Time For Another S&D

[domisimone]

Hi. So here's the story:
On Tuesday, I went to a salon for my normal 1/2 inch trim. I had less than 1/2 inch of splits, but I decided to stick with my routine. Through the stylist's rough handling of my hair (towel drying, high heat, lathering all my hair on my head, rushed detangling), she caused another 1/2 inch of splits. By then, I was thinking that I need to get rid of ALL the damage, even the damage she caused.
I told the stylist to get rid of all the splits, but my ends still felt rough as I left the salon. I think a microtrim or S&D is in order to prevent further damage. I already have fine hair and breakage issues.
The hair scissors are in my mother's control. She paid for the appointment, and is friends with the stylist, and doesn't always trust my judgement with my hair. I'm worried that she won't let me do an S&D, or will take me back to the stylist, which will only make matters worse.

So my question comes in two parts:
1: Is it time for an S&D, or should I wait?
2: If I need an S&D, how do I get my mom to let me?

[Amber_Maiden]

I'd wait and do a proper trim, and then S&D everything else.

[MeowScat]

Hi! I voted for you to S & D now. The longer you wait, the more the splits can travel upwards. I love a good S & D session, it makes my hair smoother and the wide tooth comb slides through so much easier.

If Mom is uncomfortable lending you the scissors, ask her if you can use them in front of her. Like if you're watching TV together in the livingroom you could do it then?

I'd be afraid to go back to that stylist, she sounds way too rough for my taste. Yikes! If you have no other choice but to go to her then you should do what I used to do when I went to the salon. I'd go there with my hair already washed and wet and I'd ask to comb out my own hair. I used the excuse that I was tender headed so I wouldn't insult them. I also told them that I was going to let it airdry instead of them blowfrying it. This way she's only doing your trim and that is IT!

Give it a shot, it can't hurt! :)

[domisimone]

Hi! I voted for you to S & D now. The longer you wait, the more the splits can travel upwards. I love a good S & D session, it makes my hair smoother and the wide tooth comb slides through so much easier.

If Mom is uncomfortable lending you the scissors, ask her if you can use them in front of her. Like if you're watching TV together in the livingroom you could do it then?

I'd be afraid to go back to that stylist, she sounds way too rough for my taste. Yikes! If you have no other choice but to go to her then you should do what I used to do when I went to the salon. I'd go there with my hair already washed and wet and I'd ask to comb out my own hair. I used the excuse that I was tender headed so I wouldn't insult them. I also told them that I was going to let it airdry instead of them blowfrying it. This way she's only doing your trim and that is IT!

Give it a shot, it can't hurt! :)

This is really good advice. I've never done an S&D before, so do you have any tips in that regard?
Also, I think it's time to start trimming my hair on my own anyway. That stylist has been abusing my hair for 9+ years, but at first I didn't know any better and now my mom is sort of insistent that I go to her because she's a family friend. But by now she knows I'm not tender headed.

ETA: She's trimmed my hair before without the blowout. Though she says she knows how to cut and style curls, she turned my head into a poofy mess. The trim was good, and a better trim than I got last time, but it looked like a bad hair day.

[MeowScat]

Splits and white dots can be hard to see so you need to do it in a very well-lit area. Sunlight is best, but a strong lamp or even holding your hair up to the computer screen works really well.

The key to getting them all is to take small sections of hair, an inch or less, and slowly run your index and middle fingers down the length with your hair between them and look for the damage. (think of it like sandwiching your hair, your fingers are the bread and your hair is the meat...haha!)

Another way is to twist that small section and any splits / white dots that pop out, give them a snip straight across. I snip anywhere between 1/8 to 1/2 inch above the damage.

Sometimes I'll do it everyday, other times every week to two weeks. My hair is Fine so it splits and breaks easily. Meh.

Make sure you use hair scissors that are very sharp! A dull blade will shred and break your hair. You want a blunt, clean cut.

I'm glad you found my advice helpful, that made me feel good! :)

[domisimone]

Thanks so much! Yeah, my hair is fine too and easily damaged. My mom has coarse hair and has been going to this stylist for 20+ years, but has never incurred any damage. Sometimes I think her ends are made of steel!
I'm asking her when she gets home from work, and I think I'll stay in tonight and just pamper my hair. I bought some coconut oil for a prepoo, so I'm starting to think this is gonna be fun!
One more question:Is it best to work on freshly washed hair?

[MeowScat]

I've done it on unwashed hair plenty of times with no problem. I recommend not oiling it before your S & D session since the oil can temporarily "seal" the splits together making them harder to find. Also, it can clump your hair slightly making it harder to separate the hairs to inspect them all.

Having a friend of the family doing your hair for so long can make not going there awkward, I know. Telling her you want to try self-trimming is the best bet. Just tell her you want to experiment with your hair for awhile or that you'd like to play hairdresser like her. It should soften the situation.

[domisimone]

Thanks bunches! I'll S&D tonight, then Pre-poo, and then shampoo and DC tomorrow as well. I'm really trying to make up for the damage and pamper my hair now.

[MeowScat]

Anytime! Enjoy your hair pampering night. They're always fun and they make you feel so accomplished and prettier!

You've inspired me to do a S & D tonight. Gonna grab my scissors now. :)

[domisimone]

Okay, one last thing. My hair is at my shoulders, close to apl. How do I get the back of my hair?

[MeowScat]

Hmmm... Thats a good question. Maybe if you sit in front of a mirror, turn your head to the side and pull your hair forward and look at it in the mirror?

It's a tough length to see the back so you might have to wait a few months to S & D the back. At least you can do the sides for now, even though it can be a real strain on your eyes.

[domisimone]

So . . . I asked my mom is I could do it, if she supervised, and she offered to take me back to the stylist. I told her that the stylist was too rough and was damaging my hair, and that I didn't want to go back to her, and that she (the one that paid for the service) should be upset that it wasn't delivered.
She told me to get over it. She said that it's just hair, and that it shouldn't matter so much, and that I'm making something out of nothing. And then she changed the subject to dinner plans.

[domisimone]

Then, as if I would cut my hair without telling her when she's less than ten miles away and driving home, she asked "How's your hair?"
I told her it was in a bun.
"Keep it that way. Do you even know where the hair scissors are?"
"In the bathroom cabinet."
She laughs. "No they aren't. Because you don't need to know where I keep them."

[MeowScat]

Wow. Ouch. I guess hair isn't as important to Mom as it is to you. I'm sorry she isn't more supportive about this. It sucks when others don't understand.

You can still do your oiling or maybe a deep conditioning treatment as you sleep. If you don't want to lose any more length, then don't get another trim for a while. Just baby your hair and measure it every month to track your progress. It'll make you feel better. Don't forget updos!

You have LHC to encourage and support your hair journey. We're here for you, Sweetie. :)

[domisimone]

Thanks for the encouragement. There is hope! I have a cosmetologist cousin who has cut my hair in the past, but I was very little. She lives about 45 mins away, and I hear she's coming to stay with my gramma (15 mins away) for a couple days next month while her house is fumigated. I'll call her tomorrow and ask if she can trim my hair properly while she's in town.

[MeowScat]

That sounds perfect! Tell her all of your wants and fears. Be brutally honest with her.

I'm happy you have that option!! Good for you!

[domisimone]

Again, thanks a million for all the support! I'm really gonna baby my hair until I can get it cut and hope the splits don't spread.