New member introducing herself with a bit of 3c hair history!

Hello everyone! I am incredibly grateful to have found this forum. I have been struggling with my 3c/4a curls for years and have only recently begun to understand how they want to be treated. I thought I could introduce myself with a bit of my hair management history, to anyone that is interested!

I've never had long hair because I never knew what to do with it. My mom has fine straight hair that she keeps very short (ear length), so she also didn't know how to manage my hair. As a child I left it in pigtails until it got entirely matted up and my mom would have to comb the matted hair out every couple of months. As I got older I decided the only way to deal with my hair was to straighten it which of course damaged my hair. At the same time I decided to straighten my hair daily (without using a heat protectant spray!), I also decided to bleach my naturally black hair at home. It was a terrible idea and my hair was completely fried and turned into a brassy orange without any sign of a curl. I dyed it black a few weeks later and continued to straighten it until the age of 17. I was straightening my hair almost daily from the age of 11-17. I cut my hair short at age 16 but continued to straighten it. My hair grew out slowly, and I stopped straightening it but decided I wanted to let my hair dread so I would no longer have to manage it. These dreadlocks were freeform dreadlocks, basically just very big chunks of matted hair. I absolutely gave up putting effort into my hair. My hair was in dreadlocks until I turned 19 years old and realized I wanted to have the long hair I've always desired. One weekend I took a thick sewing needle I had and picked at my dreadlocks until they were loose. I broke off so much hair that weekend, but I wasn't willing to have super short curly hair again. My curls were free from the dreadlocks, however I still despised them at the length they were so I continued wearing my hair in a bun while experimenting with the curly girl method, and other forms of curly hair care/growth methods I discovered mainly through YouTube. I didn't know much about porosity back then and kept piling on the oils and treatments completely unaware of my hair being of low porosity.

I got more interested in creating DIY hair oils with natural products I had heard of through YouTube such as castor oil or coconut oil in my early 20s but still was too ashamed of my length to let my hair down. From the age of about 21-23 I did the LCO (liquid, cream, oil) method almost daily. I used SheaMoisture's Leave-In conditioner every time I got my hair wet, and lathered oil on top because I thought that's what my hair needed. In hindsight, I was adding way too much product to my hair and trying to make it healthy from years of abuse and neglect.:crazyq:

During quarantine of last year I experimented with co-washing and lost a lot of hair :boohoo:. Additionally, I accidentally purchased a deep conditioner from SheaMoisture thinking it was a leave-in conditioner and applied that every time I got out of the shower after wetting my hair. I co-washed weekly and deep conditioned every other day resulting in my curls becoming totally gummy. Thankfully I noticed the gummy feeling of my hair and threw that deep conditioner out once I realized the way I was using it was the problem. I had Aloe vera gel for my face and I thought I would start using that in my hair as a leave-in instead.

I got a sample of a leave-in conditioner from Sephora last summer and it made detangling a dream so I gave the shampoo and conditioner from that line a try and am very happy with my results so far. Last August at the end of the month I got my hair cut into layers thinking I need to cut my hair into layers for it to fall nicely and for it to grow. I'm so grateful the stylist didn't cut much of my hair off at all, really only the dead ends it must have been half an inch. This past fall/winter I've drastically reduced my use of products which I am so happy about and can tell my hair is happier too. The only complaint I have is that I started using a blowdryer brush to give myself a blowout and up until recently (five weeks ago) was using about twice a month which I think is too much based on my history. As well, I have only straightened my hair once a year for the past two years in a row, and had not straightened my hair for two years prior to that.

I want to try a new and more simple approach to my hair care now. Only washing and conditioning once a week, and using Aloe vera gel as my leave-in whenever I feel I need it. I'm also going to incorporate more scalp massages and wash and go hairstyles, less tight bun hairstyles. Trimming is not something I plan on doing, but I will search and destroy when I feel is necessary. I must say for all the trouble I've put my hair through these past few years my ends are not seeming that bad at the moment! I am also considering WO/SO (water only/sebum only) in the near future, but for now I'll give this routine a try,

Sorry for the essay everyone, I just thought this is the best way to introduce myself to the community! I would love to know if you see any parallels in my hair routine history with yours. Thanks so much for reading!:kitten:

Also, my hair has definitely grown out from the bleach I did 13 years ago. Would my hair be considered virgin now?

Hi Midnight curls, welcome. It seems to me that you've managed to work out a great maintenance routine for yourself.

Oh yeah, why does that sound so familiar? A lot of people in the black community now realize the importance of *cleansing* the scalp rather than *moisturizing* it every time. Too many disasters such as with Wen, and now Deva curl, where people just don't wash with a good cleanser at least once in a while, and hair starts falling out. :(

I am grateful I never could even go sulfate-free (co-washing just... I don't wanna talk about it LOL) because of a scalp issue (SD, aka seborrheic dermatitis). So I just cleanse/clarify every week and yes even my lengths. I use styling products and it just... has got to come off. I don't want to risk it.

Anyway, welcome! :D

Sorry for my super late response! Yes I finally have and my hair is doing a lot better.

Yeah it's crazy how much importance is placed on moisturizing so often! I agree that it's important, but I've found recently that I really don't need as much moisture as I thought I did. A clean healthy scalp is the foundation of long healthy hair :soapbox: