Hair cut and style or No touching???

[Amiblue]

So, I am now about an inch from TB length with my hair dry and I need to get a trim for splits (last trim was October 2011). I am also having a ton of breakage and have thinned out quite a bit which is driving me crazy. So, I went in for a consult and she suggested taking about 2'' off the ends, doing layers and framing my face a bit (I have a solid square face) versus having it hang pretty much all one length. I do still curl, but with the breakage I have gotten frizzy and she thought that might help as well. I have also been told that with my hair the way it is, it is aging me and being a newly turned 28, that isn't very nice to hear. I need my hair to be thick and at the very least TB length by next July for a wedding I am attending. I also need it to be healthy and I want to be happy with it. My Husband is begging me to leave it alone and not cut it at all. SO, what are your thoughts because I am stuck here?

[Madora]

If you want to do updos, layers are not your friend.

[Amiblue]

If you want to do updos, layers are not your friend.

I was thinking about that too. I HATE having to try to put my hair up and having the layers fall through. That is another sour point.

I can't just let my hair down now though or I am told I look "aged" as it is kindly put.

Why can't they come up with some style that looks great down for long hair and is still easy to put up??? :p

[Crybb]

it sounds to me like you only want a trim and you need us to back you up on this. :-)
you can always cut layers later, so why not just get the trim now and think about the layers a while longer.

[DancingQueen]

You can always just do small layers, like an inch or so. It will look way better and healthier. I say go for the cut, but how you cut it is up to you.

Last time I cut my hair (4 months ago), I cut my 2C hair into a U-shape, with one small layer, only 1 inch from the bottom of the rest, if you know what I mean. I think this enhances my curls, and I like to wear my hair down. I can still do lots of updos without problems, and my hair is not more frizzy than before. (Note that my hair is only past APL when curly)

I have a square face as well. The only bangs that suit me are asymmetrical bangs, and bangs requires styling. I prefer layers around my face, as I don't think one long curtain suits me. I need it to soften up my face.

When I get my hair cut, I ask the hairdresser to pull some of my front hair straight, and cut the shortest hair at mouth or nose, and then gradually longer, if you get what I mean. You don't have to start at nose; you can always start at chin, and see if you like it.

But it is your choice; don't let anyone tell you how to wear your hair. :)

[kaydana]

I'd be more concerned about the face framing than layers, if you're worried about updos. Very well blended layers (gradual, uniform increase in length, rather than steps) should cause very few issues with updos (you MIGHT get the last inch or two of a braid looking odd, but that's easily solved by tying it off slightly higher), and DancingQueen's suggestion of small layers is a good one, even that would make a difference in how your hair falls. Face framing parts WILL fall out of updos if you want to put them up unless you pin/braid them back, so you'd have to consider if you'd be happy always having those loose when you put your hair up.

Maybe you could invest in some sort of pretty clip to hold your hair off one side of your face when you have your hair down. Hair can't age you from the back, so changing the way it hangs around your face when it's down should solve that issue without even looking at a pair of scissors.

[cobden 28]

If you have a problem with split ends and you want your hair to look good for a forthcoming wedding, then you must have the split ends cut off, however much length you'll lose by doing so; I think it's better to have shorter hair that's got no split ends than longer hair that looks a mess because of split ends.

If you reckon that layers would be a problem when wearing your hair up, then don't have any put in.

Do you have to wear your hair 'up' for the wedding, anyway? Could you not just have your hair tied back off your face in a topknot with the length left loose down your back? It'd be easy to do this yourself and wouldn't involve the expense of visiting a nairdresser.

[Lunadriael]

Who exactly is telling you it ages you anyway? If it's the hairdresser, they're after money, if it's family or friends, are you sure they know what they're talking about? It's probably a load of rubbish.

I don't see how hair can make your face look younger or older than it is really. I've never understood that one. You still have wrinkles/bags/no make-up/whatever it is with layers or without. People make stuff up and compliment it when you look different. I got told I looked younger when I had a bob, or that it made me look more mature, whatever people thought I wanted to hear. Looking back at the pictures, I still look like I was 'x' age that I was at the time. With it both long and short. People often say long hair is aging but they're talking out of their back end, as when you get it cut off you realise you look the same, just with shorter cookie-cutter type hair. Plus other people say it looks childlike, so what do they know!

Only get layers if you decide you want them because you think it will look nice. I would think long and hard about it. They're going to be a serious pain to grow out if you decide you don't like them, so I would go for longer ones at first if you're going to go down that route. You can always make it shorter in a few snips but it's going to be a long time before it grows back.

That said if you hate the ends and they're getting all snarly, it's still a good idea to still get a trim to tidy that up. I probably would too, so it's more manageable and looks better. Your husband seems to like it as is anyway, so at least one person obviously loves your hair already (and he's arguably the most important). :)

[Simone_Fatale]

You might make a compromise between what makes you look good and what is easy to upkeep. Layers and especially bangs can soften the face and make it appear more youthful, but are you ready to dedicate more time for styling needs if you do have layers cut? Just think about it and find the balance, I think that would make you satisfied. :) Good luck and happy growing! :)

[Theobroma]

What Lunadriael said about that "ageing" nonsense.

If your avatar is anything to go by, your hair is flat-out gorgeous and if it were mine I wouldn't do anything to it beyond s&d and possibly microtrims to get rid of the splits. If you feel you need a change but are wary of layers, I suppose a thin fringe or something like that could work to add interest in front... but with curly hair it's likely to need a fair bit of styling to look presentable (I grew out mine because it ended up needing heat styling three times a day or it'd go into really freaky cowlicks), so do consider that before you go for it.

Once again, your hair is lovely and really doesn't look as though it needs anything drastic done to it!

[FrannyG]

In what world does a 28 year-old woman need to worry about looking "aged"? :rolleyes:

Your hair looks lovely, but then again, I can only see it. Perhaps you feel you just need a very small trim to make the ends feel thick and fresh.

As to face framing layers, I love them myself, but I have 1a hair. If you had them, would you have to style them? How would that impact your schedule?

I suspect that you look just fine with your hair the way it is, including when you wear it down. Clearly your husband thinks so.

If I were you, I'd learn Feye's Self Trim Method (http://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/). It's so easy that even a klutz like me, who shouldn't even be holding scissors, can cut my own hair. It gives you full control as to how much hair you cut off (I cut only about 1/2 of an inch when I usually trim). That way, you'll never have to put up with unwanted remarks which are likely not even be the slightest bit true.

[Amiblue]

Thanks everyone. The people telling me I looked "aged" are my mother and sisters. They said I looked much better with my hair at shoulder length. I don't know if I think that is nice of them to say or not. Of course when I had it that length last, I was 20 years old.

I think you are all right and I appreciate the backup. Hubby is a great support to, but he would want me to leave it and never touch it no matter if I have splits clear to my ears! :D He really wants me to leave it until I am a solid TB and then maybe have a little trim. Lol. I am thinking maybe a small trim, just enough to catch the splits and see if the stylist would do a little S&D throughout so I don't have to worry to much. Then maybe add in a few little layers with the small hair around my face later on if I (and everyone here plus Hubby) thinks it would work. :p

Fun little note:
I didn't know at the time, but my husband was talking to my MIL on Skype the other day and told her I was going to cut my hair. Apparently she very seriously said absolutely not. I was not to touch it. I guess Hubby got it honestly.


Is it okay to wear your hair down when it is TB length or longer at a wedding when you aren't the bride??? I am kinda worried it would draw attention away from the bride which is an obvious no-no. I also look very hard if I just pull it back. I have to have something to soften my face in some way and at a wedding with family I will be meeting for the very first time, I would like to make a nice and not a scary first impression. :blushing:

[Thenolegirl]

I have splits and breakage too, and layers that I'm slowly getting rid of.

I decided to get bangs and framing pieces today to soften updos, and got an inch taken off the very bottom. So much easier to style and I love how it softens my face. Plus, I went to several stores and thought I was 16. I replied I was a senior in college! I don't feel juvenile, but I do feel cute and love having my hair in a bun now. So you can still get a cute style without putting in layers. =) Just make sure it's not heavy bangs - it's a lot of hair to grow out if you decide not to keep them in the long run.

Now I'm not so afraid to get trims! Hope this helped.

For a wedding - I think having it down in a pretty half-up would be beautiful. =) Just no over-the-top rhinestone combs or anything.

[Amygirl8]

I personally would microtrim to get rid of the damage.
I don't think long hair ages you or whatever that nonsense is. That is utter stupidity in my opinon.
Since you're still growing it out, how about just let it grow and once it gets to TB in a couple of months, and then maintain to get thickness?

[pepperminttea]

If it were me, I'd just get a small trim across the bottom to take off the splits and leave the rest alone. :)
As for looking younger, psh - 1. You're twenty-eight, you've nothing to worry about. 2. It's not something to worry about anyway. Long hair doesn't have an age limit, and there are many long-haired mature ladies out there who look amazing with it.


Is it okay to wear your hair down when it is TB length or longer at a wedding when you aren't the bride??? I am kinda worried it would draw attention away from the bride which is an obvious no-no. I also look very hard if I just pull it back. I have to have something to soften my face in some way

I was wondering this exact same thing, too. I'll be going to a friend's wedding in October and was thinking of wearing mine down, frizz be damned. But the bride used to have hip/TB-ish hair herself, and now wears hers at shoulder length dyed in various bright rainbow colours. So I was wondering if it'd be seen as a snub or as attention-grabbing, both of which I want to avoid, but at the same time I want a softer look which I just can't achieve without my hair at least half down. :undecided

[neko_kawaii]

Aged? LOL

Do what will make YOU happy. If the comments about aging really concern you and you agree with those who recommend face framing layers, then seriously consider them and all their consequences or consider why aging concerns you.

My philosophy on aging is that aging is better than the alternative, gray hairs are symbols of wisdom and I find long gray and silver hair more aesthetically pleasing than poodle perms. Basically I am going to age and nothing I can do will stop it. I keep my skin out of the sun to improve my chances of aging gracefully and then accept what chance otherwise throws at me. But then I've always been a 'rollin with the punches' sort of gal.

I hope you find a solution that works for you!

[Lostsoule77]

If it were me I would just get a small trim to cut of the splits. Layers and such could always be cut in later, but they take a long time to grow out. Trust me. I'm still trying to grow at the ones a hairdresser convinced me to get. Now they are at hip with my hair almost classic & I hate it. You have to do what you want though. Just think long and hard about it.

As for wearing your hair down at a wedding, I always do. It is up 95% of the time so for me leaving it down is dressing it up. There are two other women in my family with HL hair and they do the same thing. I've never had a bride be offended. Honestly they are the one in the white dress and all eyes will be on them. The way a women shines at her wedding that's just how it is. No reason you can't look pretty too. :D

[WaitingSoLong]

In the end, all I care about is my husband's opinion. And then after that, I still do what I want. And he never cares, really. I wouldn't have married a controlling man (BTDT) or one that tries to squash me into his mould of who he thinks I should be. But I think it is important to consider your husbands opinion but NO ONE ELSE'S (except your own).

Aged. Hmm. Everyone is different but I definitely look older if my hair is short. I have some pictures of myself with shoulder length hair from 10 years ago and I look older then than I AM now. I DO care about whether my hair makes me look older or younger and take it into consideration.

I wonder if they mean that, because long hair is not a "style" to some people, they have associated youthfulness with constant changes and because your hair has been the same for so long (long...growing) they see it as "old" or an indication of your aging personality (settled in) and they are actually transposing the constancy of not changing it (the way THEY see change) as being old. Is this making sense to anyone but me? lol

And of course I don't know them or you at all so this is really just thinking out loud here, trying to understand how long hair can be said to age a person.