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Thread: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

  1. #1
    Member Ephemia's Avatar
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    Unhappy Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    So I detangle my hair using a wide-toothed comb, and, if I think I need to, a little coconut oil. I've been doing this since probably about December, minus the oil. I just decided one day, based on various stuff I'd read here, that it would be good to brush less and instead detangle using the comb I used to remove hair from my brush. So I began to instead separate my hair into two sections and comb them, starting from the ends (I already knew to brush starting at the ends, and been doing that for several years) and then put my hair back over my shoulders and give it a once over with my brush. For a while, I was happy with that method.

    But the combing and brushing was always quite noisy, and I never knew whether it was breakage, the seams shredding my hair, or just normal noises. Sometimes the noises are just things like a quiet pop, and I think 'Well, that probably wasn't breakage, and even if it was it was probably going to happen sooner or later anyway if it happened so quietly.' I'd check the hairs I combed out for white bulbs, but most of them seem to have a white thingy of some description and I honestly don't know what's a bulb and what isn't. I began to feel like I was ripping through several dozen hairs a day, even if I actually wasn't.

    So I ordered a new comb from Eternally in Amber after reading the thread about her combs. It came a week or two ago, and I love it. I'm writing a glowing review the second I can. This comb doesn't make as much noise, so I think the seams were responsible for at least some of that. I've also stopped brushing after I finish combing, even though the job feels unfinished. So, I've got a great comb, I'm no longer ripping through my hair with a brush, and everything's hunky-dory. Right?

    Wrong! Because I'm so darn obsessed about these noises that they all make me panic SO MUCH. Every hair that breaks has got to make its way back to calf, and it might shed before that happens and start the long journey again. And because I'm so worried about it, my Aspie tics all come along and have a party while I'm trying to comb my hair, so that I can hardly move the comb an inch before I've got to start rolling my shoulder, which is my worst tic right now and REALLY NOT HELPFUL. They take my concentration off detangling so I go too quickly and break hairs and then I panic and tic even more. I hate it. Sometimes I just break down in tears because my tics are taking over my life and I have no idea how to get rid of them.

    I could be so much better at detangling. If I was going to comb someone else's hair, I'd probably be able to do it without ticcing once and be incredibly gentle. But my own hair? No! Stupid Asperger's has to slam its ugly fist down on the tic button and sit back with a tub of popcorn, just like it does with anything in my life it feels is too easy.

  2. #2
    Member flickm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    I'm so sorry you're caught by this. I do know what you mean. I wasn't losing more than a couple of hairs after combing, but now it seems quite a bit more. I think it's possible to get too focused on all this (easy for me because I can get obsessively focused on things), then everything is in high relief the whole time. You really probably aren't doing the damage you think you are. But I also think it's hard to go on being super careful; I know I'm more careless with combing than I was a few weeks ago. But I bet we're both a lot more careful than most people. When I think of how I used to rip through my hair with the brush, hot blow dry, shove in elastics etc. I shudder - but I still had thick, healthy hair in the past.

    One point, I wonder if coconut oil is too crunchy for your ends, it doesn't suit everybody's hair. I use rosehip seed oil with peppermint essential oil on mine, and the comb glides through.

    Anyway, big hug and try not to be down on yourself.

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    Hiding in plain sight spidermom's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    Could you distract yourself from the sound of combing by playing music or something? (through ear plugs preferably)

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    Member Ephemia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    That probably wouldn't work, for a couple of reasons - I know what I'm like; I'd still be thinking about it and would probably still be able to hear it anyway, considering that I'm not one for loud music. This also brings us to another of my obsessions - terror at the thought of hearing loss, especially prematurely. I can only very rarely bring myself to use headphones now. I may try playing some new age on my phone, though, for relaxation purposes. It won't bother my mum and I'll try anything that might stop those wretched tics.

    The coconut oil is one thing I know definitely isn't causing a problem. My hair's been much more manageable since I've started using it. One day I didn't put any on my freshly washed hair and it was a decision I sorely regretted. If only my hair didn't look so awful oily; I'd use more and probably have a much easier time combing it.

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    Member meteor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    Quote Originally Posted by Ephemia View Post
    I'd check the hairs I combed out for white bulbs, but most of them seem to have a white thingy of some description and I honestly don't know what's a bulb and what isn't.
    Hair bulbs can usually be seen with the naked eye... if not, you can feel them with your fingers - just check the ends. They look approximately like this: https://www.nlm.nih.gov/visibleproof...y_image_2.html

    Quote Originally Posted by Ephemia View Post
    Because I'm so darn obsessed about these noises that they all make me panic SO MUCH. Every hair that breaks has got to make its way back to calf, and it might shed before that happens and start the long journey again. And because I'm so worried about it, my Aspie tics all come along and have a party while I'm trying to comb my hair, so that I can hardly move the comb an inch before I've got to start rolling my shoulder, which is my worst tic right now and REALLY NOT HELPFUL. They take my concentration off detangling so I go too quickly and break hairs and then I panic and tic even more. I hate it. Sometimes I just break down in tears because my tics are taking over my life and I have no idea how to get rid of them.

    I could be so much better at detangling. If I was going to comb someone else's hair, I'd probably be able to do it without ticcing once and be incredibly gentle. But my own hair? No! Stupid Asperger's has to slam its ugly fist down on the tic button and sit back with a tub of popcorn, just like it does with anything in my life it feels is too easy.
    Try not to be too hard on yourself! Your hair is probably fine, as you treat it super-gently!

    And maybe this experience is something worth discussing with your doctor, since you think it's something linked with Asperger's syndrome?

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    Member Ephemia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    Hmm... I don't think so. Doctors and other professionals tend not to know a lot about Asperger's. Often their experience comes from one book which they study to death (if they even want to know, that is) and apply to every autistic they meet. I was having counselling, but again, she seemed to be trying to match me to a schema. I think a doctor would probably just tell me I need pills and send me on my way.

    I just combed my hair a little early before bed, since I had some music playing to help me with some writing. I think it may have helped somewhat with my anxiety. I wasn't exactly relaxed, and I still ticced, but not as much and I think it was one of my more careful detangling sessions. I think the music gave me a kind of rhythm to work to. The particular tracks that were playing were absolutely gorgeous and some of my favourites, so maybe it calmed me a little. I hope this continues to work, I could use a break from my tics.

    Thank you, Spidermom, for the suggestion. Thank you to you all, everyone's so lovely here.

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    Member luxurioushair's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    Why not just finger detangle sometimes? It works just as well as a comb, maybe even better.
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  8. #8
    Member flickm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    Quote Originally Posted by Ephemia View Post
    Hmm... I don't think so. Doctors and other professionals tend not to know a lot about Asperger's. Often their experience comes from one book which they study to death (if they even want to know, that is) and apply to every autistic they meet. I was having counselling, but again, she seemed to be trying to match me to a schema. I think a doctor would probably just tell me I need pills and send me on my way.

    I just combed my hair a little early before bed, since I had some music playing to help me with some writing. I think it may have helped somewhat with my anxiety. I wasn't exactly relaxed, and I still ticced, but not as much and I think it was one of my more careful detangling sessions. I think the music gave me a kind of rhythm to work to. The particular tracks that were playing were absolutely gorgeous and some of my favourites, so maybe it calmed me a little. I hope this continues to work, I could use a break from my tics.

    Thank you, Spidermom, for the suggestion. Thank you to you all, everyone's so lovely here.
    Since it's the act of combing that is causing you so much stress, could you cope with not combing at all, or doing it in small sessions? You have fairly straight hair, so it may not really need all that much detangling. Maybe just oil the ends and gently finger comb, as has been suggested, or do several small combing sessions. If the act of combing is building into a dread activity, can you break the syndrome by breaking it down into little chunks. I kind of comb my 1c/2a hair out of habit, but it doesn't really need it. What I see as tangles first thing in the morning seem to sort themselves out if I leave them. But then I don't iron clothes either, LOL, and they don't look creased once they've been on me for ten minutes. Maybe don't comb for a while, then reintroduce it gradually. Above all, try to be gentle and patient with yourself. I know it's hard, but maybe step by step (without getting obsessive about the steps and turning them into a ritual). X
    Last edited by flickm; July 29th, 2015 at 12:16 AM.

  9. #9
    Member Jo Ann's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    I'm pretty new here, too, Ephemia. I lurked for about a month or so before I registered.

    For what it's worth, I only comb my hair when it's wet, and then only with a wide-toothed comb. The rest of the time I brush it before putting it up for the day and forget about it until I take it down at night. Maybe the same routine would work for you? If the brush isn't as noisy for you, maybe just brushing might help ease your anxiety. Luxurioushair suggested finger-combing--that might help, too, if you still want to comb your hair after you brush it. It's easier to control and, if you find any leftover tangles, you can use your brush to dispatch them.

  10. #10
    Member flickm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting really down and depressed about breakage

    PS: I listened to my combing this morning and it does kind of crackle and pop, but i didn't shed a single hair. Does your hair get flyaway at all? Mine cracks and pops more with static. Sorry, i'm taking up more than my share of posting space, but I'm just concerned for you, Ephemia
    Last edited by flickm; July 29th, 2015 at 02:16 AM.

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