My sisters hair ~ help please!

[Suze]

My sister has about waistlength+ hair. She died her bleached hair a very dark brown with a box dye which she didn't think was permanent, but it was. She wanted to bleach it out but really didn't know how to go about it so went to a haidresser. They used color remover. Her hair went bright orange in some places, a yellow blond in others and had still some very dark brown in it but now with a reddish undertone. This was about two years ago now. They send her home with a hairmask in her hair because they could not detangle it. They told her to wash frequently wit Head&Shoulders and sleep with conditioner in, so she did. One night after another try to detangle her hair she got frustrated and cut about 30cm off.


Well, her hair is a pretty normal 'bleached the crap out of' color with virgin dark blonde hair now. She used bleach a few times at home after she went to the hairdressers. She has a baby now and her hair is always up in a top knot with an elastic (with metal). I am now cutting her hair because she is afraid a hairdresser will chop it all off or the experience makes her feel even worse about herself.


She wants healthy hair but also doesn't want to loose length. So we settled on cutting off the new growth every 3 months. Last night I was going to cut it but I couldn't detangle her hair to save my life. It is so very brittle, straw like, and tangles like crazy.


She showed me how she brushes it. She just starts at the top and just rips through it. When encountering a knot she just keeps on pulling. You know those clumps of hair that come out of the washing machine? Those are actually in her brush. She is really sad about her hair and feels really ugly. She is a single mom of a 7 month, and does not always have time/ energy to detangle after washing. Any tips at all are welcome.

Some pictures I posted before in the braid thread (she gave permission of course :))

These where from last summer when she detangled her hair before I braided it. Still had a hard time with sections then. Also: meet my cute little nephew, oh how much I love him. :heartbeat
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img922/5755/qy0Dh3.jpg
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img924/7655/8QLiOI.jpg

And here how she wears it a lot. Either this or a top knot.
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img924/5240/3LHiVb.jpg
Figured she should:


- Not pile her hair on her head while washing
- Be gentle on her hair and use a wide toothed comb while detangling (with conditioner in the shower?)
- Dump the elastic and use something hair friendly
- Do a bigger chop? She is damaging healthy virgin hair aswell this way.
- Keep it braided at all times so it is easier to detangle?
- Do a huge S&D session?
- Buy a good detangler spray and/ or leave in?


Thanks for reading, tried to keep it short but didn't really succeed, sorry

[lapushka]

Your sister has gorgeous hair! Please tell her that! :)

Tell her to buy conditioners or masks for dry, damaged hair; not because her hair is damaged or dry, but because those are the most moisturizing (and strongest) products on the market, they will solve the tangle-issue, or at least greatly improve it.

The rest is getting her to use good methods, but she has to be willing to change the way she does things.

And yes, get her to at least use a leave-in after washing. And tell her how to comb; you are there for her trims anyway, so you can tell her how to detangle. Good luck!

[lucid]

Is it possible that she has build up as well? That can cause velcro like tangles on me.

I recommend using a leave in detangler spray after shower. I use It's a ten leave in contitioner (spray, and the light version), and it makes the hair super easy to detangle and doesn't weigh down the hair. I use it on top of other leave in products I use for moisturizing.

And cwc as well :)

[Rowdy]

Your plan sounds good! It might be worth trying something like a Tangle Teezer if she is pressed for time with detangling, and with her hair being processed so many times that part might benefit from a strong protein treatment like Aphogee 2 step followed by the conditioners Lapushka recommended.

I find elastics made from nylons to be pretty hair friendly, she could try doing this: http://www.instructables.com/id/Stretchy-Hair-Ties-out-of-Tights/

[marvel-lover]

Definitely a leave-in conditioner. Maybe she could look into a protein mask? I know it can be beneficial for bleached hair, but I don't know if her hair would like it. It might help strengthen the strands. Maybe when that precious little bundle of joy of her (oh my god, seriously so cute!) is napping, she could take a few extra minutes to herself and detangle her hair properly. I know life is busy, but even new moms need to take some time for themselves :) I understand the top knot thing, so maybe she could use claw clips to keep them in place instead of hair bands?

[reilly0167]

Oh my, when I got to the part of how she brushes thru her hair and encounter a knot and rips thru it gave my the shudders. I agree with above suggestions, deep condition regularly detangle with conditioner on on wash day with a wide tooth comb, from the bottom up. And if you run into a knot, try to gently undo by pulling the hairs until the knot comes undone; sometimes, what's starts as a big knot ends up really small. Hope this makes sense

[leayellena]

My sister has about waistlength+ hair. She died her bleached hair a very dark brown with a box dye which she didn't think was permanent, but it was. She wanted to bleach it out but really didn't know how to go about it so went to a haidresser. They used color remover. Her hair went bright orange in some places, a yellow blond in others and had still some very dark brown in it but now with a reddish undertone. This was about two years ago now. They send her home with a hairmask in her hair because they could not detangle it. They told her to wash frequently wit Head&Shoulders and sleep with conditioner in, so she did. One night after another try to detangle her hair she got frustrated and cut about 30cm off.


Well, her hair is a pretty normal 'bleached the crap out of' color with virgin dark blonde hair now. She used bleach a few times at home after she went to the hairdressers. She has a baby now and her hair is always up in a top knot with an elastic (with metal). I am now cutting her hair because she is afraid a hairdresser will chop it all off or the experience makes her feel even worse about herself.


She wants healthy hair but also doesn't want to loose length. So we settled on cutting off the new growth every 3 months. Last night I was going to cut it but I couldn't detangle her hair to save my life. It is so very brittle, straw like, and tangles like crazy.


