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View Full Version : Do you encourage your daughters (and/or sons) to grow their hair long?



Tehillim408
June 29th, 2012, 06:49 AM
I have a friend who would always tell her daughters what long, beautiful, princessy hair they had in order to encourage them not to want to cut it. It seemed to work, although last I heard, her oldest, who had long, wavy virgin blonde hair with fairy tale ends recently cut it to nearly chin length :(

So, do you encourage your kids to grow their hair out, or are you alone in your long hair journey?

afu
June 29th, 2012, 06:59 AM
My mother would hardly ever let me have my hair cut when I was younger because she liked it long (although it was always frizzy and cared for as if it were straight), this caused me to rebel when I finished school at 16 and cut back from hip to shoulder. It's taken almost 6 years for me to want long hair again!

LaFlor
June 29th, 2012, 07:02 AM
One of my sons has long hair that I don't plan on cutting.
The other son had and wanted long hair, but Hubby got tired of it and cut it off without my permission :justy:

Nae
June 29th, 2012, 07:03 AM
My twin daughters have pretty long hair, one is at BSL and one is at waist. They are 15 and both want long hair. They can cut it if they want, it is okay with me either way. Their hair is dark and I am really not in the notion to pay for any sort of dying/bleaching but they have never asked for it so I guess I am lucky in that regard.

The only "encouraging" I really do is to try to get them to take care of it in an LHC fashion. "Only shampoo your scalp." "You really want to slather that in conditioner honey." "If you are washing your hair in the morning please put some oil on it tonight."

What is really interesting to me is that they are identical twins. The one who stretches her washes and is consistent about scalp only washing, wearing her hair up or braided and consistently oils has MUCH softer and healthier looking hair than the other one and she has been able to achieve longer lengths because of it.

The girl who is not very patient while brushing and rips a brush through her hair, wears her hair down all the time and makes faces when I remind her to oil the length has much drier and damaged hair, especially her ends. (She is getting better about it lol.)

It helps me to really see the difference LHC care can make to hair, I mean we are talking two girls who are genetically identical. It is pretty amazing.

My son? He has a particular style that he really likes and it is short but not super short. His aunt decided to buzz his head on his last visit to her house. This was without asking me or anything. Apparently he didn't want to at first and they talked him into it which made me pretty grouchy (just because it sounds like he capitulated to pressure from the adults, and not that he really wanted it.) But his hair will grow, by the time school starts back up it should be fairly back to normal. Darn relatives.

shutterpillar
June 29th, 2012, 07:11 AM
I encourage my children (one girl, age seven and one boy, age four) to do whatever they want with their hair. My daughter currently has mid-back length hair which she enjoys because I can put it up lots of different ways, but if she were to ask for it to be cut into a bob, I wouldn't care.

My son had a mohawk last year. He also had hair covering his ears this past fall/winter.

I just leave it up to them (of course to some extent - I will not allow anything that would be dangerous and will most likely not allow them to dye their hair until middle school age) but as far as cutting it now... it's up to them. It's hair. It grows back, and in the meantime, they are allowed to express their individuality.

WaitingSoLong
June 29th, 2012, 07:18 AM
As long as they take care of it, I let my kids do whatever they want to their hair. It is just hair and one of the few things (only thing?) we can use as personal expression that is part of our bodies. Amazingly, none of them have ever wanted anything drastic, like a mohawk or to even dye their hair (which I tried to get my one son to do once when he hated his hair and wanted a change).

My oldest son had BSL+ hair before he decided to cut it back his senior year in high school. Now it looks like every other teenage boys hair (tho he is 20 now), that sort of shag skater boy cut. My younger son kept his buzzed for a long time but now he is working on the same hairdo as above child.

DD had long blonde hair (mini-me) and grew to hip before she got sick of it and asked me to cut back to APL last year. I did encourage her to grow, but only because that is what she wanted to begin with. When she would get fristrated and say "I want it long but I am so sick of tangles" (or something) I would encourage her to be patient to reach her goals. When she decided to cut, I talked with her first about potentially regretting, making such a huge change would maybe cause frustration at first, etc. I made her wait the 2 weeks and then we cut it. SHE LOVED IT. She hasn't cut since and it has grown past BSL and I am wondering if she will want a fresh cut before school starts this year. It has been about a year (actually less) since the cut (it is sickening how fast my kids hair grows, my 16yo ds had a horrid cut last time which I fixed best I could, it has grown 2" in 6 weeks. GRRR. If my hair grew that fast I would cut back to waist already knowing it would soon grow back if I disliked it, sorry..end OT rant)

Anyway, DD now tells me I have such long beautiful hair. I reminded her that she did, too, but her hair is still beaautiful even if it is not as long as mine. I wonder if she will want it cut again.

My kids are teens now but even before that I pretty much let them call the shots on hair once they started caring. As I said, they never wanted anything weird or whatever anyway.

(OT: my oldest wanted his one ear pierced when he was about 12. I was ok with it but DH refused LOL. He never did have it pierced. When he moved out he got his lip pierced but eventually took that out after a year or so because it was damaging his teeth).

auroraclio
June 29th, 2012, 08:55 AM
Nope, I let my daughter (who is 7) do what she wants - within reason! She currently has a cute chin length bob.

Sylvestrix
June 29th, 2012, 09:08 AM
I don't have any kids, but I just wanted to say (somewhat strangely) that I like the word 'encourage' in your title!
When I was young, my mother would not allow me to have my hair cut, which yes, resulted in my having lovely thick knee length hair at one point, but it was warm and cumbersome and washing and drying took an age.
Not having the choice is what drove me to a drastic pixi, with a back that was as close to shaved as makes no difference- and whilst I enjoyed the difference for a while, I did come to regret it, since it didn't really suit me at all.

/rant over :o I just wanted to say yay for word choice! :D

Rufflebutt
June 29th, 2012, 09:10 AM
I'm not a parent, but if I were then I would give them the choice. I used to have super long hair when I was little because I wanted to put it up into pig tails like sailor moon's. :P
My hair got to classic and I cut it because my classmates kept making fun of me for it... I was very sensitive to peer pressure back then. I wish I hadn't cut it!

Tia2010
June 29th, 2012, 09:29 AM
I have three sons and encourage them to look how ever they want to look. :) When they were little I did keep it on the longer side, but as they grew and wanted hair cuts, I never stopped them.

All three actually like long hair, but only the youngest has had the patience to actually let it grow really long. He grew from a mo-hawk to mid back before he got it cut (people kept mistaking him for a girl and he got sick of it) Now he is letting it grow again. It's a little past shoulder now and he really likes it.

My oldest keeps his really short, and my middle son is in a Manic Panic blue hair phase at the moment :D

Inozz
June 29th, 2012, 09:45 AM
My son had gorgeous long hair until he started kindergarten. Then he want it cut off so people didn't think he was a girl. :( I keep encouraging him to grow it out again. We're home schooling this year so I'm hoping the lack of peer pressure will help him grow it out.

My daughter wants her hair to be like Rapunzel(thanks to the Disney movie). I've got no problems letting her grow it out.

IvanaGil
June 29th, 2012, 09:55 AM
I don't have kids, but I do encourage my mom and sister to GROW GROW GROW!

patienceneeded
June 29th, 2012, 09:56 AM
I will let my DD do her hair any way she wants (within reason...no emo cuts please. IMO they look terrible) as it is her hair. I put manic panic streaks in it last year (she's only 5 now) with the leftover dye from my underlayer dying. She loved it and it faded out quickly in her hair. Right now she is in the process of growing her hair out, by her own choice. She thinks hair to her fingertips would be perfect, right now it's in-between APL and BSL. It's hard to gauge hair growth on her, as she is growing too, she'll gain an inch of hair, and then grow .75", so her hair length doesn't visibly change. My feelings about hair are, it's her hair and her choice as long as she doesn't go all emo on me. (No offense to anyone emo on this board, it's nothing personal against you, just not a choice of lifestyle and fashion I wish my DD to take)

dollyfish
June 29th, 2012, 10:08 AM
What is really interesting to me is that they are identical twins. The one who stretches her washes and is consistent about scalp only washing, wearing her hair up or braided and consistently oils has MUCH softer and healthier looking hair than the other one and she has been able to achieve longer lengths because of it.

The girl who is not very patient while brushing and rips a brush through her hair, wears her hair down all the time and makes faces when I remind her to oil the length has much drier and damaged hair, especially her ends. (She is getting better about it lol.)

It helps me to really see the difference LHC care can make to hair, I mean we are talking two girls who are genetically identical. It is pretty amazing.


That's awesome, sounds like an unofficial identical twin study, like they do for other fields. It's always really cool to see how lifestyle differences can make such an impact in people who are genetically identical.


------- As for the topic of the thread itself:
I don't have any children, but I think I would dote on my future children's hair, try to instill LHC haircare values, etc. But I would never pressure my children to keep their hair long if they didn't like it. Especially when long hair is so much work; little kids like to play and get messy, and sometimes short hair is just more practical and feels better when you're too young to worry about aesthetics. Also, I have the feeling that any sort of pressure would only guarantee teenage rebellion and hair chopping!

cocolover
June 29th, 2012, 10:16 AM
My DD has beautiful hair that she grew to waist a few years ago. It is silky, thick, straight and so shiny. I just love to touch her hair. I have a pic in my album. However, when she didn't want to spend the time brushing it and taking care of it, she decided she wanted to cut it. It was a little sad for me, but I never let on or tried to discourage her. I did ask her to wait two weeks and make sure she really wanted to though, the two week rule has a lot of wisdom in it ;) It is their hair, and as long as they will keep it clean, they can do whatever they like with it.

