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Thread: My Mom hates my new hair

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    Member SandyStar's Avatar
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    Default My Mom hates my new hair

    My Mom hates my new hair. I oil it with coconut oil and use catnip and it makes my hair really shiny.

    My Mom said it was too shiny and it made it look like my hair was blacker. She says I should dye my hair brown because black is not a nice colour. This is sad because she is Asian too and she thinks black hair is ugly. I personally love my deep black hair. I like it more shiny. My Mom said my blacker, shinier hair looks unnatural and fake, which is a total mystery to me because I am using natural products on my hair and I have not dyed my hair a deeper black, this is my natural hair colour. I guess the shine makes it seem blacker.

    I think my Mom hates Asian hair. She used to perm my hair when I was little. It totally fried my hair. I used to think split ends and horribly tangly hair was normal. Now without the damage my hair doesn't tangle and I can't find a single split end.

    I just wish my Mom would be more supportive instead of telling me I am making my hair uglier.

    Weird how she thinks perms and lightening my hair will make it seem more natural when that is the opposite of what it is doing. My natural hair IS black and my natural hair is STRAIGHT. I think my Mom has something against Asian hair. She herself has short permed hair. I personally think it is damaged.

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    Brump! Siava's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    Aww, hon. Don't let your mom wreck your self image. It's a shame she's projecting her dislikes onto you, but as the saying goes around here, you are not here to decorate her world. You do what you like. If you think your hair looks good, that's all that matters. *virtual hugs*

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    Member SandyStar's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    Thanks Siava. It is hard sometimes because I live with my Mom and she is always getting on my case about how my hair is too black and shiny now.

    You're right, I think she is projecting her dislikes onto me. It's my hair and I will wear it the way I want..

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    Member Sissy's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    Quote Originally Posted by SandyStar View Post
    Thanks Siava. It is hard sometimes because I live with my Mom and she is always getting on my case about how my hair is too black and shiny now.

    You're right, I think she is projecting her dislikes onto me. It's my hair and I will wear it the way I want..
    yes, it sounds like that's what she's doing. Hopefully, in time, she will accept your hair for what it is or at least keep the nasty comments to herself.

    Lady Arduinna, Keeper of the North Forest in the Order of the Long Haired Knights!

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    Member Dachsdragon's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    I think your hair is absolutely beautiful. Unfortunately because we are so close with our mums they think its ok to have opinions that they should keep to themselves. They don't realise how hurtful some of those opinions can be.
    Life isn't a matter of milestones, but of moments. ~Rose Kennedy

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    Hiding in plain sight spidermom's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    What a miserable person she must be! It's your hair, and she doesn't get a vote. By your avatar, I think your hair looks gorgeous.

    You could turn it back on her and say hers looks too brown and isn't shiny enough.

    When I was about 11/12 years old, my mother decided that my hair looked too fake because it would bleach out to a white-blonde shade in the summer, then I'd have darker roots in the winter. So she started bleaching my hair with a product called Summer Blonde so that it wouldn't look bleached. Crazy!

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    Member SandyStar's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    Yeah, thanks for the support. I just wish my Mom liked my natural hair just the way it is. I never say bad things about her hair.

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    Member linda g's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    Aw, I'm sorry to hear your mom has that attitude There is nothing wrong with your hair (it is gorgeous!), but it sounds like she has a hard time accepting her own cultural background, which is a very sad thing.

    When I was a kid, I wanted "Asian hair" like some of my friends had, but alas, it was brown and wavy, and not deep black and glossy. So you have my dream hair.

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    Brump! Siava's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    I know exactly how you feel. My mom did the exact same thing (except her chosen color for me was blonde). It finally got to the point a few years ago that I simply couldn't take it anymore. I was in tears and completely unloaded, letting her know how hurtful and hateful I found her snippy comments to be, how good I always felt until she badmouthed my decisions, and then I reminded her that I thought she was beautiful no matter what her hair looked like. I never ever questioned her hair coloring/styling choices. If anything I always complimented, so made sure to put emphasis on those facts. Now, she rarely ever says anything about my hair and when she does all I have to do is give her "the look" and she apologizes.

    It's highly likely that your mom doesn't realize the effect her words have on you.

  10. #10
    Hiding in plain sight spidermom's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom hates my new hair

    Quote Originally Posted by SandyStar View Post
    Yeah, thanks for the support. I just wish my Mom liked my natural hair just the way it is. I never say bad things about her hair.
    And that makes you the better person. If you've already told her that listening to criticism about your hair hurts your feelings, and she keeps it up, that's mean. I don't think it would be out of line to tell her you've already heard her opinion and don't need to hear it again. Or at least "please stop; you already told me this."

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