Offensive/inappropriate hair comments?

[Perididdle]

To start, I have shoulder length hair right now, so I haven't had to deal with hair comments one way or another directed at me. But I have witnessed it some, and it sort of wigs me out, and I'm just curious of anyone has received unwarranted/inappropriate/offensive (even unintentionally) comments about their hair?

In the opposite direction of this forum, a friend of mine who had APL hair chopped it off into a much shorter, almost-pixie cut. Once she got used to it she LOVED it, and she looks absolutely adorable. It suits her well. A mutual friend of ours didn't take so well to it. He continually tells her she'd look "prettier with longer hair" and such. I will emphasize that he is genuinely a good guy and really one of my favorite people, but he's blunt and can be a bit of a traditionalist. Usually, my friend just rolls her eyes and we go about life as usual. We spend most of our time teasing/joking/jabbing at one another, so this isn't a huge deal.

The one that really hit, though, was when he said casually during a conversation that "guys just don't like hair they can't grab onto", e.g. during sexytimes. He didn't mean anything by it, but my friend was straight up offended by the implications of hair = sexual worth, and it sits wrong with me, too. Maybe we're being oversensitive...?

I dunno, it's really odd. Hair is such an individual thing and NOT anyone else's choice, but I can deal with opinions on it -- but sometimes it seems to cross a line. I'm not sure what to say to him if it ever comes up again, and since I'm making an active effort to grow out my hair and we talk daily, I imagine it may.

[Wildcat Diva]

Inappropriate, but probably shouldn't put too much thought into a guys' freeform thoughts/ words about sexytimes. I want to make a comment right here that I can't (PG-13), so let's just say he wasn't using his brain when he said that.

[Amarante]

I always get offended when people see silver hairs and are all, 'Oh, when are you getting it colored?'

I like my silver hairs, I don't want to color them. :(

[Eniratak]

It's rather inappropriate, but I've also had guys mention they want a girl with hair they 'can grab on to'.
I dunno about you, but I can't seem to think of any sexy situation where I would want my DBF to grab my hair.
Nevertheless, the comment was inappropriate. He's not dating your friend, so why should he care about how she wears her hair? Just my two cents.

[auburntressed]

It's rather inappropriate, but I've also had guys mention they want a girl with hair they 'can grab on to'.
I dunno about you, but I can't seem to think of any sexy situation where I would want my DBF to grab my hair.
Nevertheless, the comment was inappropriate. He's not dating your friend, so why should he care about how she wears her hair? Just my two cents.

Yeaaaah... I am really not impressed by the idea of someone grabbing into my hair during sexytimes. Feeling hair, petting hair, being gentle with hair is all fine - the phrase "grab into" makes my hair cringe at the damage it would receive.

to the OP - As for your guy friend saying that - possibly inappropriate comment? I think it would depend a great deal on the dynamic of her relationship with him and such. Some friendships are very open, others have clear boundaries. Not enough info to know. But even if he is dating her, clearly he could not tell her how to wear her hair. Even so, everyone's got some kind of opinion on just about everything, including how other people look.

[Perididdle]

It's rather inappropriate, but I've also had guys mention they want a girl with hair they 'can grab on to'.
I dunno about you, but I can't seem to think of any sexy situation where I would want my DBF to grab my hair.
Nevertheless, the comment was inappropriate. He's not dating your friend, so why should he care about how she wears her hair? Just my two cents.

I mean, I can respect/even appreciate the whole hair thing. It's something some people like, that's fine. But you hit the nail on the head -- he's not dating her, so why care, and why should he bring it up?

@Amarante - boo on them! I love silver hairs. I bet these people are just so used to people dying away their greys that they just assume it at this point. I would take it as a chance to educate them to how awesome they can be.

Not a comment but I do have a friend who is 20 and starting to get greys, which stand out against her black hair. I pointed one out to her and she laughed, but thanked me for not just reaching over and pulling it out. I was gobmacked that people would do that! I don't mind hair touching and tugging, but come on!

[Tota]

The one that really hit, though, was when he said casually during a conversation that "guys just don't like hair they can't grab onto", e.g. during sexytimes.

I hear this all the time from my male friends. Guys just don't get it that this is inappropriate and sometimes hurtful.

I actually overheard so many comments like this that my head kind of hurts. I used to work with mostly guys and I "learned" a lot from them (em...not).

Some of the rules regarding hair:

-women shouldn't use hairstyling products because then their men can't caress their hair,
- for the same reason women should not tease their hair or wear it too messy because their men should always be able to run fingers through their hair,
- women should not wear updos because then men cannot really know how long their hair is (ponytails and braids are ok) ...

I overheard those comments, meaning that guys were talking amongst themselves and not to me directly. Mostly commenting different female clients. I also heard a lot make-up and clothes rules but really ... who cares ;)

[Perididdle]

I actually overheard so many comments like this that my head kind of hurts. I used to work with mostly guys and I "learned" a lot from them (em...not).

That got a giggle. I don't get the no up-do thing...wha? I do go out of my way to make my hair touchable because I like running my fingers through my hair, not because someone I'm not even dating does.

I mean, we have a very relaxed and open relationship with the guy who made the original comment. We talk about a lot of "inappropriate" things and are often very opinionated and silly, but never really directed at things so...close to home, I guess? I deal with it, I'm just hoping to find better ways to handle it, especially as my own hair grows.

[Vani1902]

- for the same reason women should not tease their hair or wear it too messy because their men should always be able to run fingers through their hair,

I always hear this one as an excuse for why women with my hair texture should straighten it.
Honestly, I can't stand when people touch my hair so I could care less. lol

[JellyBene]

One time I was in the mall and a kiosk guy snagged me and tried to sell me some poduct I wasn't interested in. H esuddenly said "I like your hair, it's sexy." Then he reached to the back of my head and pulled it. SO innapropriate.
On a funnier note, my boss always says "I wish it wouldn't be innapropriate to touch your hair, it looks so soft" haha

[Wildcat Diva]

It sounds like he was thinking out loud. And your first post makes it sound like he was speaking generally in a casual conversation about what "guys like" in his opinion. Doesn't mean he's right, so you can just tune him out about that if you want to hang around with him, or assertively tell him how you feel and that you would appreciate him to stop, or tell him bluntly to shut the bleep up. Whatever best fits your relationship.

In hanging around guys, I'm not trying to say your friend is insensitive, but it's a different dynamic than hanging around girls. IMO it's much less PC, and sometimes I can really appreciate that. But when a comment hits home, it's likely to bother me too, so I get where you are coming from on that.

[Perididdle]

Diva, I guess I should've been more clear, usually it comes up when we're already discussing her hair -- pretty sure this was the same (I was out of the room). That's when it got a bit too close for comfort. We're not generally very PC at all when we're hanging with him, so like I said, I know he didn't mean any harm by it...it's just so odd to hear anyone say things like that, you know?

JellyBene, I'm guilty of those hair envy type comments. Some of my friends just have such lovely hair and I want to pet it! I don't of course, not without permission. ;) However, the sexy comment and the tug? Euuch. I would've scampered right out of there. That's wiggy business practice!

[patienceneeded]

You should see how my female students behave towards some of my longer haired male students...it's creepy. Pet, pet, pet, pet, it's so soft, pet, pet, pet...gives me shivers. CREEPY. (I do make them stop, after all, they can't learn while they're petting some dude's hair. But I KNOW that they start up again at lunch and in the halls...) EWW...

[Amber_Maiden]

Oh yeah.. sexual comments on my hair? Yep. I've gotten those.

[akilina]

Inappropriate, but probably shouldn't put too much thought into a guys' freeform thoughts/ words about sexytimes. I want to make a comment right here that I can't (PG-13), so let's just say he wasn't using his brain when he said that.
This. I wouldn't put too much thought into that comment. At all. Men are weirdos, and at times say exactly what they are thinking, without much thought.

Long hair is flat out sexy. I am a woman and I think so 100%.

[Perididdle]

Long hair is flat out sexy. I am a woman and I think so 100%.

No doubt! But short hair can be, too. ;)

Granted, try this one on -- I've also heard people say things like women with hair longer than XX (BSL, waist, butt.) are *insert assumption here*. Take your pick on that. Homeschooled, Amish (...?), terrifying, high maintenance, etc. Why are people so wigged out by hair?

[amanda_the_tall]

No doubt! But short hair can be, too. ;)

Granted, try this one on -- I've also heard people say things like women with hair longer than XX (BSL, waist, butt.) are *insert assumption here*. Take your pick on that. Homeschooled, Amish (...?), terrifying, high maintenance, etc. Why are people so wigged out by hair?

people get wigged out by anything that is different, or doesn't completely comply with what they believe. hair, clothes, where you're from, doesn't matter; people are going to say crap about anything simply because they can.

[czech it out]

I have dated a few people who have said things like "don't cut your hair" "it looks better long" and "your hair is your best feature" etc. etc. I don't know if it's inappropriate, but it always offends me and just makes me want to rebel against their ideals! My biggest chop (BSL to chin) was a in response to an ex who always said things like this. (Bwahaha! How do you like me now pal??:eyebrows:)

[akilina]

You know I have never understood how someone could say long hair is "disgusting".
Its not offensive, just baffling to me.

I don't see how it could be dirty or anything like that. If they think hair is so disgusting they might as well shave their head to a 0. No guard, if hair is so gross? :S

[palebluelantern]

Just yesterday my coworker (who is male) told me he preferred women with pixie cuts. Huh. That seemed pretty unusual.

I've heard the long hair = homeschooled thing, too.

[swearnsue]

Guys are always thinking about grabbing something or other.

[Greenfire]

I dated a guy that hated long hair, just couldn't stand the feel of it getting in his face, or just in the way when kissing etc... I often wore a ponytail around him or wore it up. He was always begging me to cut it short, thought Halle Berry was the sexiest woman, back when she had her pixie cut.

Now, faced with really damaged hair that might NEED a pixie cut, (I'm still trying to baby it back to life) my husband is begging me not to do anything drastic with it, so I'm just dusting it regularly to see if I can keep it here. He LOVES long hair, and yes, he loves to put his fingers through it, (though I won't let him right now) and yes, even to tug on it a little. It's not inappropriate, it's sexy as hell!

By the way, I also don't like it when he cuts his hair too short, I like a little hair to grab onto when we're getting busy.... At least an inch! Now, I'd be angry if a stranger told me to grow my hair cause guys like it longer cause I'm none of his business, but a friend? Nah, just comfortable enough around you to tell the truth!

[Curly Crone]

[swearnsue]Guys are always thinking about grabbing something or other.

Hahahaha ....so true and funny.
:)

[Wildcat Diva]

I am thinking along the lines of why are some trying to make sense or PC out of: a man's random thought about what he thinks guys find sexy with a sexy visualization to boot.
Why oh why. Do you know how often men think about sex? I think that a long or short hairstyle as it relates to these thoughts is the least of your being shocked/ offended should you start delving into his thoughts on this matter (I would bet money).

Not trying to say all guys are perverts, but well... let's just leave that open, shall we?

But with that being said, let me add that I understand that it was directed at your friend when talking about her hair. So that stinks, and I might be ready to confront him about that.

[OakTreeGirl]

I think what makes this inappropriate is that, by making a comment like that, the guy friend seems to be evaluating the female friend as a potential partner for sexytime. That crosses a boundary, and is highly presumptuous. Why should the girl care what he thinks? He's not her boyfriend.

I'm pretty open so if a guy friend tells me he likes to grab hair, then it's not a big deal. If a guy I'm not dating tells me to grow my hair because that's what he likes, then that is out of line and I'd say so.

I do like to do things that make me more attractive to my boyfriend. Example - I'm neutral about the colour yellow, but he likes the way I look in it. Therefore, I have a higher frequency of yellow clothes than I would if I weren't with him. He also likes skirts so I own two of them. (Much more than I would have otherwise.) But he's somebody I love and am in a romantic relationship with.

My body's not part of the public domain. Random men who evaluate my attractiveness to my face, as if this is somehow relevant to my life, are way out of line.

[Wildcat Diva]

I am pretty sure that random men are doing that already. Boundaries are being crossed every moment in the minds of those who share our public domain. If they say it, we can be offended but come on, let's not be surprised. Even if you are creeped out by that.




CCC wuz here.

[HintOfMint]

To start, I have shoulder length hair right now, so I haven't had to deal with hair comments one way or another directed at me. But I have witnessed it some, and it sort of wigs me out, and I'm just curious of anyone has received unwarranted/inappropriate/offensive (even unintentionally) comments about their hair?

In the opposite direction of this forum, a friend of mine who had APL hair chopped it off into a much shorter, almost-pixie cut. Once she got used to it she LOVED it, and she looks absolutely adorable. It suits her well. A mutual friend of ours didn't take so well to it. He continually tells her she'd look "prettier with longer hair" and such. I will emphasize that he is genuinely a good guy and really one of my favorite people, but he's blunt and can be a bit of a traditionalist. Usually, my friend just rolls her eyes and we go about life as usual. We spend most of our time teasing/joking/jabbing at one another, so this isn't a huge deal.

The one that really hit, though, was when he said casually during a conversation that "guys just don't like hair they can't grab onto", e.g. during sexytimes. He didn't mean anything by it, but my friend was straight up offended by the implications of hair = sexual worth, and it sits wrong with me, too. Maybe we're being oversensitive...?

I dunno, it's really odd. Hair is such an individual thing and NOT anyone else's choice, but I can deal with opinions on it -- but sometimes it seems to cross a line. I'm not sure what to say to him if it ever comes up again, and since I'm making an active effort to grow out my hair and we talk daily, I imagine it may.

Kind of a thread hijack, but it really is amazing how much we put up with when it comes to our friends, especially our "traditionalist" ones. It seems like they're honestly the rudest and most meddling. I don't walk around and tell my male friends, or any of my friends really, what they're doing wrong in not appealing to me sexually. Because I'm a decent human being.

I have a friend like this, and honestly, it's frustrating when he can't keep his trap shut like this. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with him and it makes me realize how much slack I cut him.

[ApatheticFairy]

I work a phone job and I'm not sure this counts, but I have a kind of high, breathy voice. (Not what you'd expect from my grumpy personality, but hey, genetics!) I guess I sound kind of air-headed when you combine it with the fact that I'm overly enthusiastic that allows me to give people discounts. Kids got good grades? I'll gush for about fifteen seconds. Short commute to work? I'll be excited that you don't have to brave awful rush-hour traffic!

Anyways...some guy was updating his auto insurance on the phone with me and said "You sound sexy. Are you a blonde? I'm envisioning a sandy-blonde young little thing. Do you want to move in? You got my address"

He was positively salacious.

I don't always get the length thing, since I'm only APL, but I get negative, offensive, and inappropriate comments about hair color. I've already talked about DSO drooling over wanting me to be a redhead but I always end up hating the way I look every time I've dyed it red.

Even when I'm COMFORTABLE with my chosen hair color I've also gotten females commenting "You look so trashy because you're just showing off your boobs and have bleached blonde hair. Don't you feel like some kind of trailer park wanna-be beauty queen?"

So I dyed it dark brown. Then people were commenting that I'm too pink to be a brunette and that I look like I'm trying to be "that Evanescence chick" because I think black is slimming. LOL Can't win any way I go!

Anyhow, maybe I'll stop getting comments now that I'm going back to virgin dirty-dishwater blonde/brownish hair.

[Sabriel]

Guys are gross.

I know that a lot of guys must like my long hair, and that's cool, but one of the reasons why what vanity I have is directed toward my hair is the fact that it doesn't have to be sexualized. Anyone can appreciate its beauty.

I've gotten weird comments. People bluntly/rudely asking me what's in my hair (usually a hair stick or scarf). The best was the time a guy on the subway asked if I'm Amish. My hair was in a scarf braid but in no way did I look Amish. :rolleyes:

On the other hand I've gotten many compliments, especially for the scarf braid style :)

[Perididdle]

Kind of a thread hijack, but it really is amazing how much we put up with when it comes to our friends, especially our "traditionalist" ones. It seems like they're honestly the rudest and most meddling. I don't walk around and tell my male friends, or any of my friends really, what they're doing wrong in not appealing to me sexually. Because I'm a decent human being.

I have a friend like this, and honestly, it's frustrating when he can't keep his trap shut like this. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with him and it makes me realize how much slack I cut him.

Yeah, I feel you! To be fair, we're pretty "liberal" with each other in terms of what is appropriate. We have a lot of great off the wall conversations that wouldn't be acceptable in most circles, so part of it comes down to that, too. I's so weird to handle times when he goes overboard because otherwise 99% of the time he's pretty much one of my favorite people.

@ApatheticFairy -- that phone conversation would...seriously freak me out. I wonder how often that works for him. And I'm amazed that people express themselves so directly about what your hair color means about you. :confused: Granted, I guess I shouldn't be at this point.

[Amorice]

I get way more innapropriate comments about my hair color (purple!) than its length. I've had multiple older men tell me I'll "never catch a husband with that hair" (at which point I point out my lovely e-ring, and the finger next to it while I'm at it ^_~)

[OakTreeGirl]

I am pretty sure that random men are doing that already. Boundaries are being crossed every moment in the minds of those who share our public domain. If they say it, we can be offended but come on, let's not be surprised. Even if you are creeped out by that.

Well, no. The point is that boundaries are not being crossed because most people don't say that kind of stuff, regardless of what they're thinking.

The ability to filter your words and actions, regardless of your initial impulse, makes all the difference in the world. If a guy who's not my sleeping companion acts as if he is, he's getting told off.

[Tota]

I've had multiple older men tell me I'll "never catch a husband with that hair" (at which point I point out my lovely e-ring, and the finger next to it while I'm at it ^_~)

:applause:applause:applause

This made me spill my morning coffee all over me but was well worth it :D

[Humbug454]

I get offensive comments all the time about my hair. Many people seem to think guys shouldn't have long hair so I get "About time you cut your hair isn't it?" and all sorts of other crap like "You look like a girl".

I learnt to ignore it all a long time ago, or just give them a sarcastic reply! Still, it's about time people realised guys can have long hair too!!

[Domeka]

I had someone tell me I should only keep long hair if I can be bothered to straighten it. I thought this was pretty rude (and stupid).

[Suze2012]

I went to have a haircut a while back and my team of women at work were all excited about seeing me the next day with straightened hair...as if my curly hair was not what I wanted but it was just that I can't do straight hair myself.

I stupidly told them at one point that I had started co washing and I was called a freak for doing that.
I am also wierd because I will go snip my fringe if it's getting in the way.

Two of them asked me recently why I have gone and got a perm. I haven't.

I just ignore it all.

Then again they make a pile of assumptions about me, one lady especially - but she spreads what she assumes about me as 'fact' to others - that does get to me. I don't know why she does it either.

[Wildcat Diva]

Well, no. The point is that boundaries are not being crossed because most people don't say that kind of stuff, regardless of what they're thinking.

The ability to filter your words and actions, regardless of your initial impulse, makes all the difference in the world. If a guy who's not my sleeping companion acts as if he is, he's getting told off.

They might not speak it, and if this is where you draw the line fine. But if you consider it in not a so much black and white way, what then? What about non verbal communication, does that apply as communication that crosses the boundaries: facial expressions, leers, body language. A lot of people have a pretty crappy functioning filter.

My expectations of the general population are much lower, I guess. I guess that I am not all put out by what I see as human nature. Can't be a body out there without it being in the "public domain" whether you think it or not.

I can see with direct comments, for sure. But a lot of men see potential "sleeping companions" in the vicinity around them, if I understand men right. There's going to be something that slips out. If your filter requirements are pretty strict, you may be out of breath for telling a lot of people off.

Not to mention that people in general seem to feel compelled to share their crappy thoughts and opinions all the time, as people are commenting in their posts.

[vintage88]

I always get offended when people see silver hairs and are all, 'Oh, when are you getting it colored?'

I like my silver hairs, I don't want to color them. :(

I know exactly what you mean!

[Perididdle]

I stupidly told them at one point that I had started co washing and I was called a freak for doing that.

Oh! When I was considering trying curly girl, I tried to explain it to a few people. The number of times I got, "EW! You don't wash your hair?!?!" before I could explain got pretty tiring.