Tehillim408
June 29th, 2012, 10:23 AM
I don't have any kids, but I just wanted to say (somewhat strangely) that I like the word 'encourage' in your title!
When I was young, my mother would not allow me to have my hair cut, which yes, resulted in my having lovely thick knee length hair at one point, but it was warm and cumbersome and washing and drying took an age.
Not having the choice is what drove me to a drastic pixi, with a back that was as close to shaved as makes no difference- and whilst I enjoyed the difference for a while, I did come to regret it, since it didn't really suit me at all.

/rant over :o I just wanted to say yay for word choice! :D

Glad you liked my word choice! I think there's a huge difference between encouraging a child and requiring/forcing them to do something against their will.

My parents forced us to take piano lessons, saying we weren't allowed a say in the matter until we turned 18. That's all I needed to hear in order for rebellion to sprout up within me.

So yes, gentle encouraging is always better, IMO!

Silverbrumby
June 29th, 2012, 10:24 AM
My son has amazing hair but it's high maintenance. At least now while he's learning how to deal with his new teenager hair. It's shoulder length but he is part indonesian and it's a challenge.

GoblinTart
June 29th, 2012, 10:31 AM
My daughter had almost hip length hair before she found scissors and chopped the back off to her chin. I cried while I was fixing the front. It's almost to her shoulders now, yay! I do encourage her to grow it long, and include her in my oilings and brushings at night.

My son has short hair and that's how we keep it.

When theyre older, they can do whatever they want with their hair.

elbow chic
June 29th, 2012, 10:34 AM
No. They detest having to wash or comb it, so they all have pretty short hair. Crew cuts for the boys, and my DD has a curly pixie. I wouldn't forbid them to grow it out but would at the LEAST expect them to cooperate with regular grooming.

jellycatty
June 29th, 2012, 10:54 AM
I don't have children but when I do I'm going to keep their hair short until they can take care of their hair by themselves (though it does depend on if they have curly hair like me or not, if they have straight hair I guess I can let them grow it out). My parents used to always keep my hair really really short because I hated brushing/combing my hair lol

Firefly
June 29th, 2012, 11:01 AM
Nope. It's their hair and they can wear it whatever length/color they like. I do encourage proper care/hygiene. DS (14) had his long enough for a pony tail a couple of years ago, but recently cut (still shaggy though!) DD (12) alternates between waist and shoulder. And purple. :D

Firefly
June 29th, 2012, 11:03 AM
Double post--sorry!

White Sides
June 29th, 2012, 11:20 AM
No kids; I would definitely encourage them but it's up to them what they want to do with it.

holothuroidea
June 29th, 2012, 11:44 AM
I don't really encourage one way or the other.

My oldest DD was born with 4 inch long hair on the top of her head, which is pretty remarkable for a newborn. When she was 2 I cut her MBL hair to a chin-length bob to make it easier to take care of and I really regretted it. She had sausage curls that never came back. Before I cut her hair she was 3a, now she is 2c.

Now that she is almost 4 she sometimes doesn't want to sit still to have her hair combed braided at night. I told her that we can cut her hair off and she won't need to do that anymore, and she said, "But then I wont be me anymore!" She mostly cooperates, sometimes she needs reminding that the only alternative for not taking care of hair is having less. She's very attached to her hair, and she really just seems like a long-hair to me. It was weird for that couple of months her hair was short.

My little DD is only 1.5 so she doesn't have any preferences, but I'm not going to cut it just to make my life easier like I did with the first. She was born bald and still doesn't have a lot of hair, she's at the stage where her little wispies are growing in front of her eyes. I just brush them to the side and wait for them to grow. She might prefer to have her hair cut to make it easier, but I'm going to let her make that choice when she's old enough to vocalize it.

I'm glad I don't have any sons because I don't know what I would do. I wouldn't want to cut it, but I'd get a lot of pressure to. It would be hard to wait for him to ask for a hair cut, and since having long hair is an "alternative" choice for males I would feel bad for making it for him. So yeah, I'm conflicted about that one.

spookyghost
June 29th, 2012, 12:07 PM
No. I love short hair on men and boys. It killed me when my sons went through the long hair stage. I would almost beg them to get it cut. But of course it was their hair and I didnt make them cut it. They have short hair now. One is in the military and Im pretty sure he will keep it short now.

