View Poll Results: What is your gender?

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  • Cis Woman

    91 67.41%
  • Cis Man

    8 5.93%
  • Trans Woman

    0 0%
  • Trans Man

    3 2.22%
  • Agender

    7 5.19%
  • Genderfluid

    1 0.74%
  • Genderqueer

    2 1.48%
  • Non-binary

    11 8.15%
  • Cheese gender

    5 3.70%
  • Other

    7 5.19%
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Thread: Gender expression and long hair

  1. #21
    ^ YLVA, not YIVA! Ylva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    I chose gender fluid. However, the way I present myself in everyday life (including a lot of online places) is cis female.

    What are your pronouns?

    She/her among the people who know me in real life, and over here is fine as well as I present myself in such a manner. Generally online or anywhere where gender is not relevant I prefer they/them, and in a lot of situations where I simply want to blend in with the crowd and not get any special brand on my forehead I prefer whatever is common. For example, back when gaming wasn't very popular among females, I would be happy with being referred to as he.

    Do you use your hair as a main way to express your gender?

    Not at all. Hair has nothing to do with gender for me. If anything, I associate long hair with masculinity and metal music as I come from a family where the men had longer hair than the women.

    Do you think your gender influences your hair length goals?

    Not at all.

    Does it affect how you choose to style your hair?

    Not at all. Well, perhaps the fact that I don't identify as... I don't know how to say, strictly female, affects the fact that I have little interest in doing anything much with my hair. Or it might have nothing to do with it. Who knows. I think it's just that I am, well, me, and I don't make a fuss about my appearance (except clothing style).

    Have you ever felt conflicted about your hair regarding your gender expression?

    Yes, because long hair is considered, at least by some influenced by Abrahamic teachings, an extremely feminine trait, and therefore often comes with a set of presumptions. I haven't been bothered by those presumptions for a large portion of my life as I do come from a country where the metal scene is very prevalent and it's common for men to have long hair, so it was a bit of a shock for me how Biblical (or whatever word I should use) some people, especially a lot of Americans that I've encountered, can be. I feel highly uncomfortable with the fact that some that I have personal experience of consider me more emotionally stable or "normal" because I "conform to the female beauty ideal"; it is disturbing to me that they would make different kinds of assumptions about my mental health if I had a buzzcut.
    Ósnjallr maðr hyggsk munu ey lifa, ef hann við víg varask;
    en elli gefr hánum engi frið, þótt hánum geirar gefi.

    Instagram | Last.fm | Folk band | Acoustic metal duo | My links

  2. #22
    Member shelomit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    I waffle between calling myself "agender" and "nonbinary," although CuteCrow's term "gender-apathetic" is probably closest to the truth. I don't consider myself a man or a woman, exactly, but I also just don't care about gender as much as most people around me seem to. It feels a little foreign when people refer to me in a very strongly gendered way (usually female, not always), but I also don't feel strongly enough about it to shape my behavior/appearance in any particular direction in hopes of provoking a different response.

    What are your pronouns? I answer to anything I can tell is directed at me ( ;

    Do you use your hair as a main way to express your gender? No, but as I mentioned up top, I don't really try to express gender in the first place. I have always felt proud of my hair, though, and feel much less positive about other aspects of my appearance. Therefore, I've always kept my hair long, and I'm certain that does contribute to people thinking of me as female even though I don't do so myself.

    Do you think your gender influences your hair length goals? Not really. I'm certain that shorter hair would help me come off as more ~nonbinary~ but, again, I really enjoy having it long and am not too much bothered by being gendered female.

    Does it affect how you choose to style your hair? I do find that there are some styles that reallllly make people think of me as female--mostly ones that seem "girlish," like double braids or looped braids. I don't wear those styles so much, in part because I prefer to avoid that. But sometimes I just really feel like wearing double braids. . . or, more frequently, I'm about to run late and I wear my sleep hairstyle into daytime life ( ;

    Have you ever felt conflicted about your hair regarding your gender expression? I do find that a stereotypically gender-neutral or androgynous appearance is usually more weighted towards "male" visual characteristics, including (usually) shorter hair. I'm certain that more people would clock me as ambiguously gendered if I were willing to wear my hair short. But again, as for the questions above, I can deal with being gendered female even if I don't like it, and I get a big self-confidence boost out of my long hair.

  3. #23

    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    I'm cis-female-- I identify as female and want to be seen as female-- but wouldn't describe myself as overly-feminine. I don't like pink or frilly or lacy stuff, I wouldn't look right in it if I did wear it because I'm neither pretty nor super-feminine looking (as much as I wish I was), and I usually want my clothing lower-maintenance than many "feminine" garments seem to be (worrying about how I sit or move in a skirt or dress, or getting something nice dirty, or wearing cutesy little shoes I have to be careful in {can't run or perhaps even walk normally or do anything physical}, or keeping something like a shawl around my shoulders, or not having pockets to put my stuff in, or keeping track of/having the burden of a purse, etc.), and often more plain/simpler than many "feminine" garments seem to be as well (I wouldn't, for example, want to wear a suit with 3/4 sleeves and huge buttons with a peplum in banana yellow, or a button-down shirt that only buttons to halfway up my chest and has ruffles, or a polo shirt with a lacy collar, or a top with a loud print, or something).

    I had been accused by my mother a few times of "why do you want to dress like a man?" but I pointed out to her it wasn't that I wanted to dress like a man, but simply that male-styled clothing tends to be more practical, more durable, and less frou-frou or high-maintenance than female-styled clothing, and those happen to be attributes I want regardless of how they're gendered. I also want my hair low-maintenance, which usually means a braid or two. (I am aware this means that from the front, I look like my hair is very short. I admit that I think I look nicer with my hair down, but it's too much hassle to be worth it 95-99% of the time so I just try not to worry about it.)

    I don't consider myself "gender non-conforming" because I'm not into gender roles... I'm a person who likes what they like regardless of whether it fits society's idea of "gender." I don't want to be told it's "right" that I like makeup and glitter and shoes and shopping and dislike sports, but "wrong" that I like working out and muscle cars and action movies and am not into babies or frilly clothes. And I feel like saying I'm "gender non-conforming" is affirming society's idea of gender as correct and I'm just some rebel doing what's incorrect (rather than simply a person who's trying to enjoy what they enjoy and wishes things weren't labeled as "female" and "male" interests). (Some people do consider themselves "gender non-conforming" and that's fine, and in some contexts I might use it myself in solidarity if I think that's helpful, but it's not a term that usually works for me, in the way that I interpret it.)

    I wear my hair long because I like it that way (I've BTDT with the bob, for a long time, and will never go back). I do recognize that it's probably important people can see it long as a "female" marker (I may not be super-girly and my clothes may look more unisex sometimes, but I definitely identify as female and do not want other people mistaking me for male-- and as I'm not pretty and not shaped very womanly, this is a definite possibility; it has happened before-- so at times I will deliberately wear my hair in more-feminine ways or wear makeup or wear shirts with a "women's" cut to make what shape I do have more apparent, etc.). But I don't keep my hair long to "look feminine"-- if I preferred it short, I suppose I would wear it short and just hope I still "code" female to other people.

    (And I probably really only mostly worry whether people see me as female for sexuality reasons-- when single I don't want to look male because that kind of cuts down on my chances of getting interest from heterosexual males {nor would I want to fend off the attention I would get from people in the market for a teenage boy, which is probably what I would be mistaken for}, and when not-single I assume my partner would appreciate people not thinking he's out with a teenage boy, and since looks matter so much to men, including in the eyes of other men, I don't want to feel bad that I'm not pretty enough for the guy I'm with or might cause other men to ridicule him-- yes, I know I "shouldn't" have to feel this way, but the world is what it is. Actually, I just remembered that I once went to a gay wedding where I happened to wear dressy pants and a plain button-down shirt, realized halfway through that I looked sort of androgynous, and felt perfectly comfortable with that in that setting, even if people did think the androgynous look was deliberate.)


