Quandary

[GlennaGirl]

This shouldn't be in the "quandary" category. Something more important should be. Like going back to work v. staying home with the kids or whether to visit my sister on the east coast yet again or make her come here for once, even if she will throw a temper tantrum/sulking fit.

But as stupid as it is, this IS a quandary for me. Here it is: I want long hair. I love long hair.

But my husband hates long hair on me.

(Bear with me. I know there have been a lot of threads along these lines. This one is personal so I'd love some input.)

Anyway. He doesn't specifically say he hates it. And he NEVER says "Why don't you do X Y Z to your hair?"--or to any other part of me. I know he accepts my hair when it's longer.

But he secretly, quietly hates it.

Granted when my hair is longer it's thin and stringy. I admit this. But just seeing sheer length on my head makes me happy. Yet...I understand how my husband feels about it. It's totally not trendy. At all. It's a little Walmart-shopper-ish (long non-styled strings). It's thin. It just lies there. I understand this...

And my reasons for wanting long hair are stupid. To stand out; to be special. To see long long strands of shining hair...just so beautiful all on their own, for some reason. The soft, soft feel.

I don't know what to do. Every time I get past 24" I go crazy with the thinness and with knowing my husband is embarrassed to be seen with me and I cut. And my husband flips out with joy and practically lets out a sigh of relief.

Any input at all would be great...advice is fine...but so is just general input...any words at all from anyone who understands.

[IsleChik]

Sorry - I have no ideas as my better half LOVES long hair.
I guess if I had to say something, I'd say do what makes you happy
I used to look to what my ex preferred and - it didn't make me happy so ...
That's just my 2¢

[Amara]

In the end, the most important thing we can do it what makes us happy. If you want longer hair, then that's what you need to have.

A compromise perhaps - if your hair doesn't look so good down one day and it makes you self conscious or you think your husband is bothered by it, just put it up!

[spidermom]

Learn to do the faux bob and wear that when you go out with him.
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/spidermom/SL2.jpg
(This hair is 33 inches long.)

[Eireann]

I second the putting it up idea. Be imaginative with up-dos that look chic and stylish, and not Walmart-y. You could even have your DH look through photos with you of up-dos that he might find attractive, so he feels that his opinion matters, and he can have a "stake" in your long hair. You might also consider long layers that might make your long hair look a little trendier.

I have to comment on the grass being greener, though. I'm excited to have long hair, and I'm enjoying growing it out, but I also know that if I were to cut it short, my DH would be devastated! I'm seeing all the cute pixie cuts that are so in right now (e.g. Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes). If it weren't for the fact that it would break my DH's heart, I might give in to the temptation to chop! If he had his way, I'd probably have hair to my ankles. I think I'll stop at classic!

[jel]

Glenna Girl, we joined the LHC at about the same time and at a similar hair length. I remember you had one or two similar quandaries in the past 3 years. I have two questions for you, which are for you to think about, not answer here.

1. How do you *know* your husband 'secretly' hates your hair if he never said so? Are you sure you're not possibly attributing your own ambivalence about long hair to him?

2. Do you really desire to have long hair? If so, do. Your hair is your own responsibility and should reflect your own taste. Not anybody else's. Husband, mother, priest, friend can grow (or not) their own hair.

On a more practical note, I agree with putting hair up. An elegant updo, discreet chignon or a French twist must be the antithesis of Walmart-shopper-ish style!

[Dolly]

I had similar questions to jel's when I read your post. How do you KNOW that he hates it or is embarrassed to be seen with you? Have you asked him? Maybe his joyful reaction when you cut it is because he thinks that cutting is what YOU want, and he is trying to be supportive of you.

Maybe you like long hair on others, but not on YOURSELF. I personally love my hair and don't give a FLYING FIG what anyone else thinks about it.

So, I guess my ending statement is do what makes YOU happy. Your husband love YOU and married YOU, not your hair. Your hair is totally your business.

[paper]

Your hair in your sig does not look thin at all, to me.

I know it's tough when your SO wants one thing and you want another. You can't change how they feel. But, you should make yourself happy. What do you want? Good luck!

[GlennaGirl]

Good questions, girls.

Know what I really want? Long hair that's full and swing-y. Long hair that I'm "allowed" to have. Sounds stupid...let me rephrase. I suppose I could be misinterpreting my DH's reactions. But...we've been together for a while now and I'm able to read him. I don't think I'm being paranoid about this though I'll think on that some more.

