivity, I know she is gorgeous.

I feel like turning women into commodities to be depreciated in this manner and attaching age brackets to an allowance femininity is a really cruel and ridiculous way to treat people.

[ladylibra]

I don't remember where I read this...could have been here...anyway, here is some food for thought

There was this theory that as a woman's long hair is a powerful fertility symbol, she is being encouraged to cut it off when she is beginning to reach the end of her fertile age. "Why be beautiful (to the point of possibly luring attention away from younger women) if you can no longer reproduce?" How stone age is that? :rolleyes: Long, healthy hair communicates health and ability to take care of oneself. Many consider a woman's long hair to be a strong sign of her femininity- and therefore, something you just are not supposed to have once your reproductive ability declines.

It has also been suggested that a woman's long hair can be intimately connected to her emotional well being. This too makes sense: if you have a waist length or longer hair, it means that you have not had urges to cut it all away for quite some time. Which might indicate certain stability: after all, many women react to emotional stress or crisis via cutting their hair. And a sign of emotional stability...yes, that makes one more attractive in the minds of many men! Hair is a very delicate part of a woman and to have it strong and long...well, that is just SO unbecoming for a woman who is supposed to suck up that she is no longer as much of a woman as younger women...

In my religion, long hair is thought to contain special spiritual power. For me, this seems to be true. There is something inexplicably empowering about having long, flowing hair (says someone who was a sincere atheist when she started to grow her hair...) Older (married) women set themselves apart from young girls by wearing their hair mostly up and possibly covering it. This is partly why the image of a wise woman with her long gray hair is so powerful: she is -among other things- one who has unleashed the spiritual power of her hair. Even free men have sported long styles (compared to today's standard). The ancient lore tells that short cut signals slavery. To me, this seems to be true to this day: the fashion of short hair in men originated in Roman military where soldiers were told to cut their hair and shave their beard in order to minimize spreading lice. Again, in Europe, men often had longer hair than they do today until the great wars of Europe. Even today, young men often cut their hair as they graduate and enter the workforce. As women have been "liberated" they have, a little ironically, decided to share the sign of slavery with men. In our societies, individuality, beauty and independent thinking are not just desirable qualities but markedly youthful traits. As one ages, she is supposed to quietly give up her place in the spotlight and become just another person among the uninteresting masses of older people.

Needless to say, I never intend to grow too old for long hair and think that you have made a great choice!:D

Well written! :D Everything I wanted to say, except you said it very eloquently.

[GeoJ]

I am glad you decided to keep your long hair.

I also want to keep my hair long for the rest of my life! Someday when I start to grey I want to keep it natural- no dyes. Yeah to being rebellious!!

I am happy that my Mom is growing her hair long now (she kept it in a pixie from her early 20's to her mid 50's).

:)

[Firefly]

You go girl! ITA with everything you said. I'm very petite and look much younger than my age, so I haven't had to deal (yet) with the disapproval of others for having long hair. If and when it comes, I am prepared; I couldn't care less what others think of how I choose to wear my hair. I haven't started to gray yet, but am actually looking forward to being that image of the wise crone with white hair tumbling down my back-- I LOVE long silver locks!! A few years ago I attended a Native American burial ceremony, and was in awe of the female tribe elders, with their long silver plaits. Very inspiring! Anyway, just wanted to say you are not alone, and welcome to LHC. :)

{{ Great post, Elbereth }}

[Kimberly]

I almost cut my waist-length hair recently, even though I like it long. I kept reading all these articles about what a giant fashion mistake it is for women to have long hair past a certain age. Some said 30, some said 35, but ALL were in agreement that it is an atrocity for a woman to wear her hair long after age 40.

"Giant fashion mistake." haha! If people would stop giving marketing departments and other people trying to sell them things (magazines, haircuts, new clothing every season) the right to dictate what they're supposed to look like, Western civilization would probably collapse and there'd be riots in the streets and zombies would come and eat us all.


I'm getting close to 40. All the other women I know my own age do not have long hair like this. I figured it was time to give it up. Grow up, like everyone else. Be realistic. Everything all the articles implied I was NOT if I "desperately clung" to my long hair.

But where I live, lots and lots of people (women and men) of all ages have long hair and my tailbone-length hair isn't remarkable. Apparently the whole county is desperate.


Desperate. There's a word that keeps popping up. A woman past 40 who keeps her hair long is desperate. Desperately trying to hold on to youth. Desperately trying to look like a teenager. Desperately trying to be what she once was and can never be again.

But why should it be interpreted that way?

I think it's ridiculous. I mean, when I put my hair up in a nice tight bun I sure as heck don't look younger . . . I'm headed for the old-fashioned spinster look (but my granny dresses are gonna be tie dye instead of calico or something).


I started thinking about it, and I realized: throughout the ages, older women have always been revered for their long hair. I thought of the pioneer women with their simple braids . . . I thought of my own grandmother with her little bun, and how amazed I was when she took it down, to discover that Grandma has long hair! In natural societies, ages ago and even today, a old woman's long hair was a sign of honor. The crone with her long white hair was honored and respected for her wisdom. Her long hair was a sign of the wisdom and experience that come with age. To cut it off would have been the atrocity, not that she would keep it. How dare our society shame our women of that right? The right to keep their own hair -- the right to the evidence of their rightful place as wise-woman?

In the early part of the 20th Century women in Western culture started cutting their hair. It became seen as old-fashioned to have long hair and short hair was a sign of being modern and empowered, where before having your hair cut off was a mark of shame (they did it to criminals and witches). And heck, MEN had long hair before the 20th Century, and it took almost 100 years for it to be okay again. I think it's now a combination of a money-maker for the fashion industry and related industries (if someone didn't declare what's in and out a lot of magazines would have to print something substantial and more difficult and expensive for the editor to get to put between the fashion ads, and what would Joan Rivers have to kvetch about?) I think the hair-dyeing thing is driven by that same dynamic.

We have come a long way since Samson got his hair cut and I believe it's because of greed.


And that's how I became a rebel. If that's the way it is, I will keep my long hair. I will keep it as I turn 40, and beyond. Not only will I not heed the practice of cutting my hair as I grow old, but at this rate, when I die, I hope they have trouble fitting it all in my casket! :p

Keep on growin'! Being a rebel is even more fun when you're older, if you ask me. Everyone is "supposed" to rebel and go buy rebellious clothing at Hot Topic to show it when they're 14 or whatever, but it's really rebellious to tell the fashion industry to jam it when you're an adult! :)

[jera]

Magpielaura: I too want long silver hair when I'm old. And I'm gonna beatcha! :gabigrin:

LOL. :p My great grandmother had waist length grayish white hair. She was an original.

I'm artistic and I believe my long hair reflects my interests and passions. Plus, I'm always with other artistic people who are also long hairs. Both men and women and age makes no difference. I prefer it this way. Im going to a long haired old lady with piles of long hair tossed in a casual braid over my shoulder or piled on top of my head and a paint brush in my hand.

I don't care so long as it's L-O-N-G !

:cheese:

[Botticelli Gold]

I almost cut my waist-length hair recently, even though I like it long. I kept reading all these articles about what a giant fashion mistake it is for women to have long hair past a certain age. Some said 30, some said 35, but ALL were in agreement that it is an atrocity for a woman to wear her hair long after age 40.

I'm getting close to 40. All the other women I know my own age do not have long hair like this. I figured it was time to give it up. Grow up, like everyone else. Be realistic. Everything all the articles implied I was NOT if I "desperately clung" to my long hair.

