'You're lucky' Rant...

[woolyleprechaun]

I hate to sound like an ungrateful cow (I know most people mean this as a compliment) but I find the comment 'you're lucky' to be quite insulting in some contexts, especialy hairy ones. It sort of implies you have done nothing to achieve something good that you have....:rolleyes:
Example; A friend of mine has completely ruined hair. its about ear length, is bleached, dyed, straightened and split on every strand. She said to me 'Your hair is nice, how do you grow it?' (Its only just past BSL, by the way) so I went into detail about oiling, protecting, patience, micro trims, S&D......And she says 'You're just lucky'.
IM NOT LUCKY!!!! I work very hard to keep it in good nick! Did she not listen to a word I said?!:mad: Does anyone else get irked by these kind of comments, or am I being touchy? :o
It also annoys me when people tell me Im lucky to be slim whenever they see me eat ANYTHING. IM NOT!!!! I work hard watching what I eat and working out, Im not geneticaly blessed! Grrrrrr.
Sorry for the rant, I think I should just shut up and take the supposed compliment. I just wondered if anyone else gets these comments, and how they take them.....End rant:eyebrows:

[DarkCurls]

I feel the same. :p I also hate sounding ungrateful, because I'm not -- I like compliments, and I like my hair --, but the "lucky" thing gets me when I can tell they don't mean it only in admiration/envy, but in the you-were-born-like-this way.

But in the end, I do feel I am lucky, because I love my hair. :D I could hate it, after all.

[caadam]

I think a lot of people assume it's genetics just naturally, but it sounds like maybe your friend felt kind of hopeless and ignorant to her own situation, maybe even in denial. lol Thus, she didn't seem to "hear" the amount of effort you put into keeping your hair healthy. Also, she's probably totally unaware that the things you do to your hair are WAY better for hair in general compared to what she most likely does. You'd be amazed by how many people really don't understand that.

This actually happened to me not too long ago. I got the same exact comment from a girlfriend who really hates dealing with her own hair. She cuts it short, S&C, and lets it lie flat on her shoulders. Does nothing to it. However, while this routine might be fine some people, for her, it hasn't done any justice. Her hair doesn't like it, and she's complained multiple times that her hair is always tangly, has split ends, and it's always in the way (which is, like, duh. lol You leave it down, it will probably get in the way sooner or later e.e).

So she asked about what I do to my hair, and that's where I explained how I use my Miracle water mix, BBBing here and there, combing, using mineral oil, and keeping my hair up and away from damage. She says, "Bah, you're so lucky to have such nice, thick hair."

Me: Maybe, but I'm sure if I completely neglected and abused it, it wouldn't be so nice. I have to work a little to keep it in this condition. It doesn't stay like this on its own, ya know. I'm sure if you gave your hair a bit more TLC, it would be easier to deal with.

She immediately says, "I've gotten used to the fact that my hair just sucks, haha."

It's like... like you said: Did I just imagine myself telling her what I did? People won't hear what they don't want to hear, especially when they're in denial or just plain lazy. lol It'll go through one ear and out the other. All you can do is shrug and walk away from it. I honestly don't take offense from it, but just see it as them not understanding that it's not luck—it's experience and proper hair treatment.

[Jing]

Here's my take on it: People often don't want to hear that something they like the look of requires effort to achive or maintain, so they translate the effort into luck so they won't have to deal with the idea that the main reason they don't have that something is that they aren't working for it. Tadaa! No need to accept responsibility (which comes with blame), because you can't take control of something that is out of your control. I don't think it's laziness so much as fear of leaving the comfort zone, though. It's less scary to be an envious victim of chance than to go out and maybe possibly be fabulous.

[Phalaenopsis]

I hate that too! And I feel the same way. It feels like you haven't put any effort in it, even though you did.

[Suze2012]

This kind of thing irks me too.

I've only been taking better care of my hair in the past 2-4 years..the first things I did were giving up highlights and growing them out and stopping using heated appliances.
Also, just over 11 years ago I stopped dieting and trying to lose the excess 3 stone which I kept losing and gaining. Since stopping dieting I lost that 3 stone and have settled at around 8st and have stayed pretty much at that weight ever since.

I have found that friends and acquaintances outside of where I work are kind, ask questions and give compliments but the people I work with are a totally different story.
There are less than 5 women at work who ever say anything complimentary about anything whereas I will compliment anyone.

As for the rest I usually get called a 'skinny biatch'. I very much doubt that if I called anyone a 'fat biatch' it would be seen with such humour as when I get called a skinny one.

Just last week one of the women told me that she thought I was an alcoholic and stayed up on the internet until 2am most nights and the alcohol was the reason I didn't gain weight because she thinks I stave off hunger with drinking ....er....I only have a drink once or twice a week when out with friends and always get to bed around 10pm at the latest during the week.
If this is what she thinks though then this must be a pretty common assumption and it did come from one of the slightly older ladies (about 10 years older than me) who is close with a lot of the women there who all discuss everyone's lives.

I think one reason is that I don't go into work every day and reel off what I did the night before.....but reeling off that you had dinner, washed up, did half an hour of yoga, read a book and mailed a few friends or posted a few things on a forum just isn't terribly exciting to hear about each and every day.

I get a totally different attitude from those outside of work.

Sorry, slightly off tangent there..rant over! lol!

[bte]

"You're lucky" = "I'm jealous".
I think that may explain it.

[Suze2012]

"You're lucky" = "I'm jealous".
I think that may explain it.

I'm just thinking about times I've said 'You're lucky' to people...and I can confirm that it's because I was jealous.
I find myself saying it when I hear that people have spent a lovely weekend with their folks..my Mum and Dad are both long since passed away and my brother lives in Oz..so um..yep..jealousy!

[MonaMayfair]

I've frequently been told I'm lucky to be naturally slim, but usually in barely veiled envious tones. It's a bit irritating, because I used to be too thin for my liking (naturally thin) and I made an effort to put on MORE weight, so I don't hear "slim" or "skinny" as a compliment.
On the other hand, I exercise every day (because I enjoy it) and I don't eat junk/fast food and hardly ever drink alcohol (because I DON'T much like either of those things) so even if it weren't my natural body type, I probably would still be slim, since I look after my body.

Once I was telling someone that I had to henna every two weeks so my fair roots didn't show, and she was astonished, saying how lucky she'd always thought I was to have such a lovely natural red hair color that didn't need dyeing!
She probably felt better when I explained what a huge pain doing roots with henna is, especially every other week!

[jacqueline101]

We seem lucky to those who don't see what goes on behind the scene. She probably thinks your hair is effortless. I used to hear that all the time. I just ignore it.

[Die]

My experience has pretty much been the opposite.

Have you heard of the "Just World Hypothesis"? See, I'm sick. Really sick. And while some people have sympathy (I'm not asking for 24-7 pity. Just a simple acknowledgement that I don't deserve it.), most people wrack their brains for what I've done wrong to "deserve" being this sick.

My diet is better than theirs. I get sleep. I don't drink, smoke, use drugs, or even drink caffeine and processed sugar. I've tried everything under the sun--eastern medicine, western medicine, native American medicine. I do yoga and exercise as much as I can--but the sicker I get the harder it is. My doctors are baffled.

But when I tell people that, they think I'm lying, I didn't do it "right", or that I'm faking everything. Why? because they don't want to acknowledge that sometimes: life just sucks for some people.

I'm not saying that they don't work hard. I'm not saying that they don't deserve good health. I'm just saying that I don't deserve bad health.

In other news, I have gotten the "Your lucky" comments with regards to my hair. My patented response:

"I'll believe you when you do everything I do and your hair looks the same as it does now."

It usually shuts them up.

[noelgirl]

This kind of thing irks me too.

I've only been taking better care of my hair in the past 2-4 years..the first things I did were giving up highlights and growing them out and stopping using heated appliances.
Also, just over 11 years ago I stopped dieting and trying to lose the excess 3 stone which I kept losing and gaining. Since stopping dieting I lost that 3 stone and have settled at around 8st and have stayed pretty much at that weight ever since.

I have found that friends and acquaintances outside of where I work are kind, ask questions and give compliments but the people I work with are a totally different story.
There are less than 5 women at work who ever say anything complimentary about anything whereas I will compliment anyone.

As for the rest I usually get called a 'skinny biatch'. I very much doubt that if I called anyone a 'fat biatch' it would be seen with such humour as when I get called a skinny one.