Whenever I grow my hair longer...I get the "cut it, you're a hippie" thing from my sister...and I get the looks from my husband. The not-good looks. Friends don't generally say anything at all. But...and this WILL sound babyish...never once when I've taken my hair down has anyone ever said, "Oh, that's pretty." Not once. (ETA: I mean outside of LHC. Here, people are very supportive.) Well, once. I lied. When I was in the 8th grade, I was brushing my hair and my stepfather walked past and said, "Wow, you sure have pretty hair!" but that doesn't count because A) it was almost 30 years ago and B) he said a lot of much-more personal things than that and it got worse from there...that's all that's needed to be said about that, I'm sure.

But for the most part...the few times I've mentioned to a friend that I'm growing my hair I get, "Why?" with a curled lip. That sort of thing. Obviously, I have pretty fugly hair. In my siggie it looks GREAT. But the light hit it to turn it fire-engine red (henna...I love that color...it shows up brown indoors, though) and I had had it bunned, so it looks fuller.

I want...not just long hair. I want long pretty hair. But my hair never grows into what I want.

At 41, I'm way too old to whine about stuff like this and I'm not sure why hair should be such a big issue for me. It's hair. Big deal. Must be some sort of psychology in there.

So...maybe I'll take a break & think on it?

Thanks a bunch.

[Dolly]

Good questions, girls.

Know what I really want? Long hair that's full and swing-y. Long hair that I'm "allowed" to have. Sounds stupid...let me rephrase. I suppose I could be misinterpreting my DH's reactions. But...we've been together for a while now and I'm able to read him. I don't think I'm being paranoid about this though I'll think on that some more.

Whenever I grow my hair longer...I get the "cut it, you're a hippie" thing from my sister...and I get the looks from my husband. The not-good looks. Friends don't generally say anything at all. But...and this WILL sound babyish...never once when I've taken my hair down has anyone ever said, "Oh, that's pretty." Not once. Well, once. I lied. When I was in the 8th grade, I was brushing my hair and my stepfather walked past and said, "Wow, you sure have pretty hair!" but that doesn't count because A) it was almost 30 years ago and B) he said a lot of much-more personal things than that and it got worse from there...that's all that's needed to be said about that, I'm sure.

But for the most part...the few times I've mentioned to a friend that I'm growing my hair I get, "Why?" with a curled lip. That sort of thing. Obviously, I have pretty fugly hair. In my siggie it looks GREAT. But the light hit it to turn it fire-engine red (henna...I love that color...it shows up brown indoors, though) and I had had it bunned, so it looks fuller.

I want...not just long hair. I want long pretty hair. But my hair never grows into what I want.

At 41, I'm way too old to whine about stuff like this and I'm not sure why hair should be such a big issue for me. It's hair. Big deal. Must be some sort of psychology in there.

So...maybe I'll take a break & think on it?

Thanks a bunch.


I think your hair is lovely.....I am your same age, and I have gotten similar comments from my mom, my grandmother, my sister, acquaintances, yadda yadda yadda. Know what I do? I ignore them.....then when I am looking in the mirror, brushing my hair and thinking how pretty it is, I remind myself why I am growing my hair.....and their statements don't phase me.....

[angelthadiva]

Hiya :waving:

Nothing new to add, but I would find out what your DH really thinks...OR make up your mind to not care. :flower:

And 2nd or 3rd the updo suggestion. I'm sure your DH won't mind being seen w/an elegant updo lady! ;)

[GlennaGirl]

I'm definitely going to start playing around more with updos.

[angelthadiva]

I'm definitely going to start playing around more with updos.


I bet you he'll come around if you have it all up and when you take it down you do that shake your head, come get it dance! :eyebrows:

[GlennaGirl]

I bet you he'll come around if you have it all up and when you take it down you do that shake your head, come get it dance! :eyebrows:

See now this was my hopeful scenario! :D

[Wavelength]

I agree with putting it in updos. Damage makes hair look thinner over time.

My hair is past my waist (next stop, tailbone!) and I put it in an updo every single day. My hair is much healthier and thicker now than it has ever been, and when I take it down I'm very pleased with it. It just looks good. I'm sure that if I had been letting it hang loose more often, it would be a lot thinner and more damaged than it is now.

If it's the hanging stringiness that your hubby primarily objects to, then the updos will make it look neater, as well as protect it from subsequent damage.

[angelthadiva]

See now this was my hopeful scenario! :D


Practice the dance prior to your first "presentation". I'd suggest even doing it in the mirror...Just to make sure everything looks how you want it too. :D

Good luck!

[ole gray mare]

Hi GG!

First of all, let me congratulate you for spelling the word quandary right. It's a pet peeve of mine. :)

Secondly, you know and I know that YES, there are bigger things in life to worry about. I know enough about you to know that you deal with them every day, with grace and hard work.

So it's okay to fret about something that ISN'T earthshattering once in a while. It has to do with you, making you feel pretty and it is good that you care!

Here is my insight, after much observation of the hair thing over my life.

You are at a sucky length. Period.

Virtually no one's hair looks extraordinary at the length you are now. Does it look "nice?" Sure.

However, here's what I've observed.

Even hair of ordinary quality...ordinary thickness, ordinary condition, ordinary shine, ordinary color...looks EXTRAORDINARY at much longer lengths.

There's a magical thing that happens once you get out of the "ordinary length" range, which is a large range.

The crappy part is that it takes time, patience and faith to get there. A lot of each of those, actually.

Mind you, this is based on my observation. I am where you are...not yet at the extraordinary part. But I'm creeping my way there, painfully, slowly...creeping. My hair is not extraordinary by any stretch. But I have full faith that it will be when it gets quite long and I am seeing a transformation as it gets longer.

And even then, there will be some people who won't get it. That's okay. I don't need them to. I feel more like "me" with long hair and if I feel more like "me" then I am more comfortable and confident and that makes me look better overall.

[GlennaGirl]

Oh, ole gray mare, thank you for those beautiful words.

And BTW, your hair IS extraordinary. Every time I see your avatar I do a double-take.

[ole gray mare]

Aw GG, thanks. But seriously, put your hair up...experiment with updos...for a couple of years. Your hair has potential for extraordinary.

Go to one of the meet threads and look at the photos of those extraordinary heads of hair. If you imagine all of that hair cut off at APL, you'll see what I mean. Nice, nice hair at APL, but not necessarily special!

Short can be cute, trendy, sexy, etc.

Long can be extraordinary, sexy, magical.

The in-between part can be just torturously boring though!

Your reasons for wanting long hair are very real and very visceral. Keep the faith.

[FrannyG]

Glennagirl, we have the same hair type, and I know exactly how the ends begin to thin out at about 24 inches.

I do have a bit of advice on that score.

The first time I grew my hair to 28 inches on LHC, it was a transparent and thin mess, in my opinion.

The second tome I grew my hair to 27.5 inches, I did so by having tiny trims every 2-3 months. Somehow that allowed the slowest growing hairs to catch up with the swifties. I was quite pleased with my hair and with the ends at 27 1/2 inches that time around. (Yes, I cut again, but that was only because I died it blonde from brown--damage control cut) :rolleyes:

I'm not saying I've ever had full, thick ends, and I never will. However, I do find that frequent small trims make a world of difference.

[maskedrose]

I totally agree with what everyone has said so far! The Wal-Marty long hair is usually hair that isn't well taken care of, dull, splitty and tangly. Yours obviously does not fall into that catagory! APL is an aweful length, but you can make it much easier to handle with updos! If you wear it up most of the time and save the "down" time for when you and your hubby are having a romantic night - maybe he'll realize that long hair is pleasurable! Also try hair-friendly styles (rag-curlers, etc) that give your hair more body and swing.

[Elyce]

Hi GlennaGirl!!

I agree with OGM and others. You're hair is at a difficult stage just now. Your hair is a work in progress and can't be judged on its merits quite yet. Anyway, I'm going to take this off on a tangent, hope you don't mind.

I have a friend who was in a abusive relationship. He never touched her. It was all done by "looks" -- raised eyebrows, little frowns, sad eyes. Accompanied by withholding affection when she didn't perform on cue. She was eventually running herself ragged, trying to respond to his increasingly demanding and manipulative "looks."

Besides being devious, the "looks" were doubly cowardly. First, he didn't have the courage to say what was on his mind. Second, if she called him on it, he could deny it. "What???? I never said your hair looked bad??? (raising one eyebrow to imply maybe she was a bit crazy).

One day she just had enough. She has high standards and an excellent character. She does what she thinks is right without searching for his approval. She's even rearranged the furniture so her back is to the door when he walks in. Now, if he wants to communicate, he has to speak to her.

Truth is, they are both happier this way.

Not saying this is your situation. Just a little something to think about.

[heidihug]

My hair is past my waist (next stop, tailbone!) and I put it in an updo every single day. My hair is much healthier and thicker now than it has ever been, and when I take it down I'm very pleased with it.


Long can be extraordinary, sexy, magical.

The in-between part can be just torturously boring though!


Wavelength and ole gray mare have some wise words there. Treat your hair with tender care and it will reward you in the end.

My hair is very similar to yours. It was, to put it nicely, quite plain at BSL. Tended to be stringy, greasy, piece-y. However, the longer it grew, the more I liked it. Now I can make some quite awesome (to me, anyway) updos and braids, that I know at least some people ooh and aww over. Even if they do it on the inside and not to my face.

My husband does love my long hair. Not because he loves the hair itself, necessarily, but because it makes me happy. And he's all about making me happy, 'cuz when mama's happy, everyone's happy at our house. :p

[Nevermore]

Do flat out ask your husband what he thinks, instead of assuming. Maybe he just hates this length and would prefer longer or shorter, instead of just shorter. My hair looked awful at apl, I think it works that way for alot of people. Do microtrims to thicken up the ends and wear pretty updos, the versatility of long hair is fantastic and peacock twists are every bit as stylish as a bob.

And I think, even if your husband definitely HATES your hair, keep growing it. It's YOUR hair. My partner loves my hair, she liked it short and she likes it long, she'd like it in a mohawk or dyed blue, because it's not about my hair, it's about my hair making me happy. If your hair is making you happy, don't let other people, even ones you love, ruin it for you.

[LisaJaney]

I will not tell you what to do, because it's not my head of hair (that means I'm not going to tell you "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead", which would be worded more like "nuts to your husband, do what you want", and I'm not going to tell you to "cut it to please him", either). What I will tell you is what I went through, because your tale sounds so similar to mine.

I grew my hair long as it would go. It got to about the bottom of my butt. It's now back to just above waist and I am very happy with it there. My hair looks lovely down to about the bottom of my shoulderblades. Harpgal said to me, when she met me this past Spring, "you have so much hair, what are you talking about that it's thin?" but when I put it into a bun, she knew what I meant: I have thin hair, and it craps-out at BSL. MANY of the hairs terminal-out there. I had it all one length for a long time, because I figured that I needed all available hairs to join in the party to make my hemline fuller.

Well, the deal is this: my hair will NEVER EVER EVER EVER have a full hemline unless I do a shoulderblade-length bob. It ALWAYS fairytale-ends on me. I finally, after over a year of agonizing about this, cut in long layers. It's the best thing I ever did. It allowed my canopy to have some body, giving me that "oh my gosh, your hair is so thick, Lisa" that Harpgal said to me. I would NEVER have gotten that comment if my hair had still been all one length (which it wasn't because of all the terminal-ing out at BSL, but I digress) I would wear my hair bunned all the time, and if I ever took it down, I NEVER EVER EVER heard "your hair is lovely". IF anyone said anything out loud to me, it was "you should cut it HERE" and motioning just about BSL. I had ONE lady, ONCE, tell me that my long hair was glorious, but she's just a really nice person and would compliment a rock. That's it: ONCE.

I tell you all this to just let you know that I still have long hair, but it's in more of a "style" now because of the layers. My husband happens to like my hair long, so he's happy. I'm happy because I can wear it down more and he tells me now that I look "like a moviestar" (what sort of old hag actresses is he SEEING?) In the end, I went against what I thought I wanted so badly (long hair with a heavy hemline) because I finally realized that I did not have the genes to do that, and needed to do what worked for MY head of hair, not what works for...oh, Hairstorm's head of hair (her hair gets fuller as it goes down, I swear) That meant, for me, a cutting-in of some layers. I basically cut it myself in what I figured would be "Ellen Pompeio's hair, from Grey's Anatomy", and it's a great cut for me. My bangs are long enough to go back into a French twist or a high pony, or a french braid, but I can also wear it down and it's manageable.

