Why do I always fail? ( can it be a self sabotage thing)

[Emme76]

I know that this topic is not new. There has been several threads about this - but I just have to share my hair growing story. Or to be honest - not so successful hair growing story!:o

I have been a member of TLHC for several years now. When I started I was so excited and I really changed my hair routine. I stopped using heat, no cones, used oils and I even got a satin pillowcase. I used cassia and other deep treatments. And discoverd ACV that helped my hair alot. It started to look really nice and healthy. I was happy!

Then all of a sudden, just before reaching shoulders - I started to hate my hair. I felt ugly and every time I looked myself in the mirror I just saw thin ugly hair that made me look even worse. So what did I do? Ofcause - I went to the hair dresser and got a cut and highlights. So I was back at my starting point. I liked my cut and color for about 3 weeks then I started to regret my cut. Even if I waited 2 weeks before cutting it (2 week rule).

So over the period of 2-3 years I been doing the same thing - over and over and over and over again. I baby my hair, take care of it - let it grow and then just as I am about to reach shoulder I start to hate it and cut it.
I had a friend tell me that alot will change when i do get my hair past shoulder. Then it will feel a bit different. So that is now my hope.

I just don´t understand why I keep doing this to myself. My dream is long, healthy hair. I have thin, fine hair but that doesn´t matter. I see so many here on TLHC that have fine, thin hair and they look amazing with long hair.

And the thing is - for a long time I been on here - lurking and reading. Posting once in a while - but not beeing very active. I think I feel like a traiter ;)! Someone that keeps failing over and over again. Never having any progress because of my low self-confidence. I think to myself that I will look better if I cut it. If I just find the right cut for me that I will look a bit better. I know it is something I have to deal with.
But it is very frustrating cause all I want it long hair. I haven´t had long hair since I was a kid. And I adore it on everyone else.
I do bump into (at work) people that tell me that I should have short hair. That it looks so much better on me since I have thin hair. I lissen to much to others. And Now I am asking myself. How do they know this? I have never ever had longer hair than above shoulders.

I know this post is not a very exciting one :o! I just has to write something about how I feel and my problems when it comes to growing out my hair. I have patience with other things. So I don´t really think it has to do with my patience.

Anyone else that feel something similar? Or can understand how I feel?

I just hope that this time will be different. And maybe after posting this (I wrote a post like this several times before but erased it) I will get my focus back and set up goals that I will be able to reach.

Thank you for your time! :) And I will even try to post progress pictures from now on. That might also help me. I did that before and it made me happy :D!

BIG HUG to you all.....

[hellucy]

I know exactly how you feel.
For about 4 years I have tried to grow my hair generally I would get to somewhere between chin & shoulder decide I hated how it looked/lacked shape/ was just boring & would either cut it pixie short again or get it layered into a short style losing all the length I'd spent the last few months gaining.
Last December I really had the itch to cut my hair had just got to touching/skimming my shoulders I resisted anything other than a minor trim (about half an inch from the very bottom) although I did get my hair thinned a little which gave it the change of shape I was craving, since then I haven't done more than S&D.
Now my hair has got a few inches below shoulders & I can honestly say I have no desire what-so-ever to cut it. I can now put it in a few different updo's :happydance:
Stick with it resist the cutting itch & you will get to a point were you love your hair again.

[Coan-Teen]

I absolutely hated my hair from the time it was two inches above shoulder until I was half way to APL. For me, it took about a year and it was wildly frustrating and annoying and I'm not going to lie, the only way I got through it was to ignore my hair completely. Benign neglect was my best friend. I'd had a haircut in Feb. 2010 and I just left it alone in terms of cutting for two years. I had my most recent cut in Feb. 2012 after I'd passed APL and the trim took me back close to it, but now I'm nearly at BSL. Three inches or so to go. It can be done. :)

My hair is practically the definition for fine, i/ii hair and if you join the shoulder to APL thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=33961&highlight=shoulder) you'll see lots of other people with that hair type as well who are all dealing with the same problem.

Unfortunately, there isn't a way to magically make it easier to get through. It's an awkward stage, not long or short, and it probably will look odd and bad to you because you don't like that mid-grade stage. It's about making a decision and sticking to it. My guess is that you get frustrated waiting for results which is why you continue to cut. Add to that other people in your life who aren't supportive and it'll be hard for you to ever grow it past that stage unless you feel confident saying, "No, this is what I'm trying." Ignore those people with a vengeance. :lala:

You could do something similar to what I did. Give yourself two years with no trims. No cutting whatsoever. And then ignore it. Anytime you feel like cutting, look through the galleries here. Think about how if you ever want long hair, cutting will not further that goal, and then stick to it. I'm sorry I can't offer anything better than that, but know that you're not alone. :flower:

[RitaCeleste]

I've grown mine out to waist three times in my life. Once I dyed it blond and fried it beyond all repair. Another time I went and got it layered. In between, I'd get it past bra strap length and go get it cut because people were always saying it looked like the ends were damaged, split etc. I always was tempted by the idea of having hair that looked done and professional. I never want to do more than wash and wear these cuts from Hell. The last three times I felt like no one liked the cuts I tried, including me. I got long this time by default. My last cut left my sides way too short because I asked for layers that framed my face. Its taken years to grow that mess out. I color my hair, usually red. I find that if I color my hair, that is enough change to keep me going with the growing. It looks like I have bothered to do something to beautify myself and I can skip the makeup and other stuff if my hair is screaming red. It looks like it hasn't grown much at all because I keep trimming it and letting those sides try to catch up. Once I grew it out all natural and hated it because my hair is all coarse and icky feeling naturally. I see people cutting all the time because they want to remove the colored parts and grow natural. I'm too vain for that, I refuse to trim anything until BSL when I'm growing it. Make that deal with yourself, no trimming until it is long enough for a self-trim.

[Madora]

Emme76, many here have been in your position and have become frustrated with the growing out process.

The thing is, you need to be patient until your hair reaches a length you can style. Resist the urge to cut, inspite of what your co-workers/friends might say. Just keep a mental picture of what you want your hair to look like and continue to treat it kindly. Bottom line: only you can make the difference and stick to your goals. Good luck!

[kitekats]

You should simply get some highlights, when that hair alarm comes, only avoid cutting them. I usually have the same problem, I just don't cut my hair and dye them instead. Or if you really want a virgin hair, buy a new pair of super cute shoes, get a nice lipstick or dress up extra pretty that day when your hair feel super messy and roots scream .When everything else looks perfect hair panic goes away(proved, works for me ;) ).

[SnowWhite]

I've seen your album pictures and you pull off short hair really well, but I think long hair will look good on you aswell!! And think about the nice updo's you'll be able to do!

But I kind of understand you.
I'm in the same thing now.
My hair is at shoulder length but it flips to all sides.. Makes me want to cut it.
Thing that is making it worse is the fact that a friend with former BSL hair cut her hair to just above shoulder length and it suits her sooooo well!

But here are things that helped me :)
You can also decide not to cut your hair for let's say one year... Write it down in your agenda and reward yourself with something after that period, or buy nice hairtoys to use when your hair gets longer.

Also... Don't think of waist/tailbone length immediately because it takes so much time and you think: whatever... I'm gonna cut it.
But make smaller goals for yourself. First shoulder length, then APL... Because it costs less time to reach those goals so it gives you more satisfaction!

What helps me is that I told some people that I'm growing my hair. My mum, some good friends... They encourage me when I have a 'low point'.

Post progress pictures, look for hair inspiration, keep lurking at LHC :D

I'm going to follow your progress and your profile if you don't mind :)
I know you can do it!

[barely.there]

My shoulder length hair was pretty nasty. So I went and got a new trim/style to give it shape and something that would keep looking good as it grew out. NOTHING else. I was happy. It is now APL. shooting for BSL :)

[MaryMarx]

Hej!
Have you considered wearing it up all the time until you get past SL?
That's my way of coping with this terrible length, since I can't wear it down yet. :)

[PixieKitten]

In addition to all the other awesome advice here, try hats. I absolutely hated my hair when I started growing out my pixie, it just looked as if there was a small bright red sheep on my head! So I wore a hat every day. as soon as I could put it into the tiniest ponytail, I did that.

Hats and clips and headbands and bandanas are your best friends at this point!

[picklepie]

What worked for me, growing out a buzzcut, was to take a vow that I wouldn't cut it for FOUR YEARS. I decided that was how long the "awkward stage" would be (I hate my hair until it is long enough to stay behind my shoulders when curly), and I told *everyone* about my vow.

Partly just the fear of public humiliation keeps my resolve strong. Shoulder length is a real sticking point, maximum horribleness. I feel your pain. But! I'm 2 1/2 years in, APL, and finally able to wear cute braids, buns, hairsticks, etc. Before that, I did lots of cloth headbands, pin curls, etc.

Long hair is fun! Short hair is fun! Medium length hair? So not fun. But you do get there! I can see BSL from here, and I'm gonna enjoy it so much!

[Tota]

There's something about this length between chin and shoulders that makes it sooo hard to grow out. It took 2 years for me to get over SL just because I cut and cut and cut. It's the hardest milestone. I suggest you play with your hair when you feel the need to cut. Buy a new hair toy or an accessory and play with it, look for youtube tutorials (soooo many cute hairdos for medium hair, especially Lilith Moon's tutorials) etc. Or maybe even wear it up until the end of the summer and then in September, voila- longer hair! You can do it!

[spidermom]

I used to do the same thing. I think the problem is that it takes so long. I went through cycle after cycle where I'd let my hair grow for a year, maybe 2, then I'd snap "I've been growing my hair for YEARS, and it still isn't long!" Then I'd get it cut.

I didn't acquire the patience to leave my hair alone and let it grow until I was in my mid-40s. It takes years and years and years.

[lapushka]

Like spidermom mentioned, it takes patience to grow out your hair. I didn't have that patience a few years back either. And there's an element of "letting go" in there to. It's going from styled hair to what's basically unstyled hair (long blunt cut), and you have to kind of be in the right mindset for it. You have to be ready for it. I don't think it's so much a matter of you sabotaging yourself, it's more -I think- a matter of being ready for it.

[long&blonde]

I can totally relate and understand what you are saying.
Even more so with other things in my own life, than growing hair.
I second the comment figure out a way to wear it up.
Then just do it. Every single day.
Get cute earrings so you can focus on them.
If you wear makeup, maybe a cute dark kohl lined top & bottom eye, that could be your signature, along with cute earrings. No trims, at all, for two years. Think of it as "an associates degree" for your hair, lol. Just constantly keep it up, no trims, no heat, two years. Anyone who comments, have a stock answer like "This is what I'm doing, I'm on a mission."
I am at waist now:from low butt crack length earl May.
That trim,tho I do have "lovely" ends now:for ends admireres:surely not myself:reaffirmed what I love. Which is length. Thankfully, I am still waist. I can say from experience:up Till waist; I got massive coworkers:all women:telling me I should cut. Then they'd say "Cut! It'll be so much younger, cooler? It'll grow back!" I love how they tell you to cut,it'll grow back. That should tell us something. At waist? Their comments stopped. It was as if they accepted "long hair is who she is", and they moved on to critiquing, oh, my wardrobe.
Thankyou for posting this.
You actually helped me out very much on another issue I always fail with;maintainance on weight loss.
Why; the comments and attention weightloss bring floor me. I hate the attention=regain the weight. I just answered my own question:you get to a certain point of time w/your success:"the public" gives up commenting. "It is who you are." And you have peace. So sorry for the derail and the sidetrack. I really related.

[islandboo]

Would it maybe be helpful (assuming you have the funds) to buy a special hairtoy you would need to have longer hair to be able to wear? Something like a pair of sticks in your favorite colors or a spectacular fork? Having something tangible to focus on as a reward might help you push through the doldrums, like hanging a swimsuit on the door helps some girls stick to a diet.

[firegypsy]

Would it maybe be helpful (assuming you have the funds) to buy a special hairtoy you would need to have longer hair to be able to wear? Something like a pair of sticks in your favorite colors or a spectacular fork? Having something tangible to focus on as a reward might help you push through the doldrums, like hanging a swimsuit on the door helps some girls stick to a diet.

Agree!

I do this same thing. I've been "growing my hair out" for a decade. lol! I keep chopping and playing and what have you. I finally decided just to let it grow, and the only thing that stops me from cutting is looking at my goal photos (for me it's in books/magazines, but now I can come here!) and finding a new style.

Every time I want to cut I youtube and find SOMETHING that is easy and cute to do with my hair. At just above shoulder I wore it up ALL THE TIME. I greatly dislike that length. So I'd find a new updo and rock it until the feeling passed. Rinse and repeat as needed!

[heidi w.]

Emme76, many here have been in your position and have become frustrated with the growing out process.

The thing is, you need to be patient until your hair reaches a length you can style. Resist the urge to cut, inspite of what your co-workers/friends might say. Just keep a mental picture of what you want your hair to look like and continue to treat it kindly. Bottom line: only you can make the difference and stick to your goals. Good luck!

If you must post a sticky note with a positive message on it to yourself for when you look in the mirror (post on the mirror) or when you walk out your front door (post on the back of the door or doorjam trim off to the side).

Truthfully, although my hair is pretty when it's down, it simply is not my best look to have a center hair part. So an easy change to make is a side part, or a zigzag part... I too go through moments when I think I'm not too hot looking, but who cares. I'm not here to decorate the world or set it on fire. No one really cares what I do, so I just carry on with what I want to do. Try to focus on taking great care of your hair and not on viewing the history as a "failure". Rather, embrace the failure as part of your journey and maybe get some motivation from that. I just wish there was a way to tell women to stop thinking they're ugly. Trust me, right now is the time you are your most beautiful. Everything from this moment starts heading downhill, even though it's slow and gradual enough that we ourselves tend not to notice. There are a few built-in nice things that happened when the Great Plan was devised. Whoever it is devised some kind of forgiveness in the plan, some kind of kindness. LOL.

People are correct that you will have a different feeling when you get past shoulder length. For one, you have a lot more options for looks you can create, so if you get bored easily, you can switch the look, and exercise self-expression. I used to make a big deal of wearing my hair in some kind of fancy updo. I have managed to collect all kinds of hair decorations, from antique combs, to dollar store clips with sparklies on them. I have a pretty comprehensive collection. I even saved ribbons, and I'd go ribbon shopping. I don't do any of this now, but I have been thinking I should dress my hair every day. I am sure the students where I go to college will have a fun time guessing, what's she doin' with her hair today? I used to call it hair du jour. I had dragonflies, butterflies, little snaps I could snap into my hair, some pretty barrettes, scrunchies. Maybe I should put a photo in my Hair Album of all my baubles. Idea!! So go buy a nice hair toy for your hair, and have some fun and feel better.

heidi w.

[long&blonde]

If you must post a sticky note with a positive message on it to yourself for when you look in the mirror (post on the mirror) or when you walk out your front door (post on the back of the door or doorjam trim off to the side).

Truthfully, although my hair is pretty when it's down, it simply is not my best look to have a center hair part. So an easy change to make is a side part, or a zigzag part... I too go through moments when I think I'm not too hot looking, but who cares. I'm not here to decorate the world or set it on fire. No one really cares what I do, so I just carry on with what I want to do. Try to focus on taking great care of your hair and not on viewing the history as a "failure". Rather, embrace the failure as part of your journey and maybe get some motivation from that. I just wish there was a way to tell women to stop thinking they're ugly. Trust me, right now is the time you are your most beautiful. Everything from this moment starts heading downhill, even though it's slow and gradual enough that we ourselves tend not to notice. There are a few built-in nice things that happened when the Great Plan was devised. Whoever it is devised some kind of forgiveness in the plan, some kind of kindness. LOL.

People are correct that you will have a different feeling when you get past shoulder length. For one, you have a lot more options for looks you can create, so if you get bored easily, you can switch the look, and exercise self-expression. I used to make a big deal of wearing my hair in some kind of fancy updo. I have managed to collect all kinds of hair decorations, from antique combs, to dollar store clips with sparklies on them. I have a pretty comprehensive collection. I even saved ribbons, and I'd go ribbon shopping. I don't do any of this now, but I have been thinking I should dress my hair every day. I am sure the students where I go to college will have a fun time guessing, what's she doin' with her hair today? I used to call it hair du jour. I had dragonflies, butterflies, little snaps I could snap into my hair, some pretty barrettes, scrunchies. Maybe I should put a photo in my Hair Album of all my baubles. Idea!! So go buy a nice hair toy for your hair, and have some fun and feel better.

heidi w.
Like! All of what you just said, Heidi W. Totally agree. :)

[Slug Yoga]

As other posters have said, that area between chin and shoulder is in some ways one of the hardest lengths to get through... it's not quite long enough to put back securely without bits getting in your face, it can look awkward, and so on. There have been some good suggestions in this thread already. I know that some people have dealt with that awkward period by getting occasional trims to re-style the hair as it grows out, so that it is still growing longer, but it looks more like a "style" than like an awkward grow-out phase, if that makes sense. And obviously if you do that it will take longer to get to SL and past, but maybe that's a compromise you'd be happy with, rather than getting frustrated and just cutting it back to chin length repeatedly, or something.

[spidermom]

I did the opposite of "leave it alone and let it grow". For the first 4 years, I had a tiny trim every 6-8 weeks. My stylist and I had a pact that she would ignore me if I came in one day with request for a new short cut. Getting it trimmed was a little luxury for me, and it kept my hair from ever looking shaggy or mullety. I went from a pixie to longer layers to finally blunt cut at BSL. After that I got a trim about once every 3 months. Now I trim it myself.

