Mama don't want no curly hair round here!

[Vicky Veiss]

My mother is not a hair person. Her hair is baby-fine, has been kept quite short most of her life, and although she home-permed it for a long time in the 1960s and '70s -- I remember the smell! -- she never enjoyed messing with it, nor with anyone else's. So I had a pixie cut for wash-and-wearability until I was five.

Then, in 1967, my mod teenage cousins from England visited, wearing miniskirts and ultra-fashionable long straight hair. I loved the way that looked, and insisted on growing mine out. My mother agreed, with the condition that now I was responsible for it, and if I let it get snarled and nasty, she was going to cut it off again. I'm sure she thought this was going to be a six-month phase at most, but I have not had a significant cut in the four decades since. Hee!

She did insist that I trim it once in a while, since she thought tapered ends looked ratty, but this was never really a battle between us -- or at least I don't remember it that way. I thought she was fairly easygoing about such things. So I didn't have a strong impression of how little my mother cares for hair until just the other day. We went to my son's elementary school to pick him up, and as we were crossing the playground, I spotted a little girl I've noticed before. She's noticeable and no mistake; her hair is mid-back, thick and curly, and a glorious deep red; the sort of color you almost always only see on children before it fades to a less intense shade, and IMO is all the more beautiful for being ephemeral. I pointed her out to Mom, with the intention of saying, "Isn't that marvelous!"

What did Mom reply?

"Ugh! How can you even brush hair like that? It looks like a nightmare!"

I blinked a couple of times and mentioned wide-tooth combs and plenty of conditioner... but good gracious, Mom! It was the end of the school day and the kid had been running around the playground, so of course it didn't look perfectly neat and smooth at that moment, but not one person in a thousand has hair of that color and texture. It's like a national treasure! (My husband had curly red hair when I met him, point of fact. I love it.) Who wouldn't go to a little bit of trouble to maintain such a head-turningly beautiful mop?

Not Mom, apparently! I can imagine, having read so many people's accounts of childhood hair wars, that this might have become a major battleground between us if my hair had been curly or otherwise needed some special handling to look "tidy". My sympathy for those who did have big struggles over their hair has just jumped several notches...

Vicky

[Medvssa]

My mother found my curls beautiful, but was utterly clueless as to how to manage it I had to figure it out myself as a teenager. She tried though. She only gave me one big chop. I would say she is a 1b.

[Gothic Lolita]

I'm sorry that your mother doesn't understand your fascination for long and pretty hair. When I see a true redhead, I'm always amazed, because I adore the color.

I think we just have to accept that hair just isn't always in other people priorities. They probably like things we can't understand.
But I understand why you were kind of shocked by your mother's comment on that little girl. Almost everyone has hair so you shoudln't react in such an extreme way....

[harpgal]

Vicky, you have described my mom exactly and you have my greatest sympathy. Not only does she see no value in red hair but for most of my life, she has criticized my own hair. She is almost 86 and still comes up with the most creative ways to be negative (and destructive).

[lora410]

My dd5 has curly light brown hair with natural blond highlights in it. Although I myself would never want curly hair again; I always tell her her curls are beautiful. They are a pain in the butt between knots, giving it lots of moisture, and combing time. She is growing her curlies to her bum and even though I know it will be harder for me to take care of them I always encourage her to let them grow and pray for the day she can do her own hair

[Fillette]

I guess hair is less important to some people than it is to others. I am mixed (half black, half white) so my mother -who has straight hair- never really knew how to handle my hair. She has always loved my curls and encouraged me to wear my hair naturally, however, neither one of us ever believed that my hair could get past shoulder-lenght. I know better now. I so am glad I found this community!!!

[MemSahib]

This mom-not-knowing-what-to-do-with-daughter's-hair cuts both ways. My mother had curls. I do not. She kept giving me perms in an attempt to make me fit the 50s image of "normal" little girls. I should have had a straight bob and let it go at that. It would have been much easier on all of us. But she was a sweetheart and never let me know how hard my hair was for her until not long ago, actually.

I would like to point out that these mothers are NOT jealous, which is what I hear most of the time here at LHC. They genuinely don't care about hair and do not want to mess with it when it's long.

[Nevermore]

I would like to point out that these mothers are NOT jealous, which is what I hear most of the time here at LHC. They genuinely don't care about hair and do not want to mess with it when it's long.

I'm glad your mother isn't jealous of your hair, but some of them definitely are. Like mine.

[MoldyCake]

My mom used to give me the most horrible bowl cuts when I was very young, about 3 - 7. I hated it, I used to cry and complain. It was kind of a necessary evil though because we lived in Florida and it got SO hot in the summer and my hair was so long. I was quite a tom boy and loved being outside and often refused when she tried to force me to drink water so I wouldn’t get dehydrated or over heated, so she had no other choice but to chop for the simple fact she thought it would protect me against heat stroke.

Mom's huh, they scar us for life but only because they care.

[30isthenewblack]

My mother and father are both from the same country but my mother has afro curly hair (like the Jackson 5s) and my father has straight hair so my hair turned out to be an afro curly texture, my oldest brother's hair has gorgeous afro hair like my mother and my other brother has a straight wavy texture which suits him as well.

I think I'm one of the minority not on this board but in life generally who has always loved her curls. You don't know how many times I've turned around to my mother and thanked her for giving me this hair and this uniqueness. I've always embraced my curls and never straightened my hair. I laugh when people look at my hair and think it's high maintenance and then look at a girl who spends hours straightening their hair and think that their hairstyle is just wash and go. I wash my hair, put some product in it and let it dry naturally and that's it. Other days, I just fluff up my hair a little bit and walk out the door.

My biggest gripe at the hairdressers is when they assume that all women with curly hair have a burning desire to have their hair straight. Not so! I have never wanted straight hair. I feel offended that I need to explain that I wear my hair curly and I do not blow dry it straight. It has been a struggle at times living in Australia where people do not have the knowledge to look after my hair type (my hair was butchered when I was 14 because the hairdresser thought it would be easier to handle) nor do I have the option to buy products that would be readily available in a country like America with an African American population. My wax has been discontinued and I have tried out five waxes already which is quite an expensive exercise but with the internet, I have access to a variety of information that Australian hairdressers cannot provide. I work in an industry where the majority of people are Caucasian Australian with straight or controlled curly hair and I know that I've missed out on jobs early on in my career because I chose to wear my hair curly and had racist comments directed my way but it made me a stronger, more determined person and never once, did I compromise.

I know a lot of women in Australia who chemically straighten or iron their hair and their boyfriends or husbands have commented that they like their hair straight and do not 'allow' them to wear it curly. One husband even commented that his wife was 'lazy' when she left her hair curly and this woman had the most gorgeous head of curls that I have ever seen. Another girl's boyfriend mentioned that he does not like curly hair. She chemically straightens her hair every six months and whilst it looks good from a distance, she knows that it is damaged. It is one thing to straighten your hair when you are young but it is another to keep up the maintenance and expense when you are pregnant or you have children. It makes me wonder what their husbands would think if their children had curly hair. I could never marry someone who did not think that my natural curls were beautiful.

My hair has always been one of my finest assets and I would love to have a daughter with the same texture hair as me. I love all textures of hair but I think curly hair personifies me and my feisty attitude to life and I've always had the confidence to wear my hair curly and proud.