Anyone still feel hopeless when it comes to managing your hair?

[heyshortyhey]

I'm STILL struggling to find something that works for me. I've tried no poo, low-poo, I've tried oiling (although I have this feeling I'm using the wrong type or just doing it incorrectly), wet sets, rollers, plopping, braiding, fingercombing, etc. My hair may be better off for adapting a few of the LHC-hair techniques, but the days where I actually LIKE my hair are far and few inbetween, and I just don't know what else to do.

Maybe it's a combination of never trying anything wild or crazy, and always getting the standard "straight across" hemline with a few layers; being safe, and, for me, "boring". Maybe I need to ignore bad hair-experiences as a child and get more layers, or get my hair thinned, try a different color than I normally do. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I think my hair may be so dark, or too one-dementional, to show off my beautiful curl pattern.

Anyone else feel like I do? I just don't know what to do. I always dream that when I grow it out, everything will be fine, but it isn't. I'm always afraid to get layers, or try a different hemline, or do color, so I end up with really long, heavy, curly, frizzy hair that poofs into that wonderful box or pyramid shape, and I feel gross. Even when I do try new things, I keep them "safe," "simple," "plain." I'm so afraid of "jacking my hair up" that I never DO anything with it, and I look old, boring, frumpy, then I FEEL like that.

:(







http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/553750_518898861460623_1568521454_n.jpg

[afu]

Your hair looks lovely from the photo! Have you tried CO washing? That really was the turning point for my hair and i'll never go back to regular shampooing.

I find that updos and hairtoys help me to enjoy my hair. For example if I wake up and my hair looks good loose - yippee a hair down day; if i wake up and it looks bad loose - yippee I can do a nice updo/use a nice hairtoy :) When I first joined LHC i wasn't into hairtoys at all, my hair was loose or held with an elastic and i thought sticks and forks looked a little odd (apologies!) but oh how my opinions have changed, im now a hairtoy addict!

[heyshortyhey]

I have tried CO and for quite a while, but maybe I should try it again The first time I tried it I loved it, but then it just sort of didn't feel the same anymore. Scrubbing the scalp just felt different, not as effective. Perhaps I wasn't clarifying as well as I should have been.

It's strange. People say, yeah, curly coarse hair, you need moisture. I use conditioners with lots of moisture, even honey sometimes, and even leave them in! but the moisture doesn't really...do anything that I can notice? So it sort of leaves me feeling even more hopeless.

[kidari]

Maybe you're using too much products or not rinsing well enough? These were my problems long time ago. I wouldn't rinse the shampoo or conditioner thoroughly and I would use too much leave-in product on my hair. There is not one specific way to do things with hair care. You can see that many people have different methods that work better for them that is not strictly CO or any other alternative hair care method. The advice here is always to try the simplest things first and take it easy. One experiment at a time. Personally I find it best to mix LHC hair care with mainstream hair care. For example, I discovered the joys of WO and CO and stretching washes but my scalp really needs a shampoo once in a while. There is nothing wrong with getting a layered cut and some highlights (DIY or salon) and incorporating it with LHC type hair care methods. My advice is to find some protective updos that you master, because that way you don't stress out about your hair daily while it's growing out. When I first started growing, I just stopped pretty much all damaging things cold turkey and simply put it up daily so I didn't have to worry about what it looked like down.

[battles]

It's strange. People say, yeah, curly coarse hair, you need moisture. I use conditioners with lots of moisture, even honey sometimes, and even leave them in! but the moisture doesn't really...do anything that I can notice? So it sort of leaves me feeling even more hopeless.

Have you tested your hair porosity (http://livecurlylivefree.blogspot.com/2009/01/hair-porosity.html)? It sounds like that could be part of the problem.

[Rowz]

I have recently started the co washing and no combing or brushing. Wow! What a change in my hair! It is still a learning process and as once I got too much conditioner in it and it looked gummy until I rerinsed it the next day. My hair was dry and just not looking good. I have colored it since I was 23 since I started turning gray at 16. I even got brave and let it grow out once to see what color it was. Oooo!! Bad idea. I am total platinum. Not a bad color but not on a redhead. I looked so washing out that it was pathetic. I would never look good as a blonde either. So....back to the coloring and I got so many compliments and told how much younger it made me look. I won't say I will never let it grow out again but not as long as I can manage to keep doing it. But back the subject at hand......I am still in the process of the curly girl method. I have sent for the Curly Girl Manual and DVD. Can't wait to see it. I got my pointers from the internet. Will post my progress.

