An Odd Feeling but a Good One...

[HintOfMint]

This may be rambly, please bear with me.

I think I'm finally happy enough with my hair to the point where I don't envy any other head of hair.

I don't mean to say I lack admiration for other heads of hair. There are plenty of heads of hair that have something I don't. But the thing is, I'm okay with that, finally. I don't go through picture after picture wishing my hair would look like someone else's.

My hair isn't perfect at all, but when I see a flaw, I don't immediately think of someone else's hair and how mine compares. I just see how my own hair works and well, tomorrow is another (wash) day! I think of the good hair days when my hair isn't exhibiting beast like tendencies and it comforts me and makes me feel positive again.

At first it started with realizing that, as far as growth goes, my hair is longer than most celebrities' so I pretty much ran out of celebrity hair idols for length.

Then, I suppose the train of thought (feeling?) continued and I realized that I don't have to look to others to try to emulate their look, whether it is their hair, fashion, or demeanor. I used to feel like I could be happy with my hair (myself?) when I have achieved something that someone else has. Now, I realized that I can just love what I have. I don't have to have hair like someone else's to love what I see in the mirror and feel when I brush.

It's a good feeling. Perhaps not the most modest feeling, but it's a good one.

Thought I would share. Has anyone else had this breakthrough or a similar experience?

[joflakes]

I've not had a similar feeling yet but I am jealous of you! It must be a nice feeling to have

[LaFlor]

I hope to get to that point some day :blossom:

[~honeyflower~]

Me too, the only thing that I keep in mind is baby steps but someday I'll be there.

[truepeacenik]

Mint,
Basically, you like who and what you are.
Isn't it wonderful?

I'm always on self-improvement kicks, but at the basic level, I'm very happy with who I am.
I'm just polishing the silver, not recasting it!

[winship2]

Yay for you! That's lovely, thanks for sharing that. Have you read the "Unintended consequences of joining LHC" (or something like that) thread? There's something oddly and unexpectedly empowering about deliberately cultivating a good relationship with your hair.

[jacqueline101]

You're lucky to be comfortable with yourself. I hope to make it someday.

[akilina]

I think this is my real hair goal...To be content with my own and I will feel like my hair is long enough at this point.

[Rini]

That's fantastic! Good on you!

I feel this way about my hair colour (finally!). I don't want anybody else's colour anymore, although I still really admire many hair colors on other people. I'm still not really 100% with my length and texture....but it will come one day ;)

[ladylowtide]

Great for you!

I feel like I may be on my way there too!

[Slug Yoga]

I used to feel like I could be happy with my hair (myself?) when I have achieved something that someone else has.

:agree: I think this is the key thing. It's an unfortunate tendency of human nature... we have the notion that If Only things were a certain way, then we'd be satisfied... and we attribute a lack of peace or satisfaction to the fact that things aren't that way. It can be about physical appearance, but not necessarily: If Only I was in a good relationship, If Only I lost some weight, If Only I made more money, etc. But of course even if those things happened, it wouldn't automatically mean that all our problems were solved, and we'd likely move on to the next If Only.

I remember as a young teenager a girl in my class had very long, thick, fast-growing hair that I envied immensely. I truly felt that "everything would be better" if somehow my hair was thicker. Of course it was silly... it wouldn't have changed my life and erased my problems, it just would have meant my hair was thicker. But we have a tendency to do this kind of thing to ourselves, to fixate on things in these ways.

In Buddhism, these desires are called "attachment" and it's what causes us to suffer; our unhappiness isn't really about the fact that a particular desire is unfulfilled, it's that we're not at peace with things as they are.

And as far as hair goes I know what you mean. Part of it is that in fact you like particular things about your hair and therefore are happy with the hair you have, but it seems like the bigger thing is that you're not longing for it to be other than what it is, and therefore are happy with the hair you have. You're appreciating reality instead of chasing fantasy :)

[HintOfMint]

Thank you everyone!

It wasn't a deliberate process to finally like my hair and really get on track with liking myself. I stumbled into it and it actually happened at a really terrible time. There was a series of stressful events, a relationship breakup, and finally a family upset that I don't really want to go into, and it really hit me hard. I wasn't confident or happy before the incident, so it's not a matter of returning to a previous state of mind.

During the series of unfortunate events, I had family and friends gather around me in ways I did not expect. My boyfriend, in ceasing to be my boyfriend, became an amazing friend. My professors showed me a level of respect for my work that I had been sorely missing.

I got through each incident, strong and calm. I wasn't thrilled with my circumstances and of course I cried, but I felt a sort of calm determination as I went through each task and faced my family.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped wishing for another woman's hair. Then I stopped feeling like I had to wear makeup. I started working more calmly and more diligently. I felt comfortable with what I was writing and how I was communicating with people.

I didn't ask for this strength, and it wasn't an intended effect. I still have some ways to go in feeling more confident in other areas of my life. But this peace I have now was hard won.


:agree: I think this is the key thing. It's an unfortunate tendency of human nature... we have the notion that If Only things were a certain way, then we'd be satisfied... and we attribute a lack of peace or satisfaction to the fact that things aren't that way. It can be about physical appearance, but not necessarily: If Only I was in a good relationship, If Only I lost some weight, If Only I made more money, etc. But of course even if those things happened, it wouldn't automatically mean that all our problems were solved, and we'd likely move on to the next If Only.

I remember as a young teenager a girl in my class had very long, thick, fast-growing hair that I envied immensely. I truly felt that "everything would be better" if somehow my hair was thicker. Of course it was silly... it wouldn't have changed my life and erased my problems, it just would have meant my hair was thicker. But we have a tendency to do this kind of thing to ourselves, to fixate on things in these ways.