    Quote Originally Posted by shelomit View Post
    I do find that a stereotypically gender-neutral or androgynous appearance is usually more weighted towards "male" visual characteristics, including (usually) shorter hair.
    Ah, good point! It's as if for society, the "default" is male! I don't know why I never really realized that before.
    Putting it in my signature because I have to say it so often:
    Do what works for your hair, not what other people say is "right" or "wrong." If it works for you, it's not wrong. If it doesn't work for you, it's not right.

  4. #24
    Purple Enthusiast SleepyTangles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    My choice was cis woman .

    What are your pronouns?
    She/her.

    Do you use your hair as a main way to express your gender?
    Yes, I do use my hair as a form of gender expression... But not necessarily based on length. I find pixie cuts very "me" and very feminine, but every other length from chin to shoulder feels weird. Maybe it's just my face shape, not sure.

    Do you think your gender influences your hair length goals?
    Yes... And no. It does influence my aesthetic sense, but again sheer length is not enough to express femininity to me

    Does it affect how you choose to style your hair?
    It does, but I also tend to keep practicality in mind: I'm not willing to be uncomfortable, and I've nothing to prove.

    Have you ever felt conflicted about your hair regarding your gender expression?
    Yes, expecially as a child. My parents would prefer practical short cuts for all us kids. I have to say, I remember distinctly my frustration of not having control over one part of my body and appearance. Before I turned 10 y.o., adults tended to mistake me for a boy all the time. It felt very awkward having to explain that I was a girl over and over.
    Last edited by SleepyTangles; July 12th, 2020 at 03:02 AM. Reason: Grammar, as usual
    Pixie! - Ear - Chin-length floofball - B(L)ob - Shoulder - APL...

  5. #25
    Friend of the Semicolon florenonite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    Quote Originally Posted by shelomit View Post
    Have you ever felt conflicted about your hair regarding your gender expression? I do find that a stereotypically gender-neutral or androgynous appearance is usually more weighted towards "male" visual characteristics, including (usually) shorter hair. I'm certain that more people would clock me as ambiguously gendered if I were willing to wear my hair short.
    This is something I've noticed as well, and I think is part of what influenced me to cut my hair to shoulder length and get an undershave last summer (the other part being my hair was thick and heavy and my karate dojo didn't have AC ).

    What are your pronouns? She/her is fine, though I'm not offended by any others. I mostly just don't "get" gender. I understand it's important for some people, otherwise there wouldn't be transgender men and women, but I don't have any strong feelings about my gender; I mostly consider myself cis-ish or mainly cis because it's easy and it's how people perceive me, but I'm not attached to the idea of being a woman in any way.

    Do you use your hair as a main way to express your gender? Sort of? I tend to go through phases of more feminine gender expression and more masculine gender expression. So in a more feminine phase, I'll do pretty buns and accent braids, and in a more masculine phase I'll just do an English braid. I would say it's probably the main element of my gender expression in those more feminine phases because I haven't got a nice figure and I have a rather plain face (and I am RUBBISH at make up because I never bothered to learn as a teenager), but I can make my hair look pretty

    Do you think your gender influences your hair length goals? Nah, I've just always loved long hair and felt more like "me" with the weight of my hair hanging down my back.

    Does it affect how you choose to style your hair? Yup, I'll choose different styles depending on my overall gender presentation at any given time (eg English braids for more masculine presentation and French braids or buns for more feminine presentation).

    Have you ever felt conflicted about your hair regarding your gender expression? So, funny story here. When I was a thin, gangly teenager, I really wanted a pixie cut. But I didn't want to look like a boy. Then last time I cut my hair I considered going really short, but discounted it because now I'm way too curvy to pull off the androgynous look. But mostly I'm a longhair at heart, irrespective of how I feel about gender expression at any given time.
    Lady Nehalennia of the Mirrored-Seas in the Order of the Long-Haired Knights

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  6. #26

    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    Thank you everyone who has answered! I find it so fascinating other people's views on this topic. I wish I could reply to everyone because I think there are some really interesting topics that have been brought up.

    Curly:
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  7. #27
    Member meepster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    Late to the party, but I'll play:


    What are your pronouns?

    She/her

    Do you use your hair as a main way to express your gender?

    I kinda think I do, and as a lifelong shorthair, I think I would swing the other way from most of the folks here. I've always been very androgynous and purposely kept my hair very short to express that. Long hair never felt like "me" when I was young, specifically because it felt too feminine. I also have a very masculine face for a woman; it felt like it looked "wrong" to me when my hair was in an overly feminine style. Last time I tried growing it out, in 2005, it did feel weird. I tried to get used to it and couldn't.

    I noticed that my gender expression changed when I became a mother. I was suddenly a lot more OK with more femininity in my style, and that included long hair. I'd kept my hair short out of inertia and habit when my kid was very little, but now that COVID is upon us and hairdressers are unavailable, I don't feel conflicted at all about growing out my hair. Even though my look has already changed since that pixie cut and I look a lot more feminine already, it is OK this time.

    Do you think your gender influences your hair length goals?

    I guess. If I were a man, I'd be shaving my head right now. My hair goal at this point is to not need a hairdresser.

    Does it affect how you choose to style your hair?


    Yes; I feel just fine with things like barrettes or headbands.

    Have you ever felt conflicted about your hair regarding your gender expression?


    Yes, big time, when I was 29. I was very much into an androgynous style at the time and felt it really suited me, especially since my face is so masculine-looking. (I was mistaken for a man on a regular basis when I kept my hair short) When I had to grow out my hair, due to life circumstances, I really tried to feel OK with it, but it just didn't feel right.

    I was waiting for that feeling this time around, especially as my hair grew out of its pixie into something that looked more unabashedly feminine, and it just isn't happening. I look very different now, but it just feels like a new version of "me" rather than "not me". Motherhood hormones are a powerful thing.

  8. #28
    Member ynne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    Quote Originally Posted by CuteCrow View Post
    Thank you everyone who has answered! I find it so fascinating other people's views on this topic. I wish I could reply to everyone because I think there are some really interesting topics that have been brought up.
    I know it's a poll thread, but futher discussions would be really interesting! :) I've been reading everyone's replies too, it's great to see so many perspectives. Thank you for starting the topic!

  9. #29
    Member Mariekeeee14's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    Quote Originally Posted by ynne View Post
    I know it's a poll thread, but futher discussions would be really interesting! I've been reading everyone's replies too, it's great to see so many perspectives. Thank you for starting the topic!
    I think so too! Like, it's so silly of me but I never thought we had so many people that don't identify as their biological sex per se. Don't get me wrong, a lot of us do, but I didn't think more of it. Please keep challenging my ancient thoughts put in my head by a society that seems to go backwards.

  10. #30
    LHC FairyGodMum lapushka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gender expression and long hair

    Quote Originally Posted by lapushka View Post
    Have you ever felt conflicted about your hair regarding your gender expression? Not in the least. I did at one time get "mistaken" for a man. Well, sort of. Situation: we were at the market and I needed to go pee really badly. I had on a long flowy skirt (summertime) and went inside a bar to please go pee. I was halfway followed out by a drunken man who said, "what are you, hey are you a man"? He said it quite loud and violently, as in: up to no good. He was held back by other men, thankfully, because he was about to grab me. I shot the bartender an "interesting" look because they kept serving him, obviously.
    Responding to my own post here. I have to mention... I was 16 at the time. My mom was furious! She was waiting for me outside, together with my grandma, and she almost stormed in there, but seeing as there was this drunken man inside that they could barely control, she didn't (gran talked her out of it).
    WCC method (washing) --- Rinse-out oil (MO) --- LOC/LCO method (styling)

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