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jessie58
March 15th, 2008, 05:08 PM
I just wanted to mention this to the people that have sent me a friend request which I have rejected, please do not take offence or be hurt. I do appreciate that you have sent me a friend request. I do not wish to hurt anybody's feelings or make anybody feel sad. I do not wish to be exclusive. Here is why I likely did not accept your request.

I have decided to be a little more personal in my journal than I have in the past and also a little more discerning about whom I show my face to nowadays. Therefore my journal is private.

I feel very comfortable accepting people that I have been interacting with for the past 2 years, we know a lot about each other and trust each other already, having built a rapport beforehand.

I also feel comfortable about accepting friend requests from people that I may have only interacted with only a little but have read many of their posts or journal entries over two years. During this time I have come to know them from their posts and by their interaction with others on the boards. Sometimes they are well known to me because they are friends of a friend.

Anybody whose name I do not recognize or I have not interacted with or am not familiar with their posts, I have decided that I would feel much more comfortable getting to know them better first.

So if you have sent a request to me and I have rejected it, it's only because I want to get to know you better first. Please feel free to say hi to me on the boards, to send me a note in my profile messages and I would love an opportunity to know more about you. :grouphug::bigflower::flowers:



P.S. I am also skeered I might meet up with a :crazyq: or maybe a :alien: or a :demon: or even possibly a :flasher: Well you know what I mean. :D

LisaJaney
March 15th, 2008, 05:31 PM
Which just makes me question once-again: whynell did you let ME in??? :silly: (the first and third smilies come the closest to describing me)

biggeorge
March 15th, 2008, 05:47 PM
P.S. I am also skeered I might meet up with a :crazyq: or maybe a :alien: or a :demon: or even possibly a :flasher: Well you know what I mean. :D

Geez, I guess I'm going to get dumped once again! http://www.cosgan.de/images/midi/traurig/b006g.gif

Dvips
March 15th, 2008, 05:50 PM
Your reasoning sounds great to me. I am sure that you are not the only person to feel this way.

jessie58
March 15th, 2008, 06:06 PM
Lisa, you are one scary mod but I figured you had better be right where I can see you.

George, don't make me guess which attributes you are likley to have on that list. Well don't tell anybody this but all of my friends are crazy, but the good kind of crazy.

Dvips I'm glad you get what I am saying. I know that I have turned down 5 requests so far and I do feel badly about it. I just want people to know that it is not personal, I simply don't know them.

I'm sure there are a lot of people who feel the same as I do and to those who have had requests turned down, it's just a reminder that this is a great opportunity to make new friends on the boards and get out there and socialize so we can all get to know one another better.

LisaJaney
March 15th, 2008, 08:13 PM
Yep, "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer", huh? :lol:

biggeorge
March 15th, 2008, 08:24 PM
George, don't make me guess which attributes you are likley to have on that list.

Some of us are multi-talented! http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/c032.gif

Pegasus Marsters
March 15th, 2008, 08:28 PM
Some of us are multi-talented! http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/c032.gif


I'm multitalented! I can talk and annoy you at the same time! ^.^

harley mama
March 15th, 2008, 08:29 PM
Jessie58, I am having the same dilemma. I don't want to appear to be selective or snotty. I have had request from people that I don't having contact with from the old LHC and I would really like to get to know them better first. I am glad you brought this point to light.

jessie58
March 15th, 2008, 09:01 PM
Hi Harley Mama, actually I started this thread so that not only the people that contacted me would understand but I think that other new members who may have been in the same boat will also understand. It's a matter of security and comfort rather than selectivity or popularity.

jessie58
March 15th, 2008, 09:03 PM
Yep, "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer", huh? :lol:


Does this mean we are Frenemies? :D :p

Pegasus Marsters
March 15th, 2008, 09:43 PM
You're braver than me, jessie. I'm not brave enough to turn people down and so i've just accepted everyone and decided not to have a blog. People who have friended me are not people i would want reading it and this isn't due to me not liking them or anything like that. It is purely because the sort of things i'd want to be posting right now are very personal and not for the whole world to read.

Oh well.

Velvettt
March 16th, 2008, 02:11 AM
Jessie, this is a perfect post. I have just moved my blog to private due to issues in my life. I intend to be very, very cautious in accepting any more friend requests, due to those same issues.

***If I do not accept a friend request, try again in a few months if you still want to, after I've had time to observe you in action here. I must be sure you are who you say you are and not someone else in disguise.***

brunette
March 16th, 2008, 04:30 AM
I'm going to be moving mine to private too but so far I have recognised everyone who has friend requested me and haven't refused anyone. I can understand that a person would want to be discerning and I am just the same so it might still come up for me.
I just wanted to add that I read in a post by one of the mods about friends and contacts that if you reject a request the person doesn't know that you refused them, you will just continue to show up as 'friendship requested' and if you later decide you would like to add them you can, if they haven't cancelled their request you will simply be added to their list without notification. So that should help to make you feel better :)

Sian100
March 16th, 2008, 04:44 AM
I've accepted everyone who's asked me, but then no weirdos have contacted me anyway, so I suppose I'm lucky. Also, I'm going to write at the same level of disclosure as I did at LHC, meaning that things that are private to me will stay private, so I don't have to be too picky about friends. This is because there are things that I can't risk other people I know in real life finding out about. I suppose I am just a secretive person.

I haven't sent any friend requests myself, basically because I'm not that comfortable with the concept and I have to think about whether I'm going to take part in it or not a bit more. I think it causes too many problems like what you're describing, Jessie.

FrannyG
March 16th, 2008, 05:15 AM
I plan on going friends/contacts only as well, so that I can have some measure of privacy and be a little more open than I've been so far in my blog, but if I really want to get personal, I'll have a private journal elsewhere for my innermost thoughts.

I got a good idea from Pat Gear. She is going to write about her friends policy in the "About Me" section of her Profile. I think that's a great idea that I will implement when I go private, just in case I've forgotten someone or they've forgotten me, for the time being. Sometimes we overlook the obvious, I've discovered.

DavidN
March 16th, 2008, 05:34 AM
Thank you, Tessa, for your insightful post. So far, I have accepted all friendship requests without hesitation, but your reasons for wanting to know people better are most definitely true.

I plan to make my blog private, possibly in the next day or so, and proably before my next post, since there may be personal things I might want to talk about. For now, my photos will probably still be public, but if I post any family photos, including those of my past, I will probably make that particular album private.

Dvips
March 16th, 2008, 07:47 AM
Just to remind members... Contacts give or deny permission to view blogs/albums. However, if you Friend someone, they automatically become a Contact as well.

See this thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=390) for clarification.

TammySue
March 16th, 2008, 08:11 AM
Thanks for the reminder Dvips. I have already made my Blog private and I think my Photo Album is already set up that way. Off to check...

girlcat36
March 16th, 2008, 08:27 AM
Hhhhmmmm, very interesting thread. I have not turned away any friend requests, and I have no plans to in the future(but who knows, things could change). I am, and plan to stay, fairly open on LHC, in particular because I have had certain life experiences that could be very helpful to other people. One of the things that helps to validate my illness over the past year is the fact that I decided to use it to help, and inspire, other people. It gives a sense of purpose to the things that I have had to go through.
Anyway, I have found everybody's opinions on the matter very interesting.

justgreen
March 16th, 2008, 08:40 AM
Tessa I feel the same way and put up a similar thread right after LHC opened up and I decided my blog needed to be private. I feel that after someone has been here the 60 days and 100 posts, if they want to read my drivel, I should know them a bit by then.

morningstar
March 16th, 2008, 08:42 AM
I have had people visit my profile that I was not familiar with but those that I have friended are members whose names I am familiar with. I too would rather meet people and have a conversation a few times before hand. I too feel a little more private these days.
I am going to make my blog and albums private.

jessie58
March 16th, 2008, 08:44 AM
Hhhhmmmm, very interesting thread. I have not turned away any friend requests, and I have no plans to in the future(but who knows, things could change). I am, and plan to stay, fairly open on LHC, in particular because I have had certain life experiences that could be very helpful to other people. One of the things that helps to validate my illness over the past year is the fact that I decided to use it to help, and inspire, other people. It gives a sense of purpose to the things that I have had to go through.
Anyway, I have found everybody's opinions on the matter very interesting.

Girlcat, I find you very inspirational and admire your openness. I agree that your story may encourage and help others. Particularly with hair loss issues. Sometimes there is good reason to share with others.

EdG
March 16th, 2008, 08:53 AM
I accept all friend requests and post only things that I want the public to see.

I don't want to sound preachy, but LHC has only minimal security. LHC is not like a financial institution, and even those have had security breaches in the past. :(

A good rule about Internet usage is to assume that everything one posts will become public information. Never post anything that one intends to keep private. One has to operate under the assumption that security breaches will inevitably occur.

Just some advice from a long-time Internet user. :)
Ed

FrannyG
March 16th, 2008, 09:00 AM
I accept all friend requests and post only things that I want the public to see.

I don't want to sound preachy, but LHC has only minimal security. LHC is not like a financial institution, and even those have had security breaches in the past. :(

A good rule about Internet usage is to assume that everything one posts will become public information. Never post anything that one intends to keep private. One has to operate under the assumption that security breaches will inevitably occur.

Just some advice from a long-time Internet user. :)
Ed

All excellent points Ed. You are absolutely correct.

/hijack/

By the way Ed, did anyone ever tell you that you have awesome hair? ;)

/end hijack/

jessie58
March 16th, 2008, 09:01 AM
Hi Ed, well when I say private, I mean stuff like my own personal thoughts on life, nothing too reavealing about my private life or that of my loved ones. So what I do share is already censored to some degree, even though I still consider it private.

It is unfortunate that there is truly nothing private on the internet these days. Banking is not safe, nor are credit card transactions, never mind one's personal thoughts.

EdG
March 16th, 2008, 09:12 AM
By the way Ed, did anyone ever tell you that you have awesome hair?
I think it's been 24 hours since the last hair complement. My ego isn't going to fit in my head any more. :silly:


It is unfortunate that there is truly nothing private on the internet these days. Banking is not safe, nor are credit card transactions, never mind one's personal thoughts.
Agreed, the Internet's purpose is to spread information. It sometimes does this too well. :bigeyes:
Ed

FrannyG
March 16th, 2008, 09:16 AM
I think it's been 24 hours since the last hair complement. My ego isn't going to fit in my head any more. :silly:
Ed

:rollin: I want a count on how many threads have been hijacked by your hair compliments. :)

EdG
March 16th, 2008, 09:30 AM
:rollin: I want a count on how many threads have been hijacked by your hair compliments. :)Actually, none yet on the new LHC. Most complements have been on my profile page and photo album before it was restored (see http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=959 if your photo album no longer shows up). I suppose one can't hijack one's own pages.

I need to fix my signature picture so that it appears without clicking on the link. That will help. :D
Ed

FrannyG
March 16th, 2008, 09:47 AM
Actually, none yet on the new LHC. Most complements have been on my profile page and photo album before it was restored (see http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=959 if your photo album no longer shows up). I suppose one can't hijack one's own pages.

I need to fix my signature picture so that it appears without clicking on the link. That will help. :D
Ed

You're right. You need to get your signature photo put right so that you can resume unintentionally hijacking threads on a regular basis. :p

Amoretti
March 16th, 2008, 10:01 AM
Tessa, thanks for posting this thread. I decided to go a bit more private with this "new" LHC too.

If you've sent me a friend request and I haven't approved it it's only because when I visited your profile page and saw no info on it and that although you were a longtime member you had hardly any posts it made me feel uncomfortable. Nothing personal.

morningstar
March 16th, 2008, 10:02 AM
Yes some times my thoughts are the only private place nowadays. Waiting for the thought police to come though.

Hijack: Ed, your hair! wow!

end Hijack: I just had to! LOL :couch:

mathilde
March 16th, 2008, 10:06 AM
Hi Dvips -

I can't access the thread you linked to. Is there something on it that you think I might need to know about contacts/friends? (I haven't put anything very personal in my blog at the moment, and my hair isn't nice enough yet for an album.)

Thanks for your help. :)
M.




Just to remind members... Contacts give or deny permission to view blogs/albums. However, if you Friend someone, they automatically become a Contact as well.

See this thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=390) for clarification.

EdG
March 16th, 2008, 10:10 AM
:p
Hijack: Ed, your hair! wow!

end Hijack: I just had to! LOL :couch:Thanks FrannyG and morningstar! You've made my morning! :cheese: Both of you have extraordinary hair!

We now return this thread to its regularly scheduled program... :D
Ed

Rae~
March 16th, 2008, 06:00 PM
Hi Dvips -

I can't access the thread you linked to. Is there something on it that you think I might need to know about contacts/friends? (I haven't put anything very personal in my blog at the moment, and my hair isn't nice enough yet for an album.)

Thanks for your help. :)
M.

Hmmm... neither can I.. Dvips - what section is that thread in??

spidermom
March 16th, 2008, 06:05 PM
Those who are paranoid - what are you afraid of? Am I too fearless? I feel that I'm a lot more likely to be singled out by a weirdo who actually sees me in daily life than somebody who happens upon me through the internet and may live in Boston or Hong Kong or who knows where.

Dvips
March 16th, 2008, 06:07 PM
Oops - I put in the wrong link... here's the correct one:

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=390

Sorry about that!

Spidermom, I would guess our members are worried rather than paranoid. The concern is that you don't know who it is who is reading your blog, and if you share details of your life that is a legitimate concern. For example, if my students or my colleagues read a post where I complain about my job, that might make me uncomfortable.

Elle
March 16th, 2008, 06:56 PM
P.S. I am also skeered I might meet up with a :crazyq: or maybe a :alien: or a :demon: or even possibly a :flasher: Well you know what I mean. :D
Well, your decision to reject some of these friend requests should help take care of this problem! :lol:

Delila
March 16th, 2008, 07:23 PM
Those who are paranoid - what are you afraid of? Am I too fearless? I feel that I'm a lot more likely to be singled out by a weirdo who actually sees me in daily life than somebody who happens upon me through the internet and may live in Boston or Hong Kong or who knows where.

I've been a member on several forums over the past ten years or so, and I've noticed that people are sometimes stalked/harassed by their ex. In fact, I remember at least one member here at LHC had similar problems just a few years back, and decided to stop posting.

I'm not saying it's necessarily a gigantic problem, but it does happen.

It's also true that sometimes people who share your computer may or may not be worthy of your trust.

spidermom
March 16th, 2008, 07:25 PM
I've been a member on several forums over the past ten years or so, and I've noticed that people are sometimes stalked/harassed by their ex. In fact, I remember at least one member here at LHC had similar problems just a few years back, and decided to stop posting.

I'm not saying it's necessarily a gigantic problem, but it does happen.

It's also true that sometimes people who share your computer may or may not be worthy of your trust.

Ick! Creepy.

Alun
March 16th, 2008, 07:34 PM
You're braver than me, jessie. I'm not brave enough to turn people down and so i've just accepted everyone and decided not to have a blog. People who have friended me are not people i would want reading it and this isn't due to me not liking them or anything like that. It is purely because the sort of things i'd want to be posting right now are very personal and not for the whole world to read.

Oh well.

Peg, if you would like to delete me I won't be offended. To be honest, I seldom read any journals, so I probably wouldn't read your blog anyway, but you can still remove me from your list if it helps. I only have a hazy notion of what the friends list is for, and I just thought we seemed to agree on a lot of stuff. You may not even want anyone of the male gender reading something 'very personal'.

I have accepted everyone, including a couple of people where I'm not really sure who they are, but that's OK because if something is too personal I don't post it online atall, except perhaos in an e-mail or a private message, and I'm too lazy, err, I mean busy, to blog or keep a journal anyway!

Delila
March 16th, 2008, 07:47 PM
Peg, if you would like to delete me I won't be offended. To be honest, I seldom read any journals, so I probably wouldn't read your blog anyway, but you can still remove me from your list if it helps. ...

This goes for me as well, and not just for PM. :) I made a bunch of Friends requests on Saturday, mostly thinking that if I do create a blog, having people already designated as Friends or Contacts would be a useful thing to do.

I guess in retrospect, it might have been better to just make people Contacts, without their knowledge, since the 'maybe you might want to read my journal someday, assuming I have one' club membership might be more random than specific.

jessie58
March 16th, 2008, 07:47 PM
No paranoia here Spidermom, just that when I share some thoughts with friends, it's not necessarily something that I want to share with everybody on the boards/people who might read my journal. It's nice to have a choice now on how open we can be. As stated before though, the internet is not ever a really private place.

I don't have terribly long hair so there's not much chance of being ogled by longhair perverts. However in a year or so, it may be worthy of being ogled. I do know that quite a few members here have had their photos stolen and used on really nasty sites.

Besides, I don't really care to share my journal or photos with people I don't like. I'm glad that it turns out that the feeling is mutual, because none of those people have friended me. So it all works out in the end.

I really wanted to put across to new members that it's a great opportunity to make yourself known and to let others know a little about themselves.

spidermom
March 16th, 2008, 08:00 PM
Now I understand jessie58.

jessie58
March 16th, 2008, 08:04 PM
Now I understand jessie58.


Thanks for understanding Spidermom.

darkwaves
March 16th, 2008, 08:22 PM
I have accepted everyone, including a couple of people where I'm not really sure who they are, but that's OK because if something is too personal I don't post it online at all, except perhaos in an e-mail or a private message, and I'm too lazy, err, I mean busy, to blog or keep a journal anyway! Good points. As EdG says, the Internet is better at spreading, than protecting, information.

Not only that, but digital traces remain for a very, very long time...

darkwaves
March 16th, 2008, 08:32 PM
Just to remind members... Contacts give or deny permission to view blogs/albums. However, if you Friend someone, they automatically become a Contact as well. I would prefer to send someone a Friend request than to add them as a Contact -- that way, they know I'm prepared to open my photos and blog to them. (Otherwise, how would they know? They'd just stumble over the information, and they wouldn't know it might be restricted.)

Anyway, to me "contacts" seems kind of sneaky... I mean, if someone doesn't mind if I see their pages, why don't they just tell me?

When I was lurking at LHC and then when I first joined, I very much appreciated the feeling of community inspired by those welcoming enough to share their thoughts in public journals. I liked that spirit. I hope we don't lose too much of it with the new tools.

Wavelength
March 16th, 2008, 08:38 PM
jessie58, your reasoning is perfectly logical, and it's completely your decision whom to accept or reject. Given your reasons, I can't imagine anyone taking offense, but even if someone does then that's their problem, not yours.

Personally I'm going to be taking Peg's route (accept people as friends but have no personal blog, since I'm not much of a blogger anyway). I might post some pics occasionally but that's about it. If I was a blogger and I knew I wanted to make a blog here, I'd probably do the same as you.

Being cautious where the internet is concerned is never a bad idea. I think you're being smart.

jessie58
March 16th, 2008, 08:40 PM
Thanks Wavelength, I look forward to seeing your updated photos.

Darian Moone
March 16th, 2008, 09:18 PM
Jessie58 I understand exactly where you're coming from. I've decided that I'm going to do the same thing you are -- go private with my journal and album, yet put an explanation in my "about me" section so that if I have accidentally missed adding someone they can simply send me a friend request. I'm certain I've missed some people in all the confusion of getting used to the new board and the functions. Some may not even be back yet. So I'm still oopen to accepting new friends, but I want to go private now.

I have a friend who had a terrible experience on a board (NOT this one, but somewhat similar) where she had a journal in which complained about her job in one post. It seems that someone she worked with had come upon the site and saw her journal. Even though she did not mention where she worked, nor did she name any employees or customers, she was fired from her job.

Maybe I am paranoid after all, but that type of thing is my main concern. I don't want someone who is new to the board or not even a member at all to just happen upon my journal and recognize me and have something negative happen. It sounds like a long shot I know, but it did happen to a friend, so it's not impossible, just unlikely. Still, I like the idea of someone who isn't even a member being blocked from viewing our journals. It just makes sense to me.

justgreen
March 16th, 2008, 10:15 PM
Ahem,,, excuse me Tessa....your hair is very ogle worthy. And that's that.

jessie58
March 16th, 2008, 10:25 PM
Ahem,,, excuse me Tessa....your hair is very ogle worthy. And that's that.

Lol, thanks Justy.

:smooch:

Loviatar
March 17th, 2008, 09:42 AM
Tessa I intend to make my blog and album private too, so it's understandable to me how you feel. I havent yet been approached by anyone I dont recognise *eek* or have not interacted with yet, though, thank goodness.

And thank you for reminding me to fill in the rest of my friend requests today ;) I had a list, lost it, and had to write it again. Oops!

MaryR2
March 17th, 2008, 11:39 AM
Well I am not a blogger....just can't really set myself down to do it. Never was good at journaling. Tried to start one so many times in my life but never get more then a few pages then I forget about it. *L* And I haven't posted real photos in years because I did have one stolen. Imagine being on a board and seeing someone posting a picture they say is them but its you.

That said I understand exactly what tessa is saying and doing. Would do it myself if I blogged or posted photos. But since I don't do either on public board I don't worry. I do like friends though. I know I am not one of the most prolific posters but I do enjoy reading all the posts.

Growin' It
March 18th, 2008, 08:02 AM
Just popping in to say I laughed out loud at your last line; the one with the emoticons. The mind boggles. :)

Jaime
March 18th, 2008, 09:38 AM
<hijack>
I, for one, don't understand all the interest in EdG's hair. Sure it's nice, and looks great, but you all act like well-maintained knee length hair on a guy is something out of the ordinary! :D
<end hijack>

Everyone has their own comfort level - the only right way to use the friends/contact function is the way in which it fits yours.

8) Jim

Nightshade
March 18th, 2008, 09:49 AM
I've got to agree with Jessie on this one. I've turned down a few requests, the reasons for which are largely unimportant to anyone but those people and myself.

I was never completely comfortable with the 100 posts/60 days thing, I mean, how many thousands of members do we have now?! There's now way for me to have enough of a familarity with all the people that hit that qualification, frankly.

With the new system I'm a lot more comfortable posting about non-hair related things, just because I know, with reasonable certainty, who is allowed to see my blathering. There's still a filter on that, and some things that I just wouldn't post online under any circumstances, but I trust you guys know what I'm getting at. :)

So, to those I have turned down, trust that it isn't personal, it's a comfort issue with me :o

Juliet's Silk
March 18th, 2008, 10:18 AM
I'm a bit ambivalent about the whole system... on the one hand I gladly accepted any friends requests I got since I wanted to recreate the 100posts/60days membership thingie - after all, I had already written about personal stuff in the past, so I guess that most of the people I remembered by name could have read it if they wanted to.
On the other hand, it'd be nice to have a more tighter "security", since 100posts/60 days are still a lot of people... hrm yeah. I don't want to reject anyone, though, so I'm at a loss somehow...
About the sneaky contacts thing, I mentioned it in another thread - I use this to avoid being intrusive. I know how I feel about friends requests from people where I don't know if I want to have them on my list and I want to avoid other people feeling like that about me, especially if they don't have a private blog anyway ... I mentioned in my blog that it is private, so I guess people who can read it and are not on my friends list can guess what it means :lol: I do miss a symbol or something that shows that something is private, though.

Emichiee
March 18th, 2008, 02:46 PM
Tessa I think its a good point you have.

I have accepted all friend requests so far. Most people I knew either well or at least by name and posting history or I checked out their profile and decided they are ok to be friend ;)

I feel comfortable with the internet to some point and am to be found on many sites actually. I came across many creeps, but I ignore them. My Blog will be public but I will not go too private either so its ok with me for others to read it.
For very personal things I have a good old fashioned diary at home :D

I think the new LHC has the perfect privacy option for everyone and we will all feel really comfortable here :flowers:

Darian Moone
March 18th, 2008, 09:21 PM
Well I've gone and flubbed it up but good. Seems I have more "contacts" than I have "friends". Since I never intended to make anyone a contact but rather a friend, it looks like I've messed up somewhere. I hope I didn't accidentally reject a friendship and just put them as a contact??? I wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings. DUH!!! I've now got to go through my both lists and compare and see what in the world it is that I did wrong.

So if I rejected anyone as a friend, I didn't mean to. :(