So I'm not really looking for a conditioner per se but I didn't know how else to title it. So my hair has grown out enough I need some kind of conditioner/detangling/softening product. The issue is conventional conditioner or detangling spray irritate my scalp and neck. Even a pea sized amount that is thoroughly rinsed out, makes me itch and flare.

I have seborrheic dermatitis and any kind of coating ingredient seems to be a issue, no cones, polyquats, oils, wax, etc.
Petroleum based oils seem ok but they really don't help
much beyond taming flyaways amd adding sone shine.

Is there any kind of herbal something that might help soften and detangle? Nothing that adds color, I'm light blonde and grey. Cassia dries my hair and flax gel makes it rough.
I need to find some aloe leaves and start using gel again. It at least doesn't bother my skin