She showed me how she brushes it. She just starts at the top and just rips through it. When encountering a knot she just keeps on pulling. You know those clumps of hair that come out of the washing machine? Those are actually in her brush. She is really sad about her hair and feels really ugly. She is a single mom of a 7 month, and does not always have time/ energy to detangle after washing. Any tips at all are welcome.

Some pictures I posted before in the braid thread (she gave permission of course :))

These where from last summer when she detangled her hair before I braided it. Still had a hard time with sections then. Also: meet my cute little nephew, oh how much I love him. :heartbeat
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img922/5755/qy0Dh3.jpg
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img924/7655/8QLiOI.jpg

And here how she wears it a lot. Either this or a top knot.
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img924/5240/3LHiVb.jpg
Figured she should:


- Not pile her hair on her head while washing
- Be gentle on her hair and use a wide toothed comb while detangling (with conditioner in the shower?)
- Dump the elastic and use something hair friendly
- Do a bigger chop? She is damaging healthy virgin hair aswell this way.
- Keep it braided at all times so it is easier to detangle?
- Do a huge S&D session?
- Buy a good detangler spray and/ or leave in?


Thanks for reading, tried to keep it short but didn't really succeed, sorry

Try and tell her about a conditioner that contains Silicones. I know people are going nuts about the stuff but honestly speaking I find Coney conditioners best! Also: she may need protein, so try some protein conditioner. If she is a single stay-at-home mom she could also try co-wash with Coney conditioners and shampoo once a week with a sulfate free shampoo without shampooing the length of course. Maybe she should try a leave-in conditioner on damp hair like other people suggested, but not excluding the possibility that her hair would love a leave-in when dry, brittle rather than freshly washed like my hair loves.
Oh and try to test her comb/brush for some roughness. My comb did a thorough job on my hair for 3 years in a row.

[GalaMoon]

Her hair doesn't look that bad, whenever I bleached my hair, the ends of my braid would look like a little broomstick.

[Jo Ann]

Maybe the LOC/LCO method would work? At least she'd be able to detangle her hair after it's washed and it would help keep moisture in her hair between washings. A good coney conditioner, like Hello Hydration, and ROO will help ease detangling after shampooing, too. Lightly oiling her hair before she goes to bed and before brushing/detangling her hair before washing will help.

Your nephew looks adorable!

[lapushka]

How much is she willing to accept from you? As in "teaching" her to do her hair? That's where the issue is, I think. If she is open to it all, there is no problem, you are there to coach her absolutely! But if she's a little set in her ways it may be difficult. Maybe get her a Tangle Teezer or Wet Brush (at least that won't rip as hard).

[Kellylee]

I would make sure her hair was detangled before washing. Maybe try a leave in conditioner or even a kids detangler that can be used on dry hair.

[melesine]

Well if it was me, I'd chop the worst of the damage. There really is no benefit to keeping that mess on your head. Yes, no piling hair on the top of your head when washing. It just results in tangles IME. Especially when your hair is damaged. I think buns would be better than braids personally, they also don't require the same level of detangling as braids do. I use coconut oil for deep conditioning. You really shouldn't use bleach to try and remove dye. I've used color remover years ago and you always have to dye over it to get an even color.

[Dark40]

I second lapushka. Buy conditioners that are made for dry and damaged hair. Even though your hair isn't damaged at all. Your hair is gorgeous!!! I have waist length hair too, and I always use conditioners that are made for dry and damaged hair. Because, I chemically treat mine with relaxers and box dye.

[Corvana]

Ok so her hair and routine sounds exactly like mine before I gave myself a pixie cut. I was still actively bleaching at the time (was keeping pink or purple or both hair), but overall the same. Horrible tangles that I just ignored or ripped through with a sh*tty brush. Terrible but easy hairstyles to keep my hair out of the way of my toddler. Sh*tty hair ties and ripping them and any hair caught on them out.

Now at the time, I did find a deep conditioner that helped a lot, and ended up using it as a main conditioner. It was L'Oreal Nature's Therapy Mega Moisture, and it was amazing. Hair: tangle free and soft as heck. Brush: gliding through like no one's business. Styles: still garbage, because I didn't know others, and it was CBL or so anyway and if now is any example I wouldn't have been able to do much.

Anyway, my main suggestions are these: find her holy grail deep conditioner, and maybe even a better regular conditioner. Of course I suggest my own HG DC, but ymmv. If you do pick it, I suggest only using it every handful of washes, as the last time I used it the softness lasted like two weeks. This was virgin hair! In fact my hair in my sig was day 2 from wash, and 9 days from the DC. Look how sleek it is. My hair is generally frizzy (and gives me hope I'm more wavy that I think LOL), if you look at my most recent length shot (from like 2 weeks ago?) you can see!

Second suggestion is absolutely a Tangle Teezer. Like the real kind, not the knockoff. I got both, and my husband uses the knockoff on his beard because he really likes the scratchiness. The real one is incredible, though, IMO. I still don't always brush from the bottom up (shhhh I know I know), but I've decreased the ripping-out damage when I do absentmindedly brush straight through by like 98%.

Have her clarify her hair, because buildup is a pain and can cause tangles.

And last, but not least, get her like a stick or fork and teach her to do a disc bun or LWB. I taught my best friend (who'd had a baby in March? May? I think...) to do a disc bun, and gave her a stick, and now 50% of the time that's how her hair is put up. She's told me that now that she's got the hang of it, it's much faster, plus she doesn't get headaches like she used to and it's 100% out of the way and "secure as f***" (direct quote lmao). She has very thick hair, of course, so I opted for the disc bun over the LWB to teach her since it splits her hair in half for wrapping. Less thickness = more loops = more secure.

OH!! And a gosh darn sleep cap or something, if possible. I know I never use mine (I'm... so darn lazy, and it's now too small for all of my hair and also comfort anyway), but when I did it was sooooooo good. So few tangles in the morning, if any at all!

[spidermom]

I had to do super-short hair when I had babies - both of them grabbed and pulled. I don't have better suggestions than those already given. I know she'll want to keep things simple, so hopefully she can find a little time to spend on untangling her hair properly (gently from the bottom up when it's dry or just after washing with conditioner in the hair). Best wishes to her and that cute little baby.

[ghost pisces]

As someone who maintains a heavy bleached tone, my advise is as follows:
1) Use an extra-moisturizing or de-frizzing conditioner while bathing, leave it on for 5-10 minutes. Wash your body or shave or whatever while you wait.
2) Let it air dry completely- do not brush or comb.
3) When completely dry, use a wide paddle brush to carefully detangle, starting at the bottom.
4) Use oil on the hair. I use either coconut oil or Morrocan argan oil (depending on if I'll be hanging out with my friend that's allergic to coconuts).
5) Keep hair in a braid while sleeping and with outside in adverse weather (like when it's windy or really cold/hot). Or just whenever possible.
6) Use thick, metal-free elastics.
A good S&D session is time-consuming, but definitely worth it. Also, she may want to cut back on how frequently she washes it.

[Suze]

Your sister has gorgeous hair! Please tell her that! :)

Tell her to buy conditioners or masks for dry, damaged hair; not because her hair is damaged or dry, but because those are the most moisturizing (and strongest) products on the market, they will solve the tangle-issue, or at least greatly improve it.

The rest is getting her to use good methods, but she has to be willing to change the way she does things.

And yes, get her to at least use a leave-in after washing. And tell her how to comb; you are there for her trims anyway, so you can tell her how to detangle. Good luck!

Thank you for replying. I will tell her that. Tell her that myself all the time. She is a big reason for me wanting long hair I think. She is starting her new job next week so we'll try to cut her hair this sunday. I will bring supplies! :)



Is it possible that she has build up as well? That can cause velcro like tangles on me.

I recommend using a leave in detangler spray after shower. I use It's a ten leave in contitioner (spray, and the light version), and it makes the hair super easy to detangle and doesn't weigh down the hair. I use it on top of other leave in products I use for moisturizing.

And cwc as well :)

Thanks, I'm not sure about build up. She uses a normal SLS shampoo but will check it for cones since I'm not sure. Also when she runs out of shampoo she will opt for baby shampoo so you might be right about build up. Her ends sure feel like that. I have some Lush shampoobars that I find quite harsh, will give her one to clarify with.

I got her a leave in/ detangler spray by Gliss Kur.


Your plan sounds good! It might be worth trying something like a Tangle Teezer if she is pressed for time with detangling, and with her hair being processed so many times that part might benefit from a strong protein treatment like Aphogee 2 step followed by the conditioners Lapushka recommended.

I find elastics made from nylons to be pretty hair friendly, she could try doing this: http://www.instructables.com/id/Stretchy-Hair-Ties-out-of-Tights/

Went over her house yesterday and she actually has a TT but does not use it. Will look into the protein treatment and the elastics. Thank you so much. Bought her a claw clip and a scrunchie in the mean time.


Definitely a leave-in conditioner. Maybe she could look into a protein mask? I know it can be beneficial for bleached hair, but I don't know if her hair would like it. It might help strengthen the strands. Maybe when that precious little bundle of joy of her (oh my god, seriously so cute!) is napping, she could take a few extra minutes to herself and detangle her hair properly. I know life is busy, but even new moms need to take some time for themselves :) I understand the top knot thing, so maybe she could use claw clips to keep them in place instead of hair bands?

I bought her a claw clip yesterday, was thinking the same thing. The elastics are doing so much damage. The baby is so cute, he is adorable. He doesn't sleep well though. 15-20 minute naps.


Oh my, when I got to the part of how she brushes thru her hair and encounter a knot and rips thru it gave my the shudders. I agree with above suggestions, deep condition regularly detangle with conditioner on on wash day with a wide tooth comb, from the bottom up. And if you run into a knot, try to gently undo by pulling the hairs until the knot comes undone; sometimes, what's starts as a big knot ends up really small. Hope this makes sense

Yep, sorry about that. You should see her pull out an elastic. It makes me shudder. Brrrr. And yes it makes sense. Her hair has a lot of L shaped ends and angles all throughout the length which makes it tangle even more.


Try and tell her about a conditioner that contains Silicones. I know people are going nuts about the stuff but honestly speaking I find Coney conditioners best! Also: she may need protein, so try some protein conditioner. If she is a single stay-at-home mom she could also try co-wash with Coney conditioners and shampoo once a week with a sulfate free shampoo without shampooing the length of course. Maybe she should try a leave-in conditioner on damp hair like other people suggested, but not excluding the possibility that her hair would love a leave-in when dry, brittle rather than freshly washed like my hair loves.
Oh and try to test her comb/brush for some roughness. My comb did a thorough job on my hair for 3 years in a row.

She uses silicones in her conditioner but I know she also uses one without, will look into it next time. Thanks. She is a single mom but works a 36 hour week. That's though! That's a good tip about the comb, will check it. Thanks!


Her hair doesn't look that bad, whenever I bleached my hair, the ends of my braid would look like a little broomstick.

The tassel looks pretty bad irl. We ended up cutting about half of the tassel of a few months back.


Maybe the LOC/LCO method would work? At least she'd be able to detangle her hair after it's washed and it would help keep moisture in her hair between washings. A good coney conditioner, like Hello Hydration, and ROO will help ease detangling after shampooing, too. Lightly oiling her hair before she goes to bed and before brushing/detangling her hair before washing will help.

Your nephew looks adorable!

I know she wants to keep things simple but I will definitely look into this.


How much is she willing to accept from you? As in "teaching" her to do her hair? That's where the issue is, I think. If she is open to it all, there is no problem, you are there to coach her absolutely! But if she's a little set in her ways it may be difficult. Maybe get her a Tangle Teezer or Wet Brush (at least that won't rip as hard).

She said a while back that if I felt I was being too obsessed with my hair couldn't I obsess over hers for a while since she didn't have the time. She wants to change something. Talked her out of doing all over bleach and we cut in bangs because a lot of tangles where at the front of her hair. She wants to keep things really simple. I guess she likes the ripping. I used to do that to. Used to also rip out elastics out of my hair with one hand and just kept on pulling if it was still attached to my hair. Oops. My mom actually brushed our hair like this. Just ripping through. Getting out knots literally meant, getting out knots. Big fail, and lots of crying. But I will show her how I do my hair.


I would make sure her hair was detangled before washing. Maybe try a leave in conditioner or even a kids detangler that can be used on dry hair. Oh yes, didn't think about that because it is so normal for me now to do so, thanks!


Well if it was me, I'd chop the worst of the damage. There really is no benefit to keeping that mess on your head. Yes, no piling hair on the top of your head when washing. It just results in tangles IME. Especially when your hair is damaged. I think buns would be better than braids personally, they also don't require the same level of detangling as braids do. I use coconut oil for deep conditioning. You really shouldn't use bleach to try and remove dye. I've used color remover years ago and you always have to dye over it to get an even color.

Yes, I know about the bleach. She didn't I guess and acted on her own. I would have tried to stop her. Talked to her last night and we settled on taking 7cm off next time.


I second lapushka. Buy conditioners that are made for dry and damaged hair. Even though your hair isn't damaged at all. Your hair is gorgeous!!! I have waist length hair too, and I always use conditioners that are made for dry and damaged hair. Because, I chemically treat mine with relaxers and box dye.
Thanks, I will buy her some products. :) Her hair is beautiful, yes!

[Suze]

Ok so her hair and routine sounds exactly like mine before I gave myself a pixie cut. I was still actively bleaching at the time (was keeping pink or purple or both hair), but overall the same. Horrible tangles that I just ignored or ripped through with a sh*tty brush. Terrible but easy hairstyles to keep my hair out of the way of my toddler. Sh*tty hair ties and ripping them and any hair caught on them out.

Now at the time, I did find a deep conditioner that helped a lot, and ended up using it as a main conditioner. It was L'Oreal Nature's Therapy Mega Moisture, and it was amazing. Hair: tangle free and soft as heck. Brush: gliding through like no one's business. Styles: still garbage, because I didn't know others, and it was CBL or so anyway and if now is any example I wouldn't have been able to do much.

Anyway, my main suggestions are these: find her holy grail deep conditioner, and maybe even a better regular conditioner. Of course I suggest my own HG DC, but ymmv. If you do pick it, I suggest only using it every handful of washes, as the last time I used it the softness lasted like two weeks. This was virgin hair! In fact my hair in my sig was day 2 from wash, and 9 days from the DC. Look how sleek it is. My hair is generally frizzy (and gives me hope I'm more wavy that I think LOL), if you look at my most recent length shot (from like 2 weeks ago?) you can see!

Second suggestion is absolutely a Tangle Teezer. Like the real kind, not the knockoff. I got both, and my husband uses the knockoff on his beard because he really likes the scratchiness. The real one is incredible, though, IMO. I still don't always brush from the bottom up (shhhh I know I know), but I've decreased the ripping-out damage when I do absentmindedly brush straight through by like 98%.

Have her clarify her hair, because buildup is a pain and can cause tangles.

And last, but not least, get her like a stick or fork and teach her to do a disc bun or LWB. I taught my best friend (who'd had a baby in March? May? I think...) to do a disc bun, and gave her a stick, and now 50% of the time that's how her hair is put up. She's told me that now that she's got the hang of it, it's much faster, plus she doesn't get headaches like she used to and it's 100% out of the way and "secure as f***" (direct quote lmao). She has very thick hair, of course, so I opted for the disc bun over the LWB to teach her since it splits her hair in half for wrapping. Less thickness = more loops = more secure.

OH!! And a gosh darn sleep cap or something, if possible. I know I never use mine (I'm... so darn lazy, and it's now too small for all of my hair and also comfort anyway), but when I did it was sooooooo good. So few tangles in the morning, if any at all!

Thanks a lot *Corvana*, really appreciate it. Very good tips! Not sure if I can buy that conditioner here but will look into it. I will teach her a LWB. Did that before on her hair when I got my first stick and she really likes it. The bun, not the stick. But she is thinking about a Ficcare now because she likes them. She was shocked about the price though.


I had to do super-short hair when I had babies - both of them grabbed and pulled. I don't have better suggestions than those already given. I know she'll want to keep things simple, so hopefully she can find a little time to spend on untangling her hair properly (gently from the bottom up when it's dry or just after washing with conditioner in the hair). Best wishes to her and that cute little baby.
Omg, he is a grabber/ puller too. Although he likes to switch it up between hair and piercings. Ouch. And, thank you!


As someone who maintains a heavy bleached tone, my advise is as follows:
1) Use an extra-moisturizing or de-frizzing conditioner while bathing, leave it on for 5-10 minutes. Wash your body or shave or whatever while you wait.
2) Let it air dry completely- do not brush or comb.
3) When completely dry, use a wide paddle brush to carefully detangle, starting at the bottom.
4) Use oil on the hair. I use either coconut oil or Morrocan argan oil (depending on if I'll be hanging out with my friend that's allergic to coconuts).
5) Keep hair in a braid while sleeping and with outside in adverse weather (like when it's windy or really cold/hot). Or just whenever possible.
6) Use thick, metal-free elastics.
A good S&D session is time-consuming, but definitely worth it. Also, she may want to cut back on how frequently she washes it.
Gave her 2 hair drying towels as she puts it back up in her elastic immediately after washing. Forgot to say that. She washes it whenever she gets the chance. Sometimes 5 time a week sometimes only once. So that might help if she would keep it at 1-2 time a week.

-------

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read her whole story and reply. Greatly appreciate it! And really helpful! :heartbeat

[Corvana]

Thanks a lot *Corvana*, really appreciate it. Very good tips! Not sure if I can buy that conditioner here but will look into it. I will teach her a LWB. Did that before on her hair when I got my first stick and she really likes it. The bun, not the stick. But she is thinking about a Ficcare now because she likes them. She was shocked about the price though.
-------

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read her whole story and reply. Greatly appreciate it! And really helpful! :heartbeat

It was no problem at all, honestly!

No matter the deep conditioner you go with, make sure it's left on for at least five minutes. I tend to put it on and then do very time consuming stuff, or just like, sit in the tub for a bit with it and nap LOL. And then I rinse it with cold water.

Ficcares are super expensive! I want one, but I'm also like "weeeeeeeeell... I could get a couple awesome forks or sticks for that..." :laugh:

[lapushka]

She said a while back that if I felt I was being too obsessed with my hair couldn't I obsess over hers for a while since she didn't have the time. She wants to change something. Talked her out of doing all over bleach and we cut in bangs because a lot of tangles where at the front of her hair. She wants to keep things really simple. I guess she likes the ripping. I used to do that to. Used to also rip out elastics out of my hair with one hand and just kept on pulling if it was still attached to my hair. Oops. My mom actually brushed our hair like this. Just ripping through. Getting out knots literally meant, getting out knots. Big fail, and lots of crying. But I will show her how I do my hair.

Then she will probably be open to the things you suggest!!! :thumbsup:

And take some good conditioner maybe to show what she needs to buy in future. ;)

[lucid]

If she is used to rip the brush through her hair, a soft, forgiving brush is probably a better choice than a comb. If not careful when using a comb, you will rip out hair at every tangle. A good comb causes less mechanical damage and breakage, but that really requires the right technique and being a lot more gentle, and it also takes more time that using a brush. At least that is my experience. :)

And regarding build-up, check if her shampoo contains cones, it's quite common and causes massive buildup for me even though they containes sulphates as well.

[Jo Ann]

Suze, FWIW, I use baby shampoo/baby wash when I clarify--part of my "Use Up Your Stash Challenge" (my youngest turned 18 three months ago). My thought is this: if your sister's hair is a bit easier to manage after she uses baby shampoo, you might not have to go with something harsher to get out build-up.

Just a thought :)

[Katia_k]

Sounds like you already did this, but I was going to recommend satin scrunchies, if she's not quite ready to try out a stick or fork yet. Those were what I used to transition.

Also spin pins; easy and solid.

[lapushka]

Suze, FWIW, I use baby shampoo/baby wash when I clarify--part of my "Use Up Your Stash Challenge" (my youngest turned 18 three months ago). My thought is this: if your sister's hair is a bit easier to manage after she uses baby shampoo, you might not have to go with something harsher to get out build-up.

Just a thought :)

It's not because it's baby shampoo that it's more gently, FYI. Shampoo for babies typically has a different pH, I think which doesn't make it ideal for grown-ups. :)

[Jo Ann]

I didn't think about the different pH level. I figured that, because the occasional use of baby shampoo/baby wash helped take care of my build-up problems because, well, it seemed to get rid of them. For me, it seemed to work. :confused:

Live and learn! :)

[pandabarrier]

Suze your sister’s hair is so pretty in the braid pictures

Besides all the advice already given, you could show her how to mix SMT (after clarifying) and even deep condition both your hair and spend some quality time together. :)

You have some pretty hair toys besides the ficcares, would your sister be interested in those?

[Zesty]

I actually had a very similar situation come up. My SIL has a roughly 18 month old toddler and is having another in December, and has also taken more of an interest in her hair now that she's decided to grow it out again (before baby #1 she had HL-TBL hair IIRC). She also had damage from bleaching out green dye. I've been gifting/recommending her everything, so now she has two sticks and a GTS fork, has tried SM masques, uses my HG conditioner (the HE rose conditioner in the pink bottle -- both our husbands have also started using it haha), has hennaed hair, etc.

Everyone has great suggestions. I would just make it as easy on her as possible lol, since new moms have like no time at all. Show her how quick/easy it is to use hair sticks and forks, and give her some if you have some that you don't wear like I did. Ditto with products you don't use, especially if you have similar hair types. I will second (third? fourth?) the tangle teezer. Also, at least the whole "I don't even have time to shower" thing is beneficial to hair! Benign neglect will probably be her best friend, just coach her on changing habits so that it's actually benign. And it's so great that you're trimming her hair like that! Sounds like you'll be a big help if she's receptive. (Teach her our waaaaays...)