akilina
June 29th, 2012, 12:14 PM
If I had kids I would let them do whatever they wanted with their hair.
If I had a daughter who wanted a Mohawk I would say hell yeah! I would definitely try to encourage a daughter to grow her hair long though because it is beautiful and something I never really did. My hair was longest as a little girl probably 5 and 6. Then I chopped it to chin and it has been all down hill from there.
Coloring would be a different story though unless it was something temporary and fun.
If I had a son who wanted long hair I wouldn't mind either. Sometimes toddler boys with long hair look like girls though.

christyrose
June 29th, 2012, 12:26 PM
From what I have seen if mom has long hair a lot of girls will like to have it as well. Same with boys and dad. My daughter is only 18 months, but I want her to have long hair, as in never cut except maybe with some trims here and there. If she wanted it shorter I would cut it at shoulder length but not higher. I got my hair cut short all the time when I was little so I guess for me I dont want that to happen to my daughter as well. I think she will have longer hair for so long it will be harder for her to get it cut when she gets older, and I wont be pushing her to do it... Definitely going to cut it myself when I trim! Also I dont want to cut it because its curly right now and I am hoping it will stay that way if I dont cut it!!

Lucky_Lucy
June 29th, 2012, 12:39 PM
My twin daughters have pretty long hair, one is at BSL and one is at waist. They are 15 and both want long hair. They can cut it if they want, it is okay with me either way. Their hair is dark and I am really not in the notion to pay for any sort of dying/bleaching but they have never asked for it so I guess I am lucky in that regard.

The only "encouraging" I really do is to try to get them to take care of it in an LHC fashion. "Only shampoo your scalp." "You really want to slather that in conditioner honey." "If you are washing your hair in the morning please put some oil on it tonight."


If only my mother were like you! :lol: She kind of hates hair-related matters and she says that this "hobby" of mine is completely crazy. She thinks that LHC hair care is "wrong" and that "if you don't shampoo the length too, it will get really dirty". She also thinks that long hair is too much trouble(wth?..she probably hates it because long hair=high maintenance).
When I was 15(last year) I chopped my hair from BSL to mid-neck/chin(I'm not even sure, but I guess it was somewhere inbetween) because it was way too damaged from bleach&ammonia hair dyes(my hair color is the darkest brown and I just loved it when it was red...). When I did this(the big chop) my mother was thrilled. She hoped I won't grow it out. :lol:
Even when I was little, I would always have short hair because my mother would cut it. Even when I asked her to let me grow my hair(when I was about 9) she just forced me to stay still while she cut it. She said it would get in my eyes if it were long...:mad:
If I had kids, especially girls, I would surely encourage them to grow their hair long and I would only cut it if they really really really wanted to. If they were boys, though, I think I would keep it short while they're little(only if they don't oppose to it) and then, if they wanted to I would let them have it long. :D

Othala
June 29th, 2012, 12:58 PM
I don't have kids but I have a 14 year old niece and a couple of years back we got competitive to see who could grow their hair longest in the fastest time. I'm shorter than her so I won, LOL.

seven77
June 29th, 2012, 01:46 PM
My Mom always encouraged long hair on me.. so when I was a teen I went pixie short. It took me many years to love long hair again, I had to love it on my own terms, not because my Mom loved it.

My children each have their own unique style. My 9 year old is a super blonde who loves short hair! It comes down to her chin and is layered in the back (like a posh bob), she loves it and it looks so cute on her! She has very thin hair and anytime she's tried growing it out it just looked so straggly and stringy.

My 10yo daughter has hair almost touching her tailbone, it is always long.. even when I cut her and my other daughters hair at the same time, her hair just shoots right down so much faster.
My 12yo is trying to grow her hair out as long as her sister's.. but her hair seems to hit BSL and just stop.. she wants to grow it longer so I am helping her out with tips I'm learning here.

My youngest daughter is 1 and she was born with hair, right now she has straight across cut bangs and her hair is just hitting her shoulders, she is a cutie!

My boys are 3 and 6.. my 6 year old looks SO good with a surfer shag kind of style. I've cut his hair super short but his surfer shag looks best, I won't be cutting it shorter anytime soon, not until he's older and asks for it cut shorter (if he does).
My 3 year old has always had short hair and this is the first time we're attempting to grow it out.. his hair is very straight and thin so it's not like his brother's wavy surfer shag.. his hair will prob look better either really short or really long. Not sure the shag works on him, but we're letting it grow and see what happens.

My kids are all very individual with different hair colors and types, it's interesting to see their likes and dislikes and I support them all with whatever they want :)

neko_kawaii
June 29th, 2012, 02:04 PM
My son likes his hair quite short, like his daddy. He is welcome to do with it as he chooses. I would say the same if he were a girl. I'm so glad my mother let me do with my hair what I wanted though she clearly admires long hair.

jeanniet
June 29th, 2012, 02:17 PM
My older son would never grow his hair longer than about 2", so no on him. My younger son vaccillates between growing his hair about 6" long and then buzzing it all off. He has the most amazing curly hair when it's longer, so I'm always begging him not to cut it. He doesn't mind it longer, but he refuses to just trim it, so if it gets cut it's buzzed to 1/2" long. It drives me crazy. :rolleyes: Fortunately, he never thinks of cutting it until it's pretty long, so I get to enjoy the curly hair about half the time.