Just last week one of the women told me that she thought I was an alcoholic and stayed up on the internet until 2am most nights and the alcohol was the reason I didn't gain weight because she thinks I stave off hunger with drinking ....er....I only have a drink once or twice a week when out with friends and always get to bed around 10pm at the latest during the week.
If this is what she thinks though then this must be a pretty common assumption and it did come from one of the slightly older ladies (about 10 years older than me) who is close with a lot of the women there who all discuss everyone's lives.

I think one reason is that I don't go into work every day and reel off what I did the night before.....but reeling off that you had dinner, washed up, did half an hour of yoga, read a book and mailed a few friends or posted a few things on a forum just isn't terribly exciting to hear about each and every day.

I get a totally different attitude from those outside of work.

Sorry, slightly off tangent there..rant over! lol!

Sounds a lot like my old workplace! I was quite a bit younger than most of the other women there so maybe they wanted to imagine I had this wild life. Well, at one point I sprained my ankle during yoga class - the rumor became that I'd gotten the injury during a tantric, er, private lesson with a female instructor!

On topic, my mom always asks where I got "all that hair." Her natural hair is like a blonde version of mine (I get the dark color from my dad's side) - she just cuts hers short!

[einna]

People (even my close friends) seem to be shocked when I tell them I don't dye my hair anymore! Most people in Norway either bleach or dye, it seems to be the norm. Then I get the: "you are lucky to have such a nice haircolour, mine is ugly".
I do get this, because I like my haircolour (most of the time), but these people have not seen their own colour for years, so how can they really know it's ugly?
Also, it was a huge effort for me growing out my virgin hair. ;)

[Suze2012]

My experience has pretty much been the opposite.

Have you heard of the "Just World Hypothesis"? See, I'm sick. Really sick. And while some people have sympathy (I'm not asking for 24-7 pity. Just a simple acknowledgement that I don't deserve it.), most people wrack their brains for what I've done wrong to "deserve" being this sick.

My diet is better than theirs. I get sleep. I don't drink, smoke, use drugs, or even drink caffeine and processed sugar. I've tried everything under the sun--eastern medicine, western medicine, native American medicine. I do yoga and exercise as much as I can--but the sicker I get the harder it is. My doctors are baffled.

But when I tell people that, they think I'm lying, I didn't do it "right", or that I'm faking everything. Why? because they don't want to acknowledge that sometimes: life just sucks for some people.

I'm not saying that they don't work hard. I'm not saying that they don't deserve good health. I'm just saying that I don't deserve bad health.

In other news, I have gotten the "Your lucky" comments with regards to my hair. My patented response:

"I'll believe you when you do everything I do and your hair looks the same as it does now."

It usually shuts them up.


I won't send any 'pity' but you get my acknowledgement and a (((hug))).
It's no mean feat to be ill and do everything right and still get comments from people suggesting this that and the other (most of which I am sure you do/have done/have tried) and yet no one believes a word you say.

I understand this to some degree - I'm coeliac - but nope..it isn't that..not according to my work people..it's a multitude of other things and I'm also labelled the 'fussy eater' and that it's a fad because it's trendy.

'Try eating this sandwich, it won't hurt'

'I've only cut you a small piece of cake..go on..don't worry about your diet..you're slim enough to have a few extra calories'

'I know you can't eat rice or potatoes so I've put some bread and butter on your plate to go with the chilli. It's ok..there's no wheat flour in the chilli!'

'you don't need to cut anything out you just need peppermint to control it. It's IBS'

^^^typical of what I get day in day out!

If I were to eat a sandwich..see how I can't walk 3 days later..my stomach seizes up...and all of the other symptoms....
It's just taken me 5 months to just get over eating 8 slices of bread prescribed by my doctor that had a 'wrong' ingredient in it!

You don't deserve to be ill.

I admire that you are doing all you can and I admire that you clearly have beautiful hair and you care for it. Like I say it's no mean feat to 'look after' yourself when you are sick.

I hope you find out whatever it is that is making you feel so poorly.
You have my support and empathy! :)

[bumblebums]

I had a conversation like that with my sister. She has basically the same hair as I do. She bleaches it, cuts it every other month, blow-dries it, straightens it, uses all manner of serums on it, etc. I CO-wash and wear it up, and only cut maybe a centimeter off every four months. And yet I'm the lucky one, because my hair grows and hers never reaches past shoulders. :shrug:

[Suze2012]

Sounds a lot like my old workplace! I was quite a bit younger than most of the other women there so maybe they wanted to imagine I had this wild life. Well, at one point I sprained my ankle during yoga class - the rumor became that I'd gotten the injury during a tantric, er, private lesson with a female instructor!

On topic, my mom always asks where I got "all that hair." Her natural hair is like a blonde version of mine (I get the dark color from my dad's side) - she just cuts hers short!

OMG! About the 'tantric'!! I did laugh! Sorry!

I don't ever say this and I have never said it but there's a mixture of ages.
I'm 43, a UK size 8-10 with curves and I'm happy with my lot pretty much.
The women who say all these things are up to 5 years younger and 10 years older and all are on permanent diets but never lose weight because they graze all day.
and only ever exercise sporadically.
I am miffed by how they can be hungry at lunchtime when they have already had a bowl of porridge, 4 handfuls of Haribo and a chocolate bar by 12 noon yet can fit lunch in too.

I walk everywhere so walk at the minimum 40 mins per day. I do yoga every night. If I do have junk food (which I do a couple of times a month) that is more than likely my only meal that day as another meal is too much fuel.

I don't like the 'skinny' word. I'm not skinny..I don't have bones sticking out..I love my tummy and my bingo wings! lol! Both are bought and paid for!! :)

[Die]

OMG! About the 'tantric'!! I did laugh! Sorry!

I don't ever say this and I have never said it but there's a mixture of ages.
I'm 43, a UK size 8-10 with curves and I'm happy with my lot pretty much.
The women who say all these things are up to 5 years younger and 10 years older and all are on permanent diets but never lose weight because they graze all day.
and only ever exercise sporadically.
I am miffed by how they can be hungry at lunchtime when they have already had a bowl of porridge, 4 handfuls of Haribo and a chocolate bar by 12 noon yet can fit lunch in too.

I walk everywhere so walk at the minimum 40 mins per day. I do yoga every night. If I do have junk food (which I do a couple of times a month) that is more than likely my only meal that day as another meal is too much fuel.

I don't like the 'skinny' word. I'm not skinny..I don't have bones sticking out..I love my tummy and my bingo wings! lol! Both are bought and paid for!! :)

To be fair, I know that some people are simply more hungry than others.

Case in point:
I've always been skinny. Always. I never over-ate, and my diet was actually pretty darn good.

Then the doctors tried a few new medications on me that made me balloon up like a whale.

It wasn't "bad metabolism." I ate in order to get that fat. The part that everyone down-played was that I was ALWAYS HUNGRY. I tried to diet. I honestly did. I really wanted to loose weight, but I was STARVING.

I have, quite literally, NEVER been that hungry in my life. People lectured me on self-control, but I honestly don't think they've ever been that hungry either. I'd shake and get sick if I didn't eat.

I ate all healthy food. I tried portion control. But nothing made me full.

I gained 100 lbs in the space of two years.

Then my doctor's switched my meds back, and I've lost fifty lbs in the space of six months. I'm still losing, but I'm making pretty steady progress.

My sisters have always had weight problems, and I didn't understand why until the doctors switched my meds. See, I always thought I had more self-control. The fact is, though, that they live with that kind of gnawing hunger no matter what meds they are taking. They have a lot more self-control then me when you take that into consideration.

I'm not saying these women are right to condemn you. I'm just saying that their level of hunger might not be the same as yours.

[akevita2002]

I am really not defending her, it is absolutely illogical to do all the wrong things to your hair and call people who put great efforts in maintaining healthy hair "lucky". What I want to say is that sometimes, even if you do everything for your hair, the results are not always great. I have been struggling with my hair for a long time and believe me, I tried almost everything to make it less dry; most of the things I tried are natural stuff, with little results or no results. My hair just looks like a broom, sometimes it gets a little better, but only to get worse or in the initial condition after a while, with no changes in my routine. It stops falling and gets fuller and thicker sometimes and then I shed like crazy for a month and again I have tapered ends and I have to cut it down. I feel like I am going in a circle. And when I see people who do nothing and have great hair, yes, I do consider them lucky. I am not saying your hair is great purely out of luck (obviously, because you do so much for it), but you see, there are also people who also put great efforts and don't get a good result.

[Amber_Maiden]

Yep, I feel the same way. I work hard for what I have on my head! lol

[Long_hair_bear]

I'm not offended. For all they know, it is genetics that gives me long healthy hair. I don't expect them to know the time I put into it. I just tell them, "Thank you, but I'm not lucky. It's just a lot of work that makes it look so good." usually, that starts a highly productive conversation for them about hair care. Same goes with my losing weight.

[spidermom]

When I am annoyed by the "you're lucky" comment, I do set them straight with something like "luck has nothing to do with it! I worked hard for (whatever we're talking about)."

[henné]

If you have beautiful healthy thick hair, then luck/genetics (or in other words - something that you can't do anything about) sure are at least partially at play. There is nothing wrong with being lucky. Another tip - anytime anyone mentions luck like that, they're usually jealous ;)

[Suze2012]

To be fair, I know that some people are simply more hungry than others.

Case in point:
I've always been skinny. Always. I never over-ate, and my diet was actually pretty darn good.

Then the doctors tried a few new medications on me that made me balloon up like a whale.

It wasn't "bad metabolism." I ate in order to get that fat. The part that everyone down-played was that I was ALWAYS HUNGRY. I tried to diet. I honestly did. I really wanted to loose weight, but I was STARVING.

I have, quite literally, NEVER been that hungry in my life. People lectured me on self-control, but I honestly don't think they've ever been that hungry either. I'd shake and get sick if I didn't eat.

I ate all healthy food. I tried portion control. But nothing made me full.

I gained 100 lbs in the space of two years.

Then my doctor's switched my meds back, and I've lost fifty lbs in the space of six months. I'm still losing, but I'm making pretty steady progress.

My sisters have always had weight problems, and I didn't understand why until the doctors switched my meds. See, I always thought I had more self-control. The fact is, though, that they live with that kind of gnawing hunger no matter what meds they are taking. They have a lot more self-control then me when you take that into consideration.

I'm not saying these women are right to condemn you. I'm just saying that their level of hunger might not be the same as yours.

I actually do understand what you mean about the hunger as it's one of the symptoms I 'now (after years) realise that I get when I have food containing gluten.

This is something that goes along with Coeliac for me.
I get a very gurgly stomach and all around me think I am hungry (as I always used to also..and I would feel it too.
My blood sugar levels get all askew and I was tested for diabetes at one time for several months and at one point I was below the level on the diabetic scale where I should be in a diabetic coma and hospitalised.

I totally agree with you though on levels of hunger as I was a dieter for over 20 years and battled with my weight for all that time.

Some of the worst things we do are advocated by companies selling diet products..most of which are full of sugar or full of fake sugar which leads your body to believe you need more.
It breaks my heart to be honest as I see people trying to no avail because they get so darn hungry! :(

The way I lost weight (and I was terrified) was by switching to full fat everything and then meal by meal leaving some tiny bit of food on my plate.

I lost three stone in 9 months and still eat this way. this was almost 11/12 years ago (I forgot to count it) but I have only ever put on or lost about 5lbs since.
My stomach needs less, I crave less..but when I want a blow out I do..and I gave up the guilt.

One of the worst things about losing weight is a fear of trying something radical which feels destined to gain you weight.
I only know this because I did it and went through total fear. I'd had enough of diets by then because I always lost weight and put more back on..always!

[Die]

Sadly, I gain weight on Atkins. The paleolithic diet works a little.

What works for me, other than cutting down on what I stuff into my pie-hole, is seeds.

I eat a butt-load (yes, that is a technical term) of chia seeds. I drink a cup with chia, hibiscus, lemon juice, and raw honey (very little, but I do have allergies) before every meal. I have sprouted hemp, quinoa, amaranth, watercress, etc on everything. I eat at least a cup of greens a day. I do eat a lot of tomatoes. I don't drink juice (other than the aforementioned lemon juice) because it's way too easy to get too much sugar, and I drink about 100 oz of water every day. My protein consists of cage-free eggs that I get from a local farm, as well as the occasional chicken, Fish (mostly wild salmon, and tuna, farm-raised talapia, and a little bit of rainbow trout), and a little bit of grass-fed beef. I don't eat pork, unless someone else makes it, because I like pigs too much to eat them. I eat some beans, but too much is not nice to my tummy.

I've been tested for coeliac a couple of times, and no-one found anything. They also found no Chrone's, colitis, or anything else. I've been diagnosed with "Irritable Bowel Syndrome" which, as far as I can tell, is Doctor-code for "We don't know what's wrong with you"

I think the thing that people forget is that there is a lot of variation in the human condition. What works for one person will not work for others. Some people do have it a little easier than others, but that doesn't mean they have it *easy.*

Some diets are a god-send for some people.

[HintOfMint]

I have mixed feelings about the "you're lucky." Sometimes it is actually accurate and there are things on which I have been complimented that I did not really earn. So I can just smile uncomfortably and say thank you.

In terms of my weight, it really is a luck thing. With the exception of gaining (and losing!) 8-10 pounds over the course of this past year, it is pretty easy for me to stay skinny. In the end, not thinking too much about dieting was actually the way for me to drop the pounds I had gained (also, not eating out at restaurants too often). I am lucky to have a slender frame and the ability to eat slowly and naturally have portion control. I understand that I don't eat as much as some people, but for me it is effortless (as long as I'm not thinking about dieting) and so that is sheer luck.

In terms of hair, it is a mixed bag. When people compliment the length and condition, that has everything to do with effort and sacrifice. I don't blow dry my hair or straighten it, so I'll probably have more bad hair days than the normal person who feels comfortable manipulating it into a good shape. I'll just put it in a bun, and sometimes not even buns can hide a bad hair day. I can still have a bad bun day.
Whether it's flat at the roots, frizzy all over, or just blah, if my hair wants to be bad that day, there's not a heck of a lot I can do to change it.

However, my hair is relatively thick, takes to combing well, wears bun waves well, virgin and can look done with very little effort. My good hair days look like a lot of effort has been put into it, even though that is factually not the case. I have never had people chide me for having long hair (maybe having long unlayered hair that had some winter dryness, but not the simple being long fact) and that is partly due to the thickness. So yes, that is in fact luck.

Nobody else says I'm lucky for much else though. Whether it's grades or style, people pretty much acknowledge that's all effort.

[brushxD]

i see what you are saying i dont like how people think that we dont do anything to get hair to be good looking and it is natural it does annoy me too

[jessica77]

I'd love to have someone admiring and showing their admiration for my hair, however they do it

[heidi w.]

I take such comments as they're intended, not what was literally said. They mean it as a compliment, most of the time, or, at least, that's the nicest way I can take their comment. This means there's no need for arguments then, no confrontation, no assumptions, nothing. And then I carry on.

So much of the time people will issue a kind comment and it will not come in the exact script you might prefer.

I can see why you take it as insulting, but really, there are bigger fish to fry in the world than getting all upset because of certain words that were used that don't please you as much as other comments.

I am in school right now, and doing quite well. No one talks to me, and I have no idea why. Both classes are like this. I don't assume a thing. I just carry on because I'm involved in one project alone: saving my life that I just don't fret about why no one will even say hello. It's the weirdest thing. I will help anyone that asks. I'm just nice like that. Lots of things have been said to me over the decades, and most of the time, it hasn't come in the words I prefer and would like to hear. Doesn't mean the person isn't trying. Most people are doing the best they can....

heidi w.

[spidermom]

Just wanted to add that when it comes to hair, luck does play into it. It's thick, used to be mid-range golden blonde (much coveted), nice wave/curl (so why did I straighten it for so long?). I'm really not responsible for those things; they were lucky draws from the genetic pot.

And I agree with you, Heidi: most people are doing the best they can, even when their best looks like crap to me. Every person carries a burden of some kind.

[heidi w.]

I went on a date last evening. This guy was the nicest guy, and I was really struck by how he regarded me. He opened the doors for me, complimented the hair sticks I had, the color of my eyes (LOL), my earrings, and asked me to wear my hair down the next time he sees me. I don't know about how all this will work out, and I am not thinking about it too much (except the restaurant he took me to was wonderful, and I had a wonderful new dish that I had never heard of, and man, was it delicious.....). When he dropped me off, he told me what he's doing the remainder of the week. I said nothing except thank you. It's kind of funny to me to be told my eyes are pretty, but he meant kind things. I have never had a guy actually compliment me on my selection of jewelry! LOL. He touched me a few times; he just seems like a really nice guy. He had this super soft way of touching me that was pleasant and I have never been regarded like that: as a person, not as a arse. So, he had his woo game on (as in wooing me) but I remain hesitant. He complimented me on his perception of my smartness, but I think I just appear smart because to me, the world is getting dumber. It's an easy crowd to appear impressive in. Anyway, it was a nice date. I didn't expect any of it; I don't judge any of it. It was him expressing himself. It doesn't bother me that it wasn't said a certain way. Sometimes if you have no expectations, you get some nice surprises along the way. I had no anticipation of this guy even being interested at all. In his first phone call to me he explained why he took so long to contact me, which I didn't need, and told me he'd been thinking of me since Easter, when he met me.

Don't worry, soon enough, if not already, someone is thinking nice things about you and will share that with you. For all the wrong words, there are a lot of right words, and it'll happen. Just say thank you as often as is possible to people, be patient. Saying thank you gets everything over a lot quicker, and ends unpleasantness very rapidly, and you leave the people who are irritated and said so flummoxed. How can meanness be countered by kindness? What do others make of this? My neighbors were staring at me the other day while I mowed the lawn. I say nothing to them at all. I don't like them. But I don't help them be more pleasant neighbors. I just stay out of it. They don't need me. They'll eventually cook their own bacon. It just takes time and all I have to do is be patient. My neighbor is aconvicted felon that behaves fairly badly among all the neighborhood. I know they wonder if I call the police on them when they act up. I used to; I don't anymore. I simply don't care. Let 'em stare. The landlord and these tenants will do themselves in. I can plan on it. The when is all that I don't know. But I know it's going to happen. Someday they'll be gone; someday the landlord will be fined, and possibly his property seized.....it'll happen. Me getting all worked up makes no meaningful difference to anything. So I let them stare. I hope they enjoy the view of a piece of property without garbage all over it. LOL

heidi w.

[spidermom]

Who knows Heidi; maybe you will inspire them. haha could happen; stranger things have

[trolleypup]

Luck favors the prepared!

There IS luck. The roll of the genetic dice may give you "good" hair. You can't argue with that.

And then there is all the choices and work that goes into having admirable hair that has nothing to do with luck. When people talk about that kind of "luck"[1], I translate it into a general compliment over my (life) choices and give them a lighthearted comment about those choices[2] and move on. I'm not going to worry about it...I've done the work to earn my "luck"!

"You're lucky" = "I'm jealous".
I think that may explain it.
Sometimes.

I see what you are saying, I don't like how people think that we don't do anything to get hair to be good looking, it is natural it does annoy me too
Denial is a very comfortable place for many people to live and think. I Can't! or You are Lucky! is much easier than doing the work.

I'd love to have someone admiring and showing their admiration for my hair, however they do it
Yeah, I just try to take to comments as compliments and at face value.

Sounds a lot like my old workplace! I was quite a bit younger than most of the other women there so maybe they wanted to imagine I had this wild life. Well, at one point I sprained my ankle during yoga class - the rumor became that I'd gotten the injury during a tantric, er, private lesson with a female instructor!
Heh! And when does one get to actually do the stuff one is accused of?!

"Let's not, and say we did!". I would be so tempted to say "mmmhmmmm!" and come in the next day with more splints and bandages!

[1] OK, not so much about my hair, since I have the first kind of luck there.

[2] "Lucky" (commentary on my weekend plans), my response: "No wife, no kids, no house, no car...I can do what I want, when I want, how I want!"

[jojo]

Funny this should come up, i was on my break last week and a work colleague was talking about having her dyed black hair stripped and extensions put in. I told her about colour B4 and how good it is, her reply " naw i dont want to damage it, so im going to the hairdressers!!" and then another girl mentioned (she too has long hair) "why dont you just grow it?" ...."oh im not as lucky as you two, my hair never grows past my shoulders!" ....I just shut up at this pint and carried on drinking my tea, but thought to myself well i wonder why that is...duh!!??? lucks nothing to do with it, of course health issues and generics come into it, but wish people would realise its takes TLC too, even the most thickest, beautiful hair can be ruined if not looked after!

[truepeacenik]

But we ARE lucky. We have the knowledge and tools to make our loves what they are. We have the blessing of options, of community.
Yes, we are lucky.

Aaaaaaand I posted during page one, so yeses to all of what trolleypup said.

[GlennaGirl]

I do, but not about hair. I have a lot of people tell me I'm "lucky" that my autistic son is so high-functioning. I think back to the past seven years of constant therapies, constant behavior extinguishing or modification, constant IEPs and school placements and re-placements, neurologists, MRIs, EEGs and CAT scans, nutritional and food therapies that were hellish, in-laws refusing to believe we were doing the right thing and saying so -- constantly, threats from schools or daycare, behaviors that nearly killed me (like the screaming 5-10 times per hour for two years) and three years of my life having people into my home twice a week to judge my "skills" with an autistic child and I think, eff you.

But I don't say it because people don't have a clue. And it doesn't matter any more. Let them think I'm lucky and my son is lucky. When I hear it now, I get that instant of "eff you" feeling and then it passes.

ETA: and I have to admit, and this isn't lack of support for anyone's feelings here, trust me, it's just my situation...but...I do realize, overall, that things absolutely could be worse for my son. Perhaps we *are* lucky. He could have been born paralyzed. He could be so low-functioning that he would never be potty trained and would be 100% reliant upon others for his entire life. (He will almost certainly need assistance as an adult but he can take care of most of his own physical needs; he speaks grammatically at a preschool level but has a good vocabulary -- etc.). Or he could have not been born at all. I had a VERY problem pregnancy. So yeah, once in a while I can see someone's point on feeling someone is lucky, even if s/he had to work hard. Maybe this seems a more dramatic point than hair, but it's what came to mind when I read "lucky"...I think I can relate even if it's something other than hair. I do understand working so, so hard and having people simply blow it all off as luck. :( Eff 'em. :) In a way it's kind of beautiful that some people are allowed to be naive in a world that can be so harsh.

[akilina]

I hate the words "you're lucky" when it comes to some things.
It wasn't luck. It was me actually doing something real for myself.

I am lucky though in some aspects though...like that I have wonderful parents and I am in good health and that I was able to go to school and get a real education and career when I was 18.

[elbow chic]

Y'know, I AM lucky, in many, many, MANY ways. For instance, I like my hair so well, even when it is quite short, that I am never even tempted to dye or highlight or flat-iron-- thus my hair hit APL with no real effort or damage! From there I got curious, took to wearing it up, doing a better job of conditioning, etc.

but a basic benign neglect routine continues to give me hair that is, in my view, pretty damn awesome. ;) :smug: :laugh: I really DON'T do anything special to it.

So it would not strike me as an insult. I am very lucky in many other ways too. It used to sorta stick in my craw when women would say, "I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom, you are sooo lucky." Which is both true and not (True: my husband is a total rock and utterly dependable and makes enough for us to live pretty well on. Also true: I had the good sense to pick him when he'd been passed over repeatedly by others in search of more glamorous options. :laugh: ALSO true: by American standards we live a pretty basic lifestyle and have little money for certain luxuries that some other folks do take for granted.)

But basically in both scenarios, and many others... there is no denying that I am one lucky woman. :D

[GlennaGirl]

Luck favors the prepared!



I LOVE this. What a great saying.

[Annibelle]

I never get told I'm lucky about hair... :silly: But what bothers me?

My best friend insists how lucky I am to have graduated with a 4.0 GPA. She always says that if she had been as lucky as I am at school, then she'd have a better job, happier life, etc. What she conveniently forgets is the nights I stayed home instead of going out with her, the summers I spent studying instead of visiting the beach, the "dates" I had with SO while we both worked on school work. She conveniently forgets that she spent our college years in front of the TV, or sleeping in late, or visiting the city's clubs, or the beach.

I love my friend to death, and since she always does the "you're so lucky" when she's depressed, I don't say anything in return, but really? I'm not at all luckier than she is when it comes to school work. She had fun in college. I worked hard. She was always smart enough to do just as well as I did, but she didn't invest the time.

[ravenreed]

I AM lucky. I lifted my hair color by dyeing it bright burgundy, wore it down every day, and it still grew to waist before it got so delicate that I had to change my ways. When I wanted it to get longer yet, I spent some time modifying and changing the way I cared for my hair and then happily kept growing. 4 years later, I am at classic and you would never know that I abused my ends at all. I have had several large sheds because of health issues, and my hair is thinner than I would like, but I am still on the thin side of normal, so I am very content.

There are people who take perfect care of their hair and can't grow it much past BSL. There are some, like my mom, who have such painfully thin hair that even though they want long hair, they realize that it wouldn't work for them. So, all in all, I consider myself lucky when it comes to hair.

As for the weight thing, you can watch what you eat, exercise regularly, and still be extremely heavy. It is beyond annoying. Luck does play a part in it, just like with hair. I suspect that as they do more studies on weight, they will finally pinpoint the reason why so many people have gained so much weight. It isn't all fast food, as I know quite a few pudgy health nuts.

[Mesmerise]

Sometimes we ARE lucky, other times we are not! When we are lucky and someone tells us so... well that's fair enough ;). When it's not luck, but something we've worked hard for, being told we're lucky is, quite frankly, insulting!

If I ever get told I'm "lucky" for my hair, then I'll get annoyed, because if I ever DO achieve pretty hair it will NOT be through luck ;).

Luck CAN play a part in many things. Some people are "lucky" that they don't have to worry about their weight, others work their butts off to get in shape and are accused of luck :rolleyes:. Same goes for getting good grades. For some people, it's relatively easy to get good grades, others have to work soooo hard to achieve the same thing.

The problem is, outside observers can't often see the difference!!

[henné]

Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones for sure. I'm 2 inches away from waist and I have no split ends, thick hemline and my hair is healthy and shiny and on the thick side of 'normal' even after a major postpartum shed. :disgust: So yeah, I am as lucky as can be. What more - guess what I've been doing to my hair for the past two years. Short answer: NOTHING. Long answer: I hardly even used conditioner and wore it only in pony-tail. It's just the past month that I finally started taking care of my hair (oiling, switched to CWC, ACW rinses, tea rinses, started taking biotin and silica). I'm not trying to brag, I swear, but some folks actually deserve the "you're lucky" comment. I'm so totally one of them. I feel extremely bad for folks that work their bums off and are still nowhere near the hair I have ... It's just so unfair.

That said ... there needs to be some balance in the universe of ours ...

I wish I was so lucky when it comes to my body :( I thought I'd just bounce back effortlessly after having a baby and 14 months later, I'm still 7 kilos above my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm all flabby and thick in places don't want to be thick in - not to mention my crazy HIPS! I mean - WTF!?!?! :shocked:

Anywho ... it's all relative. And life is disgustingly unfair.

I worked and paid my way through college while living absolutely support-free in a foreign country, not to mention my visa expired (which prevented me from getting a decent job and instead I had to work sh*t jobs) and I won't be at all looked at differently in the job market as the spoiled little brat that got everything handed to him/her on a silver platter and got a flashy 'internship' at uncle's law firm. (Yeah, I have issues and I'm bitter about it. Bite me.) :disgust:

C'EST LA VIE.

[Mesmerise]

Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones for sure. I'm 2 inches away from waist and I have no split ends, thick hemline and my hair is healthy and shiny and on the thick side of 'normal' even after a major postpartum shed. :disgust: So yeah, I am as lucky as can be. What more - guess what I've been doing to my hair for the past two years. Short answer: NOTHING. Long answer: I hardly even used conditioner and wore it only in pony-tail. It's just the past month that I finally started taking care of my hair (oiling, switched to CWC, ACW rinses, tea rinses, started taking biotin and silica). I'm not trying to brag, I swear, but some folks actually deserve the "you're lucky" comment. I'm so totally one of them. I feel extremely bad for folks that work their bums off and are still nowhere near the hair I have ... It's just so unfair.

That said ... there needs to be some balance in the universe of ours ...

I wish I was so lucky when it comes to my body :( I thought I'd just bounce back effortlessly after having a baby and 14 months later, I'm still 7 kilos above my pre-pregnancy weight and I'm all flabby and thick in places don't want to be thick in - not to mention my crazy HIPS! I mean - WTF!?!?! :shocked:

Anywho ... it's all relative. And life is disgustingly unfair.

I worked and paid my way through college while living absolutely support-free in a foreign country, not to mention my visa expired (which prevented me from getting a decent job and instead I had to work sh*t jobs) and I won't be at all looked at differently in the job market as the spoiled little brat that got everything handed to him/her on a silver platter and got a flashy 'internship' at uncle's law firm. (Yeah, I have issues and I'm bitter about it. Bite me.) :disgust:

C'EST LA VIE.

Yeah, sometimes I think I got the "unlucky" more than I ever got the lucky... hair, body etc. all unlucky!! But then I think about stuff like my health, and my family, and I realise that in some ways I AM lucky, so I try and focus on those things than on the things where I got the short end of the stick!!

[DragonLady]

When you tell her all the things you do to keep your hair healthy, it goes directly against everything she believes is right. Ergo, you do everything wrong. And yet, you have great hair. Therefore, it has to be sheer luck.

[trolleypup]

Luck favors the preparedI LOVE this. What a great saying.
Apparently it is a paraphrase of Louis Pasteur "Chance favors only the prepared mind". I thought Ben Franklin said something similar, but a quick search doesn't find anything...although..."The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."

Anywho ... it's all relative. And life is disgustingly unfair.
Sometimes the Lady smiles on you, sometimes she doesn't.

or...

The dice don't care.

but...

Your luck is what you make of it!

[ravenreed]

Sometimes you can work just as hard as someone else and not achieve the same outcome. By that standard, the one who achieves the outcome is luckier than the other. They both worked hard, but one got what he/she wanted and one didn't. It can be the same for hair, body shape, finances, you name it. Being told you are lucky doesn't necessarily mean that you didn't also work for what ever it is. It just means that not everyone can manage whatever it is, even with the same amount of effort.

For instance, some overweight people work just as hard or harder than the skinny folks who are (also) working their butts off, but the weight stays on. By that standard, the skinny folks ARE lucky. That doesn't mean that the skinny folks aren't working hard to keep fit, it means that they are lucky enough that it is successful.



Sometimes we ARE lucky, other times we are not! When we are lucky and someone tells us so... well that's fair enough ;). When it's not luck, but something we've worked hard for, being told we're lucky is, quite frankly, insulting!

If I ever get told I'm "lucky" for my hair, then I'll get annoyed, because if I ever DO achieve pretty hair it will NOT be through luck ;).

Luck CAN play a part in many things. Some people are "lucky" that they don't have to worry about their weight, others work their butts off to get in shape and are accused of luck :rolleyes:. Same goes for getting good grades. For some people, it's relatively easy to get good grades, others have to work soooo hard to achieve the same thing.

The problem is, outside observers can't often see the difference!!

[McFearless]

Or some people may be implying that working hard for something and achieving it is lucky, compared to trying and failing. It sounds like you're reading too much into a compliment.

[luxepiggy]

I get comments like that once in a while, but they don't bother me, because I do feel pretty lucky! (^(oo)^)v

[AutumnLocks]

I have gotten that "your'e lucky" comment. It usually came from someone who bleached, and fried their hair with heat. I have even told women who asked me what I do to my hair. Stop all the "stuff" that you do to your hair. Almost every time they will say "but if I stop doing my hair I will look terrible" After that I just shake my head and shut my mouth......

[march_sun]

I don't have long hair, but my hair is in good shape. And yes it still takes a lot of time and effort, much to the surprise of friends and family.

People don't want to hear that THEY are the cause of their own problems, it is much easier to leave it up to "luck".

[Bene]

I put very little effort into my hair. I just leave it alone. I take the lucky comments as a compliment. And, I suppose I am lucky. There are textures and types out there that I'd be really unhappy with, and I'm thankful I don't have to deal with the effort required.


If I subjected my hair to all this time consuming crap and was still unhappy with it, then I'd feel unlucky too. Then again, I don't worry myself with a lot of these irrelevant details.

[Curly Crone]

Truthfully I do feel lucky, I found this forum just in time. I was seriously thinking about cutting my hair into a pixie. I had a major shed last year because of stress and I was disgusted with my hair. So I am lucky and my hair has grown long over the years from benign neglect. Hopefully now it will get better since I am taking care of it. You are right though, I have heard the "Lucky" comment before and I knew that luck had nothing to do with it (not about hair or weight) but in a way I kind of like that, it's as if "someone up there" is looking out for me and I am blessed. For some people "Luck" is a lot more desirable than plain old "Hard Work".

[WinterDream]

It bothers me sometimes - but unrelated to hair or genetics. Sometimes people dismiss the huge efforts and sacrifices others make for years in order to get an education, good job, good marriage, etc and just brush it off to "luck". Sometimes it's envy and it often comes from people who got used to instant/quick gratification and aren't willing to commit to a long term goal and bust their asses to get there. In such contexts it can be quite telling of someone's character.

Luck will play a part, especially genetically but you can still make the best out of the crap hand you've been dealt.

[LaLaBella]

"I've done the work to earn my "luck"!
This is my new favorite quote.
And Winterdream, I totally agree with everything you said.

[Ice Fox]

I would love to have the 'you're lucky' comment! My hair is shoulder length, and a sort of washed-out light brown with plenty of grey. Doesn't bother me at all, but it's not going to arouse major envy in anyone. I do contend, on a daily basis, with self-congratulation from people whose kids have done so well in sport, or acting, or anything at all (and why shouldn't they?). I bite my lip, because my son - being on the autistic spectrum - is a bit behind his peers and, at the moment, doesn't excel. However, even though people don't tell me I'm lucky, I think I'm lucky because he is healthy, because he's now going to a school really suited to his needs; AND HE'S FINALLY LEARNT TO READ!!!! And I cannot tell you what a huge relief that is. He's even made friends.

Yes, I am lucky. I'm quite happy for people to tell me so, because some people have it so much worse. And we are all lucky to be alive (good hair or not).

[palaeoqueen]

It bothers me sometimes - but unrelated to hair or genetics. Sometimes people dismiss the huge efforts and sacrifices others make for years in order to get an education, good job, good marriage, etc and just brush it off to "luck". Sometimes it's envy and it often comes from people who got used to instant/quick gratification and aren't willing to commit to a long term goal and bust their asses to get there. In such contexts it can be quite telling of someone's character.

Luck will play a part, especially genetically but you can still make the best out of the crap hand you've been dealt.

I totally agree, this is something I've experienced a lot, particularly from certain people, and I feel like it completely devalues the hard work I put into achieving my "luck".

[neko_kawaii]

Oh my goodness I am lucky in so many ways. I am lucky I chose a profession that allows me enough physical activity during the work day that I don't need to do anything extra with my free time. I didn't plan it that way, just the luck of the draw.

If I tell you you are so lucky to have red hair, it isn't envy or jealousy, it is pure admiration. I adore red hair while knowing it looks hideous on myself (skin tone ya know, nothing I can do there.)

If my mother tells me I'm so lucky my hair grows faster than hers, well, I know her hair-life story and that of her sister and yes, I am very lucky my hair grows faster and longer. Just the luck of the draw and no amount of hard work will change these things.

I suppose I just don't read into comments other people make. I take them at their face value. If they were wrong and it was hard work and not luck, I'll correct them if I think they need to hear the back story or I'll just shrug and forget all about it in a few minutes. Why focus on the misperceptions of others or their potential jealousy/envy? If I'm not in a social position to help them see the world through clear eyes it really is none of my business.

[akilina]

I totally agree with OP. Someone who abuses their hair in a mortifying way, of course will have bad hair usually. If they took care of their hair exactly how you do, I am sure it would be a different story for them.
My hair is not that great. I have been complimented on how I am "lucky" my hair is naturally straight with a really nice wave that makes it look like I did something to it, and that I am "lucky" its so shiny. I am not that lucky. I have to work at it too by taking vitamins, leaving henna on my head for 6 hours, oiling my hair a ton, and being polite and loving to my tresses.

The only time I would say someone is really lucky is if their hair actually grows more than a half inch in a month :) I do envy quick growers because I am obsessive about my hair getting LONGER!! :D

[woolyleprechaun]

I would love to have the 'you're lucky' comment! My hair is shoulder length, and a sort of washed-out light brown with plenty of grey. Doesn't bother me at all, but it's not going to arouse major envy in anyone. I do contend, on a daily basis, with self-congratulation from people whose kids have done so well in sport, or acting, or anything at all (and why shouldn't they?). I bite my lip, because my son - being on the autistic spectrum - is a bit behind his peers and, at the moment, doesn't excel. However, even though people don't tell me I'm lucky, I think I'm lucky because he is healthy, because he's now going to a school really suited to his needs; AND HE'S FINALLY LEARNT TO READ!!!! And I cannot tell you what a huge relief that is. He's even made friends.

Yes, I am lucky. I'm quite happy for people to tell me so, because some people have it so much worse. And we are all lucky to be alive (good hair or not).
I dont mean to derail this or anything, but may I just offer you congratulations on your ASD sons achievement! My son is autistic and unable to read, so I totaly get what a major thing that is for you both. Also the friendship part, thats helluver hurdle... Im very happy for you :cheese:

[Silken]

There is definitely an element of luck that goes into it. As my SO often says, I did luck out on the genetic lottery: Naturally slim and athletic, no genetic predisposition to any particuliar illnesses, good skin, and yes, lots of fast growing, thick, shiny hair.

HOWEVER...

My own mother, whom I resemble a lot, had the same potential. She wasted it with decades of chainsmoking, heavy drinking, pill popping and zero exercise.
The results?
This woman, who, until her mid thirties, looked like a model, wound up prematurely aged, skin severely wrinkled and stained, eyes permanently bloodshot, osteoporosis and advanced heart disease that took no less than 26 pills a day and several cardio vascular operations to just keep her alive, ended up not being able to leave her house unless it was to go to the hospital, and vegetated feeling sorry for herself until she finally died of a combination of a final heart attack and brain aneurism.
At 73 years old.
That's a long time to feel like crap and see yourself waste away.

Everybody on her side of the family was blessed with really good genes, and the ones who waste it all end up like her.
The rest of us chose to take those genes and make the best of it:
Proper diet, adequate exercise, no smoking or drinking... The results?
We all look MUCH younger than our years and feel that way, too.
We all enjoy good health and vitality and no problems other than the occasional cold or slight injury.

So are we lucky? HELL, YES. But genes alone won't do crap for anyone if the lifestyle and habits are all wrong.
And that annoys me to no end because there are people out there who really do have tons of health problems through no fault of there own and who would give an arm an a leg to have been born naturally healthy, strong and good looking and have to struggle everyday just to enjoy a quality of health that many of us take for granted.

I do hear the "you're lucky" line all the freaking time... And yes, I am lucky. But I do work at keeping that awesome sack of genes in top shape.
I wear sunblock religiously, I treat my hair properly, I exercise, I eat right and all that jazz.
Am I lucky for KNOWING how to care for myself?
Um... I learned it. Anyone can do that. I'm only lucky for being born healthy and strong, I had to learn how to care for myself so it wouldn't all go to waste.

The ones who really make me mad are those who say "Oh, I used to be so healthy and fit, my hair and skin always looked great, now it's all a disaster"... while gorging on hotdogs, holding a cigarette and a drink, lounging in the sun without a speck of sunblock on, right after bleaching/frying/abusing their hair and wondering how I am "so lucky".

Puhleeze.

[LaLaBella]

There is definitely an element of luck that goes into it. As my SO often says, I did luck out on the genetic lottery: Naturally slim and athletic, no genetic predisposition to any particuliar illnesses, good skin, and yes, lots of fast growing, thick, shiny hair.


HOWEVER...


My own mother, whom I resemble a lot, had the same potential. She wasted it with decades of chainsmoking, heavy drinking, pill popping and zero exercise.

The results?

This woman, who, until her mid thirties, looked like a model, wound up prematurely aged, skin severely wrinkled and stained, eyes permanently bloodshot, osteoporosis and advanced heart disease that took no less than 26 pills a day and several cardio vascular operations to just keep her alive, ended up not being able to leave her house unless it was to go to the hospital, and vegetated feeling sorry for herself until she finally died of a combination of a final heart attack and brain aneurism.

At 73 years old.

That's a long time to feel like crap and see yourself waste away.


Everybody on her side of the family was blessed with really good genes, and the ones who waste it all end up like her.

The rest of us chose to take those genes and make the best of it:

Proper diet, adequate exercise, no smoking or drinking... The results?

We all look MUCH younger than our years and feel that way, too.

We all enjoy good health and vitality and no problems other than the occasional cold or slight injury.


So are we lucky? HELL, YES. But genes alone won't do crap for anyone if the lifestyle and habits are all wrong.

And that annoys me to no end because there are people out there who really do have tons of health problems through no fault of there own and who would give an arm an a leg to have been born naturally healthy, strong and good looking and have to struggle everyday just to enjoy a quality of health that many of us take for granted.


I do hear the "you're lucky" line all the freaking time... And yes, I am lucky. But I do work at keeping that awesome sack of genes in top shape.

I wear sunblock religiously, I treat my hair properly, I exercise, I eat right and all that jazz.

Am I lucky for KNOWING how to care for myself?

Um... I learned it. Anyone can do that. I'm only lucky for being born healthy and strong, I had to learn how to care for myself so it wouldn't all go to waste.


The ones who really make me mad are those who say "Oh, I used to be so healthy and fit, my hair and skin always looked great, now it's all a disaster"... while gorging on hotdogs, holding a cigarette and a drink, lounging in the sun without a speck of sunblock on, right after bleaching/frying/abusing their hair and wondering how I am "so lucky".


Puhleeze.

I get this too. I hadn't seen my brother in over 20 yrs (at first his choice, then later mine) so when he did see me again for the first time, he was surprised that I look so young.
He was pretty condescending about my "luck."

Excuse me???

I did not make the same choices. I started using anti-aging skincare in my early 20's, I watch what I eat. I exercise. I take vitamins. I chose not to drink to excess. I chose not to engage in recreational drug use. I chose not to smoke (the only one on my side that doesn't).

Granted, some of it is luck, but I have fewer natural gifts than all of my siblings. All my luck has been achieved by hard work and good choices.
grrr.....

[Ice Fox]

Thank you, Woollyleprechaun - and I do apologise because I think I probably went into a rant of my own! I do know what you mean about getting pee'd off with people who don't do the best things for themselves feeling that the ones who do are 'lucky'. But perhaps the people that know how to help themselves (whether it's hair, or something else) are the lucky ones because we know what to do!

And BTW, as the owner of the thread, I think you have the right to derail it as much as you like! I wish you and your boy all the very best!

[woolyleprechaun]

Thank you, Woollyleprechaun - and I do apologise because I think I probably went into a rant of my own! I do know what you mean about getting pee'd off with people who don't do the best things for themselves feeling that the ones who do are 'lucky'. But perhaps the people that know how to help themselves (whether it's hair, or something else) are the lucky ones because we know what to do!

And BTW, as the owner of the thread, I think you have the right to derail it as much as you like! I wish you and your boy all the very best!
Its kind of a rant thread now, so thats all fine :p I get what you are saying....realy we are lucky :D 'tis a matter of perspective, absolutely.
I felt pretty guilty starting this thread because I sounded so ungrateful. To be honest, compliments are so thin on the ground I take them wherever I can ;)

[Britasian Dolly]

I'm exactly the same (newbie, this is my frst post :D)! One of my friends has bleached hair to her jaw and she said to me 'Your hair is only thick because you're half Indian, your mum's family don't have thick hair like you so that's the only reason you can grow your hair'.
Whilst I admit that I have inherited the thickness of my dad's family's hair, I also do regular oilings (with either amla oil or vatika coconut oil), wear my hair up most of the time, only use a tangle teezer on it and take supplements! So I care for it far more than she does her hair, far from 'just being lucky' with my genetics. So annoying when people thick its easy to achieve healthy long hair (my hair isn't long compared to some members, it's an inch past the back of my bra)!

[Diamond.Eyes]

I experience the same feelings when someone says I am "just lucky" to have what I have or be who I am. I worked very hard throughout school to get scholarships to pay for my education, so I'm not just lucky that I can afford to go to school without having the government pay for it. I worked my butt off and sacrificed my social life. Also when people say I'm lucky for my possessions I become confused. How am I lucky? I have a job and save my money. I also hate when people say things like "you or so lucky you are pretty". This gives me very mixed feelings and confuses me. I don't like when people put the way I look on a pedestal, it makes me feel icky (not saying everybody does, but some people do). I almost feel like people try to make me feel guilty for being me. Also I don't just look this way without taking care of myself. I work hard to keep my skin healthy, I work out, and I am nut when it come to caring for my hair. I wasn't just randomly bestowed with these things, I wanted these things. :shrug:

Rant over. :p

[aisha.christine]

I definitely wouldn't say I am lucky, but I am fortunate.
I just feel like "luck" has a bit less of gratitude behind it.
I am fortunate that I have thick hair, but I also work hard to keep it looking nice.
I am fortunate that I am intelligent, but I work hard to keep pursuing more knowledge.
I am fortunate in a lot of ways, I was definitely given some really nice perks in the genetic lottery, but I work really hard to make sure that I'm not squandering my gifts.
I feel like saying that someone has luck that you don't have is a cop-out. Yes, you have to work a little harder than someone else to achieve something, but it's not out of your reach, and it doesn't mean that someone else didn't have to work for it either.

Either way, I usually take it as a compliment, and an opportunity to remind the person that they too have things that they are fortunate to have. :)

[Ligeia_13]

I almost feel like people try to make me feel guilty for being me. Also I don't just look this way without taking care of myself. I work hard to keep my skin healthy, I work out, and I am nut when it come to caring for my hair. I wasn't just randomly bestowed with these things, I wanted these things. :shrug:

Rant over. :p

Indeed but there are people - like me :p - who work hard to keep their skin and hair in good condition yet keep failing because it's just not going to happen.

[CurlyCap]

I dunno.

When people say I'm lucky to have curls, I agree with them. I had nothing to do with it, and my hair type is the result of a type 4 marrying a type 2. I am a 3b and it worked out like that.

However, I don't like comments that my curls are healthy. Of course they are, because I try to keep them that way. So many of my curly friends fry their hair to stay in fashion and bemoan how their hair is slowly dying. So, they annoy me.

I do think luck has a bit to do with everything. Maintanence and improvement tends to be personal dedication.

[vanillabones]

I'm on the other end here. There is hair that I WILL NEVER EVER HAVE regardless of what I do. I will never have a thicker braid than my finger. I will never escape having 'baby hair'. I will never have a bun bigger than a bunny turd on my head. I rarely say 'you're lucky' to people other than at work when people should be grateful that they ALWAYS get to leave before me, or get to actually have a break, etc. etc. etc..... so yes I have to be bitter and agree that people should just take the compliment. That's all.

[ladylowtide]

I resent the comment when people say it with a mean tone. But I do however realize that I am very lucky for having resilient hair. It is true that I take care of it and it is the best it has ever looked because of that, but it was stilling growing strong when it was bleached white and never conditioned...so honestly I think I have luck on my side.

I also feel lucky that I do not need to trim it because I don't get splits. but even then the compliment I wish I would get is that my hair looks much better than it used to. That would be appreciated, because that is do to my own hard work.

[gratitudinous]

For me, it depends on who is telling me that I'm 'lucky'. If it's someone I know well, and they know the work I do to achieve this 'luck', I get irked. If it's someone I don't know, I give them the benefit of the doubt (and also, who cares about the opinion of someone you don't know?).

For instance, I've recently (after 6 years of futile effort because I was doing the wrong thing) managed to lose the extra 20-25lbs I felt I was carrying. And even though my family has seen me exercising, and completely change my diet to almost all natural foods along with learning proper portion control, I've still heard that I'm 'lucky'.

I worked incredibly hard to get to this point, and the people I know have seen that, so it's frustrating not to have that acknowledged.

/rant :o

[Dovetail]

I have people say it quite often to me about various things. They only time it bothered me was in referance to my new college degree. I was like yeah...cause years of hard work is really luck. I suppose they could mean I was lucky to have the oppurtunity, but I paid for it out of pocket so that wasn't luck either.

I don't mind sometimes though, like if I get some neat new toy or something hard to find, because that is a bit of luck at work.

[palaeoqueen]

I'm on the other end here. There is hair that I WILL NEVER EVER HAVE regardless of what I do. I will never have a thicker braid than my finger. I will never escape having 'baby hair'. I will never have a bun bigger than a bunny turd on my head. I rarely say 'you're lucky' to people other than at work when people should be grateful that they ALWAYS get to leave before me, or get to actually have a break, etc. etc. etc..... so yes I have to be bitter and agree that people should just take the compliment. That's all.

Yes, it is sometimes meant as a compliment and in those cases we should accept it graciously. Sometimes though people overlook years of blood, sweat and tears to achieve a goal instead choosing to put it down to "luck". I was not "lucky" to be offered a PhD position nor was I "lucky" when I achieved my doctorate. Yet I have repeatedly told how "lucky" I am for these, and other, achievements, in all cases by people who are equally capable but have chosen not to make the same sacrifices. That's when it gets annoying and even insulting.

[Kat]

Some people WERE born like that, though. I can take great care of my hair, and it will still be more dry and tangly and damaged than the hair of some people who don't take such good care of theirs. Or, I may have the exact same routine as that person and their hair still comes out nicer because it's just the way their hair is. My mom tells me that even as a little kid, my hair has been tangle-prone. It is clearly just the natural way my hair is, unfortunately (I've given up on many of the hoops I used to jump through for my hair because they just didn't do that much for me). Those other people are lucky.

Conversely, I'm naturally thin (my dad is exactly the same way). I don't have to work as hard at it as some people who naturally have a heavier body type. I'm lucky. (And oh yes, I can eat junk food with the best of them. I'm known to say "there but for the grace of my metabolism go I" because I know I could easily be overweight with the way I eat sometimes. No way am I going to claim any credit for what my body looks like, except for what I achieve through exercise. Calf muscles? Earned through dance and workouts and I'll tell you so if asked. Thin legs? I had nothing to do with that, and I'll tell you that if asked too.)


I just don't think it's something you should say to someone UNLESS you know that it is indeed just luck/genetics/natural inclination that makes them that way, otherwise, yes, it sounds incredibly snarky.

(I do agree it's jealousy, though-- just that often it's jealousy that something comes naturally to someone when it doesn't to me. It's not that I grudge them hard work [and I'll certainly admit when I know I'm lazy and could achieve better results by putting more work in], but sometimes I'm sad that X person can put in less work at Y thing than I do and still get better results... and I'm still of the belief that people who are truly great at something pair hard work with natural talent. Lots of one and little of the other usually does not make a person completely phenomenal, in my experience. One can be pretty good at something either based on natural talent or hard work alone, but usually not amazing. I can work harder at something I'm not naturally talented at and still get the same [or worse] results than something I barely work at but am naturally inclined to.)




My experience has pretty much been the opposite.

Have you heard of the "Just World Hypothesis"? See, I'm sick. Really sick. And while some people have sympathy (I'm not asking for 24-7 pity. Just a simple acknowledgement that I don't deserve it.), most people wrack their brains for what I've done wrong to "deserve" being this sick.

My diet is better than theirs. I get sleep. I don't drink, smoke, use drugs, or even drink caffeine and processed sugar. I've tried everything under the sun--eastern medicine, western medicine, native American medicine. I do yoga and exercise as much as I can--but the sicker I get the harder it is. My doctors are baffled.

But when I tell people that, they think I'm lying, I didn't do it "right", or that I'm faking everything. Why? because they don't want to acknowledge that sometimes: life just sucks for some people.



Unfortunately, people like to think that everything has a cause so they can believe it won't ever happen to them. It's human nature, but when they carry it to extremes... it becomes ridiculous. :(



Indeed but there are people - like me :p - who work hard to keep their skin and hair in good condition yet keep failing because it's just not going to happen.
This is also true. I could work for the nicest hair/skin in the world, but it would still all be on a basically-unpretty face. It's just making as many improvements as I can, is all. My mom says I should wax my eyebrows. It could make me look nicer, but it's not like it's going to be a fairytale where I have ideal eyebrows and suddenly I'm gorgeous. :)


"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!" The bannister's lucky! :)


Going to be singing O Fortuna all day now. :)

[henné]

I don't want to come off as cynical or insulting, but ... c'est la vie.

Life is unfair, always has been and most likely always will be. Some are born dumb and some are born genius. Some have had some insane stuff happen to them that keeps them away from attaining whatever they wish to attain in life and some were literally born into riches and success without as much as moving a finger. The same goes for hair, looks, health, you name it.

We're all victims and we're all lucky. Look at folks in Somalia or ... I don't know ... Sudan. Whatever we have is better than be dying of hunger in a ditch somewhere ... or watch your child do so.

[Ice Fox]

I felt pretty guilty starting this thread because I sounded so ungrateful. To be honest, compliments are so thin on the ground I take them wherever I can ;)

To be fair - you did start out by saying that you hate to sound like an ungrateful cow!:D. So definitely don't feel guilty! I know that, as the Mum of an ASD kid, you already do more than your fair share of that. Even though you shouldn't.:)

[stew]

Yep.. I've always hated when people tell me I'm lucky. It bothered me more when I was younger.. people telling me I was lucky to be slim, like the OP.. when really I've spent my life eating a healthy diet and being physically active. In recent years, I've realized that people say that to minimize their own responsibility for having what they have a lot of the time, which I can understand, so I don't get too irked by it.

Now, I even understand that I AM quite lucky to be blessed with some of the things I have, and when people tell me I'm lucky for those things I just shrug and say "Yeah, I got pretty lucky on that one..." because you should always be thankful for the things you were given. :)

[KwaveT]

I am one of those that sees the "you are lucky" as just hidden jealousy. Yes I got good genes in many ways. I get those comments with my weight. I get them with my nails. I probably make women envious with my nails. They are neat, strong, and long. I spend two hours each time I do my nails to get them to look that way. I love the compliments but I can tell when it is sincere complements versus snide jealousy. I would be too if I were them so I am not going to be hard on others.

[Dang3rousB3auty]

Yes, people don't like giving you credit for anything you do sometimes. You get an A in all your classes..you are lucky, you got the easy classes. Not like you put in any work to get the As or anything. You are really skinny and can eat anything you want, you are so lucky. Well, I do exercise every morning and try to eat relatively well, but sure it's probably all just luck.

Guess the world is just full of lucky people and no one who actually put some effort into something to make their appearance/life/education better :)

[Witherwood]

Yeah its annoying. I think that people would rather think "oh your just lucky" cause they don't want to get their head around the fact that some things take a lot of work, this would mean that if they want the same thing, then they have to work for it. By thinking, "your just lucky" they don't have to feel guilty about having terrible hair, being lazy etc. Everyone wants something for nothing, a quick fix for everything and if they cant have it that way...then it's just "oh so impossible."

[MasCat]

If it's something that I worked for then I just answer "It's not luck, only hard work"

At the same time I realize I AM incredibly lucky. Lucky to be a healthy human being, who lives on this side of the globe, can be out of the closet not risking my life. Happy to have work, and really extremely lucky with my friends and family.

Of course we all have our shadows, don't we?

[MsBubbles]

I'm on the other end here. There is hair that I WILL NEVER EVER HAVE regardless of what I do. I will never have a thicker braid than my finger. I will never escape having 'baby hair'. I will never have a bun bigger than a bunny turd on my head.

LMAO! :rollin: Ok. We SO need an official Bunny Turd Bun + tutorial. I could be a competitor for the most bunny turdiness of all.

Yes. I am in the same position as you regarding NEVER being able to have any volume to my hair. I do think with coarse or medium textured hair are lucky to have been born with those hair genes. I also envy ladies born with hipbones about 5" less wide than mine. These are things I can't change.

[woolyleprechaun]

LMAO! :rollin: Ok. We SO need an official Bunny Turd Bun + tutorial. I could be a competitor for the most bunny turdiness of all.

Yes. I am in the same position as you regarding NEVER being able to have any volume to my hair. I do think with coarse or medium textured hair are lucky to have been born with those hair genes. I also envy ladies born with hipbones about 5" less wide than mine. These are things I can't change.
Can we mabe arrange a compromise-swap? :D I would kill for wider hips. I DONT FEEL LKE A REAL WOMAN GOSH-DARN-IT!!!!!;)

[MsBubbles]

Bahahaha. Oh if only! It looks like I have wire coat hangers shoved width-ways into my jeans.

So then you really ARE lucky! LOL. Have you noticed how typically in any kind of pretty cartoon, anime or Pinterest hair shot, the most gasp-worthy or desirable ones have big hair and small bodies? I have the opposite.

But anyway, yes, envy is just foolish at some point. You have lush, plentiful hair? Good for you!

[woolyleprechaun]

Bahahaha. Oh if only! It looks like I have wire coat hangers shoved width-ways into my jeans.

So then you really ARE lucky! LOL. Have you noticed how typically in any kind of pretty cartoon, anime or Pinterest hair shot, the most gasp-worthy or desirable ones have big hair and small bodies? I have the opposite.

But anyway, yes, envy is just foolish at some point. You have lush, plentiful hair? Good for you!
Indeed. I have what I affectionatly call a 'Biffro':p I can live with the Biff', but Im not too fond of the Boy Body :o Saying that you look like you are smuggling a coathanger just makes me more envious...Im strange, I know :D You work thm hips, girrrrl ;)

[Changling]

It's totally not a compliment, imo...even if maybe it's meant as one, it's not. Like if, for example, you have a well-paying high position in a company, which you have worked YOUR WHOLE LIFE to get, and someone says you're "lucky" to have such a job...well, maybe a little, in today's economy, but you didn't get straight A's and graduate from Harvard on LUCK. ...hypothetically speaking.