Also, very cute nephew. I feel you on the love, my niece is the best ever, and I'm notorious for not liking kids.

[Suze]

It was no problem at all, honestly!

No matter the deep conditioner you go with, make sure it's left on for at least five minutes. I tend to put it on and then do very time consuming stuff, or just like, sit in the tub for a bit with it and nap LOL. And then I rinse it with cold water.

Ficcares are super expensive! I want one, but I'm also like "weeeeeeeeell... I could get a couple awesome forks or sticks for that..." :laugh:

Her shower takes 5 mins in total so I should really tell her to leave the conditioner on for longer. Actually before LHC I just put conditioner on and immediately rinsed it out again. Works so much better when it gets to sit a bit longer. :o


Then she will probably be open to the things you suggest!!! :thumbsup:

And take some good conditioner maybe to show what she needs to buy in future. ;)

Going to watch my nephew while she is at work 1 day a week from now on so I have some time to search her stash. She actually has a lot of products that she then never uses. In her words: she doesn't want to waist those expensive products on the haystack that we call hair. Sigh. Maybe I'll try to find the HE HH for her because I think that one woukd really work for her. Or maybe even another HE conditioner if I can't find the HH.


If she is used to rip the brush through her hair, a soft, forgiving brush is probably a better choice than a comb. If not careful when using a comb, you will rip out hair at every tangle. A good comb causes less mechanical damage and breakage, but that really requires the right technique and being a lot more gentle, and it also takes more time that using a brush. At least that is my experience. :)

And regarding build-up, check if her shampoo contains cones, it's quite common and causes massive buildup for me even though they containes sulphates as well.

Oh, yes. I should check that. That could explain some things. And doesn't help that she switches to baby shampoo inbetween then.


Suze, FWIW, I use baby shampoo/baby wash when I clarify--part of my "Use Up Your Stash Challenge" (my youngest turned 18 three months ago). My thought is this: if your sister's hair is a bit easier to manage after she uses baby shampoo, you might not have to go with something harsher to get out build-up.

Just a thought :)
I used to wash my hair with (zwitsal) babyshampoo for years. The problem was switching between that one and regular shampoo in between. But it's a good thought, thanks!


Sounds like you already did this, but I was going to recommend satin scrunchies, if she's not quite ready to try out a stick or fork yet. Those were what I used to transition.

Also spin pins; easy and solid.

She doesn't like spin pins and doesn't use the velvety scrunchie I gave her, nor the claw clip. She doesn't like the look of sticks or forks.


It's not because it's baby shampoo that it's more gently, FYI. Shampoo for babies typically has a different pH, I think which doesn't make it ideal for grown-ups. :)
Did not think of this, thanks. Thought it was just milder and wasn't strong enough to get silicones and build-up out.


I didn't think about the different pH level. I figured that, because the occasional use of baby shampoo/baby wash helped take care of my build-up problems because, well, it seemed to get rid of them. For me, it seemed to work. :confused:

Live and learn! :)

Now I'm very curious to know how that could've worked for you so well.


Suze your sister’s hair is so pretty in the braid pictures

Besides all the advice already given, you could show her how to mix SMT (after clarifying) and even deep condition both your hair and spend some quality time together. :)

You have some pretty hair toys besides the ficcares, would your sister be interested in those?

I will tell her you said that, thanks!

She kind of likes some of the u-pins I have but thinks they are way too girly. Both my sister are more sporty looking. Although my younger sister love sparkly clips. My Ficcares are too big for her so it is not like I can leant them to her and honestly probably wouldn't anyway. Let's say she will not be careful with stuff, even if they are not hers. But we both know this so if I leant her something I need to be prepared to: a) Not get it back at all, b) get it back in a different form it was before.


I actually had a very similar situation come up. My SIL has a roughly 18 month old toddler and is having another in December, and has also taken more of an interest in her hair now that she's decided to grow it out again (before baby #1 she had HL-TBL hair IIRC). She also had damage from bleaching out green dye. I've been gifting/recommending her everything, so now she has two sticks and a GTS fork, has tried SM masques, uses my HG conditioner (the HE rose conditioner in the pink bottle -- both our husbands have also started using it haha), has hennaed hair, etc.

Everyone has great suggestions. I would just make it as easy on her as possible lol, since new moms have like no time at all. Show her how quick/easy it is to use hair sticks and forks, and give her some if you have some that you don't wear like I did. Ditto with products you don't use, especially if you have similar hair types. I will second (third? fourth?) the tangle teezer. Also, at least the whole "I don't even have time to shower" thing is beneficial to hair! Benign neglect will probably be her best friend, just coach her on changing habits so that it's actually benign. And it's so great that you're trimming her hair like that! Sounds like you'll be a big help if she's receptive. (Teach her our waaaaays...)

Also, very cute nephew. I feel you on the love, my niece is the best ever, and I'm notorious for not liking kids.

Hahaha, yes I will teach her our ways. That's why I started this thread. Wanted to make sure I actually gave her correct advise. Very sweet that you helped your friend out like that. Thanks for the HE recommandation. I think I can actually buy that one for her. Might take the baby out shopping for hair care products if he's up for it when I watch him on thursday. What is SM masque short for? (sorry, don't know). My hair really likes the aussie 3MM so maybe hers does too. Wil give her the last of my bottle so she can try it out.

-----

Update: Still ripping out elastics like she is really mad at them bit is using her Tangle Teezer which is pink. Teased her about that of course because she always calls me a girly girl!

It's so cool I can obsess over someone else hair now! No, honestly just want her to be happy and not so frustrated with herself. She has to look well presented for her job too, so want to make her regime as easy as possible.

Thanks guys!

[lapushka]

Suze, it has gotten so hard to get *anything* from Herbal Essences here these days. I don't know what's up. :shrug:

[Suze]

Suze, it has gotten so hard to get *anything* from Herbal Essences here these days. I don't know what's up. :shrug:

Just bought 9 bottles of the HE HH online at €2,- a bottle! One of those is going into my sisters hair care basket (yes making her a basked) for sure! This conditioner makes my hair really really slippery but it might come in handy when my hair is a bit longer.

[tjaska88]

My sister has about waistlength+ hair. She died her bleached hair a very dark brown with a box dye which she didn't think was permanent, but it was. She wanted to bleach it out but really didn't know how to go about it so went to a haidresser. They used color remover. Her hair went bright orange in some places, a yellow blond in others and had still some very dark brown in it but now with a reddish undertone. This was about two years ago now. They send her home with a hairmask in her hair because they could not detangle it. They told her to wash frequently wit Head&Shoulders and sleep with conditioner in, so she did. One night after another try to detangle her hair she got frustrated and cut about 30cm off.


Well, her hair is a pretty normal 'bleached the crap out of' color with virgin dark blonde hair now. She used bleach a few times at home after she went to the hairdressers. She has a baby now and her hair is always up in a top knot with an elastic (with metal). I am now cutting her hair because she is afraid a hairdresser will chop it all off or the experience makes her feel even worse about herself.


She wants healthy hair but also doesn't want to loose length. So we settled on cutting off the new growth every 3 months. Last night I was going to cut it but I couldn't detangle her hair to save my life. It is so very brittle, straw like, and tangles like crazy.


She showed me how she brushes it. She just starts at the top and just rips through it. When encountering a knot she just keeps on pulling. You know those clumps of hair that come out of the washing machine? Those are actually in her brush. She is really sad about her hair and feels really ugly. She is a single mom of a 7 month, and does not always have time/ energy to detangle after washing. Any tips at all are welcome.

Some pictures I posted before in the braid thread (she gave permission of course :))

These where from last summer when she detangled her hair before I braided it. Still had a hard time with sections then. Also: meet my cute little nephew, oh how much I love him. :heartbeat
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img922/5755/qy0Dh3.jpg
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img924/7655/8QLiOI.jpg

And here how she wears it a lot. Either this or a top knot.
https://imagizer.imageshack.com/img924/5240/3LHiVb.jpg
Figured she should:


- Not pile her hair on her head while washing
- Be gentle on her hair and use a wide toothed comb while detangling (with conditioner in the shower?)
- Dump the elastic and use something hair friendly
- Do a bigger chop? She is damaging healthy virgin hair aswell this way.
- Keep it braided at all times so it is easier to detangle?
- Do a huge S&D session?
- Buy a good detangler spray and/ or leave in?


Thanks for reading, tried to keep it short but didn't really succeed, sorry


Hej,

i think it would be great if she did a oil threatment, so as ricinusoil with argan, or another oil that suits her. Ricinousoil ist full of vitamins, but she must try it out with another oil-mix it. This can she do overnight. This is moisture threatment. Oil can she mix with avocado or with aloe vera juice or gel (loocks in the moisture). Another part is protein threatment. Important to buy deep conditioner with hydralized protein (when you do not have time for eggs, cocswater or so on). K-pac reconstructor works for me. Leave it on for 2-3 hours.
When she aint got time, can she meke by hairdresser keratin threatment. Very important is balanced moisture& protein.
Hair wouldn't be so frizzy and would be a lot healthier...
this is only my opinion.

she has a great hair though, is a shame to cut it of. With good hair routine can she have healthier hair.

[lapushka]

Just bought 9 bottles of the HE HH online at €2,- a bottle! One of those is going into my sisters hair care basket (yes making her a basked) for sure! This conditioner makes my hair really really slippery but it might come in handy when my hair is a bit longer.

Ooh where did you get them? I can't seem to find them online, not where I shop anyway.

[lapushka]

i think it would be great if she did a oil threatment, so as ricinusoil with argan, or another oil that suits her. Ricinousoil ist full of vitamins, but she must try it out with another oil-mix it. This can she do overnight. This is moisture threatment. Oil can she mix with avocado or with aloe vera juice or gel (loocks in the moisture). Another part is protein threatment. Important to buy deep conditioner with hydralized protein (when you do not have time for eggs, cocswater or so on). K-pac reconstructor works for me. Leave it on for 2-3 hours.
When she aint got time, can she meke by hairdresser keratin threatment. Very important is balanced moisture& protein.
Hair wouldn't be so frizzy and would be a lot healthier...
this is only my opinion.

she has a great hair though, is a shame to cut it of. With good hair routine can she have healthier hair.

Oil is not a moisture treatment, though, I don't think, but it's good for dry hair, that is true. And a keratin treatment at the hairdresser usually has formaldehyde and involves a straightener at high temperatures - not exactly the greatest. :flower:

[tjaska88]

Oil is not a moisture treatment, though, I don't think, but it's good for dry hair, that is true. And a keratin treatment at the hairdresser usually has formaldehyde and involves a straightener at high temperatures - not exactly the greatest. :flower:


Ups, oil with avocado or i mix it with moisture conditioner as well...I was never by hairdresser for keratin threatment, but many my friends were, when there is a newborn in house and haven't got time for deep conditioning. I leave oils overnight, but with a baby would this be difficult, i know:)

I wish you the best of luck:)

Lapuscha, what are u using as moisture thr???

