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View Full Version : I have sideburns! Help!



shirohane
April 20th, 2012, 10:34 AM
DBF and I have been planning a project for a while and part of it involves filming me. So he goes and says "What do we do about your appearance?"

Uh oh. So I tell him that my wardrobe is fine so anything I wear is okay and that I am taking care of my face and my blemishes have been disappearing lately.

And then, it happened... The converstaion went like this:


"What about your hair?"
"What about my hair?"
"Well, you got a new haircut and it looks good on you. Also I thinkt hat you look cute when you tie up your hair... Except there are fluffs of hair sticking out in front of your ear and that's really not pretty. Could you, shave it?"
":confused: Uh... I don't really think it's a problem."
"But you can't put it behind your ears since it's too short and it bothers me. And other women don't have this."
":mad Yes... and this coming from someone who can't take care of his own face... You don't even pay attention to other people's hair!"
"Uh... I do look at women's hair... more than their bodies."
(Ah huh... and you never notice when I have hairdos that you don't see on other women...)
":mad You know, I have dark hair other people might have that, you just happen to not see it."
"Well, I really wish you would do something about it."
"So I have sideburns... I'm not getting rid of them. :demon:"
":uhh: Uh... how's this, let's ask your hair dresser next time we see her. She knows a lot more about hair than I do."


And that's how it went. This happened yesterday night and I'm still angry about it. :sad Incidentally, I put my hair up today and I do see the "tuffs" of hair. I don't mind them but I wanted to know what you guys do about them. :hmm:

fridgee
April 20th, 2012, 11:09 AM
I have those (also dark hair so they show up) and when I was about 8 I hated them so much I cut them off! I don't advise it, it makes them look much worse! Maybe if they stick out you could smooth them down with a dab of aloe Vera gel.

Other than that I think it was really thoughtless of your boyfriend to speak to you in that way about your appearance. It's not up to him how you look, it's up to you. Those tufts are totally normal and as long as they don't bother you that's all that matters. I understand why your fuming, but good on you for sticking to your guns. :flower:

UpNorth
April 20th, 2012, 11:14 AM
I have them too, and so does most other women i´ve seen, more or less.

Kittyxx
April 20th, 2012, 11:25 AM
yep ditto - and one of them tends to fall behind my ear so I end up looking lopsided lol

lapushka
April 20th, 2012, 11:36 AM
What a thoughtless thing to do. Who is horrible like that, anyway?! *shudders*

Othala
April 20th, 2012, 11:36 AM
I have them and so does every woman I know to a greater or lesser extent. It's natural and does not require interference or removal. The only kind of "woman" who I think would not have them would be a rubber one, LOL (sorry, I just watched an episode of House where the guy had a rubber girlfriend). Anyway, tell him to read this thread and stop being a jerk.

lapushka
April 20th, 2012, 11:37 AM
The only kind of "woman" who I think would not have them would be a rubber one, LOL.

LOL! :lol:

Vanille_
April 20th, 2012, 11:39 AM
This might not be helpful. But I actually take mine off with one of those wand trimmers you can find at Walgreens - you know that battery operated small trimmer that's advertised to use on the face? Well ever day or two, I just use it around any areas that my hair is dark - side burns, a little on the cheeks, and above my eyebrows. I use a Bellabe for lip hair (it's $15 on amazon) for lip hair.

It bothers me so I do clean it up. But that's not to say you have to. Don't do it for anyone else.

ETA: I don't completely remove them - I try to make them look more normal - for example, trimming them up the the middle of my ear but no further and not touching the hair above it.

NymphSpirit
April 20th, 2012, 11:47 AM
EVERY WOMAN has tiny sideburns, some more some less. He was so rude by saying that to you, and frankly, I have no idea what he's looking at if he didn't notice the "sideburns" on other women (reminds me of the "hot girls don't poop" thing... men are so ridiculous at times...)

Kira94
April 20th, 2012, 11:48 AM
I have them, and ever since I started wondering if other people did too, I've realized pretty much every girl I know has them. I've also started noticing them on actressess. So, yeah, it's completely normal. :)

Jing
April 20th, 2012, 12:58 PM
There was a thread on what people do about their sideburns fairly recently. I only skimmed it, so I don't know what the general trend was, but pretty much everyone has them and I don't imagine many women do anything about them at all.

earthnut
April 20th, 2012, 02:34 PM
I have them, as do most women that I notice. I wouldn't shave them off, when they grow back they'll stick out even more and look really terrible! If you want to get rid of them, use oil to slick them down behind your ear. Your boyfriend was pretty clueless. :P

Amber_Maiden
April 20th, 2012, 02:43 PM
Every woman I know has them! What a jerk for your guy saying that! What a mean thing to say!

Pierre
April 20th, 2012, 05:25 PM
As one who likes my sideburns and hennas them like the rest of my hair, I found even the title quite funny. :)

Gladtobemom
April 20th, 2012, 06:01 PM
Mine went way down to almost the bottom of where my ear attaches. I waxed them so many times they're pretty much gone. Now I just tweeze if needed. I chose a spot relative to my ear and just smeared on the wax.

I know lots of people have them, but mine were fuzzy . . . I hated them.

He was kind of less than tactful, but it's way better for a potential mate to be honest about stuff that he finds . . . offputting. Better truth now than it grinding around for years.

luxepiggy
April 20th, 2012, 06:01 PM
I had/would have them, but I remove mine with depilatory cream. They were just so obvious due to my dark hair/light skin, and really unflattering for my face shape. Anything too short to tuck behind my ear comes off:
http://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff33/shoppingpiglet/hair/L_updo_profilenosideburns.jpg

luxepiggy
April 20th, 2012, 06:04 PM
He was kind of less than tactful, but it's way better for a potential mate to be honest about stuff that he finds . . . offputting. Better truth now than it grinding around for years.

I totally agree with this. I prefer those closest to me to be honest; if they don't tell me, who will? It doesn't sound like he was trying to be hurtful; he was just pointing something out that you admittedly have never really noticed yourself.

jacqueline101
April 20th, 2012, 07:28 PM
Its mean and thoughtless I have those too.

Mrs.Witherup
April 20th, 2012, 07:42 PM
Mine are blond and like peach fuzz, so not noticeable, thank goodness! It's my lip hair that bothers me!
If they don't go too far down on your face in front of your ear, I would just slick 'em down until they're long enough to blend with the rest of your hair.
And men have no tact!

swearnsue
April 20th, 2012, 07:55 PM
My sideburns always bothered me until just a while ago. I started treating them like the rest of my hair, oiling, massaging etc. and now they are less fine and fuzzy so that now I can put them behind my ears. If I were to go out I could even slick them down better with some aloe. But Luxepiggy's pic looks really good how she uses the hair removal cream to get a nice neat sideburn area!

julliams
April 20th, 2012, 08:22 PM
Good thing he can't see my chin hairs!!!!

Bedhead
April 20th, 2012, 08:40 PM
'Tufts' makes it sound so big and fluffy, so I had no idea what you were talking about. This is how I see it. This guy is epically tactless, and thoughtless really, but being honest. Truthfully, though, if he's focussing in on those short extra-seeming hairs that everyone has, then he must have had to be looking really hard to find anything wrong with you. In other words, you just might be the perfect woman! :disco:

Annibelle
April 20th, 2012, 08:40 PM
I have them, and they bothered me when I was younger, but honestly, I love them now. I think they complete my hairline.

I rarely wear my hair in a non-messy updo, but you can sort of see my sideburns here:

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/picture.php?albumid=8442&pictureid=122729

Mine used to be too short to tuck behind my ear, but now most of the sideburn hairs form that wave that's going across my ear. Actually, this photo is from a few months ago; it's forming an almost-ringlet now. But I love it when it's shorter, too. I think it is a softening look.

I think ones like Luxepiggy's are pretty, too, but in a more formal/elegant sort of way. I like messier looks on myself. :) Note the neck hairs in the photo! Some people have suggested that I shave them, but... well... I like them! :p

PurplePenguin
April 20th, 2012, 09:46 PM
I have sideburns...meh, I don't have an issue with them and I don't see why anyone would really. I think he was a little tactless pointing it out in such a way but hey, men can be a little air-headed sometimes. If it bothers you I would slick it back some but otherwise I'd leave it alone.

ladylowtide
April 21st, 2012, 12:25 AM
I have some of those. Mine used to be perpetually too mini to tuck, and too long to not look unsightly. Since I have been babying them and the rest of my hair. Also I have been taking biotin recently, and for the first time in my life they are long enough too tuck! :D

TheMechaGinger
April 21st, 2012, 12:30 AM
I have them and I love em. I always pull em out of my updos on purpose. On the flip side, my sister has them and she hates them so she started shaving like 5 years ago and they got much thicker/coarser so now if she doesn't shave them they look like mens side burns. Before she started shaving them they were just cute little whispies

carolinaberry
April 21st, 2012, 02:24 AM
I have them too...and mine run down to where my jaw attaches. When I notice, it embarrasses me, but usually I forget about it.

hootski
April 21st, 2012, 04:32 AM
You might want to do a little googling to find images of celebrities with the same feature! Prove to him that it's not as unusal as seems to think.

hootski
April 21st, 2012, 04:47 AM
Is this a good comparison?

Reese Witherspoon's updo (http://www.bestcelebrityhairstyles.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Reese-Witherspoon-hair-updo.jpg)

Arya
April 21st, 2012, 05:02 AM
I have them and I love em. I always pull em out of my updos on purpose. On the flip side, my sister has them and she hates them so she started shaving like 5 years ago and they got much thicker/coarser so now if she doesn't shave them they look like mens side burns. Before she started shaving them they were just cute little whispies

You should tell her to wax them once, and they'll grow in normally from there. Shaving doesn't change the texture or increase how much hair you have, it just looks like it because the ends aren't tapered anymore when they grow in from being shaved.

Kwantslonghair
April 21st, 2012, 05:04 AM
I wish I had the extra hair at sideburns. Just to make my hair look thicker when I put it up.

Panth
April 21st, 2012, 05:26 AM
If it is any consolation, at one point I seriously considered cutting some sideburns in. I'm not entirely sure why I wanted to at the time, but I definitely did consider it (and to the point of getting the scissors out and sitting staring at them for a while). I think I never ended up doing it because a) I'm blonde, so the effect would be minimal and b) I have glasses and they'd just tangle around them.

(As for the boyfriend issue - I think the question is, was he just being honest (but blunt and somewhat tactless - as some men are) or was it said in a more hurtful manner? If the latter, well, that's not on. Everyone is entitled to their preferences and opinions, but they are NOT entitled to enforce those on anyone else, or to make others feel bad for not conforming to them.)

XcaliburGirl
April 21st, 2012, 05:26 AM
I have those. They are only really a problem when they dry puffy or fly away. I think using gel or oil or even hairspray (just for this project) to smooth them back would be best. Maybe bobby pins for the long pieces.

Honestly, my person preference is to not get rid of it. I think it looks kind of strange/unnatural without the hair. (This coming from someone who once tried depilatory cream to get rid of her upper lip hair, only to decide she looked strange/unnatural without it.) Obviously, anyone who feels otherwise is certainly entitled to do with their hair as they like.

I think it's good to be honest, but unless the OP was paraphrasing, he was being a jerk about it. He was phrasing it as "I don't like this, so you should get rid of it. You should be like other women." rather than "It looks messy, you should neaten it up for the video."

Changling
April 21st, 2012, 05:53 AM
If the words "not pretty" escape your boyfriend's mouth in reference to you, he needs to go back to boyfriend school.

All women have sideburns. Some women, especially of Eastern European descent, have more than others. I feel that to infer that no women should have sideburns is to infer that women shouldn't be of Eastern European descent, so...yeah. I beg to differ.

Personally, I like the way they look when you brush them up , *almost* behind the ear, so they are covering part of the top. I think it makes ears look elven :D

I took a pic but I can't upload it for some reason, so here: http://mosscoveredboulder.tumblr.com/
wow. nothing is working for me today. It's the top post. beware, my tumblr has SWEARWORDS in it!

Fethenwen
April 21st, 2012, 06:12 AM
If the words "not pretty" escape your boyfriend's mouth in reference to you, he needs to go back to boyfriend school.

This!
---

Also I think girl-sideburns are really cute, I have a little and I like them :) They cover my ears a little.
I also adore sideburns on guys! (not that 50's style, lol)

MaryMarx
April 21st, 2012, 06:13 AM
I like sideburns, I think it makes updos not look so strict. :)

Angela_Rose
April 21st, 2012, 06:50 AM
I have a surprising amount of facial hair, which gets shaved off. I also have lady sideburns, so when I am shaving in the shower, I shave the parts that I don't want and leave the wispy bits in front if my ears.

DBF was being honest, which is nice, but he could have been a bit more tactful and kind about it.