Not enjoying

[kallarina]

I am not enjoying my hair at all. I see so many people on here talking about how much they are enjoying the journey of growing their hair... But I don't enjoy it at all. I hate it. I'm so impatient, and I just despise my hair most days for not being long enough. I have NO desire to cut my hair, so that's not an issue. I've been growing for three years though, and I haven't enjoyed any of it in the slightest. I have almost an obsession with it growing, and it brings me no enjoyment at all. I keep thinking that when it finally gets "long enough" I'll be okay, but I've already stretched my goals further than I originally wanted several times because I grew past them. Why does nothing make me happy?
Any advice?:-(

[Bunnysaur]

I haven't even reached a mini-goal yet but I feel the same way. It just doesn't grow fast enough!
Try shooting for terminal :p

[kallarina]

I think even that would frustrate me! I just need some patience. Or borrow some from some of the ladies with knee length hair... :p

[juicy-glitter]

I know what you mean..... my hair litteraly makes me SO mad some days. I just cant take it anymore. I used to wear extensions so I got all sorts of attention from boys and girls and just felt prettier, now I look in the mirror and I just feel ugly. Sometimes I wanna go back to my pre-lhc ways and just be pretty and happy again.

[caadam]

I think the biggest piece of advice I can give you, aside from patience, is forgetfulness.

Forget your hair.

Don't think about it. Leave it alone. Don't look at it unless you have to (like brushing it or making it pretty); throw it up in a hair style, and get on with the day. If you get yourself into the habit of just forgetting about it, I'm sure you'll be happier with your hair's length, and even pleasantly surprised when you notice a new inch of growth!

Also, if you're in the habit of measuring a lot, then I would say to stop measuring a lot. lol Measure every few months, or go even longer without measuring.

The more you think about it, the more impatient you will be, and the more fault you'll find in your hair.

Hope that helps you out. :flower:

[ladylowtide]

Oh i am so obsessed to. Putting it up is the best advice,

[Falcore]

I like to look back on photos to see how far I've come. Makes me feel a little better on this long, loooong time consuming journey.

[kallarina]

Falcore, I just did that. It did make me feel a lot better to look back on my shoulder length hair pictures. It also made me feel pretty good to see all the highlights I used to have, and in some pics I'm actually able to see split ends! I know I'm taking so much better care of my hair now, so that makes me feel good seeing that kind of progress too.

[GlennaGirl]

Kallarina, I feel so sad reading your OP. Find some way to enjoy your hair now. Any way. Clip-in braids in weird colors? A new 'do? Or perhaps nothing new at all, just sit down each night and comb or finger-comb, and take your time. Just run your hands through all that hair. Love your hair. It's a part of you. :)

[jacqueline101]

I'm the same way I want it to be longer and grow faster.

[jacqueline101]

I'm the same way I want it to be longer and grow faster.

[HintOfMint]

Whenever I feel a bit down about my hair, I indulge in a bit of narcissism. I stand in front of the mirror with my comb and maybe a spin pin or two, and just play with my hair. I'll be silly, make seductive faces in the mirror, practice the slow-motion-swing-over-the-shoulder... etc., whatever it takes to make me feel positive about my hair again.

I'll also make mental notes of mini-milestones I've already hit that I've never hit before. I've never had hair that covers my elbows before and that's quite the accomplishment. Have I been lingering above tailbone for what seems like months now? Sure, but I have hair covering my elbows, that's something!

[Debra83]

I'm very impatient as well....but I'm amazed when I see my avatar because it's the first pic I took for this site, and compare to my signature, and think of all the trims and a cut I gave myself in between, but here I am at my signature length. I would like it to be longer definitely, and I have had it longer, but this is the longest it's been in at least 12 years. YAY!!! I broke the cut cycle already!!!

[Falcore]

And remember each day you're getting closer to your goal. In the meantime perhaps focusing on the mini goals (like everytime you gain an inch or something like that) so you have little victories to help you get through (and hopefully enjoy) your journey.


And have that photo of your shoulder length hair near you (even pin it to your mirror) so you can reflect and be happy where you are now.

Good luck! :)

[onlyforhim]

your hair is too beautiful.
wish my hair grows that long. It's sad you are not enjoying it a lot.

I say my hair is mid back I just feel it is not long my sister says t reaches the end of my back but I just feel maybe my waist is shorter than the whole world's waist sth is wrong with me :P

like othersl said keep comparing your old pics with your latest pic and you will see how beautiful it is.

[LaFlor]

When I start to get impatient I stay away from the hair section of LHC... I just try to stick to the off-topics to help me forget about it :blossom:

[Seeshami]

I feel exactly the same way, so I have been ignoring my hair. I wash it on wash days and it's in one of the three indistructa-buns as soon as it's dry till the next wash day. I try to think about my hair as little as possible.

On the days people stop me and ask me how long my hair is and how to make the indistructa-bun of the day are the days I remember how much I absolutely cannot stand short hair and that this is what I want. But I haven't been happy with my hair in months.

[spidermom]

Could it be that there is something else in your life you are not happy about, and you push the feeling onto your hair? I do that all the time.

[elbow chic]

Hm, that sounds a little off to me, actually. Are you often dissatisfied with other things, or just your hair?

It sounds like a bad case of hair-o-rexia to me. Not as simple as saying, "put it up and forget it!" because you've already met your goal, more than once, only to still find it unsatisfying, right? (I do this with other things, just not my hair, so I get it, I think.)

[Avital88]

yea i had the same, now that i had a 5 inch cut i regret not loving my longer hair more.. its just a matter of you dont know what you got till its gone kinda thing..
Love it, you have gorgeous hair! it will grow more if you stress less about it :)
And i agree with spidermom,maybe there is something else going on ? i tend to take things on my hair aswell

[feb26]

Maybe have someone measure it for you?? or let someone else play with it? A lil hair love/hair jealousy can do wonders for your hair self-esteem:D. I am 2" away from tailbone & thought it was still just past bra-strap length til my hubby was playing with it, pulled it straight & noticed the length. I didn't believe him til I braided it today & it was the length he said it was..

that said, i think you have to enjoy your hair for what it is...maybe it's a gorgeous color or it curls at the ends. we all have "i hate my hair days/months".. you're not alone.

[akilina]

I am not entertained , impressed, or enjoying my hair and its antics whatsoever.
We have a love/hate relationship.
If I EVER reach a good solid BSL I will be happier and change my outlook on our love. Hahah.

[natural_shine]

Try doing things to it, mask it, oil it, get fancy products for it...
:D

Just not too often, too much handleing can damage it.

[MsBubbles]

I am not enjoying my hair at all. I see so many people on here talking about how much they are enjoying the journey of growing their hair... But I don't enjoy it at all...I have almost an obsession with it growing, and it brings me no enjoyment at all.

(Ellipsis and bolding mine) It seems to me that by being obsessed with it growing, it's blinding you to how perfectly lovely and enjoyable your hair is now.

Why don't I just state the obvious? LOL.

So to fix that, maybe try as somebody else suggested, to do new things to it like new updos or new hairtoys, or new color, etc.

Deflecting the negative energy into something else might turn it into positive energy somehow.

Otherwise, are you similarly displeased with other things in life too? Or is it just your hair? If you are really pissed at other stuff much of the time, perhaps you would benefit from addressing that via various things (health, meds, exercise, more sleep, better food, no alcohol, less caffeine, etc.).

[dollyfish]

I keep thinking that when it finally gets "long enough" I'll be okay, but I've already stretched my goals further than I originally wanted several times because I grew past them. Why does nothing make me happy?

It sounds like you are placing your happiness on your hair. If you do this, your hair will NEVER feel "long enough," because having long hair will never make you happy. Loving yourself, being a patient, peaceful and conscientious person will make you happy. You keep extending your goals because you feel that if your hair were "long enough" you would feel happy, so because you don't feel happy your hair must not be long enough.

Not really comparable, but your post reminds me of those with eating disorders who feel that if only they were thin enough they would finally be happy, they would love themselves, they would feel confident and beautiful, but only if they were thin "enough." This is not how happiness works.

The only advice I can give you is to try to let go and love yourself instead of your hair, and you will come to love your hair because it is part of you. Perhaps look into therapy?

:grouphug:

[GlennaGirl]

Here's something. I keep expecting my hair to make my face look beautiful, somehow. I'm waiting for hair growth to cause me to suddenly be gorgeous or something. That never happens and I keep cutting and (shocker!) the cuts never make me suddenly gorgeous, either. I stay kinda plain. **

Believe it or not, it's taken since (checking stats) 2005 or so to realize this.

My hair is NEVER going to change my world, make me beautiful, do anything transformative. Not if I grow it to my ankles, not if I continuously get the latest cut. I've finally decided (very recently) that I'm going to enjoy my hair for *its own* prettiness, not for what it can "do for" me.

That may sound silly but...maybe it will help you in some way.


** ETA: and you know what? There's nothing wrong with plain either. ;) Thinking your hair isn't amazing yet because it's not the length you want, puts an awful lot of pressure on your poor hair when it does get to that length. You're idealizing this finished product so much that you can only be disappointed when it actually get there and nothing really changes. Just sayin'.

[Slug Yoga]

This thread might be relevant: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=95382

[Mesmerise]

I don't really enjoy the "process" either... I just want the end result (ie LONG HAIR). I don't enjoy it as it is, as it honestly isn't very nice right now (and I know it won't be magically "nice" when it's at goal either, as I'll still have stringy ends and damage to grow out).

So yeah, I just tell myself that I'm better off than I'd bee if I had shoulder length hair :D.

Oh, and like GlennaGirl, I guess I was also always hoping that I'd suddenly be "pretty" once my hair was long. And then I didn't look so great, and I thought maybe I'd look better with short hair... and that didn't work either :p. So yeah, I've stopped thinking that I'm going to be magically stunning once my hair is at goal length!

[poppy81]

I'm in the same boat, grow already! Everyone I see down the street seems to have long hair. Or maybe I just notice it more. :rolleyes:

[catamonica]

I just put it up & forget about it. Try Mane & Tail Original Horse shampoo from wall mart. Its in the pet section. It helped my hair with growth.

[ariesfairies]

..Get a a super dooper long wig :P

Natural, or funky!
http://i47.tinypic.com/vzec5y.jpg http://i45.tinypic.com/2kpoxz.jpg
(Also known as cosplay wigs.. you know like Anime girls?)
Even if its just something you'd wear at home. Why? It's not your hair you're wearing, and you'll be thinking about maintaining that fake hair instead (different method to looking after wigs than real hair, of course).

... Just another suggestion to put to the table.. :D

[Carissamarie08]

I don't enjoy the process either. Not one bit.

[kallarina]

Thanks for all the responses!
After reading them all and really thinking about it, I think I agree with those of you who said its almost like an eating disorder. It honestly is, which makes total sense because I have a lot of tendencies towards that sort of, shall we say mindset? My hair is not the only thing I obsess about this way. I keep thinking, "if only it gets to *this* length, I'll be happy", when I said the same thing last year about the length it is now!
I wish there was some easy solution. It's sooo hard for me to put up and forget about simply because that's how my brain works. I tell it to forget about something and it thinks about it MORE!
Part of my problem might also be how much I'm struggling with my hair color. I've colored my hair dark for years, and I wanted to go back to my natural color, grew out two inches, my mom told me it was ugly. Sigh.
Ariesfairies, I LOVE your idea, it's so cute! I love seeing all the fun wigs at anime conventions, I never even thought of getting one for something like this, though. It would be so fun!
Thanks for letting me ramble, everyone. :p

[ravenreed]

My feeling is that if you can't be happy with your hair now, you probably won't be happy with it when you get where ever you are going. Stop comparing it to whatever goal you think you want, and just enjoy what ever your hair type is now. Find something to like about it.

[Toadstool]

yes, very much like an eating disorder. I would say, give yourself a scalp massage WITH LOVE. And every time you have a negative thought about your hair, allow it to wash over you, not putting any energy into responding to it. And then say something positive. Like "My hair is enough for me" "My hair is beautiful in its own right" or whatever. After a while this should become a habit.

[MiamiPineapple]

I thought I would be happy when my hair touched my bra strap. Now its over the strap and I am still annoyed by it so I just put it up all the time. I also only allow myself one picture a month. Any more than that I would get too frusturated.

You have really beautiful hair by the way....exactly what I am aiming for!

[tinfoilsally]

Well everyone's already said what I thought, except for this: happiness is the moment before you reach a goal, not the moment after. I think that placing emphasis on goal lengths may not be the best idea for most of us... we will only end up moving it and continue feeling impatient and unfulfilled. For me, it's issues with being called ugly and so on in school, I think- part of me is growing my hair to prove that I can be pretty and feminine. I try to quash that part and grow because it's something fun and new and free to do! Plus I love hats, and hats look a lot better with long hair!
Maybe if you shift your reasons for growing, eventually you will begin to believe it, and feel more satisfied. It sort of works!

[RitaCeleste]

Look at it not so much as reaching a goal but being different when it comes to your hair. You treat it better. You do nice things for it. You probably spend more on product for it than on trips for cuts, colors etc. You aren't forcing your hair to extreme lengths, you are simply letting it grow. It is going to grow, its just going to happen and you'll take care of it so you can keep what grows. You take care of your hair, eat right and it will probably be fine and grow just fine. Stop moving your goals so far ahead of where you are. Stop measuring so much. Is it too hard to care for your hair? Are there things you just don't like about caring for and maintaining it? Do you need to change anything besides being obsessed with growth? Is there some everyday little thing you'd be happier doing differently? I mean like up, down, this style or that, a hair toy anything you'd be happier doing different? Don't sit around dwelling on goals. Just let it grow while you go out and live.

[kallarina]

I actually found something today that made me feel very happy with my hair!
I decided to wear it down, since I never do, and I felt my shirt slide up as I was reaching to get something, and felt my hair on my lower back/upper booty. It felt so amazing that I rolled my shirt up for the rest of this evening (I was just in my house, no worries!) and just let myself enjoy the feeling of my hair being that long. Maybe I'll do this more often...
I'll probably go back to being frustrated tomorrow, but for now... BREAKTHROUGH!
Thanks so much everyone, I love how supportive you all are. This is such a beautiful environment and I'm very thankful for it.

[Islandgrrl]

Personally, I think that if you wait for your hair to magically make you happy, you're going to be disappointed. Your hair is what it is at any given moment in time. You can actively choose to be happy with it or to be unhappy with it.

Two things brought me real satisfaction with my hair:

1. I ditched the whole goal-length thing. Hair grows, but progress takes a long time. It's usually not measured in months, but in years. It's hard to not be discouraged when you're looking at something like 10 years to reach your "goal." I don't know what I'm going to be doing next month, let alone in 10 years. Pointless.

2. I stopped comparing my hair to anyone else's hair. Comparison leads to competitiveness and drags ego into the whole mess. Really counterproductive mentally.

Good growing to you!

[ravenreed]

Sounds great! I am sure you will find more things to enjoy about your hair now that you are looking for them. Very often in life, you find what you want to find. If you want to find something to be annoyed at, you will. If you want to find something to be happy about, you will. Sometimes when you can't change a situation, you have to change how you look at it. :)



I actually found something today that made me feel very happy with my hair!
I decided to wear it down, since I never do, and I felt my shirt slide up as I was reaching to get something, and felt my hair on my lower back/upper booty. It felt so amazing that I rolled my shirt up for the rest of this evening (I was just in my house, no worries!) and just let myself enjoy the feeling of my hair being that long. Maybe I'll do this more often...
I'll probably go back to being frustrated tomorrow, but for now... BREAKTHROUGH!
Thanks so much everyone, I love how supportive you all are. This is such a beautiful environment and I'm very thankful for it.

[Ciridae]

Here's something. I keep expecting my hair to make my face look beautiful, somehow. I'm waiting for hair growth to cause me to suddenly be gorgeous or something. That never happens and I keep cutting and (shocker!) the cuts never make me suddenly gorgeous, either. I stay kinda plain. **

Believe it or not, it's taken since (checking stats) 2005 or so to realize this.

My hair is NEVER going to change my world, make me beautiful, do anything transformative. Not if I grow it to my ankles, not if I continuously get the latest cut. I've finally decided (very recently) that I'm going to enjoy my hair for *its own* prettiness, not for what it can "do for" me.

That may sound silly but...maybe it will help you in some way.


** ETA: and you know what? There's nothing wrong with plain either. ;) Thinking your hair isn't amazing yet because it's not the length you want, puts an awful lot of pressure on your poor hair when it does get to that length. You're idealizing this finished product so much that you can only be disappointed when it actually get there and nothing really changes. Just sayin'.

Wow... This post is so awesome, GlennaGirl. It made me feel so much better about my hair. And I didn't even realise I had some the issues you mentioned here until I read this post. Thank you so much for changing my outlook on my own hair and making me feel better about the growth process! :)

[Henrietta]

If the length that you are currently on cannot make you happy, try to fill the time of waiting with doing something with your hair as it is now. If you make fancy updos, make more and fancier. Try all deep treatments and new routines that seem promising for you. That's how I enjoy my journey. Despite the fact that I am at average length and there's long way even to my next mini goal of hip, I enjoy my hair a lot, because of experiments and updos.

[SongofLove]

Sorry to hear that you're not enjoying the journey...You have such beautiful long hair, too!

I think I felt similarly before I buzzed my hair off and then grew to TBL. I was growing from chin length and was almost at shoulder, but it just seemed like my hair was growing soo slowly, and I was so unhappy at that length.

So I went for the buzz cut, had fun with it for a couple of years, and then tried growing out again. I don't know what happened, but it was just so much easier this second time around---I just didn't pay too attention to how fast it was growing.

And at my current length I'm having a lot of fun, especially since I joined this forum. There are just so many interesting threads and hair videos. I don't know...For me, caring for my hair is kind of a stress reliever. I really enjoy taking it down, combing it, S & D, etc.

[Odonata]

Falcore, I just did that. It did make me feel a lot better to look back on my shoulder length hair pictures. It also made me feel pretty good to see all the highlights I used to have, and in some pics I'm actually able to see split ends! I know I'm taking so much better care of my hair now, so that makes me feel good seeing that kind of progress too.

thats great i think it is important to remember health is a milestone too not just length . but also the Quality of those locks
i always feel better about my progress (keeping at waist length till i reach a good thickness on ends before going for hip ) when i remember how important the baby steps in better health for my hair is - slowly cutting away all the damage i did will make it so one day i can go longer- and my frustration subsides

[BrownEyedBeauty]

I can understand your frustrations. I felt this way too for a long time, but not as much lately. I find that wearing my hair up on most days helps because I am not constantly checking on the length.

I really believe that part of the beauty of having and achieving very long beautiful hair is because it requires time, patience, consistency in taking care of it, and so these are reasons as to why it is uncommon. These factors make having long hair special and admirable. Keep these things in mind. Good things come in time.

[Demi-Plum]

Sadly it's something you're going to have to come to peace with. Doing your best to forget it though is good advice. I see my hair and I become upset because I feel it is very short, even though mentally I know it is not. It could also be a psychological problem. You could be pushing some feelings onto your hair. Not saying your psychotic or anything, but people tend to attach feelings onto things. I know I associate my hair with beauty. Mentally I know i don't need to and that it has little to do with it, but to me it's a huge part.

[MinderMutsig]

I enjoy my hair as it is. I like the structure and the softness, I love brushing it and oiling it. (Although I hate it when I wash my hair in the morning and it's still damp at the back of my head at night.)

But I do not enjoy the growing journey at all. I wish it would get there already so I can be done with it. But then again I don't think of patience as a virtue. It would also save oodles of money in hairtoys because I'll know what length I need and won't eventually have to ditch my favorite sticks because they became too short.

[Amanah]

I really believe that part of the beauty of having and achieving very long beautiful hair is because it requires time, patience, consistency in taking care of it, and so these are reasons as to why it is uncommon. These factors make having long hair special and admirable. Keep these things in mind. Good things come in time.

It is uncommon.
It is a break from societal standards of beauty.
It's bohemian, it's powerful, and it’s glorious.
When you look in the mirror, you won’t likely see the reflection of a runway model, or a Hollywood starlet.
What you will see is honest and real beauty.

[Amber_Maiden]

Not really enjoying it either. I have dryness at my ends, and I know I'll have to cut periodically once I reach my goal, to cut all the damage off. SO I know I won't really like my hair until about 3-4 years from now.