[tjaska88]

Oil is not a moisture treatment, though, I don't think, but it's good for dry hair, that is true. And a keratin treatment at the hairdresser usually has formaldehyde and involves a straightener at high temperatures - not exactly the greatest. :flower:


Ups, oil with avocado or i mix it with moisture conditioner as well...I was never by hairdresser for keratin threatment, but many my friends were, when there is a newborn in house and haven't got time for deep conditioning. I leave oils overnight, but with a baby would this be difficult, i know:)

I wish you the best of luck:)

Lapuscha, what are u using as moisture thr???

[unheardletters]

My 10 month old baby grabbed my ficcare and dropped it on the floor and it broke. They’re not very baby friendly.

[lapushka]

Lapuscha, what are u using as moisture thr???

Just the WCC method (and good moisturizing conditioners), and the LOC/LCO method on top of that. The links are in my signature, if you're intersted.

[Suze]

Ooh where did you get them? I can't seem to find them online, not where I shop anyway.

Bought them at http://www.opisopvoordeelshop.nl but they are out of stock now. They are also in the folder so I might also check out their store.


My 10 month old baby grabbed my ficcare and dropped it on the floor and it broke. They’re not very baby friendly.
Oh, no! Very sad so sorry for you! Hope it can still be fixed? If she decides to buy it she has to keep it away from the baby while it isn't in her hair. Hmmmm, this probably won't work for her then. She doesn't treat her stuff well in general.


Hej,

i think it would be great if she did a oil threatment, so as ricinusoil with argan, or another oil that suits her. Ricinousoil ist full of vitamins, but she must try it out with another oil-mix it. This can she do overnight. This is moisture threatment. Oil can she mix with avocado or with aloe vera juice or gel (loocks in the moisture). Another part is protein threatment. Important to buy deep conditioner with hydralized protein (when you do not have time for eggs, cocswater or so on). K-pac reconstructor works for me. Leave it on for 2-3 hours.
When she aint got time, can she meke by hairdresser keratin threatment. Very important is balanced moisture& protein.
Hair wouldn't be so frizzy and would be a lot healthier...
this is only my opinion.

she has a great hair though, is a shame to cut it of. With good hair routine can she have healthier hair.

Thanks for your tips. With a newborn and being a single mom, and working full-time it is very hard for her to find the time to even shower. But maybe she will go for a nice light oil to put on her ends.

[tjaska88]

Bought them at http://www.opisopvoordeelshop.nl but they are out of stock now. They are also in the folder so I might also check out their store.


Oh, no! Very sad so sorry for you! Hope it can still be fixed? If she decides to buy it she has to keep it away from the baby while it isn't in her hair. Hmmmm, this probably won't work for her then. She doesn't treat her stuff well in general.



Thanks for your tips. With a newborn and being a single mom, and working full-time it is very hard for her to find the time to even shower. But maybe she will go for a nice light oil to put on her ends.


Understand, totaly.
i would recommend 100% pure argan oil. Nur watch out, oil without cones, long term use is not ok.

[tjaska88]

I meant, dont buy products like fluids for split ends. From my point of view silicones are not ok. Better pure 100% oil. Wish u good luck:)

[Angeni]

I would definitely tell her to get a clarifying shampoo and to switch her shampoo and conditioner out every few months. I had a similar experience when I was in undergrad and use to bleach my hair and it was impossible to brush my hair out many most days, especially if it wasnt 100% dry. I even went to a hair dresser to get a haircut and she had the biggest trouble combing through my hair. Turns out it was just product buildup due to using the same shampoo and conditioner ever time I washed (I used Herbal Essences at the time). Once I started switching out my products it got better and now I dont have any problems.

Another thing that has tremendously helped was using leave in oils (I use avocado oil) and conditioning well.

Don't worry her hair will recover if she just changes a few things, and it wont affect her time getting ready either. :)

[Suze]

Thanks Angeni and Tjaska!

-----

Just a little update: her hair already is so much more managable. Not piling her hair on her head while washing and not rbbing it dry so rough has really made a difference. Gave her the HE HH conditioner, very impressed by it!! On me, I like it fine but I never have trouble with detangling after shampooing anyway. But on her it makes so much difference it's amazing!

[lapushka]

Thanks Angeni and Tjaska!

-----

Just a little update: her hair already is so much more managable. Not piling her hair on her head while washing and not rbbing it dry so rough has really made a difference. Gave her the HE HH conditioner, very impressed by it!! On me, I like it fine but I never have trouble with detangling after shampooing anyway. But on her it makes so much difference it's amazing!

Oh that's great! I love it so much. I have some other products to use up, too, but I love going back to it.

[Jo Ann]

...Just a little update: her hair already is so much more managable. Not piling her hair on her head while washing and not rbbing it dry so rough has really made a difference. Gave her the HE HH conditioner, very impressed by it!! On me, I like it fine but I never have trouble with detangling after shampooing anyway. But on her it makes so much difference it's amazing!
HE HH to the rescue!

No matter what else I use on my hair, HH sets it all right again! It's saved me from SMT's gone wrong, it's helped me use up conditioners my hair doesn't like and it's relatively inexpensive! The best thing on the market, as far as I'm concerned!

[lapushka]

HE HH to the rescue!

No matter what else I use on my hair, HH sets it all right again! It's saved me from SMT's gone wrong, it's helped me use up conditioners my hair doesn't like and it's relatively inexpensive! The best thing on the market, as far as I'm concerned!

Another fan; yay! :cheer:

I am now big into my backstash and substituting when and where I can to make it last a lot longer. They no longer sell it here (but I have stock for a long time still). I need not panic yet. :D