Desperate. There's a word that keeps popping up. A woman past 40 who keeps her hair long is desperate. Desperately trying to hold on to youth. Desperately trying to look like a teenager. Desperately trying to be what she once was and can never be again.

But why should it be interpreted that way?

I started thinking about it, and I realized: throughout the ages, older women have always been revered for their long hair. I thought of the pioneer women with their simple braids . . . I thought of my own grandmother with her little bun, and how amazed I was when she took it down, to discover that Grandma has long hair! In natural societies, ages ago and even today, a old woman's long hair was a sign of honor. The crone with her long white hair was honored and respected for her wisdom. Her long hair was a sign of the wisdom and experience that come with age. To cut it off would have been the atrocity, not that she would keep it. How dare our society shame our women of that right? The right to keep their own hair -- the right to the evidence of their rightful place as wise-woman?

And that's how I became a rebel. If that's the way it is, I will keep my long hair. I will keep it as I turn 40, and beyond. Not only will I not heed the practice of cutting my hair as I grow old, but at this rate, when I die, I hope they have trouble fitting it all in my casket! :p

Hair hair! I mean hear hear lol!
I completely agree.

[JamieLeigh]

Congrats on being a rebel! You're in majorly good company here! :flower: I too will never be a sheep - no matter how old I get, my hair will never be above the length it is now. :)

[Carolyn]

I'm so glad you realized you truly wanted to keep your hair long before you cut it. You saved yourself years of regrets. 40 is not old!

Way way back in the 60s we had a saying...if it feels good, do it. I think this definitely could pertain to growing our hair long and keeping it long. I find it amazing that anyone could be so invested in another person's hair, as to make rude comments and suggestions.

[Beatnik Guy]

And that's how I became a rebel. If that's the way it is, I will keep my long hair. I will keep it as I turn 40, and beyond. Not only will I not heed the practice of cutting my hair as I grow old, but at this rate, when I die, I hope they have trouble fitting it all in my casket! :p

Welcome to LHC! :cheese:

[bunnii]

Welcome to LHC! :) I agree 40 is NOT old, and anyhoo long hair is beautiful no matter what age you are. I remember as a kid crying whenever my mum cut her hair, she always let it grow and cut it off so she had an inch left, now she's 51 and has hair almost down to her hips, she looks much nicer now than when she had it chopped off years ago :cheese:

Yay for rebelious hair growing! :D

[Kirin]

I've turned fourty last August.......

I haven't had anyone tell me I am "too old" to have long hair, at least yet. Granted I color my hair, but am working on "letting it all hang out" and let the grays come in and screw it.

I have a very youthful face, or so I'm told, how striking to have a youthful face, startling natural green eyes, and shockingly white hair? Lovely I think.

[Flynn]

The ironic thing is, my impression is less that it is "clinging on to youth", but "clinging on to youth in the wrong way." *Laughs* If women over forty weren't, according to fashion, meant to try to cling to youth, why do we have "anti-wrinkle" goop, and hair dye? Is a woman over forty with dyed hair desperate? Or is she smart and respectable, according to fashion?

Fashion's all a scam. Companies and advertising firms have clearly identified women over 30 as having some common exploitable insecurities, and a certain desirable depth of pocket by that stage in life, and they exploit for all it is worth. Sell haircuts. Sell hairdyes. Sell makeup. Sell antiwrinke creams. Sell.

Now-a-days, forty isn't even the "halfway point" for a lot of, if not most people. Forty isn't old.

[EdG]

A woman past 40 who keeps her hair long is desperate. Desperately trying to hold on to youth. Desperately trying to look like a teenager. Desperately trying to be what she once was and can never be again.You're not alone. There's a male version of that myth: long-haired men are immature.

I reply: sorry, hair length and maturity have nothing to do with each other. :silly:
And that's how I became a rebel. If that's the way it is, I will keep my long hair. I will keep it as I turn 40, and beyond. Not only will I not heed the practice of cutting my hair as I grow old, but at this rate, when I die, I hope they have trouble fitting it all in my casket! :pGood for you!

Altowoman, you have come to the right place. Long hair is revered here for people of all ages. Welcome to the board! :)
Ed

[SheWolf]

A sarcastic observation only

Western Society seems to require [most likely based on intense media influence] that women 35+ should cut their hair (at least shoulder length) but "older" women, let's say 60+ are admired for long and healthy hair, should they choose to have it... There is a 20 year period that mandates short hair on women?

I have a few "choice" words for this sentiment, but will keep them to myself. I will say that I look forward to becoming that Rebel, too. :)

The way I see it, that 20 year period is precisely the time at which women are most empowered:
We're experienced, we've learned from past mistakes, we're self sufficient, still young, more confident, but most importantly... We are at our sexual peak.
And that, my friends, is something that scares the living daylights out of men and quite a number of other women who maybe aren't there yet, or have long passed that stage and have trouble adjusting.
Not exactly a politically correct statement, but I find it true.

Look in history, the witch hunts of several centuries ago. Who were the so called witches? In most cases, they were women who lived on their own terms: They were widows who chose to NOT remarry, and had inherited whatever their late husbands had left behind, and were enjoying a life that they controlled.
Or they were mature women who'd chosen to remain single and not lose their freedom and independence to a man.
They were also midwives, who had of course figured out the fertility days of women's cycles and therefore could teach women an early form of birth control: the timing method.
They were healers, who knew herbs that could soothe pain, destroying the church's claims that pain was God's way of purifying heathens.

Empowered, experienced women have always been seen as a threat.
Today, of course, we have laws to protect us, so those who find themselves threatened by our hormones, experience and sexuality have to find a way to annihilate that which bothers them so much: Our raw, unapologetic femaleness.

In our 40s, we control our bodies, we control our finances, we say NO when we want and YES to whom we please.
Seriously... can you honestly think of something more terrifying and disturbing to a puny bureaucrat whose midlife crisis has him think seriously of Viagra than a woman in her forties, at home in her skin, happy with her sexuality and who doesn't need to ask him permission to get a job or buy whatever she wants?

ERASE HER!!! they say... Turn her into a matronly caricature of herself that people will either look through or not see at all.
Yeah, that'll fix her.

At least, that how I see it. BTW sorry for the male generalization, obviously they're not all like that or I wouldn't be with Mr. Wolf. But I'm sure you get my point. ;)

[lhangel9]

Ha! I already have a few...might not need to be particularily old so it might not be that long....the race is on!

Hey count me in ladies - I plan on growing my hair as long as it'll get:) My great aunt passed away one month prior to her 104th birthday and her hair was not only as white as snow, but just below TBL!!! It was absolutely beautiful and it made her appear to be in her 70's. She always promoted long hair growth. Oh...someday soon:D

[Tangles]

SheWolf, I think you're onto something there.

On a related note, it strikes me as odd that fortysomething women are now often viewed as "cougars" or whatever. So middle aged is sexy, but only if you're willng to put out for men much younger than you, who don't want to deal with a real relationship? Please, that's not respect for experience and wisdom, so don't pretend it's anything more than pure horniness guys. :P

There is nothing wrong with a middle aged women enjoying casual sex if she chooses, but it's just annoying that the cougar stereotype makes it seem like they aren't sexy if they're in a stable relationship or marriage with someone closer to their own age. Ahh, rant over.

[SheWolf]

SheWolf, I think you're onto something there.

On a related note, it strikes me as odd that fortysomething women are now often viewed as "cougars" or whatever. So middle aged is sexy, but only if you're willng to put out for men much younger than you, who don't want to deal with a real relationship? Please, that's not respect for experience and wisdom, so don't pretend it's anything more than pure horniness guys. :P

There is nothing wrong with a middle aged women enjoying casual sex if she chooses, but it's just annoying that the cougar stereotype makes it seem like they aren't sexy if they're in a stable relationship or marriage with someone closer to their own age. Ahh, rant over.

I agree. I think the bothersome factor for society is the woman's happiness, bloom, confidence in living her life hugely.
There's always one group of people who feel the need to label us, put us in neat little boxes, assign us a stereotypical role: it's a gentler, kinder type of dehumanization, but it is dehumanization all the same.
If you strip a woman of her individuality, what do you have? A socially acceptable, virtually lobotomized, compliant female.
She has the cougar title to entertain onlookers.
But a 40 something woman in a stable relationship with a mate in her age range? Horror... they can't possibly be happy.
Or the one who really falls head over heels in love with a man in her age group and who returns her feelings? What, are you nuts, or something? Couldn't happen, right?

There are a million ways to stereotype us. It spares society from seeing us as independently thinking individuals. Hey, they feel safer, that way, lol. After all, we no longer buy into the horrid media crap that would have us starve and mutilate ourselves to fit absurd beauty standards... They can't let us get away with that, now can they? ;)

[invisiblebabe]

I'm glad you were not discouraged enough to cut off your hair.

It makes me feel deeply uncomfortable when I hear people saying 35 is "old" for a woman and acting like 40 is practically elderly. What kind of crap is that to look forward to! I see plenty of older women who are beautiful and youthful, and, sheesh, it's 2009; we do not die at 30. Plus, my mom is in her mid-50s, and even if I can't make a good case for objectivity, I know she is gorgeous.

I feel like turning women into commodities to be depreciated in this manner and attaching age brackets to an allowance femininity is a really cruel and ridiculous way to treat people.

Well said :) I feel this way too, right down to echoing the same sentiments about my mom as well!

[Fifty-Five]

I kind of find it funny that it seems 'taboo' to fashion-oriented people that older women have long hair. It's apparently 'wrong' for an older woman to have long hair, but... they press all of these 'hip' and 'cool' trendy hairstyles on to the younger generation. Seems like long hair is only suitable for ages 11 and below. O.o Outrageous!

"Hair is meant to frame your face, not your butt" is the dumbest line I've ever heard. "Oh yeah? It's meant to frame your face, is it? Ohhhh. I was unaware mother nature dropped you a memo. When you're talking to her next, would you mind telling her I've been looking for her? I wanna discuss this whole 'it's wrong to have facial hair, even if you're a guy' thing I've been hearing..."

[lizelly]

I've always thought that most elderly women (60+) look like old men when they cut their hair short, if anything it only makes them look older in my opinion.

[SheWolf]

Flying back to town, there was this woman sitting in the aisle seat. She was small, about 5'2, slender built, in her late 60s, early 70s.
Wearing blue jeans, a tshirt and mocassins, no makeup.
She had long silver hair, waist length, held up in a half ponytail secured by a leather and turquoise thing that had a stick in the middle.
I found her mesmerizing.
She had the most vivid blue eyes, her face was weathered and glowing, she looked very relaxed and happy.
It would have been a shame to cut that hair.

[florenonite]

Look in history, the witch hunts of several centuries ago. Who were the so called witches? In most cases, they were women who lived on their own terms: They were widows who chose to NOT remarry, and had inherited whatever their late husbands had left behind, and were enjoying a life that they controlled.
Or they were mature women who'd chosen to remain single and not lose their freedom and independence to a man.
They were also midwives, who had of course figured out the fertility days of women's cycles and therefore could teach women an early form of birth control: the timing method.
They were healers, who knew herbs that could soothe pain, destroying the church's claims that pain was God's way of purifying heathens.


hijack
I agree with the sentiments in your post, just wanted to point out one thing. The women in the later middle ages, when the witch hunts started (and presumably onto the early modern era), did practise the 'rhythm' method. However, it didn't work very well, because they thought a woman was most fertile at the end of her cycle, rather than in the middle. So that sort of primitive birth control didn't work so well in helping women to control that aspect of their lives :p
/hijack



"Hair is meant to frame your face, not your butt" is the dumbest line I've ever heard. "Oh yeah? It's meant to frame your face, is it? Ohhhh. I was unaware mother nature dropped you a memo. When you're talking to her next, would you mind telling her I've been looking for her? I wanna discuss this whole 'it's wrong to have facial hair, even if you're a guy' thing I've been hearing..."

If hair's meant to frame your face, then surely facial hair is good, no? Because it does frame your face, or at least the bit people can see. Regardless, facial hair is nice; I don't see why guys should be expected to remove it. It's a matter of personal preference.

[kdaniels8811]

I am 50 ...um ... something and STILL wear jeans, tee shirts, and have my hair halfway down my back. My current goal is waist, then on to hip, then who knows? I WILL be one of those 90 year olds still wearing jeans, tee shirts with long hair.

Why do people think you have to cut your hair??? I have had people ask lately if/when I was going to cut mine. No and never! I love long hair and am envious of those with classic length, grow, dammit!

[Cindi Eponabri]

I always wonder who it is who makes up these rules and why they think they have the right to do so...

Long haired and gray and staying that way...

[Ella Menneau P.]

The desperate ones who cling to their lost youth are the ones who get cosmetic surgery, fake boobs, and use so much make up they would be unrecognizable without it.

As for middle aged women feeling insecure....huh? At 42,: I don't need to prove nuthin' to nobody! As someone's signature on this board declares I'm not here to decorate your world.

It's kind of nice that I don't worry about my grays (they are fabulously silver!), the extra pounds (hey, I like chocolate) or the wrinkles around my eyes. I am beautiful. You are too. It's the desperate ones who want you to change to be more like them. Do not allow yourself to be assimilated!!:soapbox:

[Elenna]

Flying back to town, there was this woman sitting in the aisle seat. She was small, about 5'2, slender built, in her late 60s, early 70s. Wearing blue jeans, a tshirt and mocassins, no makeup. She had long silver hair, waist length, held up in a half ponytail secured by a leather and turquoise thing that had a stick in the middle. I found her mesmerizing. She had the most vivid blue eyes, her face was weathered and glowing, she looked very relaxed and happy.
It would have been a shame to cut that hair.

Long hair can be beautiful no matter what the age. And cutting it is a act of turning an older female invisible.

Another point, is the natural color whether white, silver or grey can be really beautiful too. And dyeing it is another act of obscuring what is a natural beauty by rights.

Long hair on an older woman is a sign of womanly power. Without her hair, older women seem so unfeminine.

[Denebi]

Most probably, it's more the desperate people who envy your long hair and cannot stand the fact that you choose to stay young and beautiful in a natural way. The fake boobs will be always fake! And no pill can bring you back what's lost. So this might bring on a lot of desperation. Whereas someone who had the patience to grow long hair will be rewarded with youth and does not even have to pay for it (in contradiction to the fake boobs, e.g.).

Btw, I think growing old and growing hair matches quite well, both comes with time and by itself.

I'm going to stick to my hair the long I choose, regardless what others tell me :)

[Firefly]

hijack
I agree with the sentiments in your post, just wanted to point out one thing. The women in the later middle ages, when the witch hunts started (and presumably onto the early modern era), did practise the 'rhythm' method. However, it didn't work very well, because they thought a woman was most fertile at the end of her cycle, rather than in the middle. So that sort of primitive birth control didn't work so well in helping women to control that aspect of their lives :p
/hijack

True, but they also knew which herbs to take to terminate unwanted pregnancies. That was may more control over their fertility for the likes of the Church... and added more fuel to the fire of the "witch" hunts.

[florenonite]

True, but they also knew which herbs to take to terminate unwanted pregnancies. That was may more control over their fertility for the likes of the Church... and added more fuel to the fire of the "witch" hunts.

You've brought up a good point here. It's also interesting to note that witchcraft was seen as a form of heresy.

[sandigirl]

I'm in my 50's and will NEVER have short hair. Those short, dopey poodle-cuts will NEVER be on me. Not ever. I am starting to gray and having issues with that. I do not want to have a full head of gray so I will continue highlighting blonde. I will wear a ponytail or braid but never ever ever have short hair. Not ever.

[Seraphina]

Good for you ! I love seeing older ladies with long hair.It looks so elegant and wise !

[Bunnyhare]

ROCK ON!! I just turned 40 last week and was thinking about this, although not to do it just wondering why it is such a "fashion faux pas" then i realized..any time in my life that i was told to do something for society approval i have done the opposite!I agree and second all the posts that confirm your wisdom and power in your tresses and salute you for keeping them and unleashing when necessary!

[blondecat]

I feel bad for writing this. Like Karma is going to 'bite me'

Cousin in law, same age as me, 45 yrs, has short 1-2 inch cropped and spiked hair. Brown Hair with Whitish Yellow tints.

She cakes her make-up on. [Think Tammy]

She wears mini skirts and tops tight and low enough to see her 'Ta Ta's [or at least what colour bra] And High Heals, even in the beach house.

She dresses in competition with her DD,

Her DD is 1 day older than My DD

So 45 to a 22 age gap.


I dress concervatively [ Modern / Christian]

A nice pair of slacks, cardigan or jumper or tailored jacket. [Black /navy / brown, accented with a basic fitted solid complimenting shade of shirt, Usually Flat black Swede court shoes. or dark brown calf lenght leather boots

If wearing a skirt it is always below my calves [I hate my legs ] and I always wear stockings with a skirt [or above the knee socks, that look like tights]

A nice scarf or pashmina, in a pale shade.

Mascara and a little lip Gloss [ I admit, I am addicted to Gloss lol]

Hair up in a twist or bun or down but Plaited [sometimes Pig tail Plaits ]


Anyway, long story short............... I'm the one Not acting MY age ???

I need to ...........................

I must .............................

I have to ...........................

She can get me a gift voucher for ..............................

Such and such is the best ...............................

This cousin on laws Mum has a Poodle perm, as does her sister, my MIL, The ohter Sister has short cropped hair, in a choppy style [But, It suits her :) ]

The gist of my story.............. if I have my hair down at all. I've got All the Men [inlaws] trying to pet me and play with my hair.

Kinda Creepy. Actually ............ Very creepy.

Untill I found out ALLL of these woman had Long hair till they were 30 +, then from peer pressure, went choppy and Poodled.

[Babyfine]

I'm going to be 53 soon and I've been told(by my stylist and others) that I would look younger if I cut my hair in a short style. I've also heard this throughout the years because my hair is fine and thin.
I don't tell my age often but when people do guess my age- It's always about ten years younger than my real age. I had someone tell me the other day they thought I was between 40-45. I think if I had the standard short puffy cut I would look at least my age. I'm a bit overweight, sagging jawline,a few greys, ect.
If I had short hair I'd look just like everyone else my age. So I'm not cutting it.

Elbereth, I really like what you wrote.

[Autumnberry]

Good for you for thinking it out and not chopping! Growing up, I always heard this absurd myth about women over 40 looking old with long hair---what garbage hype fed to me by that pathetic money-machine called the fashion industry. I will never do a big chop because of age. The other day I saw a woman (perhaps in her late 60s) with all-silver knee length hair. It was worn loose and was so stunning that I couldn't stop staring! She was fit looking, too, and I thought, what an inspiration. I doubt I'd ever be inspired like that by a poodle-cut.

[Ponytale]

I am just over the "age limit", so I am not really feeling it, but I will say, I see so many ladies with absolutely beautiful heads of hair replying to this post--that I want to grow up and have hair just like you! Don't cut it girlfriends!

[jojo]

I have only just turned 40 and intend to never cut my hair short again, so I guess I must be desperate!!!

[biggeorge]

Two words have caught my attention in this thread: "desperate" and "insecure"

If you are happy with how you have your hair, it sounds to me like the desperation is coming from those who have a need for conformity. Anyone who bucks this trend is making them look bad for caving in. So you "have to cut your hair" to give them justification for their appearance and their decisions.

In my experience it is not the insecure person who goes it alone; insecurity begets conformity to "fit in". Those secure in themselves don't mind walking a different path, going a different route, etc; or what I often call the "different drummer syndrome".

Like many of those here, your hair is an expression of who you are, instead of who others want you to be. There is nothing wrong with cutting your hair if that is the direction you choose because that is what you want. Doing it merely to fulfill the expectations of society completely negates your individuality.

The "different path" is not always the easiest. But it almost always is the more fulfilling of the two.

[marla]

I'm 45 and I have BSL hair. I recently spent the weekend at a resort with my sister (56) and cousin (62). Both of them have short hairstyles. The entire time they complained about their hair and how it looked, lamented over whether they should wash it or not, talked about how flat it was, etc. I barely looked at my hair the whole time.

I told them that perhaps if they grew their hair out they'd find it easier to manage and could put it in a ponytail if need be, and they both said that I needed to cut my hair because I was getting too old for that kind of hairstyle. But WHY, I said?

What they said was that as a woman gets older her face starts to sag and the long hair calls attention to the face sagging. That didn't make a lot of sense to me and it sounds like something they read in a women's magazine that is not backed up by fact. It seems to me that having a lot of hair would actually detract from seeing a lot of sagging skin.

[gmdiaz]

I just turned 47 and I have no intention of cutting my hair ever again. . .trims only, as needed. I think long hair that's well cared for is just beautiful at any age on men or women.

One of the nicest things about growing older and wiser is how quickly you come to recognize stupid thinking when you hear it. . .and knowing that you do not, for even a second, have to participate in that ongoing conversation that some people insist on having with THEIR insecurities. lolol

And, I am sorry, but those old lady, poodle-dos are hideous. Nothing takes a person's attractiveness, personal power and uniqueness away faster than one of THOSE hair styles. So much so, that I have trouble seeing the real person behind it. I think it's masking and neutralizing.

[sandigirl]

I remember when people told me to cut my hair for my job. I remember when they told me to cut it when I turned 40. I laughed at them every time and get compliments on a daily basis. I listen to no one now. Just God.

[Pinstraight]

All these posts are great! I am over 50 and grew my hair out in 2005. I had every hair style imaginable.

One day it just dawned on me that I didn't want to be an old lady sleeping on pink rollers. I wanted to put my hair over my shoulder. So, grew it out. It has absolutely nothing to do with looking 'younger'. Even though I look good, nobody is going to mistake me for a 25 year old. As for older women who imagine that a cut and perm makes them look younger, they are deceived.

I pay no attention to the negativity that floats through the air. In some places I am more aware of it than others. Some people, especially other older women, have serious issues. This is not MY problem. I think some are angry because I have the courage to ignore and thumb my nose at the media and peer pressure.

If you get a bunch of people of both genders in a room and get into the heated discussion about long hair on older women, who do you think the hostility and raised voices will come from? Yup, older women. Ridiculous. Meanwhile, I have nothing against short hair and am not forcing anybody to grow theirs. But, if an older woman wants long hair I say go for it. 👍🏻


J

[thankyousir74]

Even free men have sported long styles (compared to today's standard). The ancient lore tells that short cut signals slavery. To me, this seems to be true to this day: the fashion of short hair in men originated in Roman military where soldiers were told to cut their hair and shave their beard in order to minimize spreading lice. Again, in Europe, men often had longer hair than they do today until the great wars of Europe.


This just widely opened my eyes. I never before understood why it wasn't as socially unacceptable for men to wear their hair long. I never knew what was the old societal custom (as there had to be one for such a long time prejudice), and now I see what it was.

This was so interesting I sent my DBF a message with this quote! (He has BSL hair)

[Amara]

This thread makes me happy - I hate it when people feel pressured into doing something they don't really want to do. Good for you for being brave enough to think things through and go against the grain. :)

[MandaMom2Three]

Good on ya mate! (said in my best Bruce the shark voice). I'm fully planning on being a long haired granny myself :D. I can almost see myself in a white braided bun (probably with some outrageous hair stick that will make people freak out :lol: ). I think I'll stop HENNAING when I get close to 40 (so as to give me time to gradually trim it out so I'm not a fire engine RED granny :D ) but cutting? no way ;)

[Babyfine]

I agree , Pinstraight. I have nothing against anyone wanting to keep their hair short-I also don't want short, permed hair myself, though.

This is just my own personal observation and I don't want to offend anyone- but I think cropped hair is unflattering on most older women. There are a few that can pull if off beautifully- but I think long hair actually looks better on an older woman, making them look softer and more feminine as they age.

Of course, I keep this to myself outside of this forum- if you like it short-cut it short.

[Eireann]

I'm 44 with hair about 2 inches above waist (and growing!) The funny thing is, my hair naturally looks like a lot of people's expensive extensions (naturally wavy, slightly fairy tailed ends, just above waist.) Of course, if I paid for it, and it was fake, it would be fashionable. Since it grew out of my head, I'm desparately clinging to my youth. Hmmmmm.

[Tovah]

Good for you! I did give in to the myth that I was too old for long hair, and my hairdresser convinced me that the long hair was "dragging my face down". Well, I've turned 60 and after seeing a recent photo of myself I realized that I am NOT that suburban woman in that photo with the bob. I immediately pulled my hair back and vowed that it would grow back even longer that it had ever been. As soon as I pulled it back, I felt more of myself-even those strange lady's hands that were on the ends of my arms became mine again. Just the decision was magic! Now I can't wait for my hair to get longer-but I will have to be patient I guess.

[Fractalsofhair]

Congrats on not deciding to cut it short. The only logical reason in old age for shorter hair is that some people get arthritis and don't have helpful people to help with their hair. It's also hard to have VERY long hair and keep on dying it to cover grays with a harsh dye, and many women are convinced that in their 60s, dark brown hair makes them look younger. That's not quite the case... I can see how truly gray hair makes one look older when one is in their 20s, but not 60s+, when you are, well... Older. I mean that in a good way though! Wrinkles are also more easily hidden by bangs, but a bob seems like it wouldn't and might accentuate the chin sagging that happens. A lot of older women, in my town(90s+) have short hair as a sign of women's liberation. I'm not sure how natural long hair is "desperate". I can see over dyed hair in a "trendy" style with immature fashion as "desperate and clingy to youth", but not just hair that grows and is taken care of. Botox seems more "desperate" than long hair.

[Othala]

Mid-40s here....anyone calls me desperate for having long hair is going to get whupped with my braids.

Yes, two braids of salt'n'pepper hair at 44. What would Freud and his ilk make of that?

Joking aside, modern western culture is desperate. Desperate to destroy, defame and deride anyone that doesn't fit their false image of womankind. It is unhealthy, damaging to women's self-esteem and downright wrong but then you have to realize that there are big bucks riding on the success of the brain-washing.

[hennaphile]

I fully intend to have long hair until I drop dead (I'm assuming this wont be for awhile, fingers crossed)

I think mature ladies with long hair is BEAUTIFUL. Gray, white, or any other color (personally I think silver is stunning :D), I think long hair is timeless, and shouldn't be acceptable to only certain age groups. I've seen long haired ladies in latter decades who are absolutely gorgeous :D

[nmarie33]

I thought that a "granny bun" was supposed to be the ultimate in matronly fashion. How are we all supposed to make our proper granny buns in our old age if we have to cut our hair, eh? Next time a hater tells you to cut your hair, say that you are growing it long to achieve the look of Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies, so you are therefore acting quite age appropriate!

[Tressie]

YOU GROW GIRL!!! (o: (o:

[adiapalic]

I'm so glad you didn't cut your hair. Be strong, hold onto your beautiful hair.

What amazes me is that there is such an acceptance of cosmetic surgery in the fashion world--opinions held by the same group who discourage longer hair on maturing women. If there's any evidence of desperation in holding onto youth, it's certainly makes more sense to have a look at those who seek plastic surgery to make them look young. Also, thank the fashion industry for directing a hard eye at women when it comes to aging. Today is ageism at its worst. :(

[ilovelonghair]

Where I live there are lots of older women with long hair and they look great of course. I really like grey long hair, it's so unusual to see, still most people dye their grey hair. It seems that here there is not so much pressure to cut your hair when you get older, which is a very good thing. Also there're lots of men with long hair as well. People here are just a bit more ahead of time I think.

[Zindell]

Good for you! I did give in to the myth that I was too old for long hair, and my hairdresser convinced me that the long hair was "dragging my face down". Well, I've turned 60 and after seeing a recent photo of myself I realized that I am NOT that suburban woman in that photo with the bob. I immediately pulled my hair back and vowed that it would grow back even longer that it had ever been. As soon as I pulled it back, I felt more of myself-even those strange lady's hands that were on the ends of my arms became mine again. Just the decision was magic! Now I can't wait for my hair to get longer-but I will have to be patient I guess.

That is simply wonderful! I'm so happy for you! :)

[Zindell]

I've gotten some comments from coworkers already, and my hair isn't even BSL yet.

One 28 old girl with a bleached pixie (looking quite good on her though) said she had had long hair earlier but never as long as I have it!
(Eh... *points to avatar)

When she heard I was growing it out even longer she seemed a bit horrified. "But how much longer"?
I answered "Just a little bit more. 10 cm or so (= four inches)".
It was a white lie since I'm not sure how long I will grow it yet, but I just didn't feel like defending my choice of long hair.

Another woman at my work in her 60's with a short bob (beautifully white) , likes to discuss hair with me from time to time.
Sometimes I think she actually is concidering growing hers out. But she told med the old "but won't long hair drag my face down"?.
I told her that was a myth often spread by hairstylists that wants their customers to return often. :D

Oh well... I'm 42 and happily growing still. When the whites turn up I'll embrace them too!

[bte]

Good to hear that you are resisting these senseless pressures.

I decided at 39 never to cut my hair again, and am now 54. Anybody who doesn't like my hair doesn't have to look at it, and in return I won't look at theirs.

