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Thread: A story. I really want to share with you.

  1. #1
    Member Oz's Avatar
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    Default A story. I really want to share with you.


    My name is Zoe and Iím 20 years old. My whole life I have had long hair. Even when I was born the top strands were past my ears.
    I was allowed to keep it long, within reason and like many little girls was dragged, sulking to the trim chair on occasion.
    I had no reason, at that age, to keep it long; it was just the influence of all the Princessís, elves, Barbie dolls and other role models of my gender.
    The last time it was cut, I was seven years old. My mother insisted on maintaining the awful 90s fringe until I put my foot down aged 9.

    I hit tailbone length when I hit my teens, untrimmed for six years, I saw it as fairytale ends, family and peers said it was rat tails, hailed abuse and told me to cut it.
    Kids at school often attacked me with scissors. Then one day I was attacked in a different way. In the week I turned 13 I was gang raped. In less than an hour of torture, I was set up for a life time of post traumatic stress disorder. My right of control over my own body had been taken away from me. I felt powerless and empty. Somehow, I managed to keep what it a secret from my family to protect them.

    After the event, I made the conscious decision to somehow gain control back. Iíve battled with self harm and eating disorders but my main catalyst has been my hair. I vowed never to cut it, like everyone always told me to do.

    Through the rest of my teenage life I suffered constant anxiety and fear of people standing or sitting behind me. The word Ďtrimí would send me in to panic attack. I feared scissors, hair dressers, TV stylists, or doing anything that brought attention to my hair or me, other than the length itself, until I left home at 18 to study.

    Naturally, one canít lead a happy, healthy, adult life and keep a trauma such as childhood rape bottled up and under control through a hair style alone.

    I got in to my 1st relationship with a guy and the well kept secret of my past seeped out like puss from a badly bandaged wound. After much pushing and persuasion from my then boyfriend, I agreed to start counselling.

    One day, I came across the long hair community and joined up on the boards. Everyone was so nice here, it was the first time id ever had complements rather that silly or offensive comments. People here shared my opinion that long hair can be beautiful, fun, original and not impractical or hard to keep.

    I have been in counselling for a year now, with a break in-between, totalling to about 20 sessions.

    I came back to this forum recently and stuck around which has caused me to think a lot about my hair and what I can do with it, through being here and going to my counselling, I have managed to no longer feel the need to keep hold of my control through my hair. I can now engage with the recovery process and let go of those old coping mechanisms. Today, for the first time in fourteen years I cut it.

    Calmly and decisively, I trimmed from knee length to classic.
    I love the new look and the feel. Though it may take some getting used to, itís more even now and I cut in a way to keep my ends looking untrimmed, the way I like it.

    Keeping my hair uncut kept me sane, gave me something to focus my strength on, gave me something to love and nurture when I couldnít nurture or love myself and gave me something no one has managed to take away from me; choice.

    Now that Iím free to cut my hair without losing that control, I finally feel on my way to becoming empowered.

    I want to thank everyone here for being such amazing, confident and encouraging women and men. I donít know if other peopleís hair represents to them, anything as deep and meaningful as mine has to me, but I sure would like to know. That is the primary reason I joined the site.

    Thanks for reading my some what of a modern hairytale.

  2. #2
    Member silverjen's Avatar
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    You are a brave and beautiful woman. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

  3. #3
    Member OR Cowgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    Huge, huge hug! I'm so glad this is a good place for you and thrilled that you're getting help for yourself!

    Mariah
    "Sorry don't get it done, Dude." -- John Wayne in "Rio Bravo"
    ?/56.5/50~2b/c~ii (I'm 5'4" tall)

  4. #4
    Member sedonia's Avatar
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    Thank you for sharing that, and I'm glad you are beginning the process of healing yourself.
    "The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason" Benjamin Franklin

  5. #5
    Member LadyG's Avatar
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    You are lovely, wonderful, brave and courageous. Thank you for sharing yourself with us.......

  6. #6
    The No Spin Zone christine1989's Avatar
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    What an inspiring story! Its awful that you had to experience something so traumatic but I'm so glad your story has a happy ending. It takes a lot of courage to cut the hair that you clung to in times of emotional hardship- I doubt many people would be able to have done that.

  7. #7
    Account Closed by Member Request
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    I wasn't quite sure what to say about this story at first. It's beautiful and definitely difficult to read at the same time.

    I am glad that you are getting help. You are a very brave young woman. Hugs.

  8. #8
    Hiding in plain sight spidermom's Avatar
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    I hope you share a picture of your new look one of these days. I'm really glad that formerly shut down areas in your Self are beginning to open.

  9. #9
    Member fairy_ends_girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    Zoe, I am very proud of you. Thank you for sharing. Enjoy your new found freedom and your new cut.

  10. #10
    Member sunshine80's Avatar
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    Default Re: A story. I really want to share with you.

    zoe big ((((((((hugs))))))))))) it seems that you had to grow up really fast...what happened to you is horrible and i hope those people rot in hell!!!!!!!! I understand about your hair and how keeping it long is like your shelter....i wish you the absolute best! you seem so strong...keep on rocking on girl!!!!
    "Never look down on someone, unless your helping them up"

    *2010 chemical damage...slowly cutting damage out*

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