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View Full Version : Have you ever just given up on your hair goals?



akilina
June 5th, 2012, 02:00 PM
I mean this in the most positive way but is there anyone who has just given up on having a goal?

I have to vent here. If I talked to anyone about this in person they would think that I am crazy.

I have given up on any hair goal I had because I can never reach these goals and I would rather just let it grow until I feel it is long enough. Long enough for me would be waist probably, but I have given up the expectation that my hair will grow that long because theres a chance it wont grow that long. All my hair goals are just depressing me and I feel like having no expectation for my hair would be a better idea.

Is this how classic growers feel? That you don't have a specific expectation but you just let it grow as long as it will?

Has anyone ever done this themselves and were you happier in the end without having any goals because you let your hair surprise you?

These thoughts also have been making me implement benign neglect more. I haven't even been doing leave ins or special washing methods. Just wash condition and wear it. I won't stop using henna though

spidermom
June 5th, 2012, 02:38 PM
My goals always had a qualifier in my mind, sort of like "whatever the market will bear". I've seen quite a few people around here who have a non-goal like "until I'm tired of it".

Whatever works for you.

HintOfMint
June 5th, 2012, 02:44 PM
I think this is a very healthy mindset to have, good on you for realizing what makes you happy and what doesn't.

I haven't exactly given up on a goal, but I'm just letting it grow until I don't like the length. Technically a good thick TB would be my goal but I might like it longer or shorter once it's there.

jeanniet
June 5th, 2012, 02:44 PM
I have a vague goal of classic, but it's more like as long as I can get it and still feel like the ends are OK. As spidermom says whatever the market will bear. If my ends get too ratty that will decide the length. I don't want to let myself get too hung up on goals and not be able to enjoy what I like most about my hair, which is health.

Carissamarie08
June 5th, 2012, 03:18 PM
Yes... Always wanted long hair but I would just chop it off...too impatient. Not giving up now!

honeybunnie8
June 5th, 2012, 03:30 PM
I have a vague goal of waist but in reality its what I think looks the best on me. I am not a fan on fairy tail ends on myself so once my ends look bad I trim it back. If thats before waist so be it.

jacqueline101
June 5th, 2012, 03:31 PM
I've had those moments when I think its not worth it but when you see it growing before your eyes you realize this is what you've lived and worked for.

lmfbs
June 5th, 2012, 03:33 PM
My original goal was waist. I'm now less than 2 inches from waist and have decided to push for longer. I love classic lenght hair, but I'm not sure how it will look on me. I vaguely want to try for TB, but think I'll probably stay somewhere between waist and hip for managability reasons.

My main goal is healthy hair and learning how to look after my hair in a way that's best for me. My original goals were all length related, but now I think I'm being more realistic about what I want.

mzBANGBANG
June 5th, 2012, 03:34 PM
Every now and then I clip in some fake extensions and take a look at the back of my hair... and I'm kind of unimpressed. I think that is the biggest thing keeping me from my goal. I really don't feel I'm going to enjoy the way I look with really long hair, just long hair. So I guess I'm one of those "when I'm sick of it" people.

XcaliburGirl
June 5th, 2012, 03:50 PM
Pre-LHC, I grew my hair to classic without having a goal. I didn't do anything to it except wash it daily and put it in a bun. I simply liked wearing it up and disliked getting hair cuts.

Right now my stated goal is waist, but I'm trying to get back to my old carefree benign neglect attitude. LHC kind of makes it difficult, though.

julierockhead
June 5th, 2012, 03:53 PM
I keep my goals tiny and to the point, like no trimming for the summer, or whatever the next growing stage is, like BSL to waist, or committing to certain routines. Long term goals are best kept vague and not thought about much in the hair world I think, there is enough pressure in real life! I think relaxing and spending time in benign neglect mode is just fine if you want.

ravenheather
June 5th, 2012, 03:56 PM
I came here with the idea of waist as a goal. After being here I think I might go terminal unless it really bugs me or seems unmanageable. I don't really expect that it will be more than hip to tailbone. But I hope and pray I can at least get to waist.

ladylowtide
June 5th, 2012, 03:57 PM
I would say that I have flexible goals. I know I definitely want to get the tippy tips to TB. That I will not compromise on. But after my goals range between a fairy tailing mid thigh, to a very blunt healthy hip. So IDK. I suppose I am going to do what looks good, and whatever length I can be at where I still love having my hair.

akilina
June 5th, 2012, 04:03 PM
Thanks everyone for replying!

I get so focused on wanting my hair to be at BSL it disgusts me. I am a little past APL and I feel like it will never ever happen.
And as someone else said...the LHC makes is SO hard not to obsess! ahaha.
I get wound up in product, washing methods, oiling, my BBB and DTs and it makes me sick.

I chopped a year ago to my collar bone and I have had a good 6-7 inches this year with regular trims. I guess I am on okay track.

I guess I do still have a slight goal in the back of my head and the goal is to have healthy hair with my layers grown out and a thick weight line and I feel like I will calm down a little bit once I finally reach the BSL goal I have had for the last 6 years but never reached.

AlabasterAlice
June 5th, 2012, 04:29 PM
My goals shift depending on my mood. Some days I toy with the idea of classic, not as a lasting goal but more of a "why the heck not?" goal, and then some days I think I would like to maintain a healthy tail bone length. I will not go shorter then waist, though, and I think once I get there, I won't go shorter then hip.

Zesty
June 5th, 2012, 04:35 PM
I agree that it can be quite a positive thing to let go of goals, both in the hair world and sometimes in other areas as well. For example, I've put down that my goal is tailbone, but I'm more of the Spidermom mindset: I want my hair to be long, and grow it longer than it is now, and whenever my ends are unhappy or I feel it's unmanageable, I'll cut back, and that will be fine. I feel like looking at it that way means less anxiety and more enjoyment of the journey.

owlathena
June 5th, 2012, 04:47 PM
I've sort of been slowly "giving up" my hair goals (although that's totally the wrong wording for it). I used to obsess over it growing X inches in X amount of time, but now it feels kind of long and I'm starting to pay attention to health as well, and I'm happy with any sort of progress. I've gained less than two inches of length in the last year due to slow growth and several trims, but I'm happy to just to be making progress at all. Its so much more relaxing to just accept what you have than to stress about wanting something else. I was really REALLY obsessive about growing as fast as I could for a couple years. I still have my occasional little experiments, but I'm not measuring every single day anymore and I'm able to think about other things. My goal used to be classic, but now its just to be kind of nice to my hair and see what happens.

Arianwen
June 5th, 2012, 04:51 PM
Yes - my hair looks horrid past a certain length, no matter what I do...

tiarefleur
June 5th, 2012, 04:55 PM
I try to avoid looking at this as some sort of goal, since hair growth is ultimately something that you don't have much control over. Goals involve actively pursuing something and seeing results, but the fact of the matter is that hair will do its own thing at its own pace, and so measuring and waiting and hoping to get to a certain point is only going to drive me crazy. Better to just let it be, and eventually it will surprise you :)

Amber_Maiden
June 5th, 2012, 05:29 PM
I do the benign neglect thing as well.

I want my hair to be classic... but in the end it will do whatever it wants.

The hard part is having the patience to let it grow...

CocoBean
June 5th, 2012, 05:44 PM
I like what XcaliburGirl says, 'LHC makes it hard' LOL!! Yes, we're all about no SLS poo, no cones, no blow frying, no flat ironing, etc... and having a goal. I think having a goal is important if it helps one to keep their eye on the prize and do what it takes to get there. For me, not having a goal is why I cut my hair way too many times before it ever even came close to being BSL.... last time it was ever BSL was when I was a teenager many eons ago!!
Goals are good, just don't get frustrated and hung up on it. My goal is long healthy hair... I'd love to be classic but am concerned about the amount time required to maintain it, or too much hair loss and looks like crap and I'd have to cut it... But I will say I've learned so much here at LHC that I'm very hopeful that my goal will become a reality soon!
Keep at it, and someday you'll look back and be glad you did!

spookyghost
June 5th, 2012, 05:46 PM
Im actually pretty depressed about my hair and sometimes I do want to just give up! Length wise my goal is waist. Other than that my goal is healthy hair and right now it seems the healthier I treat my hair the worse it looks!:confused: Really? I know this all takes time and patience but at the moment I dont have any. I get embarrased at my damaged looking hair. I let it air dry because I dont use any heat and it just looks blah. Im not giving up, I guess Im just venting. So yes, I have thought about giving up on my hair goals-just about every week!:lol:

akilina
June 5th, 2012, 05:47 PM
I do the benign neglect thing as well.

I want my hair to be classic... but in the end it will do whatever it wants.

The hard part is having the patience to let it grow...
Having the patience is the absolute worst part for me! :] You are so right there.

akilina
June 5th, 2012, 05:51 PM
Im actually pretty depressed about my hair and sometimes I do want to just give up! Length wise my goal is waist. Other than that my goal is healthy hair and right now it seems the healthier I treat my hair the worse it looks!:confused: Really? I know this all takes time and patience but at the moment I dont have any. I get embarrased at my damaged looking hair. I let it air dry because I dont use any heat and it just looks blah. Im not giving up, I guess Im just venting. So yes, I have thought about giving up on my hair goals-just about every week!:lol:

I feel exactly the same :( I get really depressed about my hair and that in its self makes me feel REALLY lame...because it is just hair. I hate wearing my hair up. It is almost not an option for me. I feel like I look like a pin head and I am growing out an undercut on the right side of my head so it just makes it worse. My undercut is now about 4 inches long and i quit shaving it in November. I also try to avoid heat ALOT lately and my hair is like weird wavy frizzy with really big loose curls all the sudden. I dont get it. And my short layers make everything a little bit worse

Micayla47
June 5th, 2012, 06:00 PM
i try to ignore the measuring tape and not over think my hair, but i do have mini goals and an ultimate goal. in the past, i didn't have specific goals; i just knew that i vaguely wanted "long hair." then, whenever i would feel dissatisfied or bored with my hair, i would act on it -- bleach, cut, dye, bangs, perm (!), whatever. having specific goals (but not obsessing on them) is keeping me focused. when i want to do something with my hair i ask myself "is this going to help me get to my goal?" if the answer is no, then i don't do it. hope that helps :)

Mesmerise
June 5th, 2012, 06:03 PM
I had very specific goals earlier when I joined LHC... I started with a goal of waist (which would be pretty much the longest it's ever been) and then changed to hip. Fortunately, I don't desire hair longer than hip (I say fortunately because I have reached the conclusion that my hair just won't GET longer than hip, so I'd be depressed if I wanted classic hair, for example... because I don't think it could get there...not and look reasonable).

Anyway, I've sort of just moved to a goal of getting a trim once a year (with maybe a micro trim half way through), and of growing out all previous dye/straightening damage. If I continue to grow my hair to goal length while I grow out damage, it will take me close to 4 years at my average growth rate (approx 1" every 2 months, or 6" a year).

Because it's gonna take so darn long, I just try not to obsess over it!! I just keep doing my thing and try not to think too much about my hair (difficult I know). I now just do regular S&C every couple of days and henna once a month. Sometimes I will do a deep treatment. Because I'm not damaging my hair with heat or chemical dyes, I'm not too fussed over being super protective in other ways (my hair has never been in bad condition when virgin, so I don't see the point of stressing over protecting my chemically virgin hair... and as for the rest, as long as I don't do more damaging stuff it will be okay).

There may come a time when I have to give up on ultimate length goals... but I guess that's okay. I just figure there's no point in stressing about it just yet. Once my hair is all chemically virgin (I don't call it virgin cause of the henna :p) I'll be able to figure out once and for all whether I have the genetic ability to attain hip length hair with a decent hemline.

Tia2010
June 5th, 2012, 06:19 PM
I haven't given up my goal, but I do try to ignore the idea that I even have a goal as much as I can ... If not I will get obsessive over it.

I couldn't have classic or terminal as a goal at this point...it would seem way to abstract and unattainable for me right now, so I try to set something I can see myself getting to, one small goal at a time.

torrilin
June 5th, 2012, 06:22 PM
I don't have a clear goal length. I may know where I'm stopping. Maybe :D. But I won't know for sure til I actually get to the stopping point. I think what I want is a roughly tailbone length braid, which should let me do a simple crown braid. I'm not sure what length that will work out to be tho when worn loose. And it may not turn out to be the right length... I'm just seeing how it goes with my hair and my bike helmet. It may be that the right length is more like tailbone length twin braids. Dunno.

I do know what my real goal is tho. Fewer split ends! And I am definitely making progress on that goal. My hair is fine enough that *just* wearing it up is not enough. I needed gentler handling. I thought I was pretty gentle when I started hanging out at LHC, and I was by any rational standard. But that doesn't mean I was gentle enough for how fine my hair is.

I'm hoping that over the next few years, I can improve my hair care to the point where I need trims less often than every 9-12 months. I've done 12 months no trims (largely by accident), and somewhere in the 9-10 range, my hair got ridiculously tangly from all the splits. Since then, I've been working on condition and not really paying any mind to how often I need to trim, and after about a year of working on condition, I'm getting to be pretty happy with the situation. I've ended up basically maintaining at elbow, but rather than an uncomfortable elbow, it's now a pleasant elbow.

lunalocks
June 6th, 2012, 03:25 PM
In my mid 40s my goal was to have waist length hair by the time I was 50. That didn't happen so I sort of gave up. Then, around 50, I found a hair guru who pointed out all the things I needed to change. She would trim only 1/4 inch every 3 to 4 months. Lo and behold, I gained length and I am now below waist.

I continue to gain about 3 to 4 inches per year (after trims) as I grow slow.

spookyghost
June 6th, 2012, 05:49 PM
I feel exactly the same :( I get really depressed about my hair and that in its self makes me feel REALLY lame...because it is just hair. I hate wearing my hair up. It is almost not an option for me. I feel like I look like a pin head and I am growing out an undercut on the right side of my head so it just makes it worse. My undercut is now about 4 inches long and i quit shaving it in November. I also try to avoid heat ALOT lately and my hair is like weird wavy frizzy with really big loose curls all the sudden. I dont get it. And my short layers make everything a little bit worse

We are alot alike! Well, I think our hair types are different but we are both feeling down about our hair. And wearing my hair up is just about out of the question for me too. The most I will wear my hair up is in a ponytail. Nothing else. My dh loves long hair and he rather see my hair down and in a complete mess then up and in a pony! I keep on thinking that, in who knows how long, I will be rewarded with beautiful healthy hair. But its so hard when people probably see my hair as really damaged and limp. Like I dont care about it and do nothing to it. When in reality Im taking such good care of it and protecting it the best I can-it just doesnt look like it!:eek: Its a downer for sure. Plus it doesnt help that I still havent figured out my hair regimen yet. I havent found any saving grace products yet to help me out in this journey of mine. I work in a hospital and see a ton of people every day. And all I can think they are thinking to themselves when they see me is-that girl needs to do something with that hair of hers! She needs to get a style or how about combing it!

Mesmerise
June 6th, 2012, 06:06 PM
For me, I think the best goals right now are just cutting goals.

That is... I have decided to do a decent trim once a year, and a microtrim half way through the year... and just keep doing this until such a time as my hair has reached goal length.

Then I will probably change to trimming X amount off every couple of months to keep my hair at the length it is.

It gives me something to focus on without focussing on length or health or any other hair characteristic. Naturally I look after my hair pretty well, and I no longer do majorly damaging stuff to it. However, I know my hair will not look its best until all the damage has gone, and no matter how many treatments I do, nothing is going to change this except time! So I just don't think of that stuff anymore (well not quite true... I do imagine my hair in the future still :p).

dollyfish
June 6th, 2012, 06:23 PM
I don't have a defined goal either. I want my hair to be at least waist length, but beyond that I figure I will cut it if it starts becoming a problem in any way. Though once I get there we'll see... I'm really aiming for fairy tale ends so I have no idea whether I'll have the heart to cut my hair!

gillybeanxo3921
October 29th, 2012, 12:01 PM
I've tried twice to grow my hair out long before. The first time, I was very young, 7-8 years old. I'm not exactly sure how long it was, in my school picture it was about waist.

I don't really count it as my hair has been waist before though, since it wasn't there for very long, and I wasn't at an adult height, so if I was the same length now, it wouldn't be waist at all.

Once I was around 11-12 I decided I wanted to grow it out again, but I gave up because it was just taking so long and it seemed like it was never going to happen. My love for long hair only strengthened, and I've come back more determined than ever :D

yoni
October 29th, 2012, 01:31 PM
I know I for ocne was close to give it up that my hair just won't grow anymore.. but I guess I was just too blind to see it, it all came to me in a bang :D
so never lose hope!

millyaulait
October 29th, 2012, 01:35 PM
YUP!

I gave up on my hair goal of recovering the health of my ends.

Instead, I am microtrimming a lot. I still oil them but I am not expecting them to come back to health anytime soon.

I think sometimes it's good to change your goals... :)

lazuliblue
October 29th, 2012, 01:38 PM
I haven't given up yet....but I've only been growing my hair since March!

akilina
October 29th, 2012, 05:33 PM
I haven't given up yet....but I've only been growing my hair since March!
Its not about "giving up" on hair but more like giving up on having a real goal.
---------------------

Lolol old thread...I still feel the same way about not having a goal anymore. Im slowly creeping to BSL which will be the longest my hair has ever been. But other than that, Im not sure what length will really make me happy

rock007junkie
October 31st, 2012, 02:15 PM
Mine just keep changing because I need to get rid of some relaxed hair in order to achieve the hair I want. So I keep going beack between letting it grow and slowly trimming away. The first 6 months of this year I didn't trim at all to achieve my goal of waist. As soon as it did I started getting itchy wanting my hair to be virgin as soon as possible and started trimming every month losing a total of almost 4 inches which brought me closer to BSL.

pittie-lover
November 28th, 2012, 01:50 PM
I want hip length hair but have kinda given up on that goal. I had gotten to mid back but had to cut it back to BSL. I'm on a tighter budget so I'm having to use really cheapo shampoo and conditioner that's okay. I still oil my hair 3 times a week and oil my ends daily. I think I may try to add a silicone serum back into the mix that way I don't think or mess with it as much. I'm just going to let it grow and try to stop getting so disappointed.

melusine963
November 28th, 2012, 01:57 PM
I don't really have an end goal because I'd find it too frustrating given how slowly my hair grows. I do have an interim goal (TBL) which keeps me motivated to take better care of my hair. It's a question of balancing motivation and frustration, really.

neko_kawaii
November 28th, 2012, 01:58 PM
My "goal" is terminal. Since I have no idea if that is my current length or dragging on the floor all I can do is be patient and treat it well. In a way it similar to not having a goal at all.

PrincessIdril
November 28th, 2012, 02:10 PM
Yes. In fact I have very recently given up on my goal.
I dream of TB length hair, my hair is currently floating around mid back-waist (though if I chopped it off to get the blunt ends everyone thinks I should have it would be around BSL but screw them I like my fairy tale ends). But it just doesn't appear to have grown much if at all since January so I'm kind of giving up on that goal.

The lack of obvious growth could be down to the fact I've reached terminal (which I have a sneaking suspicion that I have), or option 2 is that my hair has grown and I just can't tell because I had a massive shed this year (stress induced) and because my curls are making their presence known again (for years my curly hair has settled into waves, now it's starting to curl again!!).
So I've decided that I don't care how long it is anymore, I'm happy with the current length and I'm going to focus on making my hair healthy and encouraging those curls!