It took a LONG time for me to decide to do it, but I have NEVER regretted it. What I HAVE regretted was looking at other people's hair and wishing it was mine, and trying to make MY hair measure-up to the hair-queens here. I walked that route, and finally just jumped off the path and LOVE this new road I'm on. Is it possible that you are getting to that point where you are thinking that you may want to branch-off, but are afraid of letting someone down? (us, yourself?) What would be wrong with finding out for sure from Hubs and then doing something that would make him like your hair better? You may find that YOU like it better, too. When I cut mine, it allowed me to wear it DOWN at last, and Hubs was happier with that, and so was I. Is there a compromise somewhere that he would like, and that you would also like? Something that would get you out of the "oh my gosh I have walmarty hair" and into the "this is doable, and he's got that gleam in his eyes again" territory?

Surely, a LOT to think about! I just mostly wanted you to know that I agonized over that decision for more than a year but once I did it, I felt like I'd dropped a hundred-pound weight. I wish you well as you wrestle with this one.

[Vivien']

Hi !
Talk to him ! (I assume you didn't do yet because you said "secretly"...) I think it would be good for you and him to know what the other think. Why he hate it. Why you want it long. It's your husband. If he can understand that you want longer hair, he will support you, even if you hair looks bad when long (and it won't look "bad", I'm sure)

My 2 cents...

[sherigayle]

You've gotten such good advice. I agree that you should talk to your husband. Mine doesn't compliment my hair very often, but I know that he likes it because I asked. My hair is APL right now and it's kind of annoying. But I wear it up almost all the time and I find myself admiring it more when it is down. Your husband might feel the same way.

[MsBubbles]

Short can be cute, trendy, sexy, etc.
Long can be extraordinary, sexy, magical.
The in-between part can be just torturously boring though! .

What a great way of putting it. I'm currently at torturously boring (25", thin & scraggly). I definitely share your frustration, and you just reminded me why I always get to BSL then cut it all off or perm it :disgust:.

This is great advice from everybody and I second the 'find out what he really thinks', as well as the 'do what you want to do' philosophy. I hope it works out for you - our looks are more important than we'd like them to be I guess.

[truepeacenik]

I think you need a live male to tell you it is pretty without being creepy. (I'm guessing I read the right stuff into your mini-story?)
if you really and truly think that 24 is your break point, hold it at 23 inches for a year then see how it has thickened up.
learn wonderful updos to keep you, and secondly your sweetie, happy.
(note: updos do not make my sweetie happy. but it is MY hair and I ave to deal/care for it)

[Delila]

I've got fine hair on the thin side too, and I didn't get any comments or compliments on my hair while I was growing it out from a pixie. Now that it's about tailbone length? People actually comment (nicely) and compliment it. (Mostly of the 'I remember when it was really short. Wow.' variety.)

Even my dad who has always maintained that I 'should' wear my hair super short, admits that he thinks it looks really nice now that it's long.

I think the in between stages can be awkward precisely because they're neither extreme, long or short.

Another issue that made a huge difference for me has been finding the right balance of cleansing (scalp) and moisturizing (length). It took a good while to find a routine that works for me long term, but I seem to have found it. Everyone's hair and scalp are different enough that what works for me may not work for someone else, but it pays to keep searching.

I don't routinely wear my hair down when I'm outside, except in a braid, mostly because it's so prone to tangles, and I'm convinced that I need to baby every single strand at every turn.

As for that husband: I suggest talking to him. Whatever his opinions are, they're his opinions, not yours.


I truly believe that you should wear your hair on your head in whatever manner you find most pleasing, for whatever reasons.


If you have a difference of opinion with your spouse, that just proves that you each think for yourselves and you communicate your opinions to each other, nothing more. If he uses it as grounds to argue with you about whether or not you're entitled to have your own opinions about extremely personal matters, I'd say that arguing inappropriately is a problem the two of you need to discuss. If he doesn't argue (actively or passively), then maybe the problem is something else entirely.

Talk about it.

P. S. I'm not married, but live with and care for my elderly, cantankerous father. I really do understand how frustrating it can be to share your life with someone who either cannot or will not share their true opinions (using words) when it counts. I wish things could be better between my dad and me, but at least I know I've made the effort to communicate, whether or not he allows himself to acknowledge my opinions in any meaningful way. Frustrating, but better than keeping silent.

