Discouraged and rethinking strategy

[ole gray mare]

I had ginormous hair loss a little over two years ago. I think it was a combination of post-partum and post-hormonal birth control. In other words, six weeks after Lily was born, I went on the patch, which I hated and stopped after three months. Within a couple of weeks, my hair started falling out, in insane amounts. I lost about 24-30% of my hair in six weeks. Then it all started growing back just as suddenly.

Of the hair that didn't fall out, the longest is now nearing waist length, the longest I've ever had it...thanks to LHC :cheese:.

However, the post-partum regrowth is, at it's longest point, nearing APL. Therefore, the hair below APL is very sheer and see-through. My braid is nice and thick (but still only a ii) until just below my shoulders and then the taper is drastic. Down at the bottom it is pathetically thin.

I have been just dealing with it by putting it up and hardly ever wearing it down. My strategy was to let it get to waist and then maintain it there for a year and watch it thicken up. Given the growth rate I've observed for the last two years (since I started paying attention) it will take two more years for the longest of the post-partum regrowth to catch up.

I am rethinking this strategy. I am thinking about cutting it to BSL or possibly even APL so it can be noticeably even in thickness. I hate the idea, but I really hate how sheer it is and I think it must look really ratty to other people -- who don't know the story (or the strategy.)

Oh the other thing is that the new post-Lily hair grew in curlier. So I have noticeable curls, and then the tapered hair, which is 1b/1c. It's so odd looking! :rolleyes:

Please help me get some perspective! Maybe I'll take some photos tomorrow so you can see what I mean.

[crebbsgirl]

ole gray mare, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling discouraged. I hope you don't mind, but I just had a look at your album on LHC and your hair is gorgeous. Ultimately, you have to do what you feel more comfortable with, but I must say your hair doesn't look "ratty" in the slightest. I think it looks beautiful. Maybe do a small trim and see if that helps things? I would sit on the idea for awhile though. Good Luck, and I'm sending all my best vibes your way!

[Nightshade]

I understand the sheer end thing, my last 8 inches is still pretty rough compared to the rest of it.

Why not start out with a 2in trim, then give yourself a week or two, decide if you like it, then give yourself another trim.

Better to take it off in 2 in steps and decide that you can live with it at BSL than cut straight to APL and go WTF did I DO?

This way, also, you can trim a bit, try a few styles, trim some more, and when you can tell that updos are becoming problematic, you can stop.

I hope you find a decision that puts you at ease :flowers:

[NurseMama]

I took a look at your album as well and I think that your hair is totally lovely! How long have you been thinking about cutting it? Is this a recent impulse?

[jessie58]

I totally agree with Nightshade, either a couple of micro trims over the next month or so, or start with a 2 inch trim and see how that looks and feels for a while.

[velvetcat]

first :grouphug:

I understand what you are going through. I had 'the big shed' about 3 years ago. I lost a great deal of hair (circumference went from 6" to 4" in two months) and it is coming back (I'm regularly measuring at 5" now) but the new growth is only at BSL. I sometimes think, I should cut back up to BSL to even this up, the braid taper is awful.

But then I trim even 2 inches and get upset.

I think maintaining your waist is a very good idea. Your hair looks gorgeous, not thin at all to me (yes I know we all prep before pictures)
I know you started growing it to keep your "Lily hair". I think maybe cutting it all off would be a bit traumatic, KWIM?

HTH

[EvaSimone]

I think that NightShade's advice is really great. Cut a little and if that still doesn't make you happy then trim a little more.

I hopped over to your photo album and your hair really is very beautiful and doesn't look scraggly but the important thing is that your hair makes you happy! So if you want to change your strategy then do so.

I hope whatever decision you decide to make brings you happiness :flower:

[justgreen]

I have two stacked layers on my hemline, makes my hair really thin for about the last 3" or so. Those used to be the top part of my hair , I had the bangs cut all the way back to the crown a few years ago, so I know what you mean about 'thin feeling'.

Also, I lost about 40% of my hair about 9 years ago, due to stress and medicine. It was really noticable and I finally had my hair cut off at BSL and was glad. But I don't think I could do that now and so there again, I know what you are mulling about.

If your hair were mine? I'd get a small trim and just keep wearing it up most of the time until the short part got to waist, like you originally planned. I love your hair.

[Juliet's Silk]

I second Nightshade's advice.
I personally just maintained for a good while instead of hacking it off. While maintaining is hard and certainly not for everyone, I'd chose the happy medium, trim a bit and maintain that length or grow a bit longer.
Look at it this way: You can either chop two years growth off, back to BSL and grow again down to waist. In two years, you'll have hair with less taper that is waist length.
Or: You can maintain the length you have now, maybe with a bit of trimming and growing again, for two years. In two years, you'll have hair with less taper that is waist length.
You see? In two years, it doesn't really matter what you did, but the question is, would you rather have tapering waist length hair or BSL hair with a thicker hemline for those two years?
For me, the answer was easy, I chose my long hair over a chop, and I still do.

[Loviatar]

Dear OGM, I can't give better advice than Nightshade has done! I think a big cut would upset you in the long run. Have a think, and if you really want to trim, take it in small stages and keep putting it up.

If it helps, I really can't see that your hair is sheer on the ends. I'm not just saying that. I have about 3-4 inches of sheer length too, which isnt noticeable in pictures, so I sympathise.

Small trims, patience and babying is my vote, unless you really do decide to cut. We'll support you whatever you want to do :)

:flowers:

[girlcat36]

As you probably know, I lost a LOT of my hair last year, becoming completely bald in one area and losing half my volume throughout the remaining hair. My ends are totally thin and see-through.
I recently was having the same indecisiveness as you. My hair just looked so bad that I thought I would have to chop it all to neck length to get a blunt hemline. Neck length is where the new layer of hair is currently at. Instead, I took 1" off. This improved things enough to stave off the chop(barely!). As difficult as it is, I choose length over a thick hemline. I will be microtrimming(taking a millimeter or two off at a time) once I reach BSL to help things along.
I love your hair and think it looks great, although I haven't seen a really recent picture of it. But I don't think that would change my mind about it.
Take an inch off for now, but I don't think you need to have a drastic cut back to BSL.

[FrannyG]

OGM, I've looked at your hair, and to me it looks much lovelier than you seem to think it looks. However, I know all to well that things aren't always as they appear, and you know your hair better than anyone else.

My answer to you depends on whether or not you enjoy wearing your hair down quite a bit. If you like being able to wear your hair down, and if you don't feel comfortable with how it looks down, I'd say cut of a few inches. If you go to BSL or so, you will still be able to wear most of your updos. I would be a hypocrite if I didn't suggest this, as I did this myself.

I know how self-conscious I felt wearing my hair down when my last few inches were very thin. I do like to wear my hair down frequently and I just wasn't happy. I bit the bullet, and cut off several inches, up to where my hair started to look thick. I didn't regret it for a second, but then again, that's the kind of person I am. Not everyone can be that drastic.

If, on the other hand, you wear your hair up most of the time, then I would say, just trim off enough to maintain your current length until you are happy with the thickness.

In the end, it's your hair, and the important thing is that you enjoy it. Please let us know what you decide. :flowers:

[EdG]

I looked at your January 08 photos and must say your hair is fantastic! I don't see a need to change anything. :)

Hair naturally tapers. I think if you were to cut your hair to BSL, the taper would just reappear as your hair regained length.
Ed

[cindy58]

OGM, you and your hair are VERY striking. I love the silver color in natural light. If I still had the urge to *do something*, a tiny trim would be it, and see how that goes.


Oh the other thing is that the new post-Lily hair grew in curlier. So I have noticeable curls, and then the tapered hair, which is 1b/1c. It's so odd looking! :rolleyes:


I can relate to the new curly comment -- after shedding gobs of hair due to divorce stress, the regrowth is much curlier. I does seem odd (especially in updos, where it's all evident), but whatchagonnado? I'm keeping it.

[EllisGurl]

I agree with Nightshade. Perhaps, as girlcat36 suggested, a small trim will be enough to make you happy with it and not feel a need for a big cut.

I agree and disagree with EdG. I think your hair is beautiful!!! And, yes, hair does naturally taper some depending on hair type and care but your case is unique. The post-partum shed will not occur again unless you get pregnant again.

I'm not saying OMG, Don't cut!!!!! I understand your desire to get rid of the taper. I do hope you can find a happy medium but would still think your hair was absolutely lovely at BS of APL.

[TammySue]

Hi OGM! Well, I think your hair is beautiful as is, but you have to do what makes YOU happy! When I go back and look at my hair at BSL, it looks so thick! Now my ends are quite thin, and I do trim a small amount every other month, but I'm thinking of cutting off some length for thicker ends.

Whatever you decide to do will be the right decision for you. Post pics please! :grouphug:

[ole gray mare]

Wow, I go to bed and when I get up, there's all this lovely advice and support! I love you guys! :inlove: :love: Love is all around! :grouphug:

You have given me good things to think about and Velvetcat reminded me of the meaning of my Lily hair. (The post-Lily hair, I should mention, is not hair I intend to cut, that's the curly new stuff!)

And it's so nice to know that so many of my hair idols have found themself with this same situation.

I also forgot to mention that I trimmed 1" earlier this month, in keeping with my ongoing strategy to trim 1" every six months until this winter, when I expect to be at waist. (Then my plan was to maintain at that length and trim more frequently.) Anyway, that 1# trim, while it helped the ends be a wee bit more even, didn't really address the sheer effect that is bothering me so much.

I will continue to dwell on this and take all your good advice in too.

One thing I need to make sure of is that I'm not allowing unhappiness/frustration/fear I'm feeling over other areas in my life, play into a decision to cut.

To answer FrannyG's question, yes, I do like to wear it down but I virtually never do any more because I'm a bit embarrassed about how it looks loose these days. When my hair was shorter, I used to get lots of compliments on it. Now, I rarely do. I think that has to do with the fact that no one can see it anymore. (Or it could be the perma-scowl on my face.)

So perhaps some of this is vanity-driven? ;)

I am starting to come out of my "I-Don't-Really-Give-A-Rip-About-How-I-Look" phase, but it may be a passing thing. I'd hate to cut my hair as a response to vanity, only to go back into my "Hey-I'm-Too-Busy/Lazy-To-Care-What-I-Look-Like" mode, only with shorter hair, after I've worked so diligently to grow it.

I am considering other options for addressing this surge in vanity...like throwing some new hairtoys at the problem and then just trying to be patient until this vanity passes and I'm back to my usual self. ;)

In any case, I won't make a rash decision. My hair grows quite slowly so I'll try not to be impulsive.

Thank you everyone!

[spidermom]

OGM, knowing you as I do, I believe that a drastic cut back to APL would bring out all those feelings of loss that hover so near the surface. Don't put yourself through it. Maybe trim a little more often but always in small amounts so that you don't feel the loss in length.

[ole gray mare]

Spidermom, I hadn't thought of that and I believe you are right. Thank you for your wisdom. :flowers:

[Peggy E.]

There's the unfortunate possibility that even with a massive cut to even out and thicken it up, the length may yet grow into thin ends again. This was/is my sad tale...

I trimmed my "ends" right after joining LHC, hoping to get the thick even hemline of my dreams. Well, to get it even, I kept taking more and more and more and finally stopped myself before I was in the shaved head arena!

Yeah, it's a bit of an exaggeration, but, sadly, not all that much. I did have an even hemline! Nice and thick. And then it continued to grow out - beyond where it had been, and the ends have returned to their original wispy-ness again. I am learning to accept it, though am finding myself referring to them as "fairy tale" ends, which sounds so much better than "straggling thin" ends, don't you think?!

Now, it may well be this is not what will happen with your gorgeous hair - and your hair is one of those I pine for and know I'll never achieve. But it could be. If you want to give it a try in the event that you end up with the hemline you seek, of course you should do what you need to do.

But know that it's not necessarily going to work the way you hope. Of course, you may find a head full of marvelous curls were you to cut the ends way back! That could be cool!!

One great advantage to having thin ends: You can braid your hair and not have to put anything around the end of the braid to hold them. All that thin braiding at the bottom that goes forever doesn't unravel! Oh, yay!!

[sibilum]

Ole Gray Mare, I also second Nightshade's and Gircat's advice, don't take more than 1-2" off! Your hair do look great. I had also lost some thickness last year. My hair used to be
4 1/8" and now it is 3 1/8". I went to the doctor and she prescribed me a wonderful hair supplement, now I have a ton of new hair growth and the shed stopped completely. Let's just pamper our hair the best we can and have patience! ;)

[Silver & Gold]

I would like to add another vote for Nightshade's suggestion. First of all, I looked at your photo as well and it looks fine to me but if you are unhappy then start with conservative trimming because you can always trim more later if you desire.
I would try an inch, not more than two to begin and then live with that for a while before deciding if you need to trim more.
BTW, lovely , lovely hair. If only my silver hair was so nice. I'm still trying to grow out haircolor (semi-permanent so some is washing out with time) to see how much silver hair I actually have.

[DavidN]

I have always thought that you have the most beautiful long gray hair, OGM, and your hair is a true inspiration to anyone growing out their natural silvers. Please try not to get discouraged, and hang in there! I see that some of your fellow members have already given you excellent advice, and I don't have much more to add, except a few words of support.:flowers:

[dorothea-brooke]

I third and fourth and fifth the advice to take off just a little bit and see how you feel.... Even 1/4 or 1/2 half an inch can make a huuuuuge difference in terms of perceived thickness. And so much less drastic!

And besides: we need you! All of of us who are letting their grays come in need the pix of your stunning hair in order to be inspired and excited. Don't abandon us now -- your hair is so beautiful! :flower:

dorothea

ETA: Okay, I just read this over and realize that it sounded a bit bizarre, as in "Keep your hair -- for me me me!" :lol: Of course your hair will be lovely no matter how long you keep it; the color is just gorgeous at any length. And you need to do what you need to do. BUT, just wanted to let you know how much I admire it as it is! :)

[unaspenser]

(((((OGM)))))

I'm sorry to hear about your frustration with your hair, OGM. I hated the phase where I felt like I shouldn't even try to wear my hair down because of horrible (in my mind) ends. In the end, I chose to compromise by doing 1/2" trim every month regardless of how much my hair grows. Some months my hair doesn't grow at all, sometimes it grows an inch. In any case I don't have any earth-shattering losses (which I know I'd regret), but my hair gradually feels and looks better, and I know I'm still working toward my goals.

Whatever you decide, I hope you remember how beautiful your hair is, and how beautiful you are, inside and out! No matter what you choose, you'll still be a major inspiration to a lot of us.

[harpgal]

OGM, you have been given the gift of so much good advice that I just do not have much to add. I think that if you stick with your plan of trimming an inch now and then, you will eventually achieve a fuller hemline. But it will take time.

Personally, I think a big cut would be a bad idea. Trimming small amounts has always worked for me. But there does comes a time when we all taper out and we have to make a decision on whether we want length or a full hemline.

[Speedbump]

OGM, I too have drastic taper/semi-see-through length toward the bottom and I too have serious angst about it. (My current sig does not reflect this problem, as it's my "boom" photo. :lol: )

So far I have been able to stick with my strategy of "reach goal of classic, THEN start trimming every month to regain thickness at the bottom" but.... I can see how it would just get frustrating to the point of rethinking the whole thing.

Let me just say that I had a small trim back in late May, and it made a WORLD of difference in how I felt about my hair, how it behaved and how it looked. And I mean small: Only about 1/2 inch total.

You may find out that you only have to trim off an inch to be far, far happier with your length. And then you may find that it didn't make you happy and that you need to trim more, too. :shrug:

My vote is to get a SMALL trim, see how it suits and then decide from there what you are going to do. You may consider several small trims in a row; you may realize that "the big chop" up to BSL-APL is what is really needed to make you happy.

Whatever you decide, just remember that your hair should make you happy. If it doesn't, and it doesn't consistently, then you have a large array of trimming choices.

HTH!! :flowers:

Speedy

[FrannyG]

I'm happy to hear that you're giving this a lot of thought, OGM. I think that the two-week rule should be extended to a 4-week rule, for you, since there are so many peripheral issues that have come up in addition to the sheerness of your last few inches.

No matter what you decide, I hope that it makes you happy. That's all that matters, in my book. :flowers:

[willowcandra]

I totally get your feelings about wearing your hair loose. I am in the very same boat post shedd. My ends are nearing invivible and I never ever wear it loose. It took alot to let it out at the London meet. But other people can see things that you can't.

Your hair is beyond amazing and I think you should persevere.
Seriousely, I have some envy going on here.

[Altocumulus]

FWIW, I can't see any thin ends either. Your hair looks beautiful. But I had a similar postpartum thinning situation, so I know what you mean. My regrowth was at BSL/waist and my old, longer hair reached TB, but was so thin from waist down. I ended up trimming 5" from TB to barely hip, which still left 2 or 3" of thin ends. It turned out to be a good compromise - my ends looked and felt thicker, I still had most of my length, and the remaining few inches of thin ends are good for tucking into updos. So maybe a large trim, but not all the way to APL?

[curly girl fla]

I really have nothing to add that hasn't been said, but I just wanted to say how amazing your hair is-brilliant color, beautifully flowing... It will continue to amaze and enchant regardless of what you decide to do.