In Buddhism, these desires are called "attachment" and it's what causes us to suffer; our unhappiness isn't really about the fact that a particular desire is unfulfilled, it's that we're not at peace with things as they are.

And as far as hair goes I know what you mean. Part of it is that in fact you like particular things about your hair and therefore are happy with the hair you have, but it seems like the bigger thing is that you're not longing for it to be other than what it is, and therefore are happy with the hair you have. You're appreciating reality instead of chasing fantasy :)

This was beautiful, thank you. And very true. I could spend hours on end obsessing over someone else's features and characteristics. The only times I felt happy with myself was when I was trying to be a different character--Manic Pixie Dream Girl or Audrey Hepburn... etc.

Right now, I feel absolutely right being my own character.

I'm sorry for the novel, it's just that this feels really good. It's been a few weeks of this revelation and I can't wait to see where this takes me.

[aksown]

I seem to have reached this state as well. :) I am absolutely in love with my hair's color and texture and I want it to be healthy and as long as it can be but I don't look to others for the "perfect" length. Good on you! :hifive:

[onlyforhim]

that's a very positive thing. I wish to reach that point of not looking at other girls' hair.

Honestly I love my hair even if it is not perfect. But I do admire people's hair a lot. In this forum there are many many women who have charming hair and this gives me hope that one day I will be there too :)

[embee]

That's a lovely place to be, OP! :) I think I've gotten there too. It's a great relief.

My hair, thin flat stringy limp hair, makes a lovely smooth updo that holds all day with just one stick. It has many qualities I can thoroughly enjoy, and I"m happy with it at last. Also the makeup - no longer worrying about "my face", whew. My face is my face.

I became aware of this feeling from admiring an old lady in my community... she was *so* nice, and *so* good at various things. Her hair was a pitiful little string which she kept in a teeny tiny knot at the back of her head - can you say, "the egg look", but she was beautiful in her own way - her skills and kindness and competence showed in all she did. And one day it occurred to me that I could hardly find a better role model, really.

[pink.sara]

See! This is the kind of post I wish there was more of in the world... My Facebook was full of people bemoaning every tiny detail of their lives, examples being one girl who posted a "FML" and a "FMW" to the fact that spring birds had woken her at 10am on a Saturday..... I mean really? Dont hate the birds!?,- until I had a cull after Christmas and rid myself of the negative.

It's awesome to read a simple, I'm happy, with me and with my world post. It actually lifted my day to read this and I'm happy you're happy!

Thank you :flower:

[XcaliburGirl]

HintOfMint, that's really great that you are feeling satisfied with your hair. Sometimes all this talk of goals, etc. gets a little out of hand.

I think I get what you mean. I'm also getting close to that feeling. I have felt that way about my hair before, but since chopping it 3 years ago, I've been struggling with a bit of an identity crisis. Right now I've reached a place where I like my hair, short as it is, but I still want it to be long again. The only person I'm left envying is 2009 me, if that makes sense. Strangely, I've also been feeling like I like the current length, and wondering if I am making a mistake growing it out. Maybe that is just the feeling of being satisfied with my hair, not a love of this length in particular.
Thanks, you've given me some things to think about.

truepeacenik, I love what you said about polishing, not recasting.

pink.sara, I agree, some times you just have to limit your exposure to pointless negativity. There was another non-hair forum I was on where the constant negativity started making me think negatively. I much prefer LHC, where there are enough threads where either it's a positive subject or all complaints are met with very helpful suggestions.

[going gray]

Dear HintOMint, Your post was lovely & so true. I really enjoyed reading this thread.

[MsBubbles]

I've not had a similar feeling yet but I am jealous of you! It must be a nice feeling to have

This is funny, given the thread topic. :)

Great thread topic, by the way. It should be entered into LHC lore as a valid milestone. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I was. I think with every hair-tizzy moment I learn to get closer to your hair peace, HintofMint!

[BrightEyes]

I hope I can be there someday, I feel like I am headed in that direction. What a wonderful place to be:)

[dollyfish]

I think I'm finally happy enough with my hair to the point where I don't envy any other head of hair.

I don't mean to say I lack admiration for other heads of hair. There are plenty of heads of hair that have something I don't. But the thing is, I'm okay with that, finally. I don't go through picture after picture wishing my hair would look like someone else's.

I know what you mean. I'm getting to this point with...I guess, myself in general. I still sometimes experience envy, especially with bodies ("I wish I had hips like that," etc) but I'm slowly learning to be able to appreciate and admire traits in others without bringing myself down in the process.

I love my hair, I love my body, and myself. Sometimes I don't, but most of the time I do these days. Which is practically a miracle. I'm settling in to the idea that I'm just fine. :)



I'm always on self-improvement kicks, but at the basic level, I'm very happy with who I am.
I'm just polishing the silver, not recasting it!

I've made a lot of progress towards self-love through this sort of thing. Reading works by the Dalai Lama has been especially helpful. But I don't feel pressured to "fix" myself, I'm trying to control and understand myself. Polishing the silver indeed :D

[GlennaGirl]

It's hard for me to "keep my eyes on my own paper" when it comes to my hair. Thanks for the reminder, OP.

[l'inconnue]

What a lovely thread! LHC is such a positive site. :) Thanks for sharing, OP.

[catamonica]

Before I got my hair to hip, I wanted to get it to waist. And I had long hair envy.
Finally though It grew with some help & I did not envy other people anymore.

[The-Young-Maid]

Its a wonderful feeling! :cheese:

[MissManda]

Congratulations on reaching such a zen state of mind. It is a goal of mine to feel that way, too, and seeing one more person that has gotten there gives me more hope. Thanks for sharing! :flower: