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View Full Version : I don't know what to do...Help please?



Curly_jas
June 25th, 2012, 06:54 AM
About 2 years ago is where all the trouble started. I bleached and dyed my hair numerous times in the space of 2-3 months trying to obtain a colour I wanted; on top of that I had been straightening it almost daily for a couple years (My hair was very resilient to the heat though). A few days after all the bleaching I realised a lot of my hair was severely damaged and wouldn't curl. Between then and now I have been growing out my hair and cutting it mostly in order to have natural healthy hair again. I've gone through various different washing methods, CWC, CG, modified CG etc, trying to get my hair back on track to being healthy.


This past week I trimmed a few ins off my ends again (trimmed from APL to shoulder length when stretched) because my hair simply still looks very damaged on the top canopy of my head and feels rather dry throughout my whole hair. The Underneath and bottom of my hair is just a frizzy somewhat curly mess. I had expected to by now at least see perhaps a good few ins of curly growth and then damaged lengths.

Now for the past few months I have started to blow dry my hair straight simply because I cannot cope with having various different uneven textures, it doesn't help that I really dislike the curl pattern that I can see. Like I said it just looks like a frizzy mess, and I no longer remember what my curls used to look like, up until college (around 17-18) I had always wore my hair curly. My mum says my hair was straight at the roots and had more ringlets than what it looks like now which is a mixture of really frizzy 2b-3c curls. Can anyone offer me some advice as it's really upsetting me. I know it might only be hair, but for me, hair is what gives me confidence and right now it looks like a hot mess. I’ve tried trimming little by little but I’m not very patient. I’m just not sure if I’m ready for a really short hair cut.
My hairs growing at a good pace yet doesn't seem to have even semi recovered from the damge of 2 years ago. Can it be that because the damage is already there, it is effecting the new growth? Today I shampooed and conditioned it and left it to air dry to try and find out what my curl pattern was, but my hair has dried into a really frizzy state and I can’t tell make out a distinctive pattern. From what i can remmeber because of my parents multicultural backgrounds my hair has always been "different". I remember it being thick, soft, can be manipulated very easily, and rather fine and straight at the roots, and of course was curly but how curly I cannot remember.

Anyway does anyone have any constructive critical advice? Or any thoughts on why I'm not seeing any real progress? What next steps I can take to move on, as I do not want to be in the same predicament come next year, it’s ridiculous.
I do apologise if i haven't made myself very clear, I tend to ramble on. Thank you for anyone who has read this long rant :D

torrilin
June 25th, 2012, 07:47 AM
For a lot of people, they get confused and think frizzy curls are automatically damaged hair. It's not. Frizz comes from curly hair being dry (so needing some kind of conditioning treatment, whether plain conditioner, oil, or something else) or from it being handled too much. Yep, you can make curly hair frizz just by playing with it. There's probably other stuff too, but those are the biggies.

My hair grows pretty fast, so if I had ABSOLUTELY no trims over the course of 2 years, I might have as much as 16-17" of new hair growth. Average would be 12". On me, 17" would be not even shoulder length, and 12" would be maybe a chin length bob. Since I'm a straightie, for you those would be stretched measurements, and the apparent length when your hair is not stretched would be rather a lot less.

While my hair is not curly, it does get damaged from using heat pretty easily. It took me from about 1996 to 2002 to go from shoulder length hair with a ton of heat damage to bra strap length and no heat damage. It takes a pretty similar length of time for me to grow out hair dye if I choose to use it. And with what you're describing, you're *not* sticking to one low damage routine over the last 2 years... So you might have had as much as 6" of undamaged growth before you started straightening again.

Plus, almost no one with curly hair has one uniform sort of curls over their whole head. Expecting your hair to look like a magazine picture every day isn't very realistic or fair to you, since you don't actually have someone on staff to fix your hair every 15 minutes.

rock007junkie
June 25th, 2012, 07:51 AM
With the level of damage that you have explained I think you need to introduce protein treatements into your routine. This will repain your hair to some extent. Some good ones that I recommend:
-Apoghee 2 -step treatment (follow this one with a good moisturizing treatment)
-Curl Junkie' Repair me (The best one in my opinion- no moisturizing treatment needed)
-Eggs- Just add eggs to any moisturing treatment you have.

I would also recommend weekly moisture treatment if you are not doing so yet. Best of luck

heidi w.
June 25th, 2012, 08:57 AM
I think you might take a look at the book Curly Girl. They now have a newer addition to the book titled, Curly Girl Handbook. Lorraine Massey is the author and she herself has curlier hair, perhaps moreso than you. She is a curly haired advocate teaching people how to properly care for this hair type such as low to no SLS shampoos, Conditioner Only hair washing, how to properly trim curly hair (dry, not wet; and to do a curl at a time, and to cut a certain way to allow the curl to not be exposed outwardly....). If you can ever get to a stylist that is trained in Lorraine Massey's methods, you might make more headway than guessing on your own.