[AspenSong]

I can relate - I would have had my hair grown out MUCH faster if every time it got below my shoulders, I hadn't re-cut it for a few years. For me, until it got to about BSL, I felt like it was awkward and I had a hard time with it. From then on, for me it's been sort of a breeze and I'm glad I stayed strong and powered through!
But I totally get what you mean...I did sort of the same thing. And honestly, I STILL have a lot of bad days where I feel pretty cr*ptacularly bad about my fine, thin hair. =/ I thought this morning about hacking it all off because I did a dutch braid and my hair is so flippin' fine and thin, that everywhere I pulled in hair in sections into the braid, you can see my danged scalp. No amount of combing, etc...stops that with my hair. And my braid is so small and sad....just gets me down. *shrug* So ya know, you are SOOOO not alone!
Your hair looks absolutely gorgeous to me and will be beautiful long! Don't listen to people's blabbering! lol... =) You are NOT relegated to a life of short hair just because it's fine...sheesh. I'd do this - have all the fun you can, as it's growing out. For me, there's a lot of things that are a little harder to do, or look cuter with shorter hair...that I don't do to mine now. While you have less length to try to get up, play with styles and braids!

[skyblue]

I know what your saying!! Only my hair did that at waist, for years! I would cut it because it would start to look thin and stingy and I thought my hair just couldn't get any longer, then in my early forties I found out that I had cancer and had to have treatment, when my hair started to fall out I went a head and buzzed it all off....I couldn't just watch it all fall out, right:rolleyes: After all that was over and my hair started to grow back in, oh probably about a year later I met a member here, she told me about the things she was learning and she gave me a bit of advice, she told me "just stop cutting it" lol! It was some years later that I found this wonderful forum that she was always talking about!! Needless to say I followed her advice except for tiny trims and now my hair is longer then its ever been, mind you it's been nine years since then and the urge to cut still hits me sometimes but those words just pop into my head and I put my hair up and walk away from the evil scissors!!! Patience is the key that and keeping your hair up so you can't look at it lol
don't give up yet and just don't cut it :)

[MandyBeth]

I'm in the same boat. But a lot of the natural trials trashed my hair. Cat fine hair plus damage plus active life means blech!

Plus my reality - at most I am aiming for is hip length. I like my hair healthy, but it's just hair. I like it dark, which isn't always that nice to my hair. I do ground work in martial arts, there does my ends. I love concerts and headbang and all the fun stuff. Got me singed hair at Rammstein but it was so worth it.

Plus my hair being cat fine - daily safe life is damaging. I trim and trim often. Every six weeks or the damage takes over. Eventually my ends will go up and stay up. Until then, I average 2 inches a year. I don't care.

[ladylowtide]

When I was growing out for months people told me get it cut, I look better this way, or that way, I should do this, I don't want to do that blah blah blah!

Finally people have gotten used to it, even my mom finally came around and said I looked nice with my long hair. Never thought would happen, but it finally did.

[battle_angel]

Hello, I think it's a great idea that you decided to post and didn't erase after all in the end. There are many wonderful supportive people on the forum that understand what you are going trough. All the ideas that the girls above me posted are really good and I don't have anything to ad, except that I'd say don't be so hard on yourself.. It's very understandable.

I too have very thin fine hair, and had may friends who told me I should cut - brought me down sometimes... but on the other hand I had all my life short hair, I just wanted to try to see how long hair on me really looks like. Worst case scenario, one can always go back to short, right? In just a few minutes :)
I have not been to a hairdresser in 2 years and managed to go past the dreaded shoulder phase with lots of experimenting with scarfs, bandannas, hats and tutorials from youtube.

Best of luck with ypur hair and Happy growing!
-Laetitia

[RitaCeleste]

People have just accepted that I'm not getting any haircuts. My ex started on one of my daughters. "Don't you want a haircut at a salon?" I about ripped his head off. She is ten and is growing out her bangs. She's been at it all year and they are almost to her chin. Her hair is fine and thin and wavy. She has a few layers in it and fairytale ends but we have just been trimming the very bottom and letting it grow. It will be waist length by next year. She said she is thinking about bangs again but not any haircut at a salon. It never fails to amaze me how bad people want to see long hair butchered for the sake of "fashion". Her class voted her as having best hair, best artist, and best smile (she needs braces but they don't think it matters!). It does help to outgrow being a people pleaser and just start sticking your tongue out them. My last three cuts I did to try and make other people happy with my hair. No one liked it, especially me. I'm long because I don't have a better idea, and really, no one else has had a better idea either. They start talking about cutting hair and I start getting peeved. My autistic daughter can get a simple short cut whenever she likes because she wants easy to style and brush hair. She has started to let it grow a little because she thinks she looks too boyish with shorter hair. I remember every crappy haircut I got trying to please others and just think those people should shut up and not bug my kids either. My kids will mention it if they want to go to a salon for a haircut. Their list of demands is long and that's not been one of them.

