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Thread: Family harassment again...

  1. #1
    Member joyfulmom4's Avatar
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    Default Family harassment again...

    Here I thought we were past this (having gone over this territory so many times before) but my mom gave me the "you should cut your hair" lecture again this week. I was surprised at how much it still hurt and how much it affected my self-confidence, even though I really love my long hair.

    We went to a water park with the kids last week for a couple of days for spring break. While in the hotel room, mom was watching me comb out and oil my hair. Then she started in with the not-so-subtle hints.

    "I saw a woman at the store the other day with 'your hair' (meaning thick, wavy hair like mine). She had it cut about shoulder length with pretty layers and bangs and it looked so beautiful and flattering on her."

    "Uh huh. Sounds nice."

    Long pause while I go on ignoring her and she sits there waiting for me to take the bait.

    "That was a hint, you know."

    "Yes. And I am ignoring it. I am sure her hair was very nice but I like my hair just fine the way it is."

    "But it would look so much nicer if you cut it. Your hair isn't flattering. It's too long. It makes you look old. You'd look so much prettier with a shorter style."

    "Mom, I like my long hair. We've had this discussion before and you know I don't want to cut my hair. In fact, I'm letting it grow longer. Maybe someday I'll decide to cut it, but for now, I am just letting it grow to see how long it will get. Perhaps by this time next year, it will be to my knees!"

    (Big gasp of horror and disgust!) "Oh no! You're not really going to do that are you? That's just crazy. Why would you want to do that? That's awful. No way. You're not going to do that!"

    "Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But it's not up to you. You know that I like long hair. I always have. Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved long hair. That hasn't changed throughout the years. Whether I was a kid, a teen, a young adult or a 40-something mother, I have loved long hair. And so I am wearing it this way. I always loved paisley too, by the way, so I wear that as well. I guess that makes me a long-haired hippie? I know you don't like long hair and you feel I would look better with another style. But how I wear my hair is not up to you. (And borrowing my favorite LHC reply...) I AM NOT HERE TO DECORATE YOUR WORLD"

    End of discussion.

    At the time, I thought I handled it well. It was all calm and not upset or emotional. I thought I was OK with it. But since then, I notice myself being more self-critical and seeing myself as old and frumpy when I look in the mirror.

    So I had to vent here. I know you guys will cheer me up.


    Proud member of the Renegray Gang

  2. #2
    Member Gutterfayrie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    Good for you!!!
    Lady Mephit of the Earthen Valley in the Order of the Long Haired Knights

  3. #3
    Mistress of Cyrulea JamieLeigh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    If having long hair is "old" and "frumpy", then why do so many young celebrities spend so much money to get long extensions, so they can mimic what you have going on naturally?

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with things like this in your own family. I'm sure my turn will come one day, since I've been pretty much left alone for the last few years. Family should be supportive, not critical, in situations like this where your decision isn't hurting you or anyone else. The time to be critical would be "Why are you letting your child ride with no car seat?" Something that is obviously dangerous or unlawful. Not style decisions!!!

    = from me and everyone else with an open mind and a loving heart

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  4. #4
    Member Kerynna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    Wow, sounds like you held up much better than I would have. I love the way you handled it. I'm sorry you had to deal with those critical comments from your mom. I wonder, if you were to cut your hair in exactly the way she wants, would she just come up with some other aspect of your appearance to harangue you about?

    Your hair is absolutely radiant and gorgeous, by the way.
    ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~ * ~~
    Lady Kephiso of the Daytime Dreaming in the Order of the Long Haired Knights

  5. #5
    Idiopathic Subgenius Xandergrammy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. Your hair is drop dead gorgeous and some people will just never understand our love for very long, beautiful hair. Don't let your mom bring down your self esteem and happiness with your hair. My guess is that if you cut your hair exactly the way your mom suggests, she'd find something else to "suggest". Some people are just like that. Hugs to you.


    P.S. Hey Kerynna, I posted this without reading your comment. "Great minds think alike!"
    Last edited by Xandergrammy; March 24th, 2009 at 09:30 AM. Reason: added P.S.

    Avatar picture is Mystic Mermaid byJessica Galbreth Copyright 2006
    Proud vice leader of the Renegrays -Pictures!

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    I don't know if it helps at all, but most of my girlfriends have longer hair. The age range is 20's - 50's. I am talking bra strap or longer, which I know is not long for here, but in the real world it is... I don't think any of them look frumpy. Two of my friends with shorter hair are in the process of growing it long. My 66 year old mom would KILL for hair like mine. No one I know is considering chopping it off. Also included is a set of 30-ish identical and one has long hair and one short (chin length). The longer haired one doesn't look any older or frumpier!

    Have you told your mom how much it hurts for her to say these things? I would probably say something to the effect of, "I love you, but this conversation hurts my feelings and I feel unsupported. I just won't discuss it ever again." Then I would walk away the next time she brings it up. But of course, not everyone would feel comfortable saying that to their mom, I understand that.
    Last edited by ravenreed; March 24th, 2009 at 09:29 AM. Reason: typo, darnit
    My routine has changed since starting to use Rogaine regularly to try to regain some thickness. I still cleanse every other day, but I use T/Sal shampoo, followed by my beloved Suave Wild Cherry conditioner. A vinegar rinse and catnip leave in follow.

  7. #7
    Member Jim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    Gosh. Looking at your pictures it is hard to imagine what your mother sees. Your hair is beautiful. Don't let her biases sway you. She has her own conception of what looks good and that is okay. It's just to bad she feels the need to impose it on others.

    I think you handled it very well. So, you have beautiful hair, and you are diplomatic too. What's to be critical about?

    Jim

  8. #8
    Hiding in plain sight spidermom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    You handled that very well, I think. Good for you! With or without criticism from an outside source, I think we all have days when we wonder if a different hair style would be more flattering or easier. I had a day like that yesterday, and nobody was harrassing me.

  9. #9
    Member kdaniels8811's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    I am envious of your hair, it is beautiful! I a sorry your mom is not being more supportive, why do the people we love the most have to be like that? You did handle it well, I would of been in tears - and twice as determined to NEVER cut my hair.. Yours is very beautiful.
    AKA MotoGirl... August 2014 - WAIST! Four years after growing out from bald due to chemo.

  10. #10
    ambivalent long hair Akiko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family harassment again...

    I am sorry you had to go through that. I am the same age as you. I would feel hurt if my mother said the same thing. Your hair is so full and gorgeous. Your updos are amazing. I can never have a braided bun like your avatar. Mines are petite! Oh, well.

    Maybe not showing your mom your hair down might help? I just hope somehow your mom will come to understand that you value your hair very much.

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