What about lying?

[halo_tightens]

Yes, this is going to be a sensitive subject, but it's been bothering me for a while and I haven't known what (if anything) I could do about it.

What can/should/may we do when we know that another member is lying in posts?

Now, that can get iffy, as many things can't be proven. For example, if I post in a thread that I have two cats, and another member comes to my house and doesn't see them, she may assume that I'm lying (though the cats were asleep in the bedroom at the time). She thinks I'm a big fat liar, but can't prove it. Obviously, nothing can or should be done. There's just no proof of lying, even if someone thinks I am.

A step further-- Some posts may sound a little weird or farfetched to others, whether or not they are true. Like... If you posted recently about your trip to Tibet, then yesterday about how you just got back from the jeweler with three handfuls of new diamonds, and today about how you simply must get your DeLorean tuned up on your way to teaching Women's Studies at the local junior college, where you are incidentally also the counselor AND the janitor, when you're not out fighting crime... Okay. Maybe this really IS an exceptionally exceptional person. I doubt it very much, but no matter how annoying I find it, I still can't really prove anything.

Here's what I actually AM referring to:

What if there IS proof?

If some of my posts from a couple of years ago referred sometimes to my DH, husband, spouse, whatever... and lately I've started making despairing posts about how I've never been in love, never had a boyfriend, never even a date... Okay. You don't know which one is the lie, but you know I'm a liar. How annoying, right?

Or if I've always said that I attended a certain school, but then one day said something that made it clear that I'd never set foot there?

I'm tired of trying to make stuff up... You get me.

What if someone posts things that are mutually exclusive? What if it's a pretty common habit with them? It's annoying, yeah, but can anything be done?

It's the KNIT thing. I've often wanted to call someone out in the thread itself, but figured that it'd be considered contrary to either the "Kind" or "Necessary" thing. It would indeed be quite "Informative" and "True"... However, I also don't think it's very "Kind" of members who are breaking the "True" part by blatantly lying. I also don't appreciate people who insult others' intelligence by thinking that no one notices these dicrepancies. Trust me-- I notice. I've just been being nice.

So... What to do? Sit powerless and do nothing? Report it and never know if anything ever happened? Speak up and risk getting whacked yourself?

It's just getting very frustrating, that's all. No one likes being lied to. I'm tired of biting my tongue to be "Kind" to people who aren't being "True" to me.

[Maktub]

I'd say you maybe can mention it but in a truly kind and friendly way.
Maybe give the link you are referring to and tell the person that you do not understand why she said "that" a while back and "this" now. Maybe just ask for clarifications.

Or you could PM the person directly and discuss the issue in private, which would get them to understand that lying doesn't go unnoticed...

[Nae]

You could always ignore them. The internet is a notorious place for untruths. As much as I would like to think that LHC is immune, it is an impossibility, we just have way too many people here.

I personally am not going to confront anybody because it really isn't my job to be stirring up stuff. Sometimes I cheer under my breath, when someone else does it but I also worry about them getting in trouble. I like my friends to stick around.

I figure LHC is a lot like a family. We support each other, spend time with each other, have certain common interests but there is always that nut that comes to Thanksgiving and drives everybody crazy.

There are definitely members here that I just tune out for my own sanity. I figure that I choose to be here and I choose to read these threads so if I get upset over something that is just the way it goes. This is the internet, these things happen. I don't feel that I have any business smacking down another member however much I think they deserve it.

On the other hand, I totally see where you are coming from. I think that we are a open community and share a lot of personal things with each other. It should be a safe environment where we can trust others to tell us the truth. I wish it was, I am with you on the suckiness of it all, but I just don't see any way to prevent lying. Especially since it is SO hard to verify.

In cases where I am annoyed enough I might hit the report button, and let the mods figure it out.

So, in conclusion, I agree with you that it is annoying and a big violation of the trust of the community, but I am not sure what can really be done about it. My regular tactic is to ignore it, but that might not work for you. I also totally agree that it is frustrating.

So, the best thing I can offer are some hugs.

[Hotflashes]

I have learned to bite my tongue. Took me awhile, but I think I've got it now. I operate on the assumption that 75% of what I read on a messageboard (any messageboard) is half true and the remaining 25% is all false.


Like my new math? It illustrates my concept of the web pretty well too, yes?




So yeah, I do a lot of counting to 10 and logging off everywhere I go.

[Badwolf]

I'd personally ignore it and then move along. There's no sense in letting it get to you if it is causing no real harm to anyone. No one likes being lied to, but when it comes to the internet you have to know that with some things it's best to just pretend it's not there.

[physicschick]

I can think of a few different scenarios where you might take different approaches. (I'm sure you can come up with other scenarios besides these.)

1) Somebody with a f*t*sh might be lying to elicit titillating stories from others. For example, some people get off on hearing about traumatic forced haircuts. If you get a weird vibe from somebody and think this might be the case, definitely report them to the mods whether you have direct evidence or not. We appreciate members alerting us to potential creepers.

2) Somebody who's been stalked in the past might lie to obscure certain identifying details about her life. If she's doing a good job at this, you will never know she's lying (and neither would potential stalkers). The mods are definitely in favor of staying safe online, so if somebody does this in a low-key, non-disruptive way for a good reason, we're okay with it.

3) Somebody might make up stories about his or her life to make it seem more exciting than it really is. If you suspect this but have no evidence, the best thing is to ignore this person. You can either use the ignore feature here or just mentally ignore their posts. If the person is irritating you, feel free to report their posts and tell the mod team exactly what you think if you find that cathartic.

4) Somebody might make implausible statements and you notice that some are directly contradictory. Please report this! The mod team might not have noticed this, and this could be a key piece of information in building a case that the person is trolling. We don't ban people lightly, but if we can prove that somebody is trolling we probably will will ban them. (Although please keep in mind that your definition of proof might not be the same as ours.)

In all these cases, confronting the person publicly is almost certainly not the right approach. It's more likely to stir up drama, and if the person is trolling you'll be giving them exactly what they're looking for.

[spidermom]

I've seen it confronted a time or two, in the form of "in July you said this (with a link), and now you're saying something entirely different. Both can't be true."

There are a few people I expect entertainment from rather than the truth. I've seen some pretty wild stories float through.

[Carolyn]

The internet is full of people who lie for various reasons. I don't think it's a big deal. It's the nature of the net. I just ignore it. I tell "little white lies" every day in real life and don't think it's a big deal. Here at LHC I just roll my eyes and move on or discuss it off site with friends. It's usually not worth being confrontational in a thread. The one making a big deal of the lying will likely get slapped for not being KNIT, so why do it?

[katienoonan]

The only thing close to lying I have seen here is one member in particular, and it is more exaggeration.... Pain with this member is simply the WORST POSSIBLE PAIN YOU COULD IMAGINE and things occuring in her life are simply the most ATROCIOUS OCCURANCES and life is simply IMPOSSIBLE TO CARRY ON LIVING because of A, B, C...

It used to frustrate and upset me... and some of the things this person says are borderline offensive to those who do indeed have a great deal of suffering and problems... but in the end there is nothing to do. If you have a public hall full of people, some of those people are not going to be very nice. This is essentially the internet.

[kitschy]

I think I would want you to ask me about perceived impossibilities/contradictions in my posts. I certainly wouldn't want you or other posters to think of me as a liar if there is possibly a plausible reason for some conflicting information in my posts.

So, if anyone out there has any questions about information in my posts - please just ask!