Please, please, please help (also, am new!)

**browndaisies** · May 25th, 2009, 10:18 AM

Hi, this is my first time posting.

I came here in desperation after cutting my hair for about the 10th time this week. Let me explain... I think I have a condition called "hair-cut-o-mania".
I'm 19 years old, and I haven't had long hair since grade 2 (when I was about 7). In grade 6 it was semi long, but I've never had it past my shoulders since.

After high school finished a while ago I had a breakdown of some sort and decided to cut my hair. Then I decided to shave a strip of my hair off because I didn't like my haircut.
Then I went to my hairdresser so she could 'fix up' my mistake, but it was really obvious so I decided to let her "do something funky" with it. Only it was the most horrible, horrible, ridiculous haircut in the world.

She had shaved one chunk, grew out long another part, had another part extremely short, and the back of my hair was diagonal, and shaved all underneath. It was disgusting.
Anyway, it's 5 months later now, and I had to self-trim (too embarrassed to go to a hairdresser) to try and make it even, and I wasn't satisfied...

So every time I went into the bathroom I'd try to correct it... until the point where all my 'growing out' was useless, because I had gotten ridden of it. It's like I am addicted to cutting my hair and I won't simply let it grow partly because I'm so impatient and partly because my hair grows so slow, I just get frustrated and take it out on myself.

I have desired long, beautiful hair for 3 years. I actually get depressed thinking about it. I know I don't have a real (technical) question, but I was just wondering if any of you know a way to distract myself, or have any suggestions...? My hair is still currently uneven, and I'm wondering what length to grow it out to in order to get a trim to even it out.

I would really appreciate any advice, any words of wisdom (or personal experience)... I'm really going crazy and don't know how to leave my hair alone.
Thanks so much, Emma.

P.S Would it help if I posted a picture? Maybe you can tell me how I should get it cut in a way that it will grow out well into long hair- if that makes sense. Or perhaps you could link me to a picture of short hair that is a good style for growing out...?

**angelthadiva** · May 25th, 2009, 10:38 AM

Hi Welcome

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down about your hair. As you know, growing long hair is not something that can be done over night. It requires a lot of time, patience and a lot of yucky in-between stages...I'm thinking about the whole growing out bangs process.

If I were you, I would stop cutting and stop trying to fix things by yourself. Let it grow until you can manage to get a style that is even or close to even all over. If you are daring, cut it all off and start over.

We are really about growing hair, so I'm hesitant to tell you to cut, but with all the different lengths you have going on and you sound so unhappy...One thing you could do while you are transitioning is to buy a wig to wear.

Gentle hugs to you.

Ps. One thing we do around here if someone is thinking of doing something drastic (cut/color/perm) is to wait 2 weeks. This helps to avoid those spontaneous things we might later regret...Posting a pic is always helpful.

**Lamb** · May 25th, 2009, 11:03 AM

Is it all about your hair, or do you have other problems you are taking out on your hair? Stress does weird things to us sometimes.

I recommend you go to a different hairdresser, tell her that you want to grow your hair out (name APL as a goal length) and you want to start fresh. Ask her to even out your ends (you have probably given yourself some splits with all that self-trimming if you use regular scissors), and give it a regular shape from which to grow.

Then, get some cute kerchiefs, snoods, bandanas, hats, and wear them for three months. Go back to the salon every three months to get a small trim to avoid a mullet.

And read Igor's article on growing from bald, there is also a "shortie" thread on the Mane forum and a social club for people starting out from short haircuts.

For the stress and impulsive cutting, look at your life and see what needs fixing. Sometimes we cut our hair because that's the easiest to "fix" and you get instant gratification in the process. Not a good idea.

Welcome!

**Rapunzal2Be** · May 25th, 2009, 01:07 PM

Hi and welcome!

I have cut and colored my hair when I 'needed a change' because I was going through something stressful, or even just plain bored (I like a lot of change in my life). And I've often regretted it. So I can sympathize.

Like it was already mentioned, the 'two week wait' is a good thing to keep in mind. Just don't do anything to your hair spontaneously. Really think it through.

Set a plan, maybe blog it or write it out, and then stick to it. Keep your focus on your short term goals (so you can celebrate small successes) and then remind yourself often of your long term goals.

It would help to see a photo to give advice on where you should go from here.

But maybe just keep getting small trims until you have an even hemline (even if that's as short as a bob or shoulder length if that's where you are starting out). Or if you are as short as a pixie or something, maybe find a stylist and tell them your goal is to grow it out and they can suggest hair styles as you progress until you are down to one length.

**mgirl** · May 25th, 2009, 04:58 PM

Hi Emma
I'm new here too, and we have very very similar stories to tell, except my problem isn't an obsession with cutting, it's an obsession with colouring (which leads to cutting, inevitably..)

I'm also nineteen and have just bleached the LIFE out of my hair, and coloured it over with brown dye.. so now my hair feels like cotton wool and has absolutely no shine or lustre, and the colour is so monotone it looks like a piece of carpet.
This is the THIRD time I have done this. YES.. I have grown my hair out healthy TWICE.

I had intended to grow my hair really long, and healthy, with no colour on it at all. But alas.... here we are again
I suffer from BDD, do you think it's possible you do too? Your story struck a chord with me.

Well, we can both start a fresh now.
I really think the best thing is to NOT obsess over it. The more you think about it, the more you're gonna wanna mess with it.
I'm also learning that you have to find some sort of comfort in your own skin. I'm trying to be more happy about how I look, I think that's the first step to stop this self destruction thing I've got going.
I completely understand the depression you're describing when you think about it... it's difficult on here aswell.. all these ladies with their gorgeous long healthy hair. But we all gotta start somewhere

If the unevenness isn't that noticeable, I would definately leave it alone for as long as possible. You can do stuff with your hair that doesn't involve a pair of scissors.. if you have to fuss over it. Deep condition, scalp massages, anything.. but no more cutting.
I really do wish you loads of luck
x

**browndaisies** · May 25th, 2009, 10:35 PM

Thank you for your kind and encouraging comment

You're definitely right that I have to leave it alone (trust me, it even helps having someone say it back to me). And I just purchased a wig! Even though it's rather cheap and synthetic... but I just wanted to see if wigs could suit me.

Even though it's embarrassing, here are some pictures of my hair:
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c6...o/P5252583.jpg
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c6...o/P5252588.jpg (the front is actually not bad)
but the sides and back...
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c6...o/P5252589.jpg
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c6...o/P5252590.jpg
and because the tiny hairs on the back of the neck were uneven, and i accidentally cut a chunk out whilst trying to even them out, i shaved the whole area off:
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c6...o/P5252602.jpg

I have no idea how my hair is going to grow out at the back now, but I have a feeling it won't be good?

So yes, Front = Good http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c6...o/P5252603.jpg
Side/back = Disaster http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c6...o/P5252607.jpg

I hope the pictures help! But your advice has been of great help already.

**browndaisies** · May 25th, 2009, 10:37 PM

^ That was in response to angelthadiva btw, but I am going to reply to the others now!

**browndaisies** · May 25th, 2009, 10:42 PM

Originally Posted by Lamb

Is it all about your hair, or do you have other problems you are taking out on your hair? Stress does weird things to us sometimes.

I recommend you go to a different hairdresser, tell her that you want to grow your hair out (name APL as a goal length) and you want to start fresh. Ask her to even out your ends (you have probably given yourself some splits with all that self-trimming if you use regular scissors), and give it a regular shape from which to grow.

Then, get some cute kerchiefs, snoods, bandanas, hats, and wear them for three months. Go back to the salon every three months to get a small trim to avoid a mullet.

And read Igor's article on growing from bald, there is also a "shortie" thread on the Mane forum and a social club for people starting out from short haircuts.

For the stress and impulsive cutting, look at your life and see what needs fixing. Sometimes we cut our hair because that's the easiest to "fix" and you get instant gratification in the process. Not a good idea.

Welcome!

Yes, I had other things going on

And they're still kind of continuing. I had to defer uni for 1 year due to a leg injury, so I don't have any distractions (like assignments or classmates)! So it feels like time is going slower than it actually is.

I think your idea to go to a different hairdresser is great. I think I will go to one once my hair is long enough to even out (I posted some pictures in response to another comment, if you wanted to see). I'm not sure exactly how long is 'long' enough?

Thanks for the encouraging comment

I think I will go and buy some cute things for my hair as you said.

**browndaisies** · May 25th, 2009, 10:46 PM

Originally Posted by Rapunzal2Be

Hi and welcome!

I have cut and colored my hair when I 'needed a change' because I was going through something stressful, or even just plain bored (I like a lot of change in my life). And I've often regretted it. So I can sympathize.

Like it was already mentioned, the 'two week wait' is a good thing to keep in mind. Just don't do anything to your hair spontaneously. Really think it through.

Set a plan, maybe blog it or write it out, and then stick to it. Keep your focus on your short term goals (so you can celebrate small successes) and then remind yourself often of your long term goals.

It would help to see a photo to give advice on where you should go from here.

But maybe just keep getting small trims until you have an even hemline (even if that's as short as a bob or shoulder length if that's where you are starting out). Or if you are as short as a pixie or something, maybe find a stylist and tell them your goal is to grow it out and they can suggest hair styles as you progress until you are down to one length.

Hi and thanks for your comment

I am beginning to think this 2 week thing is a really good idea. I never really think about what I am going to do to my hair; I just cut it on impulse (usually when I'm unhappy- or bored like you say).
I posted some pictures in response to another comment so it would be great if I could hear your advice on what length you think would be good to go and see a hairdresser and have it evened out.
But I think your idea of a goal is really good; I've never done that before.

Is an even hemline just even hair lengths around the whole head? I really massacred the layering of my hair... oh dear

**Debra83** · May 25th, 2009, 10:48 PM

Quite a few of us mess with our hair when we're stressed. I dyed mine 3 times in one week once. I even talked to a hairdresser about it and she did the same thing over stress. That is when I realized what I was doing - I didn't really "think" about it before that - it just happened.

I think it's a way we feel we have control over our life. And, as another member stated, it is instant gratification - we immediately see the changes that we chose to do and it makes us feel better.

There are many ways that people deal and cope with stresses that result in even worse self-harm. The trick is to see the pattern, and deal in a positive way with the stress. I hope you are able to battle your demons in a healthy, productive manner from now on!

Members here are very helpful and caring, and come from many different walks in life, and many would have deep insights to issues that would be invaluable for anyone to draw on.

Welcome to the site, and healthy growing to you.