Caring for Hair During Hard Times

[Fairyfern]

I'm sorry if this doesn't deserve it's own thread but I couldn't see an appropriate thread and wanted to give content warnings although I will try to keep it brief.

Trigger warnings: Death, sibling loss, grief


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I recently lost my younger sister, this happened shortly before I started a new job.

Between the grief and the overwhelm of trying to learn a new job I'm really struggling to do basic self care tasks. I'm going for a week at a time without washing my hair and while I can hide it to some extent with braids and styling but I'm finding the task of washing my hair overwhelming.

It's very thick and longer than it's ever been (About mid back length just above waist) I don't live in a house with a shower and I live in a cold climate so washing and drying my hair is time consuming. It also keeps drying weird and looking unclean even when I use heat to dry it and more intense cleansing methods.
I don't want to cut it but I don't know how to do more than keep it out of my face and untangled. I've even contemplated going into the hairdresser just to ask how much it would be to wash it but I can't spare the money right now.

Any advice or help to make it easier would be greatly appreciated

[paulownia]

First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss.
It's really hard during those rough times and of course hair is not directly a priority when we deal with those losses.
Do you have a possibility to do scalp only washes? It could solve the problems with drying time.
Other than that you could stretch time between the Shampoos using clay, cocoa or potato starch as dry shampoo.
Focus on getting balance in your life and dealing with mourning process.
Sending strengthening thoughts

[Gibson_Girl]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must be right now.

First of all, give yourself permission to be a bit messy right now--you don't need to have everything together. Hair is great, but it doesn't need to be your highest priority.
I would second paulownia's recommendation to stretch out your washes with dry shampoo and to try scalp-only washes. My recommendation for keeping your hair from drying funny is to let it par-dry, either with a towel, hair dryer, or just air-drying, and then put it in one or two braids. As long as you don't mind it drying wavy, it should keep your hair contained and tangle-free while it dries. I wash my hair once a week, usually in the evening, and my hair is pretty much dry when I get up the next day (I have ii/iii hair, for reference). Apparently, the way I deal with drying time is to sleep through it.

But I really want to stress that the most important thing right now is to take care of yourself. If you can only wash your hair once a week, that's okay. If you can only manage to braid your hair, that's okay. Overwhelm isn't permanent, even though it feels that way in the moment.

Sending all the virtual hugs.

[Greengable]

I am very sorry for your loss, I hope you are better soon. I would try to keep the scalp clean, so it doesn't get oily, and the time will come when you will feel it as self-care of self-love. Take care of yourself. ♥️

[ETJ CURLS]

Sorry to hear that you're going through such a hard time right now. If your hair and scalp can tolerate it, Boar Bristle Brushing may be the way to go for a while. You'll be able to keep your hair clean looking without having to wash it as much. There are a bunch of different threads scattered around the forums on the topic, and Katherine sewing on youtube has some good videos about "historical haircare" that you may find useful.

Above all, don't cut your hair at this point unless you have determined that it would help you heal spiritually and emotionally to do so.

[lapushka]

Very sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Just focus on what's most important right now, the hair will work itself out!

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Very sorry for your loss. Hang in there. Just focus on what's most important right now, the hair will work itself out!

Ah, there you are, Lapushka, hadn't "seen" you for a while and was worried about you.

[Fethenwen]

So sorry for your loss, take good care of yourself.Take all the time you need for mourning, I would take some pressure off hair care during this time :hugs:

Perhaps use dry shampoo (or just corn starch) on your roots. Perhaps a tiny drop of oil on your ends. After brushing, braid it in two dutch braids. You can keep it braided for many days without having to worry about tangles.

Above all, don't cut your hair at this point unless you have determined that it would help you heal spiritually and emotionally to do so.

Second this.


Also it sounds like you might have trouble with hard water making your hair feel weird. You might want to look into mineral removal shampoo at some point.

Take care!

[lapushka]

Ah, there you are, Lapushka, hadn't "seen" you for a while and was worried about you.

Oh that's so sweet! I'm OK, Sarah, just my day to day is filled to the brim these days and I barely get to go to YT to watch a couple of videos. I mostly had to use my smartphone to get online and barely got to my computer. Man, I hope this dies down a little. My folks, you see, are getting older, and my goodness, there's just... "stuff", you know?

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Oh that's so sweet! I'm OK, Sarah, just my day to day is filled to the brim these days and I barely get to go to YT to watch a couple of videos. I mostly had to use my smartphone to get online and barely got to my computer. Man, I hope this dies down a little. My folks, you see, are getting older, and my goodness, there's just... "stuff", you know?

Yes, I understand, and I hope life settles down again for you