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Thread: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

  1. #121
    Member Ursula's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Amoretti View Post
    Ursula said in response to my post:


    As I said,
    People I "know" means people who have been on this site for some time and who have posted frequently. So of course that means someone like you would be accepted.
    As I said before (sigh) this system only applies to people I don't know or who are completely new. I have already had a weird stalkerish type so I am glad I am at least minimally cautious.
    I knew what you meant - I'm just amused to think of how these types of rules (not just in this case, but in general) can get weired when arbitrarily applied.
    I am opting out of the "Friends" system. All requests will be declined.
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  2. #122
    Secwet Wannabee Wavee Juliet's Silk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Amoretti View Post
    As I said before (sigh) this system only applies to people I don't know or who are completely new. I have already had a weird stalkerish type so I am glad I am at least minimally cautious.
    I think that's important. I feel no one should expect that people leave comments; some people are just more chatty than others. Your blog, Amoretti, is slightly different than most other blogs though, because you usually encourage discussion instead of just sharing your experiences, which makes your blog stand out, so I can see why you would "expect" people to leave comments.
    I never participated in the "photo journal chats" and I'm still not participating in threads with no topic other then "[insert generic compliment here]" - guess that comes because I'm a "old" (applying to actual time spent in the internet, not age, lol) forum user and was already around when the newsgroups and slooooow modems existed, so maybe I went through a harder school concerning netiquette than others.
    The comments have made it easier for me to just drop a short line about something, something I'd never do in the forums itself. Still, I'm a rather quiet one - and if I have access to your journal, you can bet quite a lot that I'm lurking in it even though I never comment. I really like the comments feature, because with the old journals, I would frequently read something and wanted to add something to it, but always felt that it wasn't worth the hassle of writing a PM, so I hardly every said anything. With the comments, it's easier, so I'm slowly getting better at commenting.

    Wintersun - I can understand. However, you should know that it is optional to enable the comment feature. Someone who did not want to receive comments could simply disable the feature for their blog, or enable/disable it for single blog entries. For someone who has the commenting feature enabled, it's very likely that s/he is happy to receive comments.

    On the other hand, new members should not feel left out just because they're not "granted" access to everything right away - with the private blogs, it's just as with the other privileges one can gain here, there just is no set rule when you can gain them. But you can, no worries. It's just that we're quite cautious by habit and experience taught most of us that we're cautious for good reasons. I know that LHC is an unusual place in the Internet in that regard - almost all people are so naive when it comes to safety in the Internet that they don't realize that the boundaries and privileges LHC sets are there for good reasons. I think it is good that LHC teaches us caution every day.

    I don't feel like the contact feature itself is sneaky - I have added some contacts, mostly because I felt that the persons I was adding didn't want someone to "intrude" their privacy with a friends request. I wanted to grant those people access to my blog because I cared about the fact that they could read it, mostly because I enjoyed their journals/blogs/posts in the past. Since my blog is private, it's quite easy to realize that I granted you access, without outright telling you. I share something without expecting to get something in return, because I feel that those persons "deserve" (now that's a strong word) that.

    ETA: Now I know I worded the deserve-thingie bad... I don't want to say that other people don't deserve it. Eh. YKWIM?
    Last edited by Juliet's Silk; July 14th, 2008 at 10:52 AM.

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  3. #123
    Member dor3girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Amoretti View Post
    I get a few friends requests per week, actually. I have a sort of system to see if I want to accept someone (I haven't refused anyone so far):

    -I check out their Blog if they have one and get a general feel for the person's personality.
    - I also look at their posts in the post record (in their profile) and see what type of posts they make.
    -I look at the other people on their friends list. If they are people I already know and am also friends with it's a plus. If their friends list is short because they're new I concentrate on the tone of their posts to get a feel for them.
    -I check out their albums to see if they're serious about growing their own hair long. This is an important step because a weird stalker wouldn't be growing their own hair long and making comments on it. Okay, they might (LOL), but it's unlikely.
    - I read the conversations they've had with other members on their Profile Page.

    If the person seems normal after all of that I accept the friends request. This only applies to people I've never interacted with , BTW. People I already know I accept right away.

    So far this system has worked for me. I might be doing a little cropping of my friends list in the near future though. I think if people on it have never bothered to interact with me they lose the right to read my Blog. Why should I share intimate details of my life with someone who never, ever comments? Quid pro quo, folks!
    Ok, I totally like your friend filtering method--not sure if I would make it into your friend list, but maybe I will steal your technique in the future. . . I don't really worry about hair stalkers, cause mine isn't as long as a lot of people's (so nothing special for someone to stalk). Great advice!

  4. #124
    Member DavidN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Ursula View Post
    I can see someone not wanting to let another person have access if that person has denied the first person access. Right now, there is no way to know that the access remains mutual without using the public "friends" list, which lets all of LHC know it is mutual, even though the rest of LHC doesn't really need to know for that security purpose.
    Ironically, when I had some early friend requests turned down, I left the members who rejected them on my list of contacts, just in case they would like to "know" me better by reading my blog (my blog is friends/contacts only), and possibly grant me access to their blogs at some future time once they knew me. I realized this was pointless after a few weeks, so I removed these members from my contacts list, with one exception. I left one person on my list of contacts, since she explained her "friends policy" very clearly on her profile page, and also because she made a nice comment in my blog.

  5. #125

    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by Juliet's Silk View Post
    Wintersun - I can understand. However, you should know that it is optional to enable the comment feature. Someone who did not want to receive comments could simply disable the feature for their blog, or enable/disable it for single blog entries. For someone who has the commenting feature enabled, it's very likely that s/he is happy to receive comments.
    well, doh! now I know...


  6. #126
    Member berr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    I've been on this forum.. off and on for several years. I've never struck on any friendships. I'm too old school to worry about anything like friends lists or what sort of protocol I must adhere to to validate myself. I remember when I was young and I admired those old gals that had the confidence to speak their minds without fear of repercussion. Now I'm there and loving every minute of it. If people have difficulty with my opinions their difficulty is something that is within themselves and not of my doing. One of my favorite quotes, 'We do not see things as THEY are, we see things as WE are'. That is why I find internet arguments so silly. People take themselves far too seriously sometimes. Of course, I think anyone that has been online long enough to see most of the crap from usenet groups, open political forums, etc might find any argument that gets heated is a bit of a let down. I do love a good discussion but they can rarely go on very long without someone taking offense and getting po'd.

    As for the blogs.. I don't even blog on my myspace page. There are hundreds of pictures there but they aren't hair related, they are family and just life in general related. So, if it takes blogging to make friends I will thankfully remain friendless. LOL

    JMHO, I liked the older forum better with the hair pic threads. I rarely read them, but every once in a while there would be a referral in the general chat area that would make me go look. I absolutely admired a few pictures in there that gave me a lot of incentive to grow. The ones that come to mind quickly were the ones in the cemetary of a gal with long dark hair. There was also a guy that had really long hair and if I'm not mistaken, he and the gal in the cemetary pics were in the same thread. THANKS to both of you for sharing those. They were awesome.

  7. #127
    Admin in Absentia Dianyla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by berr View Post
    I absolutely admired a few pictures in there that gave me a lot of incentive to grow. The ones that come to mind quickly were the ones in the cemetary of a gal with long dark hair. There was also a guy that had really long hair and if I'm not mistaken, he and the gal in the cemetary pics were in the same thread. THANKS to both of you for sharing those. They were awesome.
    Oh yeah, that was a great thread! (The people in it were Lady Godiva and DaveDecker, btw.)
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  8. #128
    Member berr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Thank you for clarifying, Dianyla

    A big thank you to Lady Godiva and Dave Decker for being my inspiration at a low point for me to keep struggling. Both of them had absolutely fabulous hair in those scenic pictures.

  9. #129
    mythical equestrian Lady Godiva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by berr View Post
    Thank you for clarifying, Dianyla

    A big thank you to Lady Godiva and Dave Decker for being my inspiration at a low point for me to keep struggling. Both of them had absolutely fabulous hair in those scenic pictures.
    Yeah, thanks, Dianyla.

    Berr, I am touched that a moment of invention and frolic became a source of help for you at that point in time. My mum always says that we never know when and how we might touch others' live. How true. I value that those images held depth and meaning beyond just our own self-expression. Thank you, more than you might know.
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  10. #130
    Member DaveDecker's Avatar
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    Default Re: Explanation of Contacts & Friends

    Quote Originally Posted by berr View Post
    Thank you for clarifying, Dianyla

    A big thank you to Lady Godiva and Dave Decker for being my inspiration at a low point for me to keep struggling. Both of them had absolutely fabulous hair in those scenic pictures.
    Hi Berr! I am glad to have been party to this collection of photos that provided timely inspiration for you.
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