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Thread: Should I heat style for him?

  1. #1

    Default Should I heat style for him?

    My husband and I had a conversation a few weeks ago that keeps nagging me. So I thought I would ask for some opinions.

    My DH is a very good and loving man (I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea of his love and devotion to me, I don't doubt his feelings and care for me) but for some reason he isn't very fond of my long hair goals. When we met and fell in love my hair was in a chin-length a-line bob (yes, the same thing as I have now lol). In the past 8 years that we have been married I have made various attempts to grow it. He has told me that I should "do what I want with my hair", then in the same breath tells me he prefers it short. When I do cut it short he adores it, while I immediately regret it. He's just one of the few men who like short hair.

    Since I've known him the longest I've grown my hair has been to 2-3 inches past my shoulders (still short to LHC's standards, but long to me). At that time I was heat styling my hair regularly and he seemed to like it all right. Ironically, since joining the LHC I haven't been able to get it even that long again.

    But coming here and learning about better hair care has helped me significantly reduce how often I heat style (from every other day to 1-2 times a month). The condition of my hair has improved a lot.

    A few weeks ago we were talking about my hair and he told me that he actually did like my hair when I had gotten it past my shoulders.....and when I was heat styling it regularly. After prodding him further, he told me that he prefers my hair when it is blow dried and flat ironed. He was careful to point out that I am always beautiful. But he does like my hair straight and with volume. I showed him a picture of me with almost APL hair that was heat styled. He said "That's really pretty and it would look great a little longer like that". Of course then he had to add "But you look awesome with short hair!!".

    I've tried explaining to him the damage heat styling does and my goals. But it basically goes in one ear and out the other (he is a short-haired man afterall). And to be honest, I do like my hair straight and smooth. But I am more than ever aware of the damage it does and have wanted to at least reduce it.

    I know that I need to do what I feel is best for my hair, and what makes ME happy. But to be completely honest, I do want to look pretty to my hubby. His opinion of my appearance matters to me, maybe a little too much. But it does. And I do feel pretty when my hair is straightened and smooth.

    So what would you do, LHC? Would you heat style for the man/woman in your life if they preferred it? Would you make a comprise, say heat style once a week? Or would you lovingly tell them to stuff it?

    I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you for reading
    Last edited by BrightEyes; September 16th, 2012 at 07:50 PM. Reason: typo

  2. #2

    Default Re: Should I hear style for him?

    Oops, I meant heat style. Stupid auto-spell

    Is it possible for a mod to fix that?
    Last edited by BrightEyes; September 16th, 2012 at 06:23 PM.

  3. #3
    has notorious buns Wildcat Diva's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I hear style for him?

    I like it how he said that you are always beautiful. It is just hair. There is more to you than hair. I am sure that he will be able to deal with whatever you decide to do. I don't know your lifestyle, but for me I am only really "doing my hair" to go out on a date with hubby once in a while. The rest of the time we are working and running and cleaning up and going to our kid's activities. So for me, I would do my hair like I wanted most of the time, and if I was going on a special date with hubby, I might try to style it in a way I knew he liked just for him. Of course if it comes to length, this might not apply (unless you do a wig, HA!)

    We were going out last night (to a club) and I had washed and scrunched my hair, trying to get more curl and volume. I left it down.

    Hubby says,"ummmm... are you about ready to go, like with your hair and makeup and all that?"

    I say "why, what's up? Does it look bad?"

    Hubby says "no no no. It's just that you usually have been doing all your hair up in a bun things."

    I say, "no, I'm wearing it down."

    Hubby says "Oh, ok."

    He must have liked it, because I sure did get a lot of positive attention from him later on that evening, not the least of which was him telling how beautiful I was!
    Last edited by Wildcat Diva; September 16th, 2012 at 06:32 PM.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Should I hear style for him?

    Quote Originally Posted by Wildcat Diva View Post
    I like it how he said that you are always beautiful. It is just hair. There is more to you than hair. I am sure that he will be able to deal with whatever you decide to do. I don't know your lifestyle, but for me I am only really "doing my hair" to go out on a date with hubby once in a while. The rest of the time we are working and running and cleaning up and going to our kid's activities. So for me, I would do my hair like I wanted most of the time, and if I was going on a special date with hubby, I might try to style it in a way I knew he liked just for him. Of course if it comes to length, this might not apply (unless you do a wig, HA!)

    We were going out last night (to a club) and I had washed and scrunched my hair, trying to get more curl and volume. I left it down.

    Hubby says,"ummmm... are you about ready to go, like with your hair and makeup and all that?"

    I say "why, what's up? Does it look bad?"

    Hubby says "no no no. It's just that you usually have been doing all your hair up in a bun things."

    I say, "no, I'm wearing it down."

    Hubby says "Oh, ok."

    He must have liked it, because I sure did get a lot of positive attention from him later on that evening, not the least of which how beautiful I was!
    LOL , that's cute.

    Yes, he does think I am beautiful as a person. I'm grateful to know that I am not just a head of hair to him. But I do want to look good for him too. I like your suggestion of saving the styling for dates and special times with him.

    Thank you

  5. #5
    Slightly Frosted FrozenBritannia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I hear style for him?

    Its possible he just hasn't seen it long and not heat styled before. It looks like your hair is fairly straight anyways, you may be able to do the non heat straightening method of wrapping (I think that is what it is called?).
    Lady Britannia of Mergatroyd, Seer of the Dancing Lights, in the order of The Long Haired Knights.

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    Member kittengirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I hear style for him?

    I wouldn't heat style for DH. I would try to find something else he liked, but i would not change my healthy hair routine unless he had a huge problem with it. For example, I know he prefers it down but I always wear it up because I prefer it and so does my hair.
    Lady Hayley of IMAGINATION, Seeker of the Moon and the Silver Sea in the Order of the Long Haired Knights

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Should I heat style for him?

    My partner-creature likes my hair down bestest. I don't. I'm a finey, and until very recently, my hair floated so much when worn down that it was really horrible and unpleasant and ew ew ew. Now that my hair is solidly past my elbows and starting to actually cover my entire waist... it no longer cheerfully levitates. It sorta stays put. So he's getting to see it down more. But more doesn't mean lots . Because the thing he likes better than pretty hair hanging down is not hearing me whine about my hair... and I will whine if I get tangles.

    IMO, relationships are about compromise. Individually, he and I are fairly different in some ways. Other ways, we're really similar. Finding a balance and really listening to each other leads to us being happier and better people.

  8. #8
    Member whylime13's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I heat style for him?

    I'm wrestling with some of the same issues. When I had bobbed hair my husband would ask me to grow it long. My problem is that I've had him help me measure the last 2 months to check my hair growth, and I told him about my goal to grow to waist. And now he says "it's perfect where it is now, don't grow it out any longer" I'm doing it for me, but I liked to think that he would like it too.

    My hair right now is the longest it's been in the 8 years he's known me, so I think he just can't imagine it otherwise. So I'm just going to keep growing it, and hopefully it will grow on him.

    Maybe you can just do what you were planning to do with your hair, and find out that he loves it.

    Keep your mind set and your hair long;
    Keep your head up and your heart strong.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Should I heat style for him?

    Personally, I'd tell my hb to stuff it. My hair is my hair. He can either love it, or love it. Those are his options. He chose to marry the feisty red head though, so he's well aware of this. When I "do" my hair, I don't do it for him. I do it for me. And when I have amazing hair, I feel amazing, and THAT is what my hb is attracted to, the intensely confident happy person with rockin hair. So no, I wouldn't heat style FOR anyone but me.

  10. #10

    Default Re: Should I heat style for him?

    Wow, you've all given great advice. Thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by FrozenBritannia View Post
    Its possible he just hasn't seen it long and not heat styled before. It looks like your hair is fairly straight anyways, you may be able to do the non heat straightening method of wrapping (I think that is what it is called?).
    No, he hasn't seen it long before. My hair is fairly straight, it does have some wave to it.

    I've assumed wrapping is best for longer hair, but maybe I was wrong. My hair is an inch long in the back and about 2 1/2 inches long in the front. I think when he says "styled" he means he likes my hair when it is straight with the ends turned under and with volume throughout. The whole "done with every hair in place" look. I don't know if wrapping will give me that. But if I can get the technique down he may like it. Thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by kittengirl View Post
    I wouldn't heat style for DH. I would try to find something else he liked, but i would not change my healthy hair routine unless he had a huge problem with it. For example, I know he prefers it down but I always wear it up because I prefer it and so does my hair.
    Thank you. I wish I had your confidence to do what I want and not worry what others think. I'm sure my hair would thank me for it. I'm working on it

    Quote Originally Posted by torrilin View Post
    My partner-creature likes my hair down bestest. I don't. I'm a finey, and until very recently, my hair floated so much when worn down that it was really horrible and unpleasant and ew ew ew. Now that my hair is solidly past my elbows and starting to actually cover my entire waist... it no longer cheerfully levitates. It sorta stays put. So he's getting to see it down more. But more doesn't mean lots . Because the thing he likes better than pretty hair hanging down is not hearing me whine about my hair... and I will whine if I get tangles.

    IMO, relationships are about compromise. Individually, he and I are fairly different in some ways. Other ways, we're really similar. Finding a balance and really listening to each other leads to us being happier and better people.
    Haha, yes I definitely have floaty hair too. If I leave it down to do it's own thing without trying to style it someway it just floats all over the place.

    I like what you said, that relationships are about compromise. I think I may need to work with him on finding one with my hair. He does like it when I curl my hair with Caruso steam rollers, although not as much as when I straighten it. He may need to be content with that

    Quote Originally Posted by whylime13 View Post
    I'm wrestling with some of the same issues. When I had bobbed hair my husband would ask me to grow it long. My problem is that I've had him help me measure the last 2 months to check my hair growth, and I told him about my goal to grow to waist. And now he says "it's perfect where it is now, don't grow it out any longer" I'm doing it for me, but I liked to think that he would like it too.

    My hair right now is the longest it's been in the 8 years he's known me, so I think he just can't imagine it otherwise. So I'm just going to keep growing it, and hopefully it will grow on him.

    Maybe you can just do what you were planning to do with your hair, and find out that he loves it.
    My husband is the same way! My original goal was BSL, but now I want to really grow to WL (my goal is typed as MBL, but I really do want WL). When I told him my dream of waist length hair he said "Oh no, that's too long". He then touched where APL is on my back and said "that is the longest you should grow".

    Meh

    Quote Originally Posted by longNred View Post
    Personally, I'd tell my hb to stuff it. My hair is my hair. He can either love it, or love it. Those are his options. He chose to marry the feisty red head though, so he's well aware of this. When I "do" my hair, I don't do it for him. I do it for me. And when I have amazing hair, I feel amazing, and THAT is what my hb is attracted to, the intensely confident happy person with rockin hair. So no, I wouldn't heat style FOR anyone but me.
    Haha!! I like this Thank you!
    Last edited by BrightEyes; September 16th, 2012 at 07:59 PM.

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