Can being overprotective be harmful?

**Klalab** · August 29th, 2023, 10:13 AM

Hello everyone! I hope that this thread doesn't exist or that it's okay to post it..
So I've been extremely careful with my hair to the point that ripping out one hair makes me ridiculously mad.... I remember that back in the days when I was a teenager I used to brush my hair without thinking about split ends etc, I just brushed it, blowdried it, did funny hairstyles, used simple products without much thought.. and to be honest everything was okay, maybe my ends weren't in the best shape but I didn't have ridiculous hairloss or different lengths all over my head and they weren't breaking that quickly..

Ever since taking very good care of my hair about 3 years ago I noticed that my hairs became more coarse, and thinner, slightly pulling on them causes them to fall out or break, my scalp gets irritated quickly if I try out a new product and I have different lengths all over.

I'm currently using natural products by the polish brand onlybio, anwen and also Garnier hairfoods, I take different vitamins and iron etc, I do scalp massages with oils or with scalp tonics, I braid my hair every single day. At the beginning I also tried out buns with hair sticks but very soon my hair became too weak to wear buns and the pulling hurt too much. Now even my braid hurts sometimes because the roots have become so weak.

Did anyone else also experience something similar? Can this be possible or is there a different reason for causing me these problems?
Any advice will be appreciated 💝

**shelomit** · August 29th, 2023, 11:13 AM

I doubt that protecting your hair could be physically harmful to it, unless you mean doing something to avoid one kind of damage that ultimately promotes another kind of damage. (e.g., wearing the same protective style every day so that most of your hair is safe from mechanical damage but a few specific areas are getting all of the stress, all of the time.) The differences in your hair thickness between your teenage years and now are more likely due to age and hormonal changes than anything you're actively doing. BUT: it's certainly possible to turn protecting your hair into a practice that's overall negative for you, such as everyday damage becoming a major stressor or worrying about your hair's condition taking away all of the enjoyment of having it. If doing a "funny" hairstyle would make you happy, even for a few minutes, go ahead and do it and the damage be damned ( ;

**Klalab** · August 29th, 2023, 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by shelomit

I doubt that protecting your hair could be physically harmful to it, unless you mean doing something to avoid one kind of damage that ultimately promotes another kind of damage. (e.g., wearing the same protective style every day so that most of your hair is safe from mechanical damage but a few specific areas are getting all of the stress, all of the time.) The differences in your hair thickness between your teenage years and now are more likely due to age and hormonal changes than anything you're actively doing. BUT: it's certainly possible to turn protecting your hair into a practice that's overall negative for you, such as everyday damage becoming a major stressor or worrying about your hair's condition taking away all of the enjoyment of having it. If doing a "funny" hairstyle would make you happy, even for a few minutes, go ahead and do it and the damage be damned ( ;

Thank you for your response, yes that's also what I thought, I just also thought that maybe not doing so much with my hair could somehow make it grow weaker because it doesn't need to be strong because it's always in a braid.. I realize that hormones and age also need play an important role, I didn't think so much about that before!

**paulownia** · August 29th, 2023, 12:48 PM

At what length is your hair right now?
I was also thinking that being overprotective can cause stress, and of course if you worry a lot about your hair it could be stressful.
I would try take a break from oils on scalp, maybe getting a trim if hair is that uneven and relax a bit about haircare. Switch the braid to loose ponytail or very loose bun held by a simple claw clip.
You are obviously using good products

so the issue lays not there.
Best luck to you

**spidermom** · August 29th, 2023, 01:52 PM

I think being overly obsessed about the state of your hair is harmful. For one thing, it's normal to have hairs of all different lengths because every single day, you shed out hairs that have reached the end of their growth cycles. Every single day, you grow in one or more new hairs. Of course the new hairs that you grew in 3 months ago are a different length than the hairs you grew in last week (and so forth). Only wigs are all one length. You probably didn't notice this before you became focused on your hair. My advice would be to relax. Take the best care of your hair that you possibly can without driving yourself crazy. There are plenty of people who have super-long hair who do nothing more than wash and condition as needed, then wear a simple bun or braid or even leave their hair loose. I can't leave mine loose because it irritates me and is hot so I favor braided buns.

Good luck finding your way to a better relationship with your hair.

**Aerya** · August 30th, 2023, 09:06 AM

I doubt that being "overprotective" of your hair can harm it directly. However, stress can cause hair loss, and becoming obsessed with treating your hair gently can certainly add a lot of stress. Even if it's not the cause of hair loss, stress is very unhealthy on your body, and hair is not worth that IMO. If your hair hobby causes you stress or general unhappiness, I would recommend taking a step back. Your hair will grow regardless.

I'll also mention that some people, if I remember correctly, have experienced shedding when using oils and/or conditioners on their scalp. Not everyone can handle scalp massages, either. If you are losing a lot of hair since starting your new regime, that might be the cause. If that's not the issue and you still experience a lot of shedding, I'd recommend seeing a doctor to check vitamins, hormones, and stuff... Just to be safe. But sometimes hair just sheds more, and then it returns to normal. Hair type and sensitivities also change with age - I used to wear a high ponytail every day for years straight, but now my scalp is too sensitive to handle a regular pony for more than a few hours at most.

**Gwendolynn** · August 30th, 2023, 10:04 AM

It sounds like it could be oils or stress. I know more people that stopped oiling their scalp because their hair started to fall out/shed more than usual. Hairstyles that are very gentle should not have any negative impact on growth or similar from the scalp

**Klalab** · August 31st, 2023, 02:36 AM

Originally Posted by paulownia

At what length is your hair right now?
I was also thinking that being overprotective can cause stress, and of course if you worry a lot about your hair it could be stressful.
I would try take a break from oils on scalp, maybe getting a trim if hair is that uneven and relax a bit about haircare. Switch the braid to loose ponytail or very loose bun held by a simple claw clip.
You are obviously using good products

so the issue lays not there.
Best luck to you

I currently have almost tailbone length hair, maybe taking a break from oils would be a good idea, as well as more loose hairstyles. Thanks! I find it so strange but it's true that I have a lot of stress because of my hair, maybe I should just completely switch to being neglect..

**Klalab** · August 31st, 2023, 02:39 AM

Originally Posted by spidermom

I think being overly obsessed about the state of your hair is harmful. For one thing, it's normal to have hairs of all different lengths because every single day, you shed out hairs that have reached the end of their growth cycles. Every single day, you grow in one or more new hairs. Of course the new hairs that you grew in 3 months ago are a different length than the hairs you grew in last week (and so forth). Only wigs are all one length. You probably didn't notice this before you became focused on your hair. My advice would be to relax. Take the best care of your hair that you possibly can without driving yourself crazy. There are plenty of people who have super-long hair who do nothing more than wash and condition as needed

Thank you spidermom, I think I needed to hear this. I think I'll just do a comfortable hairstyle in the future and just bening neglect for a while until I stop stressing over my hair...

**Klalab** · August 31st, 2023, 02:45 AM

Originally Posted by Aerya

Hair type and sensitivities also change with age - I used to wear a high ponytail every day for years straight, but now my scalp is too sensitive to handle a regular pony for more than a few hours at most.

Thank you for your response! After reading all of the answers I realized that many people were advising me to stop oiling my scalp and stop stressing over my hair, and I'll definitely try to do that, although it's difficult for me to just stop stressing.. I think that will take some time..

I find that so interesting.. I realized that many people developed scalp sensitivity with age and I wonder why. I also can't do certain hairstyles any more because my scalp hurts so much... I wonder if that can change with time again and if my scalp can become less sensitive again?