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honeyblonde
May 10th, 2012, 08:26 AM
OK, maybe I'm being a big baby :taz:. I am upset and baffled about a comment my boss made yesterday. I have worked for her for 8 years, my hair has always been long enough to wear a braid and that is exactly how I have been wearing it to work all these years.

We had a meeting yesterday and after the meeting my boss said to me, "Your hair!" I thought she was going to compliment me or something....lol!!! She said, "I just noticed it at the meeting." "You need to wear it up."
I asked her if she is finding shed hairs around or if someone is complaining about it or if it is a work hazard.
She said, "No, it just looks better up!" How would she know, since it is always braided? I had my braid in the front during the meeting, didn't want it to rub against the back of the chair!!!! She has a cute pixie, maybe she just likes how short hair looks??? Am I being a baby because I felt bad??

Amanah
May 10th, 2012, 08:30 AM
My boss told me yesterday that on no uncertain terms I was not to dye my hair manic panic blue. Now I thought that this might look cute as I have dark brown hair with a bit of grey, so only the grey would be blue. I had only mentioned it to him in the way of casual conversation. I wasn't really asking permission.

I'm not sure where bosses get off telling people how they can do their hair. I am glad I mentioned it though since he was so appalled at the suggestion.

FoxyRoxy13
May 10th, 2012, 08:32 AM
that was kind of a weird comment lol

If it's not a work hazard and no one is complaining about it she can't tell you how to wear your hair. maybe she just meant it as a suggestion but it came out differently lol.

I'm always worried about that and kinda go over board with making sure ppl understand that I'm not being forceful or commanding lol.

AnnaJamila
May 10th, 2012, 08:33 AM
Since the braid would be behind your back maybe she always just assumed you wore your hair up, unless your braid is always over your shoulder. But since she just said "it looks better" feel free to follow her directions or not. Since she didn't give you a valid reason for why she wanted it up I don't think you're obligated to do as she suggested.

And some people are just no good at giving compliments- in her head she may have walked away thinking she just told you how pretty your hair looks when it's up, which I'm sure it is. :)

Charybdis
May 10th, 2012, 08:35 AM
You mention that you've worked with her for 8 years -- does she occasionally make comments that seem a little odd or thoughtless? Sometimes people don't realize that a suggestion you might say off the top of your head to a friend can be interpreted as a criticism when you're a boss.

What line of work are you all in? Does she have any legitimate reason to concern yourself with her hair (e.g., you're a litigator who argues cases in front of juries, you work in a high-end retail fashion store, etc.), so long as you look clean and tidy? It's one of those things where it's hard to know how she meant it without hearing how she said it.

You're not being a big baby. People tend to take the things their bosses say seriously, sometimes even when the boss didn't mean anything by it!

Yeah, the whole thing's a little weird.

Madora
May 10th, 2012, 08:35 AM
Your boss probably thinks because it is long, it needs to be worn in an updo..maybe because it looks more "professional".

I can't see any harm wearing it in a neat braid, as long as there is nothing in company policy that dictates how an employee should wear their hair (i.e. hair length).

afu
May 10th, 2012, 08:47 AM
Maybe she thought she was complimenting you by saying she thought it would look nice up, but it came out wrong?


My boss told me yesterday that on no uncertain terms I was not to dye my hair manic panic blue. Now I thought that this might look cute as I have dark brown hair with a bit of grey, so only the grey would be blue. I had only mentioned it to him in the way of casual conversation. I wasn't really asking permission.

I'm not sure where bosses get off telling people how they can do their hair. I am glad I mentioned it though since he was so appalled at the suggestion.

There is no way my boss would be happy about that either, a colleague once mentioned she wanted to do the underside of her hair a dark purple and he told her she wouldn't have her job if she did. We are allowed to wear our hair however we like (i regularly wear mine loose), but un-natural colours are deemed unprofessional.

LadyHazel
May 10th, 2012, 09:02 AM
It sounds like jealousy to me: "wear it up so you don't become admired as much as me". Many bosses have their hair cuts short to make a statement and grasp authority and attention, so when you stride in with luscious locks she begins to panic that the spot light will no longer be on her.

If it was professional reasons, why did she not state this?

FoxyRoxy13
May 10th, 2012, 09:10 AM
that's true it is deemed unprofessional to have unnatural colors but unless its in the company policy or a safety hazard they can't dictate style/color of your hair.

I had a job recently and my boss had bright red, which is unnatural, for the under layers of her hair and it looked quite nice, we were in an office setting too and they were quite strict about appearance in the company policies, but for hair, other than wearing it up during work if it was too long, they were very lax.

but even in this case wearing a braid counted as "up" as the hair is restrained and cant fly free/get tangled in things.

truepeacenik
May 10th, 2012, 09:25 AM
Don't be upset, get clarification.

Ask to see all rules about hair. They may vary by industry, region of the country (usually bias against long haired males), age of the person who wrote them, safety concerns for equipment and the nature of the company overall.


If it is only her whim, you have some rights. Of course, whether to stand on them is determined by your situation. If it is the only odd thing she's asked, wear it up.
If you are a face of the company, appearance can be dictated. (ask me about the time my now former editors called me out for not wearing makeup during the DNC coverage in Denver)
However, that policy must be consistent. If Annie with BSL hair can wear it down or in a half up, there must be real reasons to ask waist length Lonnie to wear hers all the way up.

Sadly the gender discrimination lives in business as far as males with long hair.
I blame the mullet years for not showing that males can develop professional looks with locks.


I don't get jealousy, and think we use that as an excuse on other people's behaviour too much on here.

And from experience, lint roll any chairs you use. Hairs do shed, even from braids.

BeckyAH
May 10th, 2012, 09:26 AM
...again with any remark beig assumed to be jealousy. What bunk.

Boss sounds like she just blurted out what she was thinking and assumes your hairstyle was different because the braid was pulled around front. I doubt it was meant to be insulting or demanding.

Or that it was jealousy.

MsBubbles
May 10th, 2012, 09:35 AM
Some kind of sincere compliment sandwich might have been a bit more tactful on behalf of your boss. She could have engaged in a conversation with you after the meeting, about updos in general, and mentioned you have the kind of face they'd look good on. Hard to tell, as I wasn't there to hear her tone.

Wavelength
May 10th, 2012, 09:49 AM
Actually, I suspect it had nothing to do with you at all. Sometimes when people blurt things out that they've never commented on before, they've been working out some annoying little unrelated problem in their head for some time. Then they see something that seems out of place (in this case, your hair being visible from the front when she's used to it being in back), and they jump on you to "fix it".

What's really happening is that they're trying to fix some other issue that they haven't mentioned to anyone, and their brains are trying to organize the world around them so that when they do solve the problem, their world will (finally!) be nice and organized.

I'd just assume it had nothing to do with you and not give it a second thought. She's been your boss for 8 years -- if she wanted you to wear your hair up all this time then she'd certainly have mentioned it before now. ;)

Xandergrammy
May 10th, 2012, 09:50 AM
Actually, I suspect it had nothing to do with you at all. Sometimes when people blurt things out that they've never commented on before, they've been working out some annoying little unrelated problem in their head for some time. Then they see something that seems out of place (in this case, your hair being visible from the front when she's used to it being in back), and they jump on you to "fix it".

What's really happening is that they're trying to fix some other issue that they haven't mentioned to anyone, and their brains are trying to organize the world around them so that when they do solve the problem, their world will (finally!) be nice and organized.

I'd just assume it had nothing to do with you and not give it a second thought. She's been your boss for 8 years -- if she wanted you to wear your hair up all this time then she'd certainly have mentioned it before now. ;)

I like this!

FoxyRoxy13
May 10th, 2012, 09:51 AM
I agree as well ^_^

honeyblonde
May 10th, 2012, 09:52 AM
Thank you all!! I knew you guys would understand. I will be wearing my braid up from now on! Yes, I found the comment very wierd and so out of place for her!!! Hubby said it looks like she has lost her mind...haha!! I think she just thinks long hair looks unprofessional!!!! Not everyone loves long hair like WE DO!! Going shopping to find some nice hair clips!! I am NOT taking hubbys advice and going in with the Marge Simpson though :D.

I agee..jealousy NEVER entered my mind!!!! I think it is personal preference!!! She looks fabulous and chic with her pixie!!! I on the other hand don't look so fabulous with short hair!!

Amanah
May 10th, 2012, 09:56 AM
There is no way my boss would be happy about that either, a colleague once mentioned she wanted to do the underside of her hair a dark purple and he told her she wouldn't have her job if she did. We are allowed to wear our hair however we like (i regularly wear mine loose), but un-natural colours are deemed unprofessional.

Yes, I think I was having a brain pooter yesterday, of course I can't come to work with manic panic blue hair, even if it is just the greys. Some of the people who work in the engineering labs maybe could get away with it, but I work in finance, so what was I thinking? :rolleyes:

Amber_Maiden
May 10th, 2012, 09:58 AM
Your boss probably thinks because it is long, it needs to be worn in an updo..maybe because it looks more "professional".

I can't see any harm wearing it in a neat braid, as long as there is nothing in company policy that dictates how an employee should wear their hair (i.e. hair length).

Agreed. I'd look up the dress code and see if it says anything. If it doesn't- wear your hair any way you want to!

Seeshami
May 10th, 2012, 10:21 AM
I cannot dye my hair any colors that do not appear in natural hair- because we must have a professional appearance. I cannot have a Mohawk, if I where to decide I wanted one for the same reason at work. I am surprised my accidental dark stripe of semi permanent dye doesn't get noticed. How ever the length of m hair has only been questioned in teasing and when my hair held me hostage and I needed help to escape. As long as it is out of my way when I am working I don't care. My co-workers either tease me or are :shocked: about my hair when it's down and say nothing.

JuliaDancer
May 10th, 2012, 11:04 AM
If she hasn't said anything in 8 years, I agree with Wavelength. She probably just blurted out something that popped into her head, but if you asked her tomorrow, she probably wouldn't even remember she said it. I don't know any work situation (unless you're in a factory where your braid might get swallowed by machinery - in 8 years I think you'd know if this was dangerous) where braids are not considered professional. I personally would get very bored wearing a braid to work every single day for 8 years, but that's me. Maybe try taking her suggestion and you could be pleasantly surprised with your new look. If you do, she might even feel a little bad that she "pressured you" into changing your hairstyle. Or she'll be relieved that you've tried something new. In either case, I think you and we are thinking about her statement much longer than she has. =)

manderly
May 10th, 2012, 11:10 AM
I'm not sure how you got "your boss hates your hair" from that exchange.

Yes, you were being overly sensitive, she probably meant it as a compliment (thinking your hair is normally up or something) and it came out wrong. It's called foot in mouth syndrome. I wouldn't have taken it to mean she hates your hair though :)

honeyblonde
May 10th, 2012, 11:36 AM
I think you and we are thinking about her statement much longer than she has. =)

Yes, you are correct!! Can't believe it bothered me so much!!!

bumblebums
May 10th, 2012, 11:46 AM
It sounds like jealousy to me: "wear it up so you don't become admired as much as me". Many bosses have their hair cuts short to make a statement and grasp authority and attention, so when you stride in with luscious locks she begins to panic that the spot light will no longer be on her.

If it was professional reasons, why did she not state this?

I doubt it. Some people with super-short hair think long hair is weird/gross and are not at all jealous of it.

But, whatever her opinions, if there is no work-related reason for you to wear your hair up, she shouldn't be commenting on aspects of your appearance. It's unprofessional of her.

LadyHazel
May 10th, 2012, 11:52 AM
I doubt it. Some people with super-short hair think long hair is weird/gross and are not at all jealous of it.

But, whatever her opinions, if there is no work-related reason for you to wear your hair up, she shouldn't be commenting on aspects of your appearance. It's unprofessional of her.

You just never know, my old boss put me through hell because the school where I cleaned liked me- the teachers used to always compliment me and whenever "she-devil" was there she'd scorn at me REALLY badly hahaha! SO glad I left ^_^

buttercupmcgee
May 10th, 2012, 12:32 PM
It sounds like jealousy to me: "wear it up so you don't become admired as much as me". Many bosses have their hair cuts short to make a statement and grasp authority and attention, so when you stride in with luscious locks she begins to panic that the spot light will no longer be on her.

If it was professional reasons, why did she not state this?

Call my cynical but I agree. Long, healthy hair tends to attract attention. Attention on others can incite envy amidst those without the attention (even if they don't want long hair, it's as if the cultural appreciation for Pantene commercial type hair gets to them.) I know because I used to be this way. I had a bob, liked my bob, but always "took notice" when another woman had remarkable, long hair. My friend once coined it "power hair" because of the power it has over onlookers:-)

Also, from your avatar, it seems your hair is still at a length that is not terribly unusual--lots of ladies rock that length. I work in an industry and city that places huge emphasis on fashion and such, so super super long hair (classic or so) might raise an eyebrow (stupid but true.) But yours isn't that long, so instead of a genuine distaste at your hair being out of place, I think it was just her envy showing at your long, thick braid.

buttercupmcgee
May 10th, 2012, 12:37 PM
I'm not sure how you got "your boss hates your hair" from that exchange.

Yes, you were being overly sensitive, she probably meant it as a compliment (thinking your hair is normally up or something) and it came out wrong. It's called foot in mouth syndrome. I wouldn't have taken it to mean she hates your hair though :)

Hmm. I think "You need to wear it up" is not a compliment about how it looks good up, but a dig about how it looks down.

Macaroni
May 10th, 2012, 12:44 PM
She's out of bounds with her comment. Ignore her, people say stupid stuff and they're not worth the aggravation.

Carolyn
May 10th, 2012, 02:02 PM
I would check your dress code at work and see what it specifies, if anything. Then I would just forget about what she said to you unless she says something like that again. Then you can ask her to clarify what she means about it not looking good. By looking up the dress code, you will know if you have a leg to stand on if you don't want to wear it up.

heidi w.
May 10th, 2012, 02:19 PM
If they're a privately owned company, your boss can absolutely tell you, and it be legal, how to wear your hair. If I had a business, and hired you, you would be representing me and the business. A chick with blue hair would not be hired. Plain and simple. A person who's hair might get in the way, such as my length can do, would be asked to wear it up. Because I'm not into being sued for a safety issue over hair, nor do I want hair talk in the office. It's distracting to other workers and possibly clients as well.

Just a few idea to ponder.

heidi w.

heidi w.
May 10th, 2012, 02:23 PM
It's your boss. Pay attention. This is where you get the money for where you live, what you eat, driving wherever. I wouldn't fool around with that. I would; however, look for another job at some point. I wouldn't tell the boss I'm looking, I'd just do it.

If you want, wear your hair up and ask for clarification on why a braid isn't acceptable enough containment. It'd be interesting to hear her idea. Likely she's misinformed, but she knows her business. She must have a reason, and I doubt it's jealousy.

Don't feel bad. People are nuts. They make no sense a lot of the time.

heidi w.

Unicorn
May 12th, 2012, 07:04 AM
...again with any remark beig assumed to be jealousy. What bunk.

Boss sounds like she just blurted out what she was thinking and assumes your hairstyle was different because the braid was pulled around front. I doubt it was meant to be insulting or demanding.

Or that it was jealousy.
This.... (My bolding)


Actually, I suspect it had nothing to do with you at all. Sometimes when people blurt things out that they've never commented on before, they've been working out some annoying little unrelated problem in their head for some time. Then they see something that seems out of place (in this case, your hair being visible from the front when she's used to it being in back), and they jump on you to "fix it".

What's really happening is that they're trying to fix some other issue that they haven't mentioned to anyone, and their brains are trying to organize the world around them so that when they do solve the problem, their world will (finally!) be nice and organized.

I'd just assume it had nothing to do with you and not give it a second thought. She's been your boss for 8 years -- if she wanted you to wear your hair up all this time then she'd certainly have mentioned it before now. ;)

...and this... (My bolding)

It sounds as if she's perfectly happy with what she's used to seeing, you with your braid at the back, which her mind has somehow registered as being 'up'. People are often more comforatable with the familiar regardless of what the familiar happens to be.

Unicorn

Immera
May 12th, 2012, 07:37 AM
I think people are just so not used to seeing others with long hair that it's a surprise for them to see it after it's been tucked up for so long.

On the Manic Panic blue post, I did Punky purple for halloween. I didn't have any trouble at work, mostly because it faded so fast it just looked like I dyed my brown hair a bit more reddish. While nobody else could really tell, I could for months, and it kind of bothered me. I had thought about doing the underneath green this spring, but again having my hair a different color was a distraction for me.

Have you tried Haiboku's paranda idea? You can braid whatever color of yarn you like into your hair; it plumps up your buns and evens out any taper. It also is easier on the ends because you can tie off the yarn pieces beyond the end of the braid.

So you can have blue yarn streaked through your hair on casual Friday or on the weekend with no commitment to the color.

Shaun
May 12th, 2012, 11:00 AM
I think Unicorn's bolding was spot on. In my opinion it was a random 2 liner that can pretty much be ignored or just taken as their personal opinion.


My boss told me yesterday that on no uncertain terms I was not to dye my hair manic panic blue.

As for the
so only the grey would be blue. I think the mistake was saying something upfront. Your description sounds like it would have blended well and at most gave your hair a unique tint.

I bet your bosses impression was this:
http://3/bp.blogspot.com/-aTJKuhkGg8Q/TuN6WhySHqI/AAAAAAAAE5A/RHHsykak5eQ/s320/katy+perry+hair+color2.jpghttp://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VbcAsQe_KkM/TuYeuqZ38eI/AAAAAAAAASU/e3n51C36wb8/s320/katy%2Bazul.jpg

I can understand the knee-jerk reaction.

While others my say its best to not chance your income on your hair. I've found that some bosses its better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.

Had they actually said something afterwards you could have always said, it will was out and you won't do it again.