Enjoy your hair and have fun!

[Zindell]

It's finally growing. April 3,2009

Oh I love that hairdo in your signature! I used to do it all the time... and it looks just great with your silver hair!

Thanks for reminding me about one of my fav hairdos!
I will go do one on me straight away!

[KarpatiiSiv]

Good for you. I've had friends who have cut their long hair because they thought it was the right thing to do because of their age. Some have admitted that they did the wrong thing and shouldn't have given in under pressure.

Since my late 30s I have receive numerous comments such as "aren't you getting a bit old to have your hair long".:mad: Now in my 50s along with that stupid comment I get people suggesting that I should dye it because I have a lot of silver coming through.:rolleyes: Its my hair, I intend to keep it long and I am happy with my silver streaks.:joy:

[wimitlee]

I am growing my hair longer because it is, at least for me, a softer, youthful look for me!

[Spike]

(scratching head gently) I don't get it . . .

So a woman over forty is supposed to cut her hair to look young because long hair drags your face down. But an updo makes your hair look shorter, just like cutting, except you have more options.

But!! Buns are aging and granny-like. However, you can't make a bun without hair. So you can't have a granny bun if you've chopped it all away.

So does that mean that you're frantically holding on to your middle age if you're in your sixties with a middle-aged woman's poodle 'do? :crying: I'm sooooooo confused . . .

(removes tongue from cheek)

[Lady Godiva]

I'm 45 and I have BSL hair. I recently spent the weekend at a resort with my sister (56) and cousin (62). Both of them have short hairstyles. The entire time they complained about their hair and how it looked, lamented over whether they should wash it or not, talked about how flat it was, etc. I barely looked at my hair the whole time.

I told them that perhaps if they grew their hair out they'd find it easier to manage and could put it in a ponytail if need be, and they both said that I needed to cut my hair because I was getting too old for that kind of hairstyle. But WHY, I said?

What they said was that as a woman gets older her face starts to sag and the long hair calls attention to the face sagging. That didn't make a lot of sense to me and it sounds like something they read in a women's magazine that is not backed up by fact. It seems to me that having a lot of hair would actually detract from seeing a lot of sagging skin.
Look at them with wide eyes and say, "That's silly! You really buy into ageist propaganda?!" :bigeyes:

I've enjoyed reading the posts discussing older women's confidence and independence, plus retaining visible signs of s*xuality that's governed by her alone, not anyone else (society, parents, spouse, religion), as I have held these opinions since I started deviating from the norm to grow my hair long.

The way I summarize it is that long hair is a right of passage into maturity, and if anything, it should be associated with age, not youth, simply based on the time required to grow it long. Of course it usually is a visible indication of good health, suggesting fecundity, and that applies to men as much as to women. I'm not comfortable with the ideas that I frequently see here that suggest long hair is "feminine." Really, it's just long.

I suspect that a major source of uncomfortableness with older women's reveling in their s*xuality stems from natural immaturity in children. In other words, it's not just society bearing down on older women to stop competing against younger women for male attention. That's true, but the other thing is how we are, as children, and how this affects our view of older people having s*x, maybe lots of it, when they're beyond their reproductive years.

Young children view their parents in terms that relate only to them as children, so parents are protective provider people who exist only to wrap their lives around their children. It blows a child's mind to try to fathom that her mother lived a rich, full and possibly exciting life before she had children (you moms out there - ask your young children what they think you did for those 20/30-some years before you had babies. Go ahead, ask them! :eyebrows: ).

As kids grow older, perhaps reaching 7-10 years old, they start seeing their parents beyond just grown-ups who revolve their lives around their kids. This change of perception of purpose and depth for their parents can be scary for the kids, just as it can be fascinating, but the upshot is the child starts seeing herself as no longer the family's raison d'être.

What gets me is how some teens and young adults literally gross out when they think of their parents' s*xuality: "EWW, YUK!!" It's such a huge reach for some of them to imagine their parents enjoying the same things that they are relatively new to and find so fascinating. I remember chastising my husband years ago when one time we got discussing this subject, and I mentioned the idea of his parents together in bed. He rolled his eyes and "didn't even want to think about it." How ridiculous. Today, he's gotten over that silliness. I've witnessed plenty of this kind of attitude even in older people! (How many people reading this thread are balking at the mental image of their own parents together, right now? :wink: )

So I think that natural immaturity causes children and young people to react strongly against suggestions of older s*xuality, and this might also contribute to the common cultural aversion of seeing older women and men with long hair, accepting their completeness and uniqueness, reveling in who they are. Oftentimes it's a person's kids who are putting pressure on mom or dad to cut, and I'd put some of the blame (or cause) on their feeling uneasy seeing their parents not conforming to just a purely practical role.

[ericthegreat]

I totally agree with you Altowoman. I hate how society tells you how you should wear your hair, dress, what's "acceptable" in their eyes. As a male I feel it even worse so, I openly get told by all sorts of people that I should cut it all off because a "real man" has short hair. If these ignorant sheeple actually took the time to read up on history, they'd know that the only reason men adopted short hair is because historically in wartime they would fight in hand to hand combat, and long hair can of course be grabbed. But now with missiles, nukes, warheads, fighter jets and all we don't even fight in hand to hand combat anymore. In any case unless you enlist, there really should be no reason anyone should cut off what grows from their scalps naturally.

Keep growing strong Altowoman, this a wonderful site to get support from other longhairs from all over. And it is my strong POV that long hair makes anyone, man or woman more attractive, I mean the very reason our manes are allowed to grow so long is that in evolutionary terms growing a long, healthy head of hair is a sign of sexual attractiveness.

[Fireweed]

I have my hair in a bun most of the time now, because I plane not to trim for a very long time. I have lots of gray and I have a grand child. Most of the people at my work place have no idea of how long my hair really is. I do get well meaning young coe workers tell me I could be a silver fox if If cut into a long bob. Thing is I do'nt want to be a silver fox as I have long growen past that now.

[spidermom]

I didn't develop the patience to grow my hair long until I was past the age of 40. I'm "desperately" happy with it.

[DMARTINEZ]

I agree with Spidermom, I never had patience till my forties! Wisdom with age! ;)


Deb

[Merewen]

I'm not a rebel yet, but I'm told that I'll decide to cut my hair after having a kid, what with all the trouble of taking care of it. My hair will have just reached my goal, if it has gotten there at all. No WAY am I gonna grow it just to cut it.

This thread is an example of the thing I love the most about TLHC. Yes, the long hair and care tips are nice, but the thing I really love is that so many of you are confident in who you are and promote confidence in others.

[Armelle]

I think about Lois Smith who had nice, long, grey hair in the movie Twister. I think she is also in the True Blood series (I haven't seen it) and still has long hair. I've always thought it just fine to have long hair even when it's no longer its natural color. She doesn't look desperate to me! :)

http://truebloodnet.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/loissmith.jpg

[ilovelonghair]

Her hair would even look better when it's all white. Long white hair looks so beautiful.

[Zindell]

. I think she is also in the True Blood series (I haven't seen it) and still has long hair.

http://truebloodnet.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/loissmith.jpg

Yes she does! :-)
And she is absolutely lovely there!

(saying no more. Don't want to put in spoilers)

[cowgirltresses]

I'm reminded of Dr. George Michael! One of the things I read in an interview done with him was when he was in a concentration camp during WWII. He said that he watched as countless women and girls with waist length and longer hair were directed into a room and would emerge bald. He said it was the Nazi's way of stripping the women of their identity. In the same way it seems, our culture wishes to 'strip us of our identity' as we age. They wish to group us into a certain box of what is acceptable and what is not. I believe women with long hair have a better self image that is not clouded by media imput. We know our identity better than others because of the commitment to achieve what we want.

[gibsongirl71]

My grandmother is 90 years old and still has long hair. She is Mexican and fairly traditional. She had dark hair when she was young but now she keeps it a lovely shade of warm honey blond, she is quite fair skinned. I think it is lovely.

I think I will keep mine long.

[AmericanWoman]

[QUOTE=Radulfr;597283]Does a long-haired woman 40+ have to be labeled "desperate?" How did those writers get to be mind-readers anyway?

Can she not keep her hair long just because she likes it that way?[/QUO

[BranwenWolf]

If someone had called my great-great grandmother "desperate" because she had long hair when she was old, I think she would have beat the crap out of them.
She was buried with long braids, I think my mom said they were nearly to her knees.

I'm going to keep mine long no matter what others think. I hated my hair when it was short and there is no reason to do something traumatic like cutting it off.
Maybe I'll even get a motorcycle and let the braid flutter out from under my helmet. Ha!

[drquartz1970]

There is absolutely NO real valid reason for any women over 40 to cut off long hair and go to short hair. I think it is a crime to hack off beautiful long locks just for a fear of what other people think. As you get older and mature the need to conform should be less. Most people in their teens and twenties want approval - they conform to peer pressure until they establish their own lives and identities.

Beware of the psycho-babble in the mainstream media - often the journos of womens magazines are told to write articles in a particular biased slant to encourage people to buy products or support the beautician industry. Beauticians only make money from high maintenance (often short) hairstyles and selling you chemicals to put in your hair. The industry is also the major sponser of advertisements in women's mags too.

Women who go against the grain indicate to me as a guy that they are individuals not conformist sheep. Having long hair is not a sign of a "desperate women". If the lady is in a long term relationship and perhaps married why would that make them desperate? You can always turn the tables on that pseudo theory by thinking that short-haired women over 40 are "desperate" to conform which is not necessarily true either.

This might sound strange but what is wrong with a women wanting to look younger? Hell - from my perpective women over 40 look younger with longer hair then with shorter hair. Why would you want to look older with shorter hair?

[drquartz1970]

Forgot to add: In old age some people decide to go to short hair because they cannot care for it properly for themselves anymore - being infirm racked with arthritis, or too much time consuming etc. And some older people get lonely and enjoy an excuse to spend some time in a hair salon being pampered and having a social chit chat while there.

[maryann]

I am 42, and often get compliments on my hair.

[bigdreamer]

I think long hair represents individuality and freedom from conventional beauty habits.

The salon and beauty product culture is really intense in our society, and as a person who has never enjoyed "salon time" I almost have no other option except to let nature take its course and just have long hair. And then to come here and see all this wonderful advice about simplifying my routine and just using basics like conconut oil and jojoba oil and cheap wonderful Suave - its been positively liberating to see such beautiful results of such simplicity and to stop trying to "fit in" by trying the lasted magazine advice.

I don't want to wish my life away but I can't WAIT till next year 6 inches longer and then stay long forever after! :)

[Silver rainbow]

Well I started growing my hair from pixie to classic when I was past 50 and I am now 58. I like my hair long and I think it suits me. But it doesn't suit everyone. I never really thought I was too old. At work, I wear it up most of the time. I don't know if I will keep it long until I die. If I had cancer and chemotherapy, I would shave it off before it started falling out. If I live into my 90s I may not cope with keeping my hair nice. Who can tell the future? I like to look attractive and so other people's views are important but not the only motivation. I like being 58 although am surprised whenever I think how old I am and so am not aware that I am desperate to return to my younger self. I don't think of my hair as a political statement and yet sometimes I do let my hair down so that other people can consider the possibility of long silver hair so maybe I am more vain/political than I own up to.

[Feline]

I have been growing my hair since I was 23. I don't get too many remarks about cutting these days (save from a certain clueless relative :crazyq: ), most people I associate with on a daily basis have better manners than that. Usually it's from a young, female total stranger. If I wanted to look old and frumpy, then I would most certainly join the poodle pixie brigade. Personally, though, my idea of an old lady 'do is short with tight curls- a flapper style- because that is what my grandmother wore until she died. Guess it's a generational thing.

[Tangles]

If someone had called my great-great grandmother "desperate" because she had long hair when she was old, I think she would have beat the crap out of them.

This is awesome! Exactly what I think of both my grandmothers! :D

[Babyfine]

I would love to see more older ladies with long silver hair. In the area where I live(Upper Midwest USA) you just don't see that very often-I did see a classic length braid on a woman- maybe close to my age this weekend- someone who came into the store where I work. The ends had taper, and I thought it was so beautiful. Her hair was a medium brown with a bit of grey. Every time I see somthing like this it inspires me not to cut.
At a church I used to go to in another state there was an elderly lady who wore her snow white hair in a braided bun. She had to be approaching 80.
I always thought she was so pretty, with her lacy dresses and braided bun.
I never saw her hair down, but I'm sure it had to be long to get that kind of a style.

[Elyce]

I am having the best time reading this thread, thanks for starting it, and for all who have shared.

Branwen, you're killing me with your comment! Both my grandmas had short hair, but would have beat the crap out of anyone who said that anyway!! They were among the first to wear short hair, in the 1920's, quite revolutionary, and they wore it defiantly.

I am proudly 50 and I do what I want. I once read that a middle-aged woman could rob a bank naked and no one would be able to describe her, because no one looks at anyone who isn't young, thin, pretty, etc.

Personally, I found that the most empowering fashion statement I had ever read. If no one is looking, then I don't have to worry!

For years, I dressed like a "nice" girl, so people would know I was one. Then I had a decade of "corporate" dress for success (read, absolutely no individuality). Then I dressed the way I thoght my husband wanted me to. Then for years I dressed like a mom, ready at any moment to chase a toddler who's heading toward the street, run after a wobbly bicycle when the training wheels were removed, climb up on a play structure when a little one suddenly became too scared to slide down. I even went through a stage of "society" fashion - shoes must match handbag, etc.

I've done everything that was expected of me and I can only wonder why on earth I bothered.

I was very ill about 5 years ago, hospitalized, very painful, long recuperation. It gave me the time to reconsider a lot of life choices.

Now I do anything I want. Short of hurting others, the choices are all mine and there are no rules. I wear stiletto heels and lots of make up, silly hairtoys, loud jewelry, and wild colors, nothing matches unless I want it to, and most of all, long, flowing hair that is starting to go gray.

Girl power! At any age!

[GlennaGirl]

Beware of the psycho-babble in the mainstream media - often the journos of womens magazines are told to write articles in a particular biased slant to encourage people to buy products or support the beautician industry. Beauticians only make money from high maintenance (often short) hairstyles and selling you chemicals to put in your hair. The industry is also the major sponser of advertisements in women's mags too.



This is correct. I wrote for a health and beauty supply industry magazine several years ago, and our calendar was directly related to the advertisers that could be counted on in a given month or during a certain season. It also worked in reverse: if we had the spa industry on the calendar, the appropriate advertisers would be contacted and offered deals on ads for that month.

Consumer magazines (ours was supplier, not consumer, but I'll focus on the ones we're really talking about in this thread) are less "journalism" than one might think. When you read an article in a beauty magazine, you might envision a hack journalist out there, some tough, determined young chick trying to make her way with a pencil behind her ear, grabbing a great story. Not so. What you "journal" in your magazine is EXTREMELY selective. You're not really gathering news, per se. As the journalist, you will usually be given a parameter..."Focus on dental care. Somehow"...and you then do your damned-est (I know, I know...not a word) to develop something highly unique out of it, but it's more so you can develop your own name as a writer than to deliver real news to the public.

That doesn't mean beauty magazines don't have their place; nor does it mean beauty mag writers have zippo in the talent department. Au contraire: they are forced to develop something really interesting (they/we hope!) out of the same old same old, with strict guidelines ("mention Procter & Gamble!" "Twenty-five hundred words...no more, no less" "GET an interview with a Unilever rep...no matter what...at least 15 words, or you're fired" "Oh, and by the way...make it SUPER unique").

And for the reader, well...beauty articles and magazines are fun. They may spark one's own creativity and ideas even if they don't deliver real "news".

But following a mag's advice with the belief that the writer is truly "in the know" is wrong...wrong...wrong. Let me tell you. I and my cronies went to work every day makeup-less, in jeans and somebody's hand-me-down sweater. Seriously. We were writers, not fashion models. Former geeks who were picked on all the time growing up for reading too much. Don't get me wrong; there are beautiful writers out there (like our own Jessica Trapp, for one!). But it is NOT a prerequisite. So if you feel you're reading expert advice in a beauty mag by someone who's incredibly fashion-forward, think again. Read the mags, but with a grain of salt. They're like reality TV: not really real and not really fake...just a bit of fun.

[florenonite]

This is correct. I wrote for a health and beauty supply industry magazine several years ago, and our calendar was directly related to the advertisers that could be counted on in a given month or during a certain season. It also worked in reverse: if we had the spa industry on the calendar, the appropriate advertisers would be contacted and offered deals on ads for that month.

Consumer magazines (ours was supplier, not consumer, but I'll focus on the ones we're really talking about in this thread) are less "journalism" than one might think. When you read an article in a beauty magazine, you might envision a hack journalist out there, some tough, determined young chick trying to make her way with a pencil behind her ear, grabbing a great story. Not so. What you "journal" in your magazine is EXTREMELY selective. You're not really gathering news, per se. As the journalist, you will usually be given a parameter..."Focus on dental care. Somehow"...and you then do your damned-est (I know, I know...not a word) to develop something highly unique out of it, but it's more so you can develop your own name as a writer than to deliver real news to the public.

That doesn't mean beauty magazines don't have their place; nor does it mean beauty mag writers have zippo in the talent department. Au contraire: they are forced to develop something really interesting (they/we hope!) out of the same old same old, with strict guidelines ("mention Procter & Gamble!" "Twenty-five hundred words...no more, no less" "GET an interview with a Unilever rep...no matter what...at least 15 words, or you're fired" "Oh, and by the way...make it SUPER unique").

And for the reader, well...beauty articles and magazines are fun. They may spark one's own creativity and ideas even if they don't deliver real "news".

But following a mag's advice with the belief that the writer is truly "in the know" is wrong...wrong...wrong. Let me tell you. I and my cronies went to work every day makeup-less, in jeans and somebody's hand-me-down sweater. Seriously. We were writers, not fashion models. Former geeks who were picked on all the time growing up for reading too much. Don't get me wrong; there are beautiful writers out there (like our own Jessica Trapp, for one!). But it is NOT a prerequisite. So if you feel you're reading expert advice in a beauty mag by someone who's incredibly fashion-forward, think again. Read the mags, but with a grain of salt. They're like reality TV: not really real and not really fake...just a bit of fun.

http://graphjam.wordpress.com/files/2009/06/song-chart-memes-journalism-school.jpg

[GlennaGirl]

http://graphjam.wordpress.com/files/2009/06/song-chart-memes-journalism-school.jpg

HA HA HA, florenonite, will you marry me??? I would have LOVED to have this as my desktop at my former job. :eyebrows: (Don't know whether my boss would have loved it quite as much.)

[florenonite]

HA HA HA, florenonite, will you marry me??? I would have LOVED to have this as my desktop at my former job. :eyebrows: (Don't know whether my boss would have loved it quite as much.)

I thought you were already married? :p

[GlennaGirl]

I thought you were already married? :p

Yeah. To my husband and Pegs! But what's one more?

[florenonite]

Yeah. To my husband and Pegs! But what's one more?

Well if you're already a bigamist, then polygamy's not too great a leap. Sure!

[BlueWaterRed]

Perhaps it's also related to city stylishness trends versus rural laid-backness. Where I live here in the Northeast US, everywhere there are older women (eeek, my age that is!) who have gorgeous and well-tended long hair and many with gray hair. It's definitely valued and revered here.

[Xandergrammy]

I got the Haircut from Hell-o a couple of weeks after I turned 40. I haven't had a "real" haircut since. One day about 6 months after that haircut, I was driving down the road with my son and saw a man (yes, a man!) with a gorgeous, classic length braid. I wistfully said "Oh I'd love to have a braid like that" and my son said "You can, Mom. Just don't cut it." How right he was. My braid is pretty long today, my hair is many colors as I grow out my "real" hair and I've never been happier. Not desperate or insecure or stuck in the past or anything. :gabigrin:

[Velvettt]

Something we love to do at LHC is list off our Long Hair Sightings. Without fail, the ones that elicit the most awe and admiration are those of older women with long, silver hair, whether in braids or buns or just hanging loose.

Also without fail, no one ever says that the women look old and dried up. They look vibrant and sexual and lush. How many times does anyone think that about a poodle perm? I'm thinking of Colleen Dewhurst (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.canadians.ca/celebs/colleen_dewhurst-slide.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.canadians.ca/more/profiles/d/d_colleen_dewhurst.htm&usg=__uN-MiObdrkTPwnVW1EXRDVNTsMc=&h=350&w=350&sz=17&hl=en&start=10&tbnid=UIpbMgb9sv2-uM:&tbnh=120&tbnw=120&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcolleen%2Bdewhurst%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3De n%26sa%3DG)as Murphy Brown's mother, as an example.

I'm 52. I look like crap with brown hair so I'm going to continue to dye my hair blonde until the majority of roots I have growing in are silver instead of brown.

I am going to be one of those older women with the stunning, long, silver braid. Remember Fin Raziel (http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.filmdope.com/Gallery/ActorsH/7685-21384.gif&imgrefurl=http://www.aveleyman.com/FilmCredit.aspx%3FFilmID%3D21384&usg=__U_hmbs3H8Cv7u9qLs-Ptvn1-m5U=&h=240&w=320&sz=41&hl=en&start=17&tbnid=LqhD-Jw1d0iHLM:&tbnh=89&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpatricia%2Bhayes%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D1 8%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN)in the movie Willow?

[Fiferstone]

I'm 47, I've had long hair since 1988, and I will have either a long, flaming red head of hair (henna!) or a long silver braid when I grow up.:cheese: My long hair survived my son's infancy, and I never plan to go short again, so long as I'm able to take care of myself and my hair.

[Tom Steinberg]

I do my best not to pay any attention to what other people think. I would not want to be controlled by what I believe other people may think. If someone else has opinions then it's their problem not mine :) Regarding older women with long hair I know a lady who is 56 with knee length brown hair and she's as gorgeous as ever. I try to make it into a habit to be generous with hair compliments...