Anyone else dislike how they look with their hair pulled back?

[BuddhaBelle]

Bit of a weird one with some whinging but would appreciate inputs/thoughts.

After cutting a fringe in, regretting it, cutting it back in a different way, regretting it about 5 times now, my “fringe” is now two chin length side pieces. Which, I’ve very recently realised, can finally be pulled up into a bun without pins! But… I also realised I don’t actually like how I look with my hair pulled back, lol.

I think this was part of the reason that fuelled the almost hip to collar bone length 12 inch cut last year because, on top of wanting to get rid of the bleach, I was just not liking how I looked with my hair up, and wearing that length down often wasn’t really an option.

I guess I like how I looked the most with shorter hair as it framed my face well, but I like the actual hair better longer. Plus having a fringe comes with the upkeep which is such a pain and I hate the extra washing and styling.

So I find myself in a tough position where I love my longer hair, and the caring for it and experimenting with buns, but I don’t like how I look with it half the time. (Especially when I’m wearing my glasses).

Also, at the moment I’ve got major breakage around my face from stupidly tightening my ponytail during exercise before I had enough length for a secure bun.

Apologies this is very rambling (plus I’m PMSing so it doesn’t help LOL) but I’m curious if anyone else has the same. I think this relates heavily to a weird self consciousness around expectations of how I should look as a younger woman despite feeling completely out of touch with this my age haha, comparing myself to those around me, etc etc.

[Croww]

Recently, I cut the sides of my hair around chin length. I also dont pull my hair back tightly, keeping it messy but still protected. Tbh im more confident with my hair loose but I freak out when I'm outside in the cold, windy weather. My need for long hair with minimal split ends is higher then my need to feel confident. Having bangs, side bangs, face framing layers, etc, can really make a updo look cuter!!


I think the most important thing is that you feel happy with your hair. Feeling confident is also important. But I really get where you're coming from! I hope you will feel better about your hair on the future.

[lithostoic]

I don't like how I look, at all, period. I just do whatever I want with my hair because it doesn't matter either way

[lapis_lazuli]

I've learned to like it with a couple of adjustments I've made over the years. One, I make the bun high enough so that the top is visible from the front. Two, I have these short pieces that always fall out in front of my ears, which help soften the look but can also go wild and look disheveled. I solve that by wetting each of them down so that they dry in a soft ringlet, from my natural texture.

We tend to perceive ourselves just as what we see in the mirror, but other people see us from all angles, so knowing my bun looks good from the back and both sides makes me forget any reservations about how I look from the front.

[rosenester]

I grew out childhood bangs and kept long hair with no bangs through to my early 20’s, where I experimented with every cut and color

I distinctly remember back then disliking how I looked with my hair tied back and settled on bangs somewhere in the experimental hair phase. However, upon looking back at photos of myself with long hair tied back I look beautiful. (Enough that I recently considered growing out my current forever bangs). I couldn’t see it in real time, I was overly critical and fell into strange beauty norms of the time like only stick straight hair and over-plucked eyebrows thin as a line — thank GODt they mostly grew back after that abuse.

I however enjoy having bangs as a part of my hair to fuss over and trim every month, let them dry different every time (i do not attempt to style them … so I have bangs now for 15ish years and plan to keep them!

Anyways , that’s my ramble response, I don’t know my point

maybe we should smash our mirrors, stop taking selfies and only check reflection in pools of water.

[lapushka]

OP, never do anything when PMS'ing! Or, on your period!

That being said. I cut back to bra strap right before the NY (has it been that long already), and wear my hair in a loose peacock twist now (more out of necessity than anything else (breakage due to tight bunning)). Anyway. I was classic for such a long time, the bun, the library lady look (we should name that one LLL LOL) and I didn't know anything else. But I suffered breakage due to bunning my hair way too soon and twisting too tightly. It's sad but it is what it is. And I much prefer the "looser" look, where hair is peeking out up top making the look a lot softer on my face.

Yeah, I think maybe... what about long side-swept bangs? Have you tried those?

[shelomit]

I hate the way my hair looks pulled straight back (i.e., without a part). My hairline is very uneven. So I wear a center part all the time, which is how my hair seems to prefer to fall anyway. But I care much more about keeping my hair out of my way than whatever I wind up looking like XD

Two, I have these short pieces that always fall out in front of my ears, which help soften the look but can also go wild and look disheveled. I solve that by wetting each of them down so that they dry in a soft ringlet, from my natural texture.

I have one slow-growing patch at the right side of my hairline that I do the same thing with! On its own it wants to turn into a weird puff of frizz sticking almost horizontally out from my head, but if I pull it out and wet it down, it ringlet-fies as it dries.

[mochichichi]

My hairline is uneven and all the sides of my hair look crazy because I have a large number of baby hairs that never seem to become non-baby hairs. I used to really hate this because I thought it made me look disheveled and I wanted a sleeker look, but no amount of gel or product could tame them. I've gotten used to them over time, and don't really mind them anymore. The "corners" of my hairline are much farther back than anywhere else and that bothers me sometimes. I was on the super tight high pony train for a while though, so that might be my own fault lol.

Maybe doing one of those little loose volume "poofs" as a half up before you pull everything into a pony would help? It can soften the hairline a little bit. Or the thing some folks do where they part the hair and twist the sides back into their do--I think it looks pinned up side bangs-y but isn't really bangs.

[Sigrid]

I think it's just a matter of getting used to it.

If you've always seen yourself one way, it can take a long time to adjust to a different look. I love the way I look with my hair pulled back now, but it probably took me at least a year to grow accustomed to the look of buns.

[Bri-Chan]

I don't like it and I never will.
I don't even think is about getting used to it because I wear my hair that way almost everyday in the last 2-3 years. I don't like how my face look and I don't like the look of a bun in general. I don't look put together, I look messy. It definitely puts down a whole look. I don't have a solution. Keeping out some face framing pieces can help, but hair down is always better.