[Dolly]

I tell you all this to just let you know that I still have long hair, but it's in more of a "style" now because of the layers. My husband happens to like my hair long, so he's happy. I'm happy because I can wear it down more and he tells me now that I look "like a moviestar" (what sort of old hag actresses is he SEEING?) In the end, I went against what I thought I wanted so badly (long hair with a heavy hemline) because I finally realized that I did not have the genes to do that, and needed to do what worked for MY head of hair, not what works for...oh, Hairstorm's head of hair (her hair gets fuller as it goes down, I swear) That meant, for me, a cutting-in of some layers. I basically cut it myself in what I figured would be "Ellen Pompeio's hair, from Grey's Anatomy", and it's a great cut for me. My bangs are long enough to go back into a French twist or a high pony, or a french braid, but I can also wear it down and it's manageable.

It took a LONG time for me to decide to do it, but I have NEVER regretted it. What I HAVE regretted was looking at other people's hair and wishing it was mine, and trying to make MY hair measure-up to the hair-queens here. I walked that route, and finally just jumped off the path and LOVE this new road I'm on. Is it possible that you are getting to that point where you are thinking that you may want to branch-off, but are afraid of letting someone down? (us, yourself?) What would be wrong with finding out for sure from Hubs and then doing something that would make him like your hair better? You may find that YOU like it better, too. When I cut mine, it allowed me to wear it DOWN at last, and Hubs was happier with that, and so was I. Is there a compromise somewhere that he would like, and that you would also like? Something that would get you out of the "oh my gosh I have walmarty hair" and into the "this is doable, and he's got that gleam in his eyes again" territory?



WOW. Your story sounds a lot like mine LisaJaney.....and, what you did is similar to what I did recently......my hair is quite a bit shorter than yours, but I had finally gotten my hair to all one length about a year or so ago, and I couldn't style it. I am horrible at up-dos, and they just aren't "me"......so I would wear it down, all the time, except for the occassional ponytail or braid. BORING. Then, I discovered wet-setting.....another option! But, it didn't work well at first on one-length hair. So, I went and had some long layers cut into the sides......not excessive, but what my stylist calls "texturizing layers".....it made a big difference!

And, today, as I was walking around in a low ponytail, and not liking my forehead, I decided to even cut some fringe bangs. I cut them myself, and I think they look really cute! So, I may not be the norm around here either!

But, GlennaGirl, I think that all of the advice from the ladies here is fabulous. What it comes down to is......think about it and do what makes YOU happy. Don't try to compare your hair to anyone else's. And, I do think its important to ask your husband his oinion. It may not be what you are thinking.

[Tabitha]

I only have 3 things to say:

Glenna, you have PRETTY hair!

I agree with those other people who say, above-waist hair is often not seen as "thud-worthy"; nobody (except other LHCers :wink:) compliments me on mine.

Thirdly, although I do agree that you're not there to decorate his world, it might make you feel sexy if you find out how your husband really LOVES your hair to be - here's hoping it's not a pixie, though.

[GlennaGirl]

Wow. Best advice ever.

Real, solid advice. That's what I was looking for. I can't thank you folks enough!

Okay. I just had a conversation with my DH over IM and he says he likes long hair but not "too long" and when I pressed him (mercilessly) he finally said my hair doesn't look like it has body when it's very long.

SO! What if I...

1. Microtrim every 3 months, as suggested here...
2. Wear it coiled (cinnabun) so when I take it down, it has some body/wave to it...
3. And then just keep growing?
OH, and 4. Keep my bangs...I cut these in a few months ago and I do love them. They're fairly blunt, somewhat sideswept. I could grow out part of those for two layer lengths in the front...

I've been thinking super-straight sleek hair looked great (I'm actually a 1a when I haven't had my hair up) but maybe that's part of the problem...it just winds up in strings!

This would actually kill two birds with one stone! Right? Keep it protected by day, give it the look of body when it's down!

[Dolly]

Wow. Best advice ever.

Real, solid advice. That's what I was looking for. I can't thank you folks enough!

Okay. I just had a conversation with my DH over IM and he says he likes long hair but not "too long" and when I pressed him (mercilessly) he finally said my hair doesn't look like it has body when it's very long.

SO! What if I...

1. Microtrim every 3 months, as suggested here...
2. Wear it coiled (cinnabun) so when I take it down, it has some body/wave to it...
3. And then just keep growing?
OH, and 4. Keep my bangs...I cut these in a few months ago and I do love them. They're fairly blunt, somewhat sideswept. I could grow out part of those for two layer lengths in the front...

I've been thinking super-straight sleek hair looked great (I'm actually a 1a when I haven't had my hair up) but maybe that's part of the problem...it just winds up in strings!

This would actually kill two birds with one stone! Right? Keep it protected by day, give it the look of body when it's down!


I think that is fabulous!! You got it all figured out! So happy for you!!

[Ohio Sky]

Whenever I grow my hair longer...I get the "cut it, you're a hippie" thing from my sister...and I get the looks from my husband. The not-good looks. Friends don't generally say anything at all. But...and this WILL sound babyish...never once when I've taken my hair down has anyone ever said, "Oh, that's pretty." Not once. (ETA: I mean outside of LHC. Here, people are very supportive.) Well, once. I lied. When I was in the 8th grade, I was brushing my hair and my stepfather walked past and said, "Wow, you sure have pretty hair!" but that doesn't count because A) it was almost 30 years ago and B) he said a lot of much-more personal things than that and it got worse from there...that's all that's needed to be said about that, I'm sure.


Sorry if I'm reading too deep into this statement or butting in where I'm not wanted, but it kinda sounds like you yourself have some sort of emotional baggage regarding long hair. Might some of this be projected onto your husband?
Like I said, I might be reading too deep, but it sounds like you might have bigger issues than your hair that need to be dealt with. :twocents:

I see you've designed a plan that sounds good for your hair and that's awesome! :thumbsup:
You're far from the only thin and/or fine hair here. If it is only your that is bothering you and/or your husband, LHCers will be here to help you. :)

[Delila]

Another issue about hair: My hair does not have body. Period. It does not floof, poof or otherwise stand away from my head unless I inflict mass amounts of styling product trauma upon it, and even then the effect does NOT last long. (this includes perms and body waves) Yes, it curls, but no, it does not stand away from my head.

I only figured out that I had actually wavy hair when I read Andre's book about hair. Who knew that my wayward locks weren't just sloppy straight hair, but that they had actual waves and curls? Wow. But what I don't have is BODY. It's a totally different quality than curl or wave. Some people have it, some don't, and from what I can gather, it's not something you can gain or disguise easily.

My view is that if your husband required a mate with fluffy, puffy hair, he'd have married someone else. If he's doofus enough not to have noticed that your hair lacks curl AND body before he married you, (you list yourself as a 1a) maybe you shouldn't drag out the discussion if you don't want to hurt each others feelings. Plenty of people around the world cope with fashion-oblivious spouses. It's not a deal-breaker, marriage-wise, unless you need it to be.

Don't stress over his opinions on matters of style, but do actually talk with him if you're making assumptions that involve actual hair cutting about the opinions he's expressed. Who knows how serious he might be about these things if you can't discuss the matter in any depth?

In my view 'having a conversation over IM' is NOT the same as having an actual conversation face to face.

[truepeacenik]

^^she got her info. It's a starting place.
I can get body for 16.3 seconds if i comb my hair upside down.

Long ago I could get my hair to stand straight up with the application of a full can of aquanet (hey, I was in Rocky Horror---STOP THE REMAKE) ahem... and lots of braiding (poor girl's crimper in the 80s)

[GlennaGirl]

^^she got her info. It's a starting place.
I can get body for 16.3 seconds if i comb my hair upside down.

Long ago I could get my hair to stand straight up with the application of a full can of aquanet (hey, I was in Rocky Horror---STOP THE REMAKE) ahem... and lots of braiding (poor girl's crimper in the 80s)

LOL!!! Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to tease the front of my hair up. It was the 80s and I wore that "smashed-head-from-the-side" look. You know, a big poof just right up front and way up high. Aquanet LOVED me. I'm sure I put every one of their employees' children through college on my purchases from 1982-1989.

[Lisa-Maria]

If it's body you want in your hair braid it. braid it before going to sleep, braid it while it's wet.

[rapunzhell13]

In my experience, if I just project absolute confidence in my decisions (even if I'm totally faking it), everyone else tends to follow my lead. Your hair is pretty if YOU think it's pretty (and you should!). ;) :)

[Eireann]

LOL!!! Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I used to tease the front of my hair up. It was the 80s and I wore that "smashed-head-from-the-side" look. You know, a big poof just right up front and way up high. Aquanet LOVED me. I'm sure I put every one of their employees' children through college on my purchases from 1982-1989.

LOL! I know I'm hijacking this thread, but I have to chime in as another survivor of the 80s. In my case, though, I could never get my hair to do those gravity defying feats that were so popular, which is no doubt why I became so enamoured of the pixie cut (thank you Winona Ryder!) Boy, those were dark times of fashion!