I would say that likely, eventually, Conditioner Only washing will be your answer. However, the way back to the original path is to stop all the nonsense. Stop the bleaching (which you have, thankfully) and stop the heat applications such as the blowfrying. It's wrecking your hair, plain and simple.

You also may need to work on accepting having curly hair the way you've got it. It's beautiful, and you might consider trying to get in touch with it and enjoying it, even celebrating it.

Your story is the story of every other curly haired gal, trying to get it to be something it's not. In color, in texture, in curl behavior.....and you're just having a fight with your hair all the time, and constantly frustrated and upset.

I suggest the first thing is to understand that gaining healthier hair is a long process. It can take a few years just to grow out and remove bleach or any other color. Two years is just the tip of the iceberg. If most of the bleach is removed now, then you can begin the process of finding a good routine. IF your hair is dry, this is a very common problem for curly haired folks. Curly hair is known to require far more moisture than compared to my hair type. I would suggest that likely you'll eventually like Conditioner Only Washing, and I would learn how to do that kind of hair washing well. I would also consider eventually learning to oil your hair. I would not brush your hair, at most, comb it and even then it may do best with finger combing.

You MUST learn patience. I would advocate making one change at a time, so you can determine if something does or does not work, reliably. Being in a hurry is not a friend to gaining longer length OR healthier hair. You can't be in a hurry for an outcome.

My bet is on that there is still some bleach stuff still in your hair. And word to the wise, do not repetively bleach hair. That is one of the worst things a person can do. Perming and bleaching within too close a proximity of each other can also lead to all kinds of problems, up to and including absolute loss of hair.

You just have a bad case of hurry up and wait. Take it easy. Slow down. Think things through, then act. Lots of people on LHC have been where you are, and you won't be here forever. But if you keep acting impulsively or overly quickly, your hair will always be in a mess.

Another thing to realize is that hair does not stay the same from childhood throughout adulthood. Hair changes, and there are around 4 times we all can anticipate a noticeable change. One is around the 22, another is in the later 40s and so on. Hair responds very much to hormonal changes, and us women have a lot of that going on for huge chunks of our lives. Hair is mostly a report on the hormones and our genes.

I'm sorry you're having all this frustration, but it won't be like this forever. That much I can say. You will probably get farther if you slow down, think things through then act.

But I'd say a good starting point for you might be to get the book Curly Girl.

heidi w.

spidermom
June 25th, 2012, 09:11 AM
One thing I'm sure of - the more you blow-dry it, the longer it will take your hair to recover.

Maybe experiment with some products you can finger-comb through to help your hair clump together instead of separating into frizz.

Very few natural curlies have uniform curls throughout. I get everything from 1B straight strands to 3A ringlets on different parts of my head. Length helps to unify things.

Curly_jas
June 25th, 2012, 09:56 AM
I think you might take a look at the book Curly Girl. They now have a newer addition to the book titled, Curly Girl Handbook. Lorraine Massey is the author and she herself has curlier hair, perhaps moreso than you. She is a curly haired advocate teaching people how to properly care for this hair type such as low to no SLS shampoos, Conditioner Only hair washing, how to properly trim curly hair (dry, not wet; and to do a curl at a time, and to cut a certain way to allow the curl to not be exposed outwardly....). If you can ever get to a stylist that is trained in Lorraine Massey's methods, you might make more headway than guessing on your own.

I would say that likely, eventually, Conditioner Only washing will be your answer. However, the way back to the original path is to stop all the nonsense. Stop the bleaching (which you have, thankfully) and stop the heat applications such as the blowfrying. It's wrecking your hair, plain and simple.

You also may need to work on accepting having curly hair the way you've got it. It's beautiful, and you might consider trying to get in touch with it and enjoying it, even celebrating it.

Your story is the story of every other curly haired gal, trying to get it to be something it's not. In color, in texture, in curl behavior.....and you're just having a fight with your hair all the time, and constantly frustrated and upset.

I suggest the first thing is to understand that gaining healthier hair is a long process. It can take a few years just to grow out and remove bleach or any other color. Two years is just the tip of the iceberg. If most of the bleach is removed now, then you can begin the process of finding a good routine. IF your hair is dry, this is a very common problem for curly haired folks. Curly hair is known to require far more moisture than compared to my hair type. I would suggest that likely you'll eventually like Conditioner Only Washing, and I would learn how to do that kind of hair washing well. I would also consider eventually learning to oil your hair. I would not brush your hair, at most, comb it and even then it may do best with finger combing.

You MUST learn patience. I would advocate making one change at a time, so you can determine if something does or does not work, reliably. Being in a hurry is not a friend to gaining longer length OR healthier hair. You can't be in a hurry for an outcome.

My bet is on that there is still some bleach stuff still in your hair. And word to the wise, do not repetively bleach hair. That is one of the worst things a person can do. Perming and bleaching within too close a proximity of each other can also lead to all kinds of problems, up to and including absolute loss of hair.

You just have a bad case of hurry up and wait. Take it easy. Slow down. Think things through, then act. Lots of people on LHC have been where you are, and you won't be here forever. But if you keep acting impulsively or overly quickly, your hair will always be in a mess.

Another thing to realize is that hair does not stay the same from childhood throughout adulthood. Hair changes, and there are around 4 times we all can anticipate a noticeable change. One is around the 22, another is in the later 40s and so on. Hair responds very much to hormonal changes, and us women have a lot of that going on for huge chunks of our lives. Hair is mostly a report on the hormones and our genes.

I'm sorry you're having all this frustration, but it won't be like this forever. That much I can say. You will probably get farther if you slow down, think things through then act.

But I'd say a good starting point for you might be to get the book Curly Girl.

heidi w.

Firstly thank you for such a detailed and thoughtful response, i think a bit of tough love was exactly that I needed. I agree with everything you've said, and it's awful because I already knew all of what you have mentioned, but it is very helpful to have someone else say it (or type it). I think I will look into getting the curly girl book, I've known about it for a few years hence why I have started the curly girl method a few times with great success but I've never actually read the book. It's also not helpful that their are not many hair stylists who specialise in curly hair, if i go and have my hair cut they simply just want to cut it when it is straight, not only that, but they cut it into a style which can only be maintained through having a straight hairstyle..but that's anther story. If anyone in London, UK, does know of any curly hair salons please do let me know. I think there is Devachan and a few others in the US, but it'd be great if they opened one here.

Don't worry i have definitely learnt my lesson with bleach, i would never use it again. I did not know it was as damaging as it is until it changed my curl pattern to straight. You have hit in on the nail when you say i need to be more patient, I am always in a rush, and am very impatient, but with hair as we all know, growing long healthy hair is a patient task. I need to pack away my heat tools for good as well, just as Spidermom advised in her post, nothing will get better till I do.

I have also just found some curly hair inspiration hairstyle sites, so i think i shall bookmark them for future reference when i start to feel a frustrated with my curly hair or feel like taking the blow-drying route. I will also have this thread to look back on as well :)

Yes, I know hair changes with age, so i think I need to commit to stop the blow-drying altogether, continue with regular trims and work out a good routine and I might be able to see what my actual curl pattern now is. I think I will also be investing in some more coconut oil as my hair responded well to it, and i really enjoyed the heavy oilings and oiling the ends and braiding before bed.

CurlyCurves
June 25th, 2012, 10:24 AM
Honestly, hun, pretty much all damage to hair is irreversible. You can't re-seal splits, can't replace cuticles. If your hair is dry and damaged, no matter what treatment you do, I think it's time to BC. And more heat on top of the damage you've described isn't going to help.

Good luck ((hugs))

Curly_jas
June 25th, 2012, 10:46 AM
Honestly, hun, pretty much all damage to hair is irreversible. You can't re-seal splits, can't replace cuticles. If your hair is dry and damaged, no matter what treatment you do, I think it's time to BC. And more heat on top of the damage you've described isn't going to help.

Good luck ((hugs))
Thanks for the reply. Don't worry i know this, and realised this very early on after the i realised what I'd done because of the bleach. Hence why i've been cutting and growing since, but like i've realised is it's not got any better on the top part of my hair because of the heat i've still been using. As for the BC, i've done a few semi Bc's but that's what i was trying to figure out with this post, basically what i should do. I think what i'll proabbly do is cut a good few ins off and then just start afresh taking to consideration all the hair knowledge I and the good advice I've been given so far, and hopefully not ruin any new growth this time! Thanks again :)

Curly_jas
June 25th, 2012, 11:59 AM
Hey guys just an quick update: My mum cut my hair (she's a trained hairdresser) and i decided to go rather short, and I'm just going to go from there really. My hair feels much better already, just having those damage ends off has already helped how it looks and feels. I've just got to work on a routine now and stay away from the blow-dryer. The back of my hair is springing up into ringlet/tight curls which is weird, as i hadn't noticed that before. It will be interesting to see how my hair is from now on. Thanks again for the advice!

lacefrost
June 25th, 2012, 06:58 PM
There's nothing like growing your hair to teach you how to be patient. Nothing like it at all.

For now, I would suggest leaving your conditioner in your hair instead of rinsing it out. Comb your hair with your fingers while the conditioner is there. Then smooth a section between your fingers from root to tip.

DO NOT TOUCH IT WHILE IT DRIES!!!! I swear, that's the quickest way to get frizz. Also, at night, wrap your hair in a scarf or bandana so it's not getting rubbed on by the pillow. That causes frizz too.

You should check out Teri LaFlesh's website: http://www.tightlycurly.com She has 3a/3b curls and has grown her hair to hip/tbl.

CurlyCurves
June 30th, 2012, 06:39 PM
Good luck!