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whiteisle
July 29th, 2008, 08:02 AM
I wanna cut sooooooo bad right now! My bestest, bestest, bestest friend is in town (from the other side of the country!) and we got together yesterday and somewhere in the day she said, "that's a nice cut", and I said, "well, it's not really a cut, just growing out from a pixie and looks kinda rough." And then she said, "well, it's a nice mom look" OK, this is when I was about to puke. Yes, I'm a mom, but I didn't really take this as a compliment, ya know? So now I'm really thinking about getting it cut into some recognizable "style" as I continue to grow but I'm not sure this is the smartest thing to do. Am I just being emotional here? I know it's not the end of the world - it's just hair - but gosh it's got such an influence on me right now!

bex487
July 29th, 2008, 08:05 AM
I'd say think about it for awhile-the rule here is usually two weeks. If in two weeks you're still itching to get a cut, then go for it.

I'm very impulsive and if I decide to cut I do it the next day-it works for me, but I never recommend it for others!

Shanarana
July 29th, 2008, 08:17 AM
Is it possible that all the excitement to get your hair cut may be because of your friends visit? How will you feel when she goes back home? Just a couple of thoughts. The two week rule is great, it has saved me from getting my hair chopped on a couple of occasions.

rockkcor
July 29th, 2008, 08:23 AM
Less you think about it the better...
Wait for at least month or two before you do it...
I did it 3 times in my life and I regret it badly!
:)

spidermom
July 29th, 2008, 08:24 AM
Maybe a little trim around the edges to neaten it up? That always made a huge difference to me while I was in the awkward stage of growing.

Peggy E.
July 29th, 2008, 08:30 AM
So, I'm not the only one who has "friends" drop in from the other side of the universe and proceed to insult them, eh? I was told by my "friend" that it was a good thing I didn't have a gun, for if she had to live like I do, she'd kill herself!

Oh, dear, sweet, caring Teresa....?????? AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Now, YOUR dear, sweet, caring friend did a flip-flop on the hair. First she said it was a "good cut," only to then say it was a good "mommy look" for you. Being told you look matronly, even when cleverly disguised, is never a good thing, particularly so for a young, vibrant, vital woman, such as yourself.

First, be thankful the "friend" lives across the country and won't be back soon. I see my "friend" every twenty years, so I'll have recovered from this last visit by the time the next one rolls around.

Now, what I'm going to say here is this: I don't think this is so much a "hair" issue with you as it is a "friend" issue. This woman hurt your feelings, insulted you, with a not-so-subtle nastiness that is suspiciously like the actions of someone who is jealous/envious and trying to purposely reduce the object of their envy to their level.

Is it really the hair that has the "influence" on you, or is it the "friend" who is making you nuts? Personally, I'm voting for the "friend."

People are always accidentally opening mouth-inserting foot. It happens all the time, and they immediately apologize for any pain or embarrassment their comments may have caused. This woman was purposely out to tweek you for reasons unknown - you'd have a better feel for this.

Is she jealous because you are a "mommy?" Are you living the life she really wanted for herself? Or maybe she's just a plain old nasty-butted broad who should be ignored and that's that!

The two-week rule does apply here, of course. Consider why it is you wanted to grow your hair long and whether the reasons have changed over and beyond that one comment from a woman who does not deserve to have this much influence over you. Don't let her continue to wiggle her nasty ways through your life.

Whatever you decide to do, please, do it because it's what YOU want to do, based on how you felt about your hair and your life before this great ole buddy came storming into town and zapped you.

Maybe you could find some new ways to wear it (check the archives here for some great styles on "growing out" hair!) and this would satisfy the desire to DO something DIFFERENT with your hair?

I'm sorry your "friend" was mean to you. She is not a nice person.

Amberlee
July 29th, 2008, 09:48 AM
In my experience - Mom look means short! Nothing more, nothing less.

lawyermom
July 29th, 2008, 10:04 AM
I agree with everyone above, especially Peggy E and Amberlee. It sounds like your friend's comments stung, and other than that it doesn't sound like anything "changed" for you. Meaning, if she hadn't said anything, you wouldn't be thinking about cutting, right?

For me, having super short hair made me feel edgy. Now I feel l like I scream "MOMMY". I figure I either live through it or cut it short again and I think you can probably guess which route I've chosen ;)

Islandgrrl
July 29th, 2008, 10:23 AM
I've read and re-read the original post.

I'm not sure there was intentional meanness involved here. The friend said she liked the haircut and followed it up with "It's a nice mom look." Clearly, "mom look" has some negative connotations, but did the friend really mean it in a negative way?

I could maybe understand it if she said, "It's such a mom look." But she said it looked nice. Since this is whiteisle's best friend, I'd be inclined to give the benefit of the doubt and conclude that she unintentionally hit a sensitive spot with her comment.

Which brings me to the urge to cut. Really, wait a couple of weeks. If you're happy with the way your hair looks right now as it's growing out, leave it alone. Believe me, there are plenty of opportunities to cut when you're growing out from a pixie. I know. It's where I started. You're going to go through months and months of being unhappy with your hair - it's just a given. Patience and a little styling creativity go a long way toward making the journey easier. When you just cannot stand it anymore, indulge yourself in a little shape-up trim with someone you trust. But NO spur of the moment or radical cuts! You'll just be undermining yourself.

Silver & Gold
July 29th, 2008, 10:35 AM
Peggy E. said it just about the way I would.

And from my personal experience, getting impatient and cutting so that it will "look good now" is how I continually sabotage myself from having longer hair. First I think a few layers will make it look nicer and then as the layers grow I think, perhaps if I blunt it up a bit it will look better.

They key to my commitment this time around is that I invested in hair toys and I simply put my hair up whilst it is going through the awkward phases that make me want to cut. I limit any cutting right now to very light 1/4 inch trims every few months when the ends start to feel bad. (I'm growing out damage from heat styling and coloring.)

But as Peggy E. said, I don't even think you have a hair issue right now, I think you have a mean friend issue. Perhaps she didn't intend to be mean and was simply clumsy - I'm sure I've been guilty of the same - but whatever her motives you were affected adversely. Listen to those who understand what your goal is, not those who breeze in and out of your life for a few minutes, drop a bomb and are gone again.

I have the same issue with letting my grey hair come out. I've had some people look at me with a disapproving eye and say, "What do you want to do that for?" For these people it's all because they are in love with the way I can pass myself off as a much younger woman. But I'm not here to decorate their world and I love the look of natural silver hair, I don't want to use dyes, I want to take better care of myself inside and outside. It's not about what other people think and I refuse to care.

So join with me, we shall hang out on our happy cloud and let the others think what they will.:cloud9:

Sofoulee
July 29th, 2008, 10:36 AM
Hello WhiteIsle!

I know that it's hard when people start throwing around "mom" comments... but think about how you're gonna look next time you see your bestest friend from across the country and you're got long, gorgeous, youthful locks!

... let's see if you get any mom comments then! I don't think so! You'll probably be walking around looking like this >:sun:

So I recommend you don't cut. Keep your long hair goal in mind and you'll be just fine :)

NurseMama
July 29th, 2008, 10:48 AM
I am going to second everything that everyone else has said. She may not have meant it badly, wait at least 2 weeks, and try to find some cute youthful styles that you can do without cutting.

I am going to add something else here. YOUR view of your hair should not be influenced by this person. Do you love you hair? The improved texture and shine from taking good care of it? Dreaming about it being loooonnngg? Do you want hairsticks and updos? Do you gorgeous flowing locks that will be y our signature look? Do you want to be that girl with the beautiful hair? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, than you need to be patient. Find some updos that you can do now, experiment with hairtoys, with styling products, with temporary haircolor if need be (a little Manic Panic and the mom hair would be long gone!). Find a way to make your hair as it is now work for you now and for what you want it to be in the future.

You be the decision maker about yourself and try to be above the comments of the peanut gallery. If you can learn that skill now than your whole life will go much more smoothly.

whiteisle
July 29th, 2008, 11:15 AM
Thanks everyone for your support!:flower: I know I need to be patient but I'm in such a frustrating rut with my hair right now and I had been toying with the idea to get it slightly trimmed before she got here and then when she threw that comment at me it just sorta hit me wrong. She's got REALLY short hair, major pixie, and has always worn short hair well. I've always had long hair (until I hit college and then I started wacking). So I don't know if her comment was sincere, jealous, snarky or what - you'd think I would know, we've known each other since kindergarten - sheesh! Anyhow, it was just bad timing I guess. Then again, I wonder about the jealous thing. She's a mom too and our kids are the same ages. I've been busting my butt to try to get back in shape and I'm looking pretty darn good (I'm really not trying to toot my horn here, but dang it! I've been working really hard!) and she shows up and it's obvious that she hasn't been working so hard. So that could play a role too I guess.
But yes, I am still on the wagon to Longhairville, even if sometimes I am barely hanging on by my fingernails!:D And I still love her to pieces but I'm just going to have to get a bit more duck-like and just let those kinds of comments keep rollin' off my back! Onward and upward!!!!

eta: or should I say onward and downward!=)

burns_erin
July 29th, 2008, 12:05 PM
I've read and re-read the original post.

I'm not sure there was intentional meanness involved here. The friend said she liked the haircut and followed it up with "It's a nice mom look." Clearly, "mom look" has some negative connotations, but did the friend really mean it in a negative way?

I could maybe understand it if she said, "It's such a mom look." But she said it looked nice. Since this is whiteisle's best friend, I'd be inclined to give the benefit of the doubt and conclude that she unintentionally hit a sensitive spot with her comment.

Which brings me to the urge to cut. Really, wait a couple of weeks. If you're happy with the way your hair looks right now as it's growing out, leave it alone. Believe me, there are plenty of opportunities to cut when you're growing out from a pixie. I know. It's where I started. You're going to go through months and months of being unhappy with your hair - it's just a given. Patience and a little styling creativity go a long way toward making the journey easier. When you just cannot stand it anymore, indulge yourself in a little shape-up trim with someone you trust. But NO spur of the moment or radical cuts! You'll just be undermining yourself.

I agree here, there is a difference between a good mom look and a frumpy one, it comes down to connotations. I once described a friend as amazon-like, which I meant as a compliment, she is six foot tall, very strong, and gorgeous and assertive. She took it to mean she was too big and agressive which were her connotation.

lora410
July 29th, 2008, 12:07 PM
Oh, don't worry about what she said.Most moms wear hair from bob to apl and no longer. Just remember this is just a phase of growing long :)

Golden21
July 29th, 2008, 02:26 PM
I think a trim would be ok to shapen up (but not to get rid of length). I can't imagine how hard it would be to grow out from pixie. Maybe some of the people who have gone through this process can chime in on how they made it to the other side!

Yttrai
July 29th, 2008, 05:14 PM
I have never actually wanted to cut my hair, so this advice may not work, but when i'm depressed i buy new clips, conditioner, oils etc. Things that help me enjoy the hair i currently have. If you normally pay money for a professional haircut, could you budget that money for some essential oils or something?

And if you are a self-cutter, instead of spending money perhaps research some cost-effective home recipes for conditioner, or make a nice clip from something already in the house? I.e. displace the energy towards constructive tasks :)

Cinnamon.locks
July 30th, 2008, 01:54 AM
Dearest, wait two weeks and then decide, if in 2 weeks you still wish to cut, then do a small trim to make the cut you've got neater, then wait a month, if you still want to cut inches, then go ahead.

I'm still fisting my hands and hiding the scissors, since i saw a pic of my hair with weird side layers (which i guess are the bangs i had years ago.) so waiting and waiting until i feel like i can handle to either cut several inches to even the length or let it grow as is.

rapunzhell13
July 30th, 2008, 02:47 AM
2 weeks, 2 months even! Just keep putting it off. :) Sometimes our best friends hurt us more than our worst enemies without even realising!

YumiYume
August 4th, 2008, 03:43 AM
I've been there to, actually when I was around 14-16, dont remember exactly. I was told that I looked like an old lady in that hair.. I used a hat-thing and lived throught it.. It did grow out to look ok pretty fast =P

podo
August 4th, 2008, 08:52 AM
Thanks everyone for your support!:flower: I know I need to be patient but I'm in such a frustrating rut with my hair right now and I had been toying with the idea to get it slightly trimmed before she got here and then when she threw that comment at me it just sorta hit me wrong. She's got REALLY short hair, major pixie, and has always worn short hair well. I've always had long hair (until I hit college and then I started wacking). So I don't know if her comment was sincere, jealous, snarky or what - you'd think I would know, we've known each other since kindergarten - sheesh! Anyhow, it was just bad timing I guess. Then again, I wonder about the jealous thing. She's a mom too and our kids are the same ages. I've been busting my butt to try to get back in shape and I'm looking pretty darn good (I'm really not trying to toot my horn here, but dang it! I've been working really hard!) and she shows up and it's obvious that she hasn't been working so hard. So that could play a role too I guess.
But yes, I am still on the wagon to Longhairville, even if sometimes I am barely hanging on by my fingernails!:D And I still love her to pieces but I'm just going to have to get a bit more duck-like and just let those kinds of comments keep rollin' off my back! Onward and upward!!!!

eta: or should I say onward and downward!=)

I find people with short hair generally see that as what is "pretty" and thing anything longer is "old-fashioned". It sounds like she keeps her hair real short because she think it makes her look younger, and the fact that yours is a bit longer makes you look older (in her mind).

I know it's hard, but don't put too much stock in what she said. There are many people on LHC who think you will look fabulous with long hair...but it doesn't really matter what we say either. It's what YOU want that counts. What will make YOU feel beautiful?

TyagoN
August 4th, 2008, 09:15 AM
Just another bandwagon reminder...

...2 weeks...always 2 weeks.

Darkhorse1
August 4th, 2008, 09:18 AM
Hey! You can spruce up 'mom' hair from that inbetween growing out phase. Buy a couple pretty sparkly hair pins and fiddle around with styles. Twirl some pieces and secure with a pretty clip/bobby pin. The styles are endless! Trust me, you won't be told you have' mom' hair. :D

Bene
August 4th, 2008, 12:46 PM
a few years ago, i had waist length hair. every time i had it down, my sister would say "your hair is soooo long" and while i didn't think anything of it, she would keep saying it.


after a while, her comments would become "oh, you need to cut your hair", and while i didn't pay attention to it, she would keep saying it as if long hair were something bad.


about 4 years ago, i quit a job i hated and chopped all my hair off because i felt i was liberating myself from something. imagine that, 3 am in the bathroom with a pair of scissors. i did a pretty good job and was happy with it.


when i cut my hair, my sister started with "oh, goody, now my hair is longer than yours!!!" she is now growing it long, but i take pleasure in knowing that she doesn't take good care of it, and that it's all damaged and looks pretty bad.



so, in this case, it was hair envy that prompted someone to encourage hair cutting. if you want to cut your hair, do it because you really really want to, and after you've given it some thought. but don't let hair envy be the reason for undoing all the time and effort that went into it.

Hypnotica
August 4th, 2008, 12:55 PM
Oh, that reminds me what my then-boyfriend told me after I had my hair cut an coloured (imagen a short pixie with long bangs and coloured crazy with different shades of red/gold/purple):

"You really look like your mom with that hair!"

I almost wacked him.