[heyshortyhey]

Have you tested your hair porosity (http://livecurlylivefree.blogspot.com/2009/01/hair-porosity.html)? It sounds like that could be part of the problem.


You know, I never actually have. Back in beauty school, my teacher said mine (or curly hair in general, I don't actually remember) was porous, so I never questioned it. I'm checking that link out now, thanks!



I have recently started the co washing and no combing or brushing. Wow! What a change in my hair! It is still a learning process and as once I got too much conditioner in it and it looked gummy until I rerinsed it the next day. My hair was dry and just not looking good. I have colored it since I was 23 since I started turning gray at 16. I even got brave and let it grow out once to see what color it was. Oooo!! Bad idea. I am total platinum. Not a bad color but not on a redhead. I looked so washing out that it was pathetic. I would never look good as a blonde either. So....back to the coloring and I got so many compliments and told how much younger it made me look. I won't say I will never let it grow out again but not as long as I can manage to keep doing it. But back the subject at hand......I am still in the process of the curly girl method. I have sent for the Curly Girl Manual and DVD. Can't wait to see it. I got my pointers from the internet. Will post my progress.


Please do! I'm very interested in hearing what your experiences are.

[brave]

I think layers are sometimes almost a necessity to really show off curls. A blunt cut with curls is obviously still curly and can look fantastic, but to really show off the texture of hair I think layers are fantastic.

I agree with maybe trying more CO. My hair was having a problem with always being frizzy, and rough, regardless of moisture. Turned out I needed to chelate, so if you live in a hard water area and haven't ever done so you might consider that before trying out CO again.

The other thing that helps my hair is gel. It really helps enhance the curl and prevent it from frizzing out. YMMV but finding a good gel has made almost as big a difference as CO.

[heyshortyhey]

I have a wel, so yes, my water is VERY hard! I used to clarify pretty often, but chelating, I've never HEARD of that! I'll give it a try! I have oil in my hair right now, and I think tonight when I go wash it out I'll give that a try, and switch to CO tonight as well.

I don't have a chelating shampoo around, what can I use? Does BS work?

[akuamoonmaui]

Don't get discouraged! I've been on this site for 2 years and I'm just now happy with my hair's total condition. It took me about a year to find the right products and another year to slowly (less painful that way) cut off the damaged hair. Think of it as a journey and not as immediate gratification! Yeah, yeah, I know! Easier said than done!

[earthnut]

I have a wel, so yes, my water is VERY hard! I used to clarify pretty often, but chelating, I've never HEARD of that! I'll give it a try! I have oil in my hair right now, and I think tonight when I go wash it out I'll give that a try, and switch to CO tonight as well.

I don't have a chelating shampoo around, what can I use? Does BS work?

No, I wouldn't use BS for chelating. An acid would work though. Vinegar, lemon juice, soda, etc. With hard water, it's probably a good idea to do a mild vinegar rinse every wash. 1 tsp per cup water is a good amount for daily use.

As for general advice, I agree, CO or low-poo would probably be good for your hair. Sometimes it can take a while to find the right conditioner! There's so many different formulations out there. If your scalp is irritated, you may have a reaction to a preservative.

The curly girl handbook is alright, but www.livecurlylivefree.com is a better resource, I think, and it's free. ;) Also www.naturallycurly.com is an excellent resource for product information.

[heyshortyhey]

No, I wouldn't use BS for chelating. An acid would work though. Vinegar, lemon juice, soda, etc.

Wait, maybe I have chelated before? Sometimes I rinse my hair with ACV (without rinsing after, and letting air dry). It seems to make my hair fluffy and my curl falls out, so maybe I'll try lemon juice.

AH thanks! I'll definitely give that a try. I never actually measure it out, maybe I'm adding too much. Hah.

[Loveisaverb]

Do you use any silicones in your hair when you condition?
Or how about using too much oil on your hair and what kind of oil do you use?
Sorry for all these questions, its just that with curly hair has more porosity and using too much product can weigh it down.

[heyshortyhey]

I use EVOO and just started using coconut oil.

After I stopped CO I started using whatever conditioner we had. Herbal essense, aussie, etc, so yeah I'm sure there's cones in there.

I just clarified/chelated tonight though, so next wash starts my official transition back to CO. This should be fun. lol. My hair feels a little different. Not so rough, definitely, and a little softer.

[juliaxena]

Me. I am sometimes so upset with it I am thinking about cutting it to shoulder and staying there. Reason being it won't stay on my back and it looks so thin for not doing so.

[Talula]

Yes, I feel a bit hopeless when it comes to my frizz. Much worse than yours, by the looks of your pretty photo. My frizz halo is pretty intense, & nothing but wetting it down seems to help much, & once it dries, it's frizz-city again. It only bothers me around the scalp, I'm fairly happy with the length.

[Charybdis]

heyshortyhey, what's the longest you've grown your hair to date? My hair is less curly than yours (I'm in the 2b range, you look more like a 2c), and my hair has to get past BSL before the ends stop kicking out in funny directions and my ponytail will hang properly. If you feel like your hair is a weird, unmanageable shape and doesn't "flow", the problem may be that it's not long *enough*.

A lot of curly people (especially with thick hair) have to get near waist before the weight of the hair really counteracts the tendency to go triangular without a lot of layering. I'm a little past APL, and I have a lot of layering in the last 4-5" of my hair; I don't dare cut it out until my hair is quite a bit longer, because my hair would turn into a giant pyramid ending just past my shoulders. And I'm less curly than you!

Just something to consider. :flower:

[heyshortyhey]

Oh, gee, the longest I've had my hair....erm, waist, I think; maybe a bit longer. I loved it at that length, but when I get there, this time,I really want to try a deep V hemline! I'm so tired of the straight across. I just feel like I'm in a rut until I get there, you know? I keep having these thoughts in my head about how it's going to be but it never is and it's a little frustarting. I feel like the whole time I'm growing out I'm stuck in a "constantly looking horrible" stage. bleh!

I agree, though. I Think my hair just NEEDS to be long to look good on me! The pyramid really is a pain in the rear though! LOL

[Charybdis]

If you want to do a V hemline, I think you should go for it! If you're unsure, you can always start with a U-shape and then trim back to a V if you still feel comfortable.

[KwaveT]

My major problem has been the white chunks in my hair. If it is dandruff then it is large chunks then. I did not have this problem until I went CO. I went back to shampoo and still have the problem. Now I am swapping to different shampoos but I am still staying away from sulfates. It seems to be getting better since I went to another shampoo.

[Kiwiwi]

Guuuuurl, you need to get yourself The Curly Girl Handbook!

What you've written sounds like what I could have written my whole life till just a year ago when I found our about The Curly Girl Method. Most curlies recognize your story. We've been fighting our hair all our lives because we don't have the knowledge of what curly hair needs to look its best.
Learn about the method, try it out, see if it works for you and tweak it if needed.

Trust me on this :)

Please do not get your hair thinned out!! First try that method. You probably don't need thinning. That's often what people suggest to curlies because our manes can look huge if not cared for well. So what we need is to know how to take care of our hair.

And actually, layers would be nice for curlies. It can look like a huge block of curls if it's not layered nicely. But it needs to be layered by a hair dresser who truly understands curly hair. (not cut wet because then you don't know how the curls will form when they're dry, because we lose a lot of length when it dries, etc)

Good luck!

[heyshortyhey]

It took me FOREVER to figure out a fish tail braid last night. After I did that lemon-water chelating, I braided it and let it dry. I left it braided today, and will take it down tomorrow. My hair takes forever to dry, and I didnt even see dbf today, so i just left it up. It feels a lot softer,though; I'm really excited.



I'll look for the handbook. I've always meant to, it just never seemed to happen.

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice, I really do appreciate it.