[julierockhead]

Between above shoulder length and BSL is so hard. It's just a messy awkward frustrating place to be.

Have you joined the mini goal threads, like shoulder to APL, APL to BSL, BSL to waist? It's nice to be traveling the same road with friends. :) When you are feeling bad about your hair or you have the urge to cut, you can talk to the people who are having the same issues at the same length.

Benign neglect can really help. Ignore your hair except for keeping it hygienic and protected. Turn your focus to other things to enhance your life - good nutrition, a reading list, a 30 minute walk every day, something you do for yourself.

Estimate your growth rate and commit to no cutting until the date you estimate you will be well beyond your usual I-want-to-chop-it stage. Start a no cutting thread until that date thread. I'll join it, I love those!

Your desire for long hair is YOURS. Nod politely when people give you their opinion on your hair length, thickness, and goals, whether they align with your opinions or not. You are not growing hair for them.

[Addy]

You need a 2 year rule! :D Forget the 2 weeks! :p

It takes time. You'll get there. :)

[Mesmerise]

Ahh I am sort of in your situation myself... Not quite to the same extent though ;). I have no trouble growing my hair "medium long" (by LHC standards :D). I've done it over and over and over through my life. BUT I have NEVER managed to grow LONG hair. Ever. It gets to a point where I get frustrated with it, or start thinking I'd look better with short hair (why do I keep thinking this when it never actually works??) and off it goes. And then I spend the next few years growing again... and so on!

My last attempt at growing long hair was hampered by shedding which is really quite depressing. If I hadn't had so much hair thinning, I'd be well past waist now (probably close to hip) but the ends were ridiculously stringy so I ended up cutting off heaps last year and taking it back to about APL.

Now I've decided NOT to cut it this year (I am considering a microtrim in July which will be 6 months since my last cut) and just grow it and leave it alone!! The only thing you can do is focus on the end goal. Cut out some pictures of long hair you really admire and stick them somewhere you can see them on a daily basis! Whenever you get the urge to cut go LOOK at those pictures and focus on what you want to achieve!

[jacqueline101]

I have mine up all the time because I can't stand the current length my hair is. I don't have the urge to cut.

[battles]

My entire life, I never made it past shoulder until I decided this was it. I wanted that long hair and I was going to have it. :p I'm not very far past it yet, I'm almost at APL now but I'm really enjoying it. This is the longest my hair has ever been.

Once you get past shoulder, it is so much easier to just put it up and forget about it.

ETA: Your hair looks very pretty, by the way! The color is beautiful. :flower:

[Emme76]

THANK YOU ALL :blossom: for the wonderful ideas and suggestions. I am so happy I finally was brave enough to posted my feelings and failure when it comes to my hair journey. You are all so very smart and insightful. And it is nice, not to feel alone in this. :)

I read very post carefully and I will let it all sink in. So many GREAT ideas!

One that many mention - is to set a goal. No cut for 2 years. That will be so difficult for me. I think I need to do micro trimming myself - but that I feel would be okej. And I will try to shift my focus. And I will put it up more.

And I will get some new hair toys. :D Now I am really excited to go to the store and get something new for my hair. And that is a great feeling.

I think I sometimes get my spirit down since some people around me have a lot of thought on how a woman looks her best. Like many of you also have experienced. I have a friend at work that lovs short hair. She has short hair herself. And every time someone gets a cut she gives so many compliments. And she makes fun of older women who grow our their hair. It is a bit odd since she is really nice when it comes to other issues. But hair is a sensitive matter for many - and she really thinks everyone over 30 looks better in short hair. I am starting to feel old in that way - and I am only 35. Like there is so many women who think - if you are about to hit 40 in a few years you should cut your hair. And that is very irritating!

I started to look at some older women who I think look really good and most of them have longer hair. They have cute updos and they keep it looking fresh and natural. I like that. Some ofcause look great in short hair. But I am trying to find out what I really like - and not everyone else. I tend to lissen to much to other people. And I always want others to like me. And it is starting to get to me. I guess I am also getting older and wiser..hehhe...!!!!

I have alot of patience when it comes to many areas in my life. I have 3 kids and during my last pg I got sick. I got facial paralasys (bells palsy) - and I think it also messed up the way I look at myself. It is all better now but sometimes when I see myself I still look disfigured. Even if I know it is only in my mind. It has gotten better now and I am very happy about that. I work with people who are in crises - that also require alot of patience. But when it comes to myself and my constant failure it feels like " how can I control my life if I can´t even control my own hair".

BUT today is a new day - and I can do this. It is my dream as long as I can remember to have long healthy hair. Even, at night I can dream that I have long hair. And when I wake up I feel soooo disappointed..:)!!!

I will start to document my progress. And I will get some more hair toys. Put my hair up more. Get myself a nice hat. Spend some time to learn some nice cute updos (that I am able to do with this short hair of mine). I will set new goals. And when I do get tired of it - I might put some color on my hair. But the very gentle kind. And I will also get alot of motivation here on TLHC - looking at others progress pictures. And re read all your posts when I am starting to feel like I am failing again.

I do have another friend here at work who thinks I look better when I grow my hair out. And that it loos so nice and cute when I put it up in the back. I should lissen more to her :). Last time, before I got a cut she asked me why I was going to cut it when it looked so nice - started to get longer. In my imagination (since I thought my hair looked really awful) I thought she only told me this because she wanted me to look bad. I ofcause never told her that - and it was very wrong of me to think this. I feel stronger now. And I know my goal.

I never set a goal before. And I almost never goined a group that was going for the same goal because I was so afraid of failing again. But this time my first goal is - BSL, Below shoulder length. And when I am there I will set a new one :)!


Thank you all again.....!!!!!!!! You are great and I am so happy that I posted! :):)

[Tizzles]

Emme I feel your pain. I have fine hair and every time it gets to right above my shoulders I get this wild hair up my bum to cut it. It's happened 3 times since I started growing after 2008..and I regret it every time. This time, every time I feel like cutting I come here and look at the pictures of the lovely long hairs and swoon. Also, I do the best I can to get my neighbor to braid my hair since it's short and my hands are kind of small I can't really braid my own hair well until it gets longer. I do everything I can to keep it back, off my face and off my shoulders. I really don't like the way my face looks with my hair up but it keeps me from wanting to cut it for sure.

You will definitely find more promise after your hair gets below shoulder, and with every inch it gains it will be easier for you to shy away from the scissors. Big hugs to you, there's a bunch of us that know exactly what you're going through!

[terpentyna]

Experiment with half ups and updos. I think that's what I did, It was up most of the time. I don't even remember that awkward phase now. I had some layers at the time, I only cut them off when they reached waist recently.

ETA:
Emme I feel your pain. I have fine hair and every time it gets to right above my shoulders I get this wild hair up my bum to cut it. <snip>

*jots down new expression*

[torrilin]

Once I'm at a length where I can do something with my hair, I'm happy. As a teen, my "do something" was limited to ponytails, English braids and cinnamon buns. Since my hair is a solid ii thickness, that meant that somewhere in the APL to BSL range, I had styling options. This doesn't mean my hair looked boring. I'd do cinnabun half ups or braided half ups. I'd use side combs. I didn't come up with the idea at the time, but you can section your hair and do 3-4 little cinnabuns. And there are always Heidi braids and using two braids to make a figure 8 bun. Limited styling skill does not mean "look boring".

In my mid 20s, I finally learned to French braid, so I had a style I could manage on much shorter hair. I can do a French braid on shoulder length hair. Like a lot of people with fairly ashy hair, my hair gets highlights easily from just sun. This makes for really showy French braids, so it's a style I've always loved.

Lace braiding can be done on very short hair, including not even chin length. I only just learnt it this year, and in a lot of ways it's a bit easier than French braiding. It also opens up a lot of cute style options as your hair gets longer, so if you often chop due to lack of "style" it'd be the first thing I'd work on learning.

I also find that having some skill at hairstyling means that as you grow you look forward to being able to do new things. A lace braid headband works at chin length... and somewhere in between shoulder and BSL it leads to a lace crown braid, and to adding lace accent braids to all sorts of different buns.

[Emme76]

Thank you for all your advice that keeps coming.

At lunch - I went to the store and got some new hairtoys. I just hope I didn´t get anything that will damage my hair. I have now been looking at videos how to braid short hair in different ways and how to use cute pins. :D
I went to the bathroom (still at work :o) and did my first rope braid. I did it on both sides and pined the ends at the back. And I got a cute flower that I put by my ear.

At lunch I did get a few compliments from my co workers :)! Made me happy even if it looks like a 5 year old did the braid..hahah..!!!!

It was FUN! And I am now on a mission to get better and find new cute styles to use when growing out my hair. And I was amazed when I was looking at all the cute hairtoys at the store. Before I only used pins and claw clips. A whole new world is out there :)! I just love the pins with flowers on them, and feathers and butterflies. Just so cute!

I will load up my camera - and as I get better I will try to post pictures. I need some more practice before that..heheh...!!!
And we need inspiration when it comes to updos for short hair. There is some on youtube that are good. But I just have to skip the hairspray and the back combing (teasing the hair) that they do (and they do alot of it).

But I am still not sure about the scarfs and hat thing. I am not sure if they like me wearing this at work.

I do think I look a but funny with my hair up. But I like the feeling. So I will go with that.

Thank you all again. :)

[Changling]

I think that, like growing from pixie-length to chin-length, a few inches above shoulder to a few inches below shoulder is going to be an awkward, weird stage that just doesn't work for you and you just have to get through it. I just got through a one-year awkward pixie-to-jaw phase and it sucked, but I'm really glad I stuck it out. I recommend learning like, at least 7 different updos and half-ups to just get your hair up and out of the way until the awkward phase is over.

I feel that someone other than your own mother making a comment about how they think you would look better is incredibly rude. I think something about me tells most people that it would be a bad idea, because I only get these comments from the very most tactless people I know. I usually respond with a disbelieving look, followed by "Really, Brian (the most tactless person I know)? You think I would look better with blonde hair? Well, you know how I think you would look better? If you were somewhere else."

[QMacrocarpa]

I found an octopus clip (http://www.amazon.com/Scunci-No-slip-Grip-Octopus-Count/dp/B001SXPSD2) really useful for getting through my awkward stage fairly painlessly. I'd just gather all my hair above my nape and fasten the clip over it. Instant stable bun which I didn't have to think about the rest of the day, great for when I just wanted to ignore my hair.

It took a little time for me to get used to how I look with updos, but I did become accustomed to it and then I stopped feeling like I looked funny.
:blossom:

[Kherome]

Thank you for all your advice that keeps coming.

At lunch - I went to the store and got some new hairtoys. I just hope I didn´t get anything that will damage my hair. I have now been looking at videos how to braid short hair in different ways and how to use cute pins. :D
I went to the bathroom (still at work :o) and did my first rope braid. I did it on both sides and pined the ends at the back. And I got a cute flower that I put by my ear.

At lunch I did get a few compliments from my co workers :)! Made me happy even if it looks like a 5 year old did the braid..hahah..!!!!

It was FUN! And I am now on a mission to get better and find new cute styles to use when growing out my hair. And I was amazed when I was looking at all the cute hairtoys at the store. Before I only used pins and claw clips. A whole new world is out there :)! I just love the pins with flowers on them, and feathers and butterflies. Just so cute!

I will load up my camera - and as I get better I will try to post pictures. I need some more practice before that..heheh...!!!
And we need inspiration when it comes to updos for short hair. There is some on youtube that are good. But I just have to skip the hairspray and the back combing (teasing the hair) that they do (and they do alot of it).

But I am still not sure about the scarfs and hat thing. I am not sure if they like me wearing this at work.

I do think I look a but funny with my hair up. But I like the feeling. So I will go with that.

Thank you all again. :)

That point at which you always cut is what I call "the blah period." There is something about that length, where it is neither long, nor short that is deeply unsatisfactory. You, like everyone else, has to power through that phase with the pay off in mind! You've already discovered the best coping mechanisms. (Hair up! Up all the time! Toys, and my favorite, flower clips!) Stick with it! If you get your hair long and find you don't actually care for it after all, then no worries! It's not for everyone. But you can get through the blah period!

[wendylai]

haha..

sorry to break this out for you.. but I'm currently somewhere mid-back, and I STILL sometimes get the "plaah... what are you trying to prove to yourself? Get a grip and get a proper cut, like an adult!"

:p

I'm not a big fan of up-do's, thought I can make them, most of them, like the chinese bun look flat and insignifigent.. The other problem is that I try to wash it as gently as I can and only in 2 to 3 days. This makes me do up do's and use all sorts of tube scarfs etc when I do sports (daily) so all this doesnt really lift my spirits..

But there IS something positive behind all this. I have never done heat intensively, or flat ironed, but I used to do mousse, spray, occasional teasing.. you get it. I had a night out on saturday, and I did all that first time for many months. And guess what? I hated it! As soon as I had "styled" it all I wanted to do was to wash with my sls free body shop shampoo, air dry and let it do it's own thing and feel naturally voluptous! So this all boils down to.. hang in there. Try to find a nice routine that gives your hair natural volume, and concentrate this summer on running, cayaking, camping and so forth and well get back to it next fall :eyebrows: