My friend has fried her hair! Trying to give her advice...

[JessiBird89]

Hi all, :)

A friend of mine has recently absolutely fried her hair. She had already fairly damaged hair as she:
a)Frequently used permanent black hair dye (for the last 3 years at least)

b) Blowdryed and flat-ironed her hair everyday (she told me that in humid weather she often flat-ironed her hair 3 times a day!)

c)Didn't condition her naturally dry, curly hair often.

She often mentioned that her hair snapped off at the ends at the lightest touch. And now for the real problem: she decided a week ago that she wanted to go blonde from permanent black. I told her that if she really wanted to do it she should try ColourB4 or Colour Oops as it would gently take the dye from her hair. But of course, she ignored my advice as she was too impatient to drive to the next town to buy it.

So *takes deep breath* she used a colour stripper on her hair and then bleached it twice. All in the same day! I don't know how it didn't fall out there and then. It is now a light orange/yellow and she wants to bleach it again, just a week later!:agape:

I'm trying to stop her from doing it because when i told her that if she bleached it again she might suffer from serious hairloss she rolled her eyes at me. Even though she admitted that after she flat-ironed her hair the other day, her lap was covered in snapped-off hair when she was finshed. I then told her that if she wasn't going to believe me then she should at least do some protein treatments and moisture treatments to give her hair half a chance and she agreed. So. I told her to use the following but I would be really grateful if some of you guys could add some advice that I can pass on to her:

1)Buy a moisturising sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner (Naked Rescue Intensive Care Shampoo + Conditioner)

2) No blowdrying/flat-ironing or curling tongs for as long as she can (she said she couldn't promise that she wouldn't do this as she's an addict and her hair is like cotton candy from the damage)

3) Use Redken CAT protein Treatment and Redken Anti-Snap Leave-In Conditioner (I gave her my bottles of these two that I don't need anymore)

4) Do an SMT everyday for 2 week and/or after each protein treatment.


What else can I tell her to stop her hair from snapping off? Thanks in advance!

[spirals]

That sounds good, as long as you take her heat stylers away. There's some kind of treatment that fills in the porous spots, though I'm not sure if it's a protein. The staff at a beaty supply will know. It's sometimes used on previously-processed hair before doing another process. It was recommended to me when I'd had a perm and wanted to color.

[AnnaB]

I have done what she has done but to my own head and with a help of hairdressers.

If she bleaches her hair again, she will totally destroy every single hair on her head.

But! You cannot stop her. It her hair and sounds to me she will do it anyway.

My hair was mushy and elasticy when wet. Snapped off real bad when dry. I am using a lot of protein treatments, like home made egg masks, and bought some apHogee treatment from ebay as somebody on here really recommended it.

A lot of moisturising, oiling, NO HEAT of any kind. NO chemical dyes of any kind as any colour will finish her hair off. I know this as i had a professional consultation.

Now all you can do is take care of what is left, dont ruin whats left and be patient. A lot of us have done what your friend has done, its a mistake we all seem to make without listening to others. But wish her luck :) keep us posted if she actually goes through last bleaching. Hope she doesnt.

[Bene]

You can't stop her if it's what she thinks is the right thing to do. You gave her some good advice, now leave it alone unless she asks you for help.

[EtherealDoll]

If she has set her mind to bleach again, then you probably won't change her mind.
But you can convince to wait at least 1-2 weeks and do a lot of protein and deep moisture treatments in that time, and not use ANY heat at all.
Also, if she soaks her hair in coconut oil an hour or two before bleaching, it can help a lot to prevent more damage.

[lapushka]

You can't stop her if it's what she thinks is the right thing to do. You gave her some good advice, now leave it alone unless she asks you for help.

I agree with Bene. Sounds as if she thinks she knows best (the rolling her eyes thing). At least, she did listen to you a little, but I'm afraid there's not much more you can do. You cannot keep badgering her to treat her hair well, if she wants to do the complete opposite, and badgering is what it's going to amount to if you don't let up at some point. Sometimes you just have to... let go, I guess.

[spirals]

I agree her hair will all but melt if she bleaches again. It sounds mean, but maybe she needs to go through that in order to learn she shouldn't abuse her hair. Hope she likes a pixie cut.

[piffyanne]

Keep us in the loop! I hope all the babying (if she bothers to follow through) helps! You're a good friend to try to save her hair.

I hope she let's you do so, but from what I've heard, she might not. :/

[bunnylake]

I know it's frustrating when us LHCers have friends who butcher their hair, but if they don't truly want our help then it's their choice! I'm sure she'll be asking you for hair advice after all of hers falls out.
And then I'd tell her to shave it off and start over again because SHEESH all that straightening and bleaching sounds craaazzy

[pepperminttea]

Let her make her own mistakes. If her hair does melt off, and she asks for help, offer it. Until then it doesn't sound like she'd listen. Perhaps she'll eventually wonder how you make your hair look fabulous. ;)

[Silverbrumby]

It's like with everything in life. Give good advice when asked and let them be. It's hard especially with more serious issues but unless it's life threatening you have to let others make those mistakes including her possibly losing a whole bunch of hair before she gets it.

Hard to watch for sure.

[Kiwiwi]

Like many here said; let her make her mistakes. Sometimes that's the only way we learn, by living it ourselves and seeing the consequences of our actions.
Plus, hey, let her experiment. I don't know how old she is but I assume pretty young still. I killed my hair many a time when I was in my teens. Loved it! All kinds of colours, etc. And I learned from it. I now know what my hair does not accept from me :)

Live and let live :)
When she comes to you really asking for advice; give it. For now; let her be :)

[Alvrodul]

It is hard to just stand by and watch your friend ruin her hair. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
If your friend is ever willing to take better care of her hair offer her good advice at that time.
Until then, I'm afraid you will just have to watch what might have been a glorious mane go up in smoke. :flamed:

[Simone_Fatale]

Just give up and be ready to suggest a few pixie cuts that would look good on her, cause that day is very near.

[FrannyG]

I'm with everyone else. Everyone has to learn their own lessons. You can give advice, but people will do what they want.

I myself had hair that was so trashed that I couldn't stand my hair and got an extremely short pixie cut about 15 years ago. I learned from it, and I didn't do it again.

However, even since joining LHC, I've made my fair share of other mistakes, and it's cost me years' worth of growth. I can tell you right now that nothing anyone said to me would have changed my mind about anything I did.

I don't regret any of it, because it's been a learning process for me.

You've done your job as a friend; now you just have to let go, unless advice is specifically asked for. Even then, don't expect your advice to be followed. I do understand your frustration. :blossom:

[gillybeanxo3921]

My friend did the same thing. She actually never got a pixie cut, but it's still falling out. Her hair is naturally almost black, and she's been flat ironing/blow drying daily for about three or four years. She's dyed it all kinds of colors, and still insists on growing it to her hips.

It's a disaster, really. She refuses to cut it, but continues to dye it. And she occasionally flat irons/ curls it still. She's actually been trying to be nicer to it, after I started talking about making my hair healthy about a year ago, she eventually decided it was a good idea, too.

She'll come to her senses after her hair falls out. And even if she doesn't, it'll be her fault. Just take pride in knowing that your hair is healthy and beautiful, and you tried your best to help savage hers. She's her hair's worst enemy.

[heidi w.]

Hi all, :)

A friend of mine has recently absolutely fried her hair. She had already fairly damaged hair as she:
a)Frequently used permanent black hair dye (for the last 3 years at least)

b) Blowdryed and flat-ironed her hair everyday (she told me that in humid weather she often flat-ironed her hair 3 times a day!)

c)Didn't condition her naturally dry, curly hair often.

She often mentioned that her hair snapped off at the ends at the lightest touch. And now for the real problem: she decided a week ago that she wanted to go blonde from permanent black. I told her that if she really wanted to do it she should try ColourB4 or Colour Oops as it would gently take the dye from her hair. But of course, she ignored my advice as she was too impatient to drive to the next town to buy it.

So *takes deep breath* she used a colour stripper on her hair and then bleached it twice. All in the same day! I don't know how it didn't fall out there and then. It is now a light orange/yellow and she wants to bleach it again, just a week later!:agape:

I'm trying to stop her from doing it because when i told her that if she bleached it again she might suffer from serious hairloss she rolled her eyes at me. Even though she admitted that after she flat-ironed her hair the other day, her lap was covered in snapped-off hair when she was finshed. I then told her that if she wasn't going to believe me then she should at least do some protein treatments and moisture treatments to give her hair half a chance and she agreed. So. I told her to use the following but I would be really grateful if some of you guys could add some advice that I can pass on to her:

1)Buy a moisturising sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner (Naked Rescue Intensive Care Shampoo + Conditioner)

2) No blowdrying/flat-ironing or curling tongs for as long as she can (she said she couldn't promise that she wouldn't do this as she's an addict and her hair is like cotton candy from the damage)

3) Use Redken CAT protein Treatment and Redken Anti-Snap Leave-In Conditioner (I gave her my bottles of these two that I don't need anymore)

4) Do an SMT everyday for 2 week and/or after each protein treatment.


What else can I tell her to stop her hair from snapping off? Thanks in advance!

Add to the list to do a deep moisture treatment with mayonnaise. Just wash her hair with mayonnaise.

Tell her to avoid daily hairwashing.

Tell her to use a comb to detangle her hair.

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

I must confess that each person's hair is their own concern. She might listen to you; she might not.

My opinion is to lay off from helping her and make her come to you asking for specific advice from you. IF she then interrupts you, tell her to listen all the way to the end.

I am kind of against posting a post such as this where you ask for help with a friend's hair. She's not really listening to anyone as is evidenced by her choice of behavior to not have even enough patience til she can get to the store you advised her to go to. I suggest you're lining yourself up to be pretty disappointed, and likely eventually, blamed. So be careful.

heidi w.

[Five of Five]

You have already given her some great advice, and clearly care about her and her self-image. However, it sounds like she is really attached to the idea of bleaching her hair, and it has gotten to the point where she feels the matter is closed to discussion. After all, we all have different goals, and long healthy hair isn't universally the most desired result. Maybe she has felt trapped with the permanence of the black dye for so long, that now she doesn't care about the consequences, as long as she can get rid of it as soon as possible.

Also, more advice might actually further convince her to damage her hair :p. I think it would be best now to wait until she specifically invites your opinion, and suggest those treatments, as well as the coconut oil soaking option.

[Tristania]

You can't stop her if it's what she thinks is the right thing to do. You gave her some good advice, now leave it alone unless she asks you for help.
I agree. This sounds mean, but maybe letting her mess up her hair is the only way she will ever learn..?

[spidermom]

What you should do now is keep your lips together. Unless she asks for help or your opinion.

[tambalina]

You've given her excellent advice. It's her hair and she will do what she wants, but if you want to share another horror story, feel free to use mine.

I am a natural dark brown/black and I would dye it blue-black to hide my gray hairs. I decided I wanted to be a honey dark blonde like my son, so I used a color fix kit to remove the black dye. I had to use TIDE LAUNDRY DETERGENT to wash out the dye molecules. My hair was APL at the time.

Then I bleached my hair with 40 volume bleach - TWICE in one night and gave it protein treatments. It was still a light orange, but I toned it to a honey blonde. Two weeks later I was in Texas visiting family when something funny began to happen. While I was towel drying my hair I noticed all these baby-fine hairs in my towel. It turns out that all those chemical treatments literally MELTED my hair structure and my hair had been slowly dissolving into nothing.

I had to cut off my hair a'la Miley Cyrus that very day so I wouldn't end up balding in spots from over-handling my hair. Since then I have learned to embrace what I was given and have never - EVER - lightened my hair again. Seeing your own hair dissolving right before your own eyes is terrifying.

I hope your friend doesn't have the same problem I did. At the end of the day, it might be a lesson she needs to learn - the hard way. :-(

[Rufflebutt]

I can relate. I have a friend who longs for hair like mine and wants to grow it long. But she flat irons her hair daily and the damage on her hair is very visible.

Whenever she makes comments about how she wishes for my hair, I politely give her some advice or jokingly tell her to throw her flat iron in the trash. But I know where all of the advice goes. That is, in one ear and out the other. ;) But at the end of the day, it's her hair and I really have no say in what she does with it. Just give her helpful hints to nudge her in the right direction.

Luckily, I was able to talk her out of extensions. Yes, you do get long hair quickly. But they cause tons damage directly to the roots of your hair and they can get very ratty very fast!

[JessiBird89]

Thanks everyone for your advice! :) Mayonaisse is a great idea and I forgot about oiling! I'll suggest a few different types to her.

It is a pretty frustrating situation that I am in, as she keeps asking for advice and I know she genuinely wants to make her hair healthy but I think she's very misinformed about how you go about it. I'm trying to explain to her that the protein treatments aren't 'magic potions' that completely restore hair and prevent all damage :p. She's eager to take my advice about treatments but the fact that she still went ahead with the bleaching shows she's very cynical about it being that damaging. I'm not expecting her to follow my advice and i wont be disappointed if she doesn't either, but it will be tough if her hair falls out - she would be so devastated and I'd hate to see her so sad! I would suggest this site to her but she has no access to the internet due to a complete lack of coverage where she lives (the back end of nowhere:D)

She went through with the other bleaching yesterday and she said her roots are now white and the ends are the same colour (I had a flashback to when that happened to me in my teens!:D). A huge clump of the ends of her hair came out in the shower this morning and she finally believes me that it may cause her hair to fall out! I'm not sure if she will give up on her quest for platinum hair now or not - time will only tell! Learning lessons yourself are important indeed!:)

[tmb1975]

I don't have any product advice to add, but I will never forget my sophomore biology teacher telling us about a student of his who wanted blonde hair and dumped Clorox over it. She went bald and it never grew back. He was not the sort to embellish and the story had no place in our lessons at the time, so I tend to think it was true.

You could modify that story a little and say you heard of a girl who bleached her hair three times in a row and went completely bald. I'm sure someone out there has had it happen.

I just leave the bleach to the stylists. I won't even touch hair color with a 10 foot pole!

[Ravenwind]

I think you've got some good ideas right there. But from my own experience from having fried hair was that NOTHING will fix it. I ended up having to cut off all the damage. Treatments do help it feel softer and nicer, but it won't reverse the damage that's already done :(

[jojo]

I think maybe a pair of scissors may help by the sounds of it, though I think you have offered her good advice, I'd just leave her to do as she pleases, some people really don't want to be helped.

[pink.sara]

If it's breaking when wet she's already in trouble and will have significant breakages over the next months. It's already a salvage job.

First, aphogee 2 step followed by their balancing moisturiser will infuse some keratin into the gaps, this is temporary though and will need to be done every 3-6 Weeks.

Next temporary toners, manic panic amplified virgin snow or stargazer white will help to neutralise yellow tones, as will fanciful roux in white minx (get these on Amazon or at sallys hair and beauty)

NO MORE BLEACH! People who haven't any experience achieving platinum hair seem to think you have to bleach it all the way to white, this isn't true, by the time it gets to white with bleach you have destroyed ALL natural pigmentation and most of the protein structure that holds your hair together in the process. The key is to get to butter yellow then tone over a period of Weeks to achieve white.

How do I know this? I've gone to white, pure snow white from black twice successfully, and once, the first time I tried it by bleaching about 10 times and having my hip hair cut to chin as a result.

Also she needs to avoid getting it wet as much as possible, at this stage of damage water swelling the hairshaft is bad news.

HTH

[Amber_Maiden]

I don't think you will be able to change her mind. Sounds like she'll do what she wants to do. Just give her advice and then let her be.

[Wildcat Diva]

It's only hair. (Did I just say that?) Well, it's only HER hair.

Oh, for heaven's sakes, be thankful it's not YOUR hair. She will learn. Or not.

And that's all I have to say about that (a la Gump).

[jacqueline101]

I agree sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes.

[Wiggy Stardust]

I hope she likes pixie cuts.

[FrannyG]

I hope she likes pixie cuts.
Yep, you got that right.

[Wildcat Diva]

It is like people don't want to believe that what they are doing is so damaging. There's this nice girl at my work and we talk hair. She straight irons daily even though we have talked about heat damage, and she knows why I do updos. Her hair is all flyaway broken hairs and it is a little sad. But oh well it's her hair. Not mine thank goodness.

[jeanniet]

She's asking for your advice, but not really listening to what you say. I'd just back off. Sometimes the only way to learn is to really mess things up. If she keeps asking for your help, I'd just say that you've given her advice and it's up to her to follow it. At this point, her hair is trashed anyway, and the only way it's going to be healthy again is to grow out the damage. That may not happen until she has a complete disaster on her hands, and it doesn't sound like that's too far off.