CurlyCurves
June 29th, 2012, 02:20 PM
No kidlets yet, but I absolutely will encourage my kids to be longhairs. Especially if they're boys :p

KwaveT
June 29th, 2012, 06:22 PM
I have never had children much less a girlfriend. My personal opinion on this would be to encourage the children on long hair if that is what they want whether they are boys or girls. My parents never give me the choice growing up since they are very traditional and don't think boys should have long hair. I suspect my mother is reason my dad got his long hair cut. He had long hair when he was dating my mother. I clearly think boys should be given the choice. It is drilled into us by society there is no choice and are expected to keep it short. My sisters were allowed to have long hair.

Alun
June 29th, 2012, 10:54 PM
They both have fairly long hair, and I would say that we do encourage it, but we let them make up their own minds. (ETA: I mean we always did. At their age I don't suppose we could do much if we didn't agree)

DS went to a spiky cut when he was 8 and then grew it back out at age 12. Now he is 18, nearly 19, and it's still long. He wears it in a ponytail almost all the time, whereas mine is mostly loose, and he also doesn't have a beard. His hair is dark like mine (or like mine was before it started to go grey) but coarse like DW's. His hair changed from dark to blond and back to dark as a child, which is also what mine did.

DD has always had fairly long hair, except for one time she had it cut to shoulder length and regretted it before she was out of the salon. She mostly wears it loose, but sometimes does a ponytail or a 'messy bun', and she has fine hair like mine but blonde like DW's was as a child, although as she's 15 already I don't think hers will go strawberry blonde/red like DW's is, as DW's hair colour had changed by the time she was in her teens.

And DW's hair is also fairly long, usually braided or bunned, and somewhere in the red/strawberry blonde region. So we all have long hair, but none of us have hair long enough to sit on.

Sama
June 29th, 2012, 11:54 PM
My husband and I encourage our daughter to grow her hair long. However, she cut it last year [some of the bits were about 1 inch long] and the parts she cut are about chin-length now. I keep asking her if I can cut her hair and she tells me no! :D I just want to cut it once, so it is even, and then encourage her to grow it to "great lengths" in the future.

If I ever have any sons, I will probably keep their hair fairly short. My husband is in the military and I cut his hair weekly and would probably do the same with a son's hair. But...if we ever had a son who wanted long hair, we wouldn't discourage it.

Sometimes I think cutting other people's hair is my way of getting the "I-want-a-haircut" bug out of my system. :p

Arden
June 30th, 2012, 12:30 AM
I dont discurage my kids from long hair but unltimately I let it be thier choice.

I do however get some friction about it.

My daughter who is not quite 3 went threw that half way down the face bang thing for awhile and so many people where pressuring me to cut it. Even suggesting they cut it themselves... Kind of bugged me... My son from my first marriage I would let his hair get long but then everytime my ex husband would come around he would discurage him about it and either take him to get it cut off or make him feel like he needed to get it cut and he would ask me to take him so I would. My stepson is probably the only one I might say I discurage to. But hounestly it's because I really dont think long hair flatters him.... and on some people it just doesnt.... Although I've never outright said, oh you shouldnt have long hair.. My current husband typically takes the boys to the barber with him. But if any of my children say, Mom, I want long hair. I'd be cool with it... but same goes if they said they wanted short...

MandyBeth
June 30th, 2012, 12:32 AM
J is 7 and is in the extremely long hair group - past her knees pulled straight. She'll likely keep longer hair as her curls shrink up so much, so even APL appearing would be actually hip or so. Ultra short will never work.

M and N both have curly hair, but like their hair buzzed short. They both prefer the Chuck Liddell style lohawk so that's what they have. They are also not into looking cute for girls yet, so my sighing about the adorable curls doesn't exactly help.

CK is 15 and has his hair pony stub length and growing out more. He thinks.

They all run around with various Manic Panic colors.

HumanBean
June 30th, 2012, 01:29 AM
My son (8 yrs old) deciding to grow his hair out last Fall is what brought me to L H C in the first place. I've always liked it on the shaggy side while my husband likes it short. Since my DH was taking care of it until the last year, short usually won out. But DS is old enough now that he's taking care of it on his own and I see no reason not to honor his self expression.

DH isn't fond of it, but isn't stopping him either.

His longest layers are about shoulder length now. He seems pretty committed to keep going. But at the moment he pretty much still looks like a boy with shaggy hair, so I don't know if it will last if he starts getting mistaken for a girl (his name can be a girl's name with different spelling, so that might not help). But there are quite a few boys at his school with long hair, one is at waist length, so he does have peers that he can look to for support.

annah
June 30th, 2012, 06:48 AM
I have a 7 yo son, who has wanted a mohawk for years. I have not let him choose his hair until recently, but now he's repeatedly chosen to shave it short like daddy's.

My girls are 4 and 5, and their hair is growing out. One is bsl, one is waist. When they get a little older, I will let them have a choice, within reason, but I will try to encourage long hair. For now, it is forced.

I do encourage my neices to grow their hair long (ages 12 and 14). They keep cutting it short because they don't know any hairstyles, and it annoys them when down. They both have beautiful super thick dark hair. (their mother, and step mom, both have really short hair, and don't know hairstyles, nor care of long hair either, so I'm trying to help fill in, answering the girls questions where I can)

RileyJane
June 30th, 2012, 10:17 AM
My mom never encouraged me, but she really never wanted me to cut my hair. I remember when I came home when I was in high school bc I went and got my hair done ( cut it to my chin) I came home and was so happy to show her what I did and she nearly cried :/ she came from the hippie days though, so she always loved my long hair ( she also has BSL length hair ) :D

firegypsy
June 30th, 2012, 10:38 AM
Nope, I let my daughter (who is 7) do what she wants - within reason! She currently has a cute chin length bob.

yup. They can do what they want. Currently for dd that means growing, though she's taken matters in to her own hands many times and hacked it. :rolleyes: I couldn't care less (and actually one of the "repairs" from a self hack job was an asymmetrical bob that started at the top of her ear on one side, and ended almost at her chin on the other-adorable!) I just don't like her doing it herself. The last time was this past year and she gave herself bangs, because her hair was "in her way." I discourage that.

Boys have shaved heads. They prefer it that way, and it's easier to keep 'em clean, so have at it!

Lostsoule77
June 30th, 2012, 11:42 AM
I'm not yet a parent, but have starting thinging about this recently. I think, probably, I will encourage the girls to keep it longer and the boys on the shorter side, but not too short. Once they are old enough to make their own choices I think I will let them do what they want, within reason of course.

This is what my own mother did with me and I've never had my hair shorter than BSL (save the time when I was five and my neighbor, who was also five, chopped it all off.) When I wanted purple hair it was allowed as long as I only did the underlayer so I could still look respectable. LOL The only thing she disallowed for years was bangs. I finally got them in 6th grade and grew them out in 8th. She also let my brother have short or long hair when he wanted.

Kristen121
June 30th, 2012, 01:26 PM
I have two DDs, ages 3.5 and 7 months. My 3.5 year old has hair a little past shoulder length. I've been letting it grow since she's been born, but it grows unevenly (the back grows faster than the sides), so I have to cut it to even it up every few months to avoid a mullet look. Now that she's older, it seems to grow more evenly, so I take good care of it and am hoping it will start getting long. I've asked her if she wants long hair or short hair and she says she wants "long hair like Mommy" Of course, if she decides when she is older that she wants to wear it short, that is fine with me. My 7 month old has hardly any hair right now, but I will probably do the same with her.

I don't have any boys, but if I did I would probably keep their hair short as I'm not a huge fan of long hair of long hair on males :oops: but if he wanted to grow long hair when he was older, I wouldn't discourage it and would teach him how to care for long hair so it looked good.

hairstuck
July 6th, 2012, 01:37 AM
I suppose my 'encouragement' would be telling a daughter whose hair is long that they have pretty hair. (Obviously, saying that they themselves are pretty, smart, confident, etc, too.).

I would allow hair coloring for teens of normal hair colors. Blonde, brown, red, black,.. all fine. No purple, blue, pink, green head of hair or weird stuff... unless it's wash out for Halloween. Dip dye ends would be ok for summer. No mohawks, no buzz cuts on girls, no past shoulder length hair for sons, etc.

Schools here have rules about weird hair colors (purple, blue, etc.), and I would encourage kids to fit in with social norms of peers (a son having waist-length hair would get called a girl by his peers here). Girl here with a buzz cut wouldn't fit in so well with peers. Gender stereotypes? Maybe. So, I suppose I encourage decent, reasonable self-expression within social norms and tasteful behavior. Sorry, but I don't think a multi-color mohawk is tasteful or within the realm of reasonable self-expression on any child. If someone else's kid does that or lives somewhere where that's more of a norm, that's fine. I wouldn't allow it, but I don't care if other people allow it.

Alun
July 6th, 2012, 11:12 PM
I suppose my 'encouragement' would be telling a daughter whose hair is long that they have pretty hair. (Obviously, saying that they themselves are pretty, smart, confident, etc, too.).

I would allow hair coloring for teens of normal hair colors. Blonde, brown, red, black,.. all fine. No purple, blue, pink, green head of hair or weird stuff... unless it's wash out for Halloween. Dip dye ends would be ok for summer. No mohawks, no buzz cuts on girls, no past shoulder length hair for sons, etc.

Schools here have rules about weird hair colors (purple, blue, etc.), and I would encourage kids to fit in with social norms of peers (a son having waist-length hair would get called a girl by his peers here). Girl here with a buzz cut wouldn't fit in so well with peers. Gender stereotypes? Maybe. So, I suppose I encourage decent, reasonable self-expression within social norms and tasteful behavior. Sorry, but I don't think a multi-color mohawk is tasteful or within the realm of reasonable self-expression on any child. If someone else's kid does that or lives somewhere where that's more of a norm, that's fine. I wouldn't allow it, but I don't care if other people allow it.

So, just curious where you live?

gthlvrmx
July 7th, 2012, 11:00 AM
I think ill first try to keep their hair on the long side and see what happens from there on, when i have children of course.

kmoc123
July 7th, 2012, 11:25 AM
Yes we all have long hair...myself, son, hubby, the girls....shoulder or longer...

CurlyCurves
July 8th, 2012, 04:54 AM
Schools here have rules about weird hair colors (purple, blue, etc.), and I would encourage kids to fit in with social norms of peers (a son having waist-length hair would get called a girl by his peers here). Girl here with a buzz cut wouldn't fit in so well with peers. Gender stereotypes? Maybe. So, I suppose I encourage decent, reasonable self-expression within social norms and tasteful behavior.

But why perpetuate ignorant and unreasonable gender norms? Why enable bullies? So what if people call him a girl - wouldn't his own self esteem and self expression be more important than what some stupid kid at the school says?

There is no biological rule that says boys can't have long hair. Society made it that way, and I don't see why we should carry that on.

FrannyG
July 8th, 2012, 05:47 AM
I have now-grown son and daughter. I didn't encourage them to keep their hair long or short. I simply let them choose what to do with their own hair. I think that hair is a great way for tweens/teens to express themselves.

There are so many vital issues that we have to deal with as regards parenting, that there are certain things I left to their own discretion. Hair was one of those things.

ravenheather
July 8th, 2012, 07:19 AM
I encourage my dd who is 4 to grow her hair long because it is curly and looks much better long. Also she needs to be able to put it up as she can't stand it touching her face. When she gets older if she wants to cut it then that's ok. However now I tell her how pretty her natural curls are. Even if she cuts in the future at least she won't hate her natural texture.

Alun
July 8th, 2012, 11:51 PM
But why perpetuate ignorant and unreasonable gender norms? Why enable bullies? So what if people call him a girl - wouldn't his own self esteem and self expression be more important than what some stupid kid at the school says?

There is no biological rule that says boys can't have long hair. Society made it that way, and I don't see why we should carry that on.

Couldn't agree more. Gender stereotyping hurts everyone. As long as boys are socially shunned for 'feminine' appearance or downright barred by rules from wearing long hair, etc., it sends the message that women are inferior, and it doesn't exactly make the boys happy either.

hairstuck
July 9th, 2012, 03:03 AM
I encourage reasonable self-expression within the realms of normal. If I had a son who wanted butt length hair, no. If I had a girl who wanted foot length hair, another no. That would be hard to maintain, and be too "stand out'ish" for us. Girls with a buzz cut, another no. Part of it is social norm, another part how we live and where we live, another part our personal preferences. We don't allow overly revealing clothes, heavy makeup on girls who are too young, etc. Guys or girls with mohawks or abnormally short/long get treated differently by peers, teachers, etc. Self-expression should be beneficial to them, not harmful. And, we have a certain look that we find fitting, enjoyable, and tasteful as a family-- something we enjoy and that benefits us, how people perceive us, and our future success. Mohawks, purple hair, gauges, tons of piercings, tattoos, etc. are not part of the look we enjoy nor maintain. Those things mean students and employees get respected less, and trading success for temporary extreme looks is not what we enjoy. We self-express within reason and enjoy clothes, fashion, hairstyles, makeup, etc., but not the extreme. As in, we color hair, but not neon colors permanently. We explore fashion, but dress age and culturally appropriate (tasteful, and age-suitable). Reasonable hair lengths are fine. We're perfectly content with not having buzz cuts, floor-length hair on young kids (that would be so hard to maintain as a parent!), neon face paint as makeup, 50 piercings on our bodies, and so forth.

As for bullies, would you want your kid to knowingly do something that would make him the center of attention? If you watch the "bus monitor cries" video on YouTube, you'll see the real effects of bullying. That lady in the video is nearly 70, and can't stop little middle schoolers from bullying her for her weight, looks, etc. If I had a kid get bullied, you better believe I'll step in and do what I can. But, I'm not going to encourage behavior or appearance that is more likely to get a kid ostracized or that we as a family don't find fitting FOR US.

Someone else wants their kids with purple hair, mohawks, extreme tanning, gages, many piercings, tattoos, skater clothes, etc., fine. But, we don't allow it or find that tasteful or appropriate FOR US. Keyword: *for us.* It's all about how you live as a family, where you live, and what you value and find reasonable. I don't find extreme looks as fitting in our family, nor does anyone in our family actually have any desire for these things.

If you want those things, great. They're not for us, and we don't enjoy them or do them. You do, that's fine.

Once they're 18, a person can do whatever they want.

We believe in reasonable self-expression, so long as it's tasteful, appropriate, and doesn't hinder our success-- whether at school or work. You show up at work with a purple mohawk, and you won't be viewed as professional. Same with how kids act, dress, and so on. We value tasteful dress, tasteful actions, hard work at school, good work in the workplace, and doing things that are productive and meaningful for our future. We encourage kids that appropriate behavior, hard work, dressing for success, classiness and manners, having appropriate fun, and enjoying life mean that a little girl or little boy can study hard, get a solid education, and build a great framework for a successful, productive, and enjoyable future. Girls can be succeed just like boys can-- our personal preferences for attire and looks don't weaken females.

Like I said, someone lets their kid have a mohawk or whatever... that's fine. It's not for us.

Katleen
July 9th, 2012, 05:03 AM
I was never allowed to grow my hair as a child, it was always chopped of into this boy-cut. However much I pleaded and although kids my age made fun of me, my mother wouldn't give in. So when I was 13, I started rebelling and when she left me at the hairdressers to go grocery shopping, I had him cut it so short that it looked like a buzz cut.
She was crying when she saw me, and from that moment on, I could grow my hair out.

During my teen years I alternated between very short and APL, and after the birth of my 2nd DD, I cut it again. Right now I'm growing it back out, and although I'm almost 40, my mom is still trying to get me to cut (and keep) my hair in a chinlength bob, flatironed to death. I think seeing my APL-wavy hair in its natural state freaks her out :D

My 3 daughters can do whatever they want with their hair, but they have to let me take care of it. Oldest DD (6) has difficult hair, very prone to breaking, and we're slowly letting it grow out from chinlength bob to now almost shoulderlength. DD2 (almost 5) has easier hair, grows it out and is currently at APL (difficult to see at that age, as she's growing so fast), she wants to be Rapunzel. DD3 (2) has really thin whispy baby hair, doesn't seem to grow much, and currently I'm letting her grow it out too...

If ever they want to cut it, I'll advice them to have a good think about it, so they won't regret it a week later, but it's their hair...

sunshine-locks
July 9th, 2012, 05:19 AM
I don't have children, but if I did, I'd let them do what they want with it, but perhaps advise against rather extreme changes -really long to short, blonde to black etc.
Although if I let them do crazy things to their hair and they end up disliking it then that's a lesson learned and they'll know not to repeat that again :P

If they wanted long hair, I'd definately encourage it, regardless of gender. (my SO's mother is very anti-long hair on him although I think he looks lovely with some length)

Firefly
July 9th, 2012, 06:39 AM
DS did get pressure in the form of teasing from adult male relatives (DH's side) when he had long hair (and we're only talking SL here). Fortunately he is smart enough to realize how ridiculous it was.

Still, I would never dream of telling my kids to conform in order to avoid bullying. :rolleyes: That mindset is just... wow. I don't get it. Many of the most brilliant minds in history were non-conformist.

Alun
July 9th, 2012, 11:48 PM
DS did get pressure in the form of teasing from adult male relatives (DH's side) when he had long hair (and we're only talking SL here). Fortunately he is smart enough to realize how ridiculous it was.

Still, I would never dream of telling my kids to conform in order to avoid bullying. :rolleyes: That mindset is just... wow. I don't get it. Many of the most brilliant minds in history were non-conformist.

I agree.

I tried to ask hairstuck where she lives, but no dice. It's not like I want her street address. She herself talked about attitudes where she lives, but we don't know where that is. I am assuming it's somewhere really conservative, but where?

mrs_coffee
July 12th, 2012, 08:22 AM
My three can do whatever they want with their hair. My oldest has shoulder-length hair right now. She used to have BSL hair streaked purple and she dyed it blonde for a while. My middle daughter has waist-length hair and uses henna. My son's hair is mid-back, but he has also had a buzz cut and a mohawk in the past. Whatever they choose to do with their hair is fine. I just try to help them take proper care of it.