Really grossed out- worst day ever...

[Amber_Maiden]

I had to go on a long metro ride and bus ride today- half of the journey was spent with my husband, but after I got off, I was alone.

I took my bun down, but had hard gunk in it... At first I thought it was honey, because I wash my face with it in the morning... But then realized it couldn't be that because I wash my face with my hair already up in a bun. I've just been trying to comb it, and keep finding sections which are HARD, clear, and like I have dried gel in my hair.

I then remembered that I had to keep turning around on the metro, because the guy behind me kept bumping my bun... I was alone in this metro car. I think that this stuff in my hair might be... I don't think I really have to spell it out. Unless he decided to put hard gel in my hair, then I can't figure out what else it could be...

My husband looked at it... he thinks it might be... that guys... yeah. I'm right.

I'm really really freaking grossed out. This is the second time a man has done something perverted to my hair. The first time was when I had waist length hair and always wore it down and felt tugging on my hair and turned around to find a man sniffing it- and who smiled when he saw me. That was the reason I cut my hair in the first place... I don't know what to do anymore... I already wear my hair up.

I'm pretty freaked/scared right now... I know it's silly because this already happened... but I keep being targeted because of my hair. I don't know what to do. This makes me feel dirty.

Going to go shampoo my hair now... And have a cry.

EDIT:
A big thank you to everyone who responded, and who has supported me/given me advice. I'm going to be ok. Not going to cut my hair. I'm just going to be more careful on the metro, and everywhere else for that matter.

Thank you again! You LHC people rock! :flower:

[Changling]

OMG that is so awful, I'm so sorry. It is totally natural to be feeling violated right now, what this guy seems to have done is so utterly disgusting.

Please don't feel like this is in any way your hair's fault. It has every right to be beautiful without being targeted. Cutting it off won't make people less perverted :( It might make you feel better to wear a scarf or something over it in places where you might be exposed to people like that, though.

Ugh, what is wrong with the world. I don't know what the right thing to say is, I'm sorry :(

[Seraphina]

You poor thing....I don't really know what to say, but sending hugs.

[ladycaladium]

:grouphug:

People are weird and gross. It is in no way you or your hair's fault.

[christiner]

wow that's awful. :(

[Sillage]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can't think of what else to say.

:grouphug:

[Falcore]

Oh, Amber I'm sorry that this has happened to you.. you'd think wearing it up would deter the freaks, wouldn't you?

I agree with Changling when you're on public transport try wearing a scarf to give you that protection. Yuck.. gosh some people are gross.

Hugs to you

[pes3108]

Oh, wow, what a jerk!!! I can't believe that someone would do something so disgusting and gross. I'm so sorry :-( :grouphug:

[littlenvy]

(( Hugs to you ))

To me that's assault!
What a sicko.

[Amber_Maiden]

Thanks guys. Feeling pretty down about it now... I just feel so gross. I can't stop crying about it- I know it's silly... :(

[bumblebums]

I'd take a, uh, sample to the police and report the incident. It is possible they already have a file on the guy, and if not, they should start one.

[Diesel Tech]

I'm sorry and speechless as well. Don't take it out on yourself or your hair.

[Sillage]

No, it's not silly at all, you have every right to be upset :(

[PixxieStix]

:grouphug: Not gonna lie, that is disgusting. I can't imagine how icky I would feel, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Just remember, it is NOT your fault, or the fault of your gorgeous hair.

[Amber_Maiden]

I'd take a, uh, sample to the police and report the incident. It is possible they already have a file on the guy, and if not, they should start one.

I should have thought of that... I already washed to out- took three shampoos. :(

[amantha]

WTF!! I'm so sorry that happened to you. :(

[torrilin]

Look, sometimes people are just rude. It isn't your fault. It isn't your hair's fault.

If something feels funny to you, it's ok to make a fuss. It's not out of line to tell the guy to stop touching you. It's ok to say "no, don't touch my hair". Don't worry about being too loud or too mean. The fact that guys have felt ok doing icky stuff to you twice means that (unfortunately) they think they can get away with it.

And yeah, it's awful. But a lot of the time, people who are interested in being hurtful have a set of behavior patterns they look for in terms of who is easy to hurt. So if you can learn to feel safe and secure in raising a giant fuss... you won't seem so easy to hurt. It's not fair. It's not right. People should treat you well no matter what. But that isn't how the world works :(.

And I know you can learn to be loud and hold your ground :D.

[WaitingSoLong]

I agree about the police report. It is easy enough to test the sample for...content.

Surely there was a witness? I mean, NO ONE said anything to you?

BIG HUGS and I hope you can forget about this soon. I just cannot imagine. I am so sorry this happened to you!

[KahRistAhn]

Really, it's not silly to be upset. That is sick, and wrong, and just...horrible. I'm so sorry. People really suck sometimes. :( -hugs-

[holothuroidea]

You are definitely not being silly, definitely not. I would try to get a sample as bumblebums suggested but if you've already washed your hair don't worry about it. Would you be able to give a description to the police?

You might not be the first or last person he does this to. Even if you can't give a description it would be helpful for the police to know that this happened, and what metro you were on and when. There might be a pattern of incidents.

It is not you or your hairs fault that this guy is a pervert, and like someone else said, cutting your hair wont stop people from being pervs.

Stand your ground, protect your right to feel completely and utterly disgusted and offended, and report this dangerous character to the authorities.

[Seeshami]

Those big poufy news boy hats or a big knit beret would be good for protecting your hair on public transport.

And you may want to call the police and file a report. If they have any kind of security they may be able to catch the little creeper and give him exactly what he deserves. Public indecency at least or if the law is feeling particularly protective assault.

[SunlightShines]

It's not silly at all to feel so upset. I would be too. That man had no right to touch you! What he did was so wrong. Unfortunately there are some really sick people out there. I hope you never have to go thru something like that again!

[torrilin]

Thanks guys. Feeling pretty down about it now... I just feel so gross. I can't stop crying about it- I know it's silly... :(

It's not silly to feel hurt when you feel invaded and unsafe. Stop that. You're being much meaner to yourself than I've ever seen you be to another poster here.

The other thing is... think about what a loser this guy is. He's busy getting his kicks picking on a long haired, hippy freak pregnant lady? That says he's a pretty sad excuse for a human being. Most people are not the kind of person who has to pick on someone else to feel good or have fun. That's bullying at the very least.

*hugs* You're a nice person, and you're not being as nice to yourself as you deserve.

[WaitingSoLong]

That is definitely a form of assault. If spitting on someone is considered assault, well, this is a no-contest assault.

I applaud you for being brave enough to share this with us so we can learn from it and protect ourselves as well. I really REALLY do hope you can forget about this soon.

[Firefly]

That is HORRIBLE. I'm so sorry. I would be feeling exactly the same way. :grouphug:

[CurlySasha]

Oh wow, I'm so sorry, that really is awful and disgusting!
I hate to be a broken record, but this isn't your fault or your hair's fault! Some people are just really sick.
Hopefully, you'll be able to get over the incident very soon!
Big hugs :)

[Amber_Maiden]

I agree about the police report. It is easy enough to test the sample for...content.

Surely there was a witness? I mean, NO ONE said anything to you?

BIG HUGS and I hope you can forget about this soon. I just cannot imagine. I am so sorry this happened to you!

I wish I had thought of that before washing my hair.

There was no one else in the car but him and I. And no one who came on said anything to me, or anything to me when I was on the bus.

[racrane]

I'm so sorry, that's terrible. :( I don't know what to say except I feel so upset for you.

[teal]

Eww. I'm so sorry you had to go through that! :(

Edit: What about your brush/comb? If you cleaned it out then hairball in the garbage can? They don't need much to test.

[Amber_Maiden]

It's not silly to feel hurt when you feel invaded and unsafe. Stop that. You're being much meaner to yourself than I've ever seen you be to another poster here.

The other thing is... think about what a loser this guy is. He's busy getting his kicks picking on a long haired, hippy freak pregnant lady? That says he's a pretty sad excuse for a human being. Most people are not the kind of person who has to pick on someone else to feel good or have fun. That's bullying at the very least.

*hugs* You're a nice person, and you're not being as nice to yourself as you deserve.

What you said made me laugh a bit... I guess I am harder on myself than others.. lol

And yeah... I don't exactly look that sexy right now, which is why I'm even more baffled by this happening...


That is definitely a form of assault. If spitting on someone is considered assault, well, this is a no-contest assault.

I applaud you for being brave enough to share this with us so we can learn from it and protect ourselves as well. I really REALLY do hope you can forget about this soon.

Thank you WaitingSoLong. I hope others do protect themselves and their hair... I know I'm going to go through extra measures now to keep my hair safe.
I hope I forget about it too.

[mrs carol]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Hugs and prayers for you. People can really be gross it is not at all your fault or your hair.

[holothuroidea]

I wish I had thought of that before washing my hair.

There was no one else in the car but him and I. And no one who came on said anything to me, or anything to me when I was on the bus.

It doesn't matter. Tell them what car you were on and when. A lot of times people take the same routes at the same time, if someone else has reported it or does in the future they will see a pattern and work out a way to get this guy. Action, time, place, tell them.

[littlenvy]

It doesn't matter. Tell them what car you were on and when. A lot of times people take the same routes at the same time, if someone else has reported it or does in the future they will see a pattern and work out a way to get this guy. Action, time, place, tell them.

Right!
He might be doing this on regular basis. You know what you went through and you know you wouldn't want another woman to go through that too.

[sfgirl]

Oh you poor thing. :( I've never had that happen to me, but I've had a lot of experience with some nasty men. (i went to the social security office this week, and the guy sitting by me said the most disgusting things. I know it's not as bad as what you went through, but it still freaks me out I can't even go to a government building and be safe)
And yeah, it really does suck, especially since that DOESNT come out. maybe bring a hood with you? Than you can have your hair down OR cover it. Plus, I've found people don't mess with me when I'm wearing a huge hoodie. MAybe because it's possible I have a concealed weapon? either way, hope you feel better

[ktani]

I am so sorry that this happened to you and you were assaulted and violated in my personal opinion. You have no reason to feel silly or that you are overreacting.

I agree that you should report it if you got a good look at him. At least it will be on record, so that the authorities know about it. You will be asked for details and a description so be prepared to do that if you wish and it may help prevent someone else from going through what happened to you.

[BrightEyes]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's just horrible, what a jerk.

[Amber_Maiden]

It doesn't matter. Tell them what car you were on and when. A lot of times people take the same routes at the same time, if someone else has reported it or does in the future they will see a pattern and work out a way to get this guy. Action, time, place, tell them.

I'll report what I remember.


Oh you poor thing. :( I've never had that happen to me, but I've had a lot of experience with some nasty men. (i went to the social security office this week, and the guy sitting by me said the most disgusting things. I know it's not as bad as what you went through, but it still freaks me out I can't even go to a government building and be safe)
And yeah, it really does suck, especially since that DOESNT come out. maybe bring a hood with you? Than you can have your hair down OR cover it. Plus, I've found people don't mess with me when I'm wearing a huge hoodie. MAybe because it's possible I have a concealed weapon? either way, hope you feel better

I think I'll start wearing hoods.


I am so sorry that this happened to you and you were assaulted and violated in my personal opinion. You have no reason to feel silly or that you are overreacting.

I agree that you should report it if you got a good look at him. At least it will be on record, so that the authorities know about it. You will be asked for details and a description so be prepared to do that if you wish and it may help prevent someone else from going through what happened to you.

I got a decent look at him... but not a great one. I only turned around once. I will report what I saw though.

[Laylah]

I don't have any suggestions but I am really sorry about what happened :( I can't imagine finding that in my hair, especially when pregnant. Hope you feel better and that they catch him soon :grouphug:

[dulce]

Get yourself some lovely hats as well as scarves for use on public transit.What a creep!!!!!!Don't cut your hair because of these jerks,just cover it when you are alone on public transit .

[elfgirl]

You poor dear! Like others on here have said, what he did was a terrible thing, but it's not your fault. The guy obviously has some sort of problems, issues, or something. Definitely go to the police....do you by chance remember the bus line you were on? But any detail will help, no matter how small or irrelevant it may seem.

Either hoods, scarves, or wraps, berets, something will help. I usually keep my hair braided or up in a bun of some sort in general, but have generally felt more comfortable with my hair covered when on public transit of any sort.

I'm sending you hugs and positive thoughts. Take care!

[xoxophelia]

Goodness.. that isn't just annoying or perverted. That is sexual assault.

If something like this happens again I think you should report it to the police with a description and get a sample taken from your hair. :/

Ew so sorry that happened.

ETA: If you brushed your hair as suggested I think it would be a good idea to go speak to the police with a description. And if you are on a bus alone don't feel bad about getting up and walking away even if it is obvious you are doing it to avoid a person.

[door72067]

that is beyond the pale


as others have said, this is in no way your fault

he is the one with the MAJOR issues!

[alyanna]

Omigosh Amber! That's awful! Of course you feel bad and you're crying. I would too. That's assault. It's disgusting. I'm so sorry that happened to you. People are just nasty.

[Bunnysaur]

:grouphug:
That is so horrible and gross. You poor thing.

That is not in any way your fault. Some people are just nasty. You shouldn't feel like you have to cut your hair just to get away from freaks like him. They should be a lot more respectful and decent than that.

[bumblebums]

Don't cry or feel bad. Pervs count on your being freaked out and not coming forward. The way to get back at them is to shake it off and report it to the police. And to not let it ruin your day/week/life.

[skaempfer]

Please, please report this!

Also, sit up near the driver. Plus, as someone suggested, get if and move if necessary.

I'm so sorry about this loser.

[FireFlies55]

Coming in way late to this thread, but I only can get online later.

I am so sorry you have had this experience! That is horrible. I don't know why some people feel the need to be so creepy!

I know you feel targeted because of your hair length, but trust me, it can happen to anyone. I have a female friend who has a chin length bob and, while waiting in a doctors office, had a man stand behind her chair and rub her hair on his crotch. She had just chopped off her APL hair (with which she had no "incidents"), and some creep basically molested her strands.

Please know that your or your beautiful bun are in no way responsible for the mental illness and instability that causes people to behave in such perverted manners. All I can say is I am so sorry, hugs and that I agree with other posters to go to the police or transit authorities on this one. Best of luck!

[chelles2kids]

First off....:grouphug:
Next...can you turn and sit with the back of your head against the window? I'm not sure how the seats are situated?

Then I would suggest pepper spray {and don't be afraid to use it} and a head scarf when you go out?

Oh and one more of these...:grouphug:

[FrozenBritannia]

Yikes and yuck, and how annoying for you!

[QMacrocarpa]

There might be security camera footage from the metro which would let them nail the creep.

[longhairedleah]

That is horrible!!! I don't know what I would do! I'd probably be crying just like you! It's awful that that happened to you!

If your hair was up there's nothing you could have done anyways (aside from a scarf maybe in the future?)

Sounds like this creep/freak would have/could have done this to anybody!

I agree that you should definitely go to the police, even though you washed the "evidence" out.

Good luck!!

[getoffmyskittle]

OMG -- definitely report it. That is so crazy. I'm sorry. :grouphug:

[Nedertane]

I am at a loss for words as to how SICK that guy is, and what he did. Please, please, please find a way to report it at least, trust me on that. I hope you're okay, take it easy for a bit. :blossom:

[ravenheather]

So sorry this happened to you. It's such a violation.

[Darkessa]

People like that should honestly be isolated... Its called common freakin courtesy.
Plus... Just dont be DISGUSTING....

I cant even... Just.... No.

Honestly. If someone kept bumping into me, I would tell them to back up. If they didnt... I would move.
But seriously... That is so disturbing.
I would hunt him down and harm him.

[kittengirl]

That is awful! I'm so sorry that happened. If you don't already carry pepper spray you should!

[Tia2010]

I'm so sorry this happened to you! Even though you washed your hair I would still report it...Many public transits have cameras/video and they may be able to find this sick, disgusting pervert! I would bet this isn't the first time he's assaulted someone like this.

:grouphug: sending you hugs and support.

[jeanniet]

That's a terrible thing to happen--I'm so sorry. Realistically, though, I don't think it happened because you have long hair (because it was up and most people can't really judge hair length from a bun), but because you have hair, period. The best solution is probably to figure out some way to cover your hair when you're on public transportation, using a scarf or Buff or whatever. And definitely report this incident to the police, because they might have an idea of who it could be.

[Miss Catrina]

For what it's worth, I told my BF about this thread - and without getting into too much detail about our in-depth analysis, he doesn't think it could be... that. (unless I'm missing some details, maybe)

Obviously at this point we can never know with 100% certainty WHAT it was... But I think odds are against it being "that".

[Anywhere]

:puke:

I don't even think it was based on hair, to be honest. Fr*ts will be fr*ts (removing a letter so it isn't searchable via google). Seriously though, report that. That's disgusting, that's definitely illegal. And I hope you don't let it bring you down much longer. :grouphug:

[Quixii]

Wow, that is so awful! As others have said, it's not your fault. :( I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[ArienEllariel]

Dear Lord, how sick can someone be??? That is far beyond acceptable behavior. You were assaulted.

Don't feel bad, it definately wasn't your fault. I'd be bawling my eyes out too. I second, or third, telling the police. Any and all evidence would be helpful to track this guy down and make sure he can't do this again to someone else! :grouphug: Hang in there, girly!

[cwarren]

Ewwww. Sorry this happened to you.

If you see him again, be sure to point that sick bastard out to your husband and take a pic of him (discreetly) with you phone. Then go to the police and tell them what happened to you, the date it happened and say that you're concerned that it might happen to someone else. They might not have enough evidence to arrest him, but if some one else reports it, they'll know who to look for.

[Silver Swan]

* Gah * That is so really awful and I'm so sorry this happened to you :grouphug:

[Kinkycurlygurl]

Thanks guys. Feeling pretty down about it now... I just feel so gross. I can't stop crying about it- I know it's silly... :(

@Amber_Maiden There's nothing silly about it. You were subjected to a disgusting assault. I just wish there was a way to hold him accountable. :draw:

[ClassicalBlonde]

I'm sorry this happened to you. As the others have said, I don't think you're being oversensitive or unreasonable being so upset. I would be really freaked out too if it happened to me.

I hope you never do anything to your hair because of a situation like this, it's too pretty!! Hugs :)

[MagicAndMayhem]

Wow, I feel extremely angry just thinking about what happened to you. I'm sorry :(

[Littlewing13]

I would totally be grossed out. Ew what a freak.

Hugs comin your way.

[AnqeIicDemise]

No, its not silly. Its a perfectly natural emotion to feel. You've been violated because someone's perversion took over his brain.

If you can recall what this man looked like, I would call the police or local authorities and let them know. This guy is a rapist waiting to happen. Hell, just call and let them know even if you don't remember what he looks like -- this may be a key to cracking a case if there already is one or a way to prevent something from happening.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, hun. I wish I could make it go away, but I can't. :( Be strong... another woman may need your strength to make it out okay.... and *you* can't be living your life in fear either.

[EdG]

Amber_Maiden - you were assaulted. Please report it. There may be security camera footage of the incident, or others who reported similar incidents.

:grouphug: for you. I'm feeling very sorry, shocked, and angry.
Ed

[Carissamarie08]

wow, im sorry! thats awful!

[julliams]

For what it's worth, I told my BF about this thread - and without getting into too much detail about our in-depth analysis, he doesn't think it could be... that. (unless I'm missing some details, maybe)

Obviously at this point we can never know with 100% certainty WHAT it was... But I think odds are against it being "that".

I'm agreeing with this. The more I think about it the more I think that if someone were being "active" behind you, you would have noticed ( I would think). Plus I'm not 100% certain, but would semen dry like that? I would expect it to go goopy or flakey in hair - but this is a total guess. I would also not expect it to take 3 shampoos to get out.

I don't want to diminish what happened to you, but if you think rationally about it, could it be possible that it's something like a lolli-pop or sticky lolly from some random child rather than what you are suspecting? I've had ice-cream make my hair totally rock hard sticky and wondering what it is. Also you mention it is all through your hair - this would seem to me that it's something that got into your hair when it was down???

If you are still certain that it was an assault I would definitely report it and ask if you are able to view the video (if it was taken) so you can put your mind at rest.

[ladylowtide]

I am so sorry about what you went through. I hope that that guy gets what is coming to him.

[The-Young-Maid]

Eww! What on earth is wrong with people?! I'm so sorry this happened to you!:grouphug:

[sashinka22]

OMG that's so aweful...you have the right to feel the way you feel, don't apologize...
this is so wrong. like other say please check if there is a video.
i'd cry too, really
*hugs*

[MinderMutsig]

Thanks guys. Feeling pretty down about it now... I just feel so gross. I can't stop crying about it- I know it's silly... :(It's not silly at all. You have been violated and it is perfectly normal to feel violated after something like that. In fact, I think it's something you should have gone to the police with. With the 'evidence'.

You may still want to call them so they can at least make a note of it in case they get other reports. Just your case, where the evidence has gone down the drain literally, would probably not be enough to start an investigation but if this is someone who does this more often your case could be lopped in with the others.

[WaterMusic]

At the risk of TMI, I've had that happen to me before. In a much more consensual situation. Aaaanyway, what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't get hard like that. It flakes off.

*clears throat*

Now you probably know more about me than any of us wanted.

[morrigan*]

That's awful :grouphug:

[PrincessBob]

Doesn't the metro have security cameras? Contact them with the time of your train and get them to review the tapes so you have a good image of the guy's face for the police.

[sfgirl]

I'm agreeing with this. The more I think about it the more I think that if someone were being "active" behind you, you would have noticed ( I would think). Plus I'm not 100% certain, but would semen dry like that? I would expect it to go goopy or flakey in hair - but this is a total guess. I would also not expect it to take 3 shampoos to get out.



No, it doesn't come out, like it really doesn't. It dries hard as a rock. What she was describing was exactly that. 100% certain. :/
I'm sure he could have been quiet if he was really trying to not get caught until he was gone. Besides, ice cream or lollipops smell different. One smells sweet, the other... doesn't.

[Aliped]

:grouphug::grouphug:Sweetie, that's awful!

I wear a wool beret - its easy to fit a huge bun underneath, and it would look super cute on you!

Try not to dwell on it, and take care :grouphug:

[Skruttiz]

It´s just horrible. :rant:
I hope you will have the strength to report it, maybe you can save some other girl from experience the same thing as you did.
I understand if you are crying, I would do the same thing. I think it´s a healthy way to get over it and be able to move on.

Big hugs to you, and remember that it is never your fault when somethings like this happens. :grouphug:

[joflakes]

Oh my gosh. Lovely, that totally sucks. I'm not gonna say anything more as I've kinda missed the boat but hugs to you and I hope the man gets what he deserves.

[caadam]

:patrol: ... Someone needs a smackdown. That's all I gotta say. How disgusting and horribly disturbing!

Your feelings about the situation are definitely not silly. As MinderMutsig said, you've been violated. Sexually violated, if that's what this man truly did to you; and even if it wasn't that, that still doesn't mean you can't be upset!

You know, it really peeves me. I wouldn't doubt that at least one person noticed something strange was going on, and yet didn't say anything. People need to realize that when they see someone violating a stranger's personal space in public, they need to call that person out IMMEDIATELY. Call them out, find security, so on and so forth.

So I'm sorry that happened. :( I'm sure a lot of us would give you a nice group hug if we were with you. lol :D

ETA: Was reading over your posts again and realized that no one might've seen this guy actually do it... or maybe? I don't know. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding. Either way, I agree that you should report this incident however you can. Cover all avenues.

[lastnite]

I'd take a, uh, sample to the police and report the incident. It is possible they already have a file on the guy, and if not, they should start one.

good idea if it isn't too late. I read an article about a man who worked at a grocery store and put his junk in some yogurt samples to get revenge on some girl... embarrassing for the girl since when she ate the yogurt she tasted the jizz right away and spit it out but the cops collected it and were able to arrest the guy. Definitely seems like assault, like spitting/saliva and any body fluid can spread diseases.

sorry this happened, I can't imagine someone standing on public transit doing something like that but I guess it happens. Really is gross :(

[Aveyronnaise]

At the risk of TMI, I've had that happen to me before. In a much more consensual situation. Aaaanyway, what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't get hard like that. It flakes off.

*clears throat*

Now you probably know more about me than any of us wanted.
^^this was my experience as well , it has gotten really flaky like aloe vera or something.

[Katleen]

I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I understand you feel violated... While I do understand the reactions of wearing a hat or a beret in the future, this makes me soooo angry...

Why would a girl need to cover up her hair and be punished for looking nice? Just because a creep cannot keep his manners? No, HE needs to be shamed and punished, that is something that cannot be tolerated.
Please report this, even if it is just for your own peace of mind.

Big hug...

[Safira]

Oh honey, I´m so sorry. :grouphug:
Of course you cry, I would cry too, that´s not silly.

Please contact to police and tell this story, maybe he has done sothing similar and finally he will caught up.

[Mannaz]

That's so gross, you poor thing! Hope you get over this very soon and feel better.

[DaniVerde]

Honey, that's terrible! It's not your fault, or your hair's fault. It's the fault of the creepy man who assaulted you.

And it's normal to feel hurt and violated now...it's a normal reaction, not silly at all!

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[MasCat]

I join in with the hugs.

You are a brave, beautiful person! And please, please, don't at any rate go thinking it is you fault, or your hairs fault!

This was an assault, I'm joining with the group that encourages you to report it and I have two reasons:
Reason first: a public one - sickos like that can and will escalate. It might have started with smelling hair, now it is this, but he might end up raping somebody in the future.

Reason second: the personal one - you will know you did something to defend yourself in a way - this could help you to get closure.

Anyway - it is not silly to cry or feel horrible - it is a normal response to an action like that, but if you start getting anxious before getting on a bus or being around strangers maybe you could talk to a psychologist.

[woolyleprechaun]

Im very sorry to hear this happened to you! Is there any chance at all it could be something else? Theres all kind of crap stuck on stuff in public transport. Im only pointing it out because if it is indeed....*ahem* semen, you have been the victim of sexual assault.
I just realy hope it was a lolly or something, as I REALY dont want to think that someone could do something that abhorrent to ANYONE, let alone a pregnant lady.
*hug* to you, poor thing :(

[CharleaMurphy]

I'm really sorry that happened to you.
There are some super-sick people in the world.
I hope it came out okay ♥

[annamoonfairy]

Sick people in this world! Hope you feel better soon.

[Lissandria]

Sending hugs :grouphug:

[auburntressed]

I am really sorry this happened to you. :(

It's a shame you couldn't cut a small piece of the... stuff out and put it in a Baggie to take to the police for evidence. They could have run the DNA to see if there was a match in their records. And possibly file charges on him for it.

[Charybdis]

I join in with the hugs.

You are a brave, beautiful person! And please, please, don't at any rate go thinking it is you fault, or your hairs fault!

This was an assault, I'm joining with the group that encourages you to report it and I have two reasons:
Reason first: a public one - sickos like that can and will escalate. It might have started with smelling hair, now it is this, but he might end up raping somebody in the future.

Reason second: the personal one - you will know you did something to defend yourself in a way - this could help you to get closure.

Anyway - it is not silly to cry or feel horrible - it is a normal response to an action like that, but if you start getting anxious before getting on a bus or being around strangers maybe you could talk to a psychologist.

I'd second all of the above. I'm really sorry this happened to you, and I hope your feelings will allow you to ultimately put all of the blame where it belongs -- that is, on the man who assaulted you. I think there's always a temptation for women to blame ourselves when this sort of thing happens; it's a mental sleight of hand that lets us believe we could have controlled the situation if only we'd done something different -- been somehow smarter, stronger, more conservatively dressed, more covered-up, less friendly, less sexually attractive, less *female*. But really, it's all down to this guy being a perverted *****head who doesn't respect women, and that's a factor outside your control.

The only suggestion I have, aside from echoing everyone who said to report the incident to law enforcement, is to not be afraid to tell people off LOUDLY when they invade your space. An angry >>>:-[ face combined with "You need to back the eff up right now, if you touch me again I'm pulling the emergency alarm / calling police / warning the driver" (as the case may be) can work wonders. A teeth-baring smile with a crazy-lady gleam in the eye doesn't hurt the delivery on that line either. Basically, the craziest person controls reality in this situation, and don't be afraid to let your vindictive bitch flag fly when confronted with this kind of crap.

:grouphug: None of this is your fault. NONE of it. And you are totally within your rights to be very upset and have a good cry. Again, I'm really sorry this happened to you.

[Sweetie]

lots, lots LOTS of hugs tu you - this is AWFUL! Sometimes people is disgusting... and I agree with reporting the fact to the police...for the life of me, I can't believe people can be this disgusting - what the hell is wrong with them!!?!?

[Changling]

@Amber - I agree with others, it's not just assault, it's molestation. That is why you are feeling so upset, because some horrible, random person crossed the line. He crossed every line. A certain amount of basic trust in others is necessary for society to function, and he broke that trust because he is a horrible person!

It sounds like others think there's a chance it could be a mistake, but you were there. If you think that's what happened, don't second guess yourself - just report it. Like others have said, there may be security video or something. I think that while it may feel awful having to tell a police officer about it, it will help you feel better about the situation - that you did something about it. You sort of retroactively "fought back" against him.

You will heal from this, I promise. Just cry it out for now. :grouphug:

[Astrophil]

I agree with the masses--it's not your fault at all! There's only one person who should feel dirty and ashamed about what happened, and it isn't you!

I also agree that you should report everything you remember about it. There are surveillance cameras all over public transportation these days, and if you were alone in a car with this guy it'll be even easier to find footage if they have it.

It seems to me it would have been difficult for the perpetrator to aim semen--from seat level--so perfectly that it landed on your head without getting on your clothes at all. Maybe check over your clothes, and if you find anything suspicious there you could take it to the police.

A brief google search of "how to get dried semen out of hair" reveals that the stuff does seem to dry hard and require several shampoos to get out, so those here who report that it flakes out might not have had it in their hair as long as you did.

It still might *not* have been semen, though. When I was first reading through your post I thought you were going to say the guy had put superglue or something like it into your hair.

So sorry this happened to you, and I hope you can get some kind of resolution.

[Amber_Maiden]

I'm agreeing with this. The more I think about it the more I think that if someone were being "active" behind you, you would have noticed ( I would think). Plus I'm not 100% certain, but would semen dry like that? I would expect it to go goopy or flakey in hair - but this is a total guess. I would also not expect it to take 3 shampoos to get out.

I don't want to diminish what happened to you, but if you think rationally about it, could it be possible that it's something like a lolli-pop or sticky lolly from some random child rather than what you are suspecting? I've had ice-cream make my hair totally rock hard sticky and wondering what it is. Also you mention it is all through your hair - this would seem to me that it's something that got into your hair when it was down???

If you are still certain that it was an assault I would definitely report it and ask if you are able to view the video (if it was taken) so you can put your mind at rest.


For what it's worth, I told my BF about this thread - and without getting into too much detail about our in-depth analysis, he doesn't think it could be... that. (unless I'm missing some details, maybe)

Obviously at this point we can never know with 100% certainty WHAT it was... But I think odds are against it being "that".

No, it's definitely it. I had my husband look at it- I figured he would know. :rolleyes:
And the metro I was on, I had my back to him, and the metro is loud- very loud. People have to shout when they talk to each other, to give you an idea.
I took three diluted shampoos to get out, though I probably could have stopped at two. It didn't want to get out of my hair- sort of became like glue.
It was in a section of hair that I had wrapped around the outside of the bun. I had my hair down for a minute this morning, while combing, and would have noticed if anything was in my hair then. :(

[Amber_Maiden]

At the risk of TMI, I've had that happen to me before. In a much more consensual situation. Aaaanyway, what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't get hard like that. It flakes off.

*clears throat*

Now you probably know more about me than any of us wanted.

This was flakey- to a point- but I didn't want to pick at it, I didn't want to damage the hairs that were stuck together. It more like hardened glue than anything else I can describe it as similar to.

[PrairieRose]

:grouphug: Ugg! I'm so sorry that happened to you!

[Kiwiwi]

Sweetheart, I am so sorry this happend to you! And you already han an experience like that! So awfull :(

Next time you feel something is off, something tugging at your hair, touching it (although you will likely cover it up completely now which is a good thing too), turn around completely so you can view the person completely and see what they are doing. Make sure other people around you see it too. Call the person out, get angry, be heard. Even if you are wrong in your suspicion (you will find out if you are right or wrong by their reaction). If it is as bad as the man having his penis out make sure everyone sees it and let them help you report him. Whatever you do, trust your first instict and stop them from continuing. Get angry, get loud. Get away from the person.

Your hair. Please don't cut your hair after this experience (like you did before). Take control back. See it like someone you love that had to go through an assault. You wouldn't cut them off and ignore them. You would be there for them, support them, take good care of them and baby them. So they can get through this. Treat your hair the same. Love it. Make it yours again. Treat it well so you can move on eventually.

I am utterly sickened by what happend to you and I hope you can move on soon.
Protect your hair in public transportation, cover it up completely. Stand up for yourself loudly if you suspect something. Better to be wrong and look like a crazy lady than to have go through this one more time.

Much love!

[julliams]

No, it's definitely it. I had my husband look at it- I figured he would know. :rolleyes:
:(

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's so completely awful. Definitely report it. Definitely.

[Amber_Maiden]

Sweetheart, I am so sorry this happend to you! And you already han an experience like that! So awfull :(

Next time you feel something is off, something tugging at your hair, touching it (although you will likely cover it up completely now which is a good thing too), turn around completely so you can view the person completely and see what they are doing. Make sure other people around you see it too. Call the person out, get angry, be heard. Even if you are wrong in your suspicion (you will find out if you are right or wrong by their reaction). If it is as bad as the man having his penis out make sure everyone sees it and let them help you report him. Whatever you do, trust your first instict and stop them from continuing. Get angry, get loud. Get away from the person.

Your hair. Please don't cut your hair after this experience (like you did before). Take control back. See it like someone you love that had to go through an assault. You wouldn't cut them off and ignore them. You would be there for them, support them, take good care of them and baby them. So they can get through this. Treat your hair the same. Love it. Make it yours again. Treat it well so you can move on eventually.

I am utterly sickened by what happend to you and I hope you can move on soon.
Protect your hair in public transportation, cover it up completely. Stand up for yourself loudly if you suspect something. Better to be wrong and look like a crazy lady than to have go through this one more time.

Much love!

I'm trying to resist cutting it like I did before... It's hard though... :(

[Desdesdes]

I am so terribly sorry that happened to you :(

[Nae]

Oh Amber. I am so sorry to hear this. I am thinking you some huge hugs right now.

I hope that you don't cut your hair. Keep it as a big f-you to that guy.

[DuckyDot]

I'm really sorry that this happened to you :( Some people are just disgusting and gross!

Don't let this get you down, you have beautiful hair and you shouldn't let creepo-s get to you!

It's hard, but stay strong! :grouphug:

[IndigoOptimist]

That. Is. HORRIBLE! Some people really do have problems!

[Juanita]

((((HUGS))))
Report him

[Lissandria]

Please don't cut your hair, Amber. As stated above in another post you will be giving scum like that a big F*** you if you keep your hair. This could happen to anybody, neither you nor your hair are to blame. Think of your goal of classic and how close you are :grouphug:

[SwordWomanRiona]

I join in with the hugs.

You are a brave, beautiful person! And please, please, don't at any rate go thinking it is you fault, or your hairs fault!

This was an assault, I'm joining with the group that encourages you to report it and I have two reasons:
Reason first: a public one - sickos like that can and will escalate. It might have started with smelling hair, now it is this, but he might end up raping somebody in the future.

Reason second: the personal one - you will know you did something to defend yourself in a way - this could help you to get closure.

Anyway - it is not silly to cry or feel horrible - it is a normal response to an action like that, but if you start getting anxious before getting on a bus or being around strangers maybe you could talk to a psychologist.


I agree! I'm so sorry, Amber! What a filthy scumbag!!! :mad: What's with the males in the metro you use? Why do they think they're entitled to such disgusting, outrageous behaviour?! There are jerks and scumbags everywhere, but I don't really envisage a lot of people doing such privacy-violating, disgusting, creepy things here! I've never experienced a similar thing, and I wear my hair down/ponytail/braid more than I wear it bunned. Then again, I never take the metro because there are usually creeper people there, and much less security.
Can't you quit the metro and only take the bus?

I agree about the rest of posters advising you not to cut your hair because of these horrible assaults. Unfortunately, I bealieve scumbags will always be scumbags, no matter what you do to yourself to try to avoid them. If such thing happened to me, I would feel horrible as well, but I don't think I would contemplate either cutting my hair, or bunning it up all the time OR covering it up, as some has suggested here. That way, the scumbags win. That way they would make me feel intimidated and afraid. That way my hair and my body wouldn't belong to me...I have the right to wear my hair uncovered, and loose, if I want, because it's my hair, and people have NO right to touch it or do disgusting things to it. That's how I would feel about the issue, at least. I'm of course not attenuating the fact that it was a horrible experience and I do feel for you, a lot :(.
I think it's a question of attitude rather than protecting/covering your hair. Like some have suggested, turn back as soon as you feel someone touching your hair/bumping your bun. If the person is invading your privacy and doing things they shoudn't, get loud, get angry, shout at him or speak in a steady, firm manner (depending on what's better according to the situation), tell them to back away, get some security if it's available and report them. Don't let them get away with themselves. They're not allowed to touch you, and that's that.
Sending you lots of hugs and energy!!

[SwordWomanRiona]

And if you have the means of reporting him, do so, definitely! This was an assault, the scumbag cannot get away with such behaviour.

:grouphug:!!!!

[Amber_Maiden]

Oh Amber. I am so sorry to hear this. I am thinking you some huge hugs right now.

I hope that you don't cut your hair. Keep it as a big f-you to that guy.

Thanks Nae. You are right. I shouldn't cut it. BAs a big f-you to that guy!:mad:


Please don't cut your hair, Amber. As stated above in another post you will be giving scum like that a big F*** you if you keep your hair. This could happen to anybody, neither you nor your hair are to blame. Think of your goal of classic and how close you are :grouphug:

Thanks Lissandria!



I agree! I'm so sorry, Amber! What a filthy scumbag!!! :mad: What's with the males in the metro you use? Why do they think they're entitled to such disgusting, outrageous behaviour?! There are jerks and scumbags everywhere, but I don't really envisage a lot of people doing such privacy-violating, disgusting, creepy things here! I've never experienced a similar thing, and I wear my hair down/ponytail/braid more than I wear it bunned. Then again, I never take the metro because there are usually creeper people there, and much less security.
Can't you quit the metro and only take the bus?

I agree about the rest of posters advising you not to cut your hair because of these horrible assaults. Unfortunately, I bealieve scumbags will always be scumbags, no matter what you do to yourself to try to avoid them. If such thing happened to me, I would feel horrible as well, but I don't think I would contemplate either cutting my hair, or bunning it up all the time OR covering it up, as some has suggested here. That way, the scumbags win. That way they would make me feel intimidated and afraid. That way my hair and my body wouldn't belong to me...I have the right to wear my hair uncovered, and loose, if I want, because it's my hair, and people have NO right to touch it or do disgusting things to it. That's how I would feel about the issue, at least. I'm of course not attenuating the fact that it was a horrible experience and I do feel for you, a lot :(.
I think it's a question of attitude rather than protecting/covering your hair. Like some have suggested, turn back as soon as you feel someone touching your hair/bumping your bun. If the person is invading your privacy and doing things they shoudn't, get loud, get angry, shout at him or speak in a steady, firm manner (depending on what's better according to the situation), tell them to back away, get some security if it's available and report them. Don't let them get away with themselves. They're not allowed to touch you, and that's that.
Sending you lots of hugs and energy!!



I wish I could just quit the metro and take the bus, but most of the time I need to use both to get where I need to go :(

I don't know if I'll cover my hair up even more... I would have thought just wearing it in a bun it would be enough... I like having my hair uncovered.

You guys are right... I shouldn't let this creep get me down!

[SwordWomanRiona]

I'd second all of the above. I'm really sorry this happened to you, and I hope your feelings will allow you to ultimately put all of the blame where it belongs -- that is, on the man who assaulted you. I think there's always a temptation for women to blame ourselves when this sort of thing happens; it's a mental sleight of hand that lets us believe we could have controlled the situation if only we'd done something different -- been somehow smarter, stronger, more conservatively dressed, more covered-up, less friendly, less sexually attractive, less *female*. But really, it's all down to this guy being a perverted *****head who doesn't respect women, and that's a factor outside your control.

The only suggestion I have, aside from echoing everyone who said to report the incident to law enforcement, is to not be afraid to tell people off LOUDLY when they invade your space. An angry >>>:-[ face combined with "You need to back the eff up right now, if you touch me again I'm pulling the emergency alarm / calling police / warning the driver" (as the case may be) can work wonders. A teeth-baring smile with a crazy-lady gleam in the eye doesn't hurt the delivery on that line either. Basically, the craziest person controls reality in this situation, and don't be afraid to let your vindictive bitch flag fly when confronted with this kind of crap.

:grouphug: None of this is your fault. NONE of it. And you are totally within your rights to be very upset and have a good cry. Again, I'm really sorry this happened to you.

This! I agree 100%.

[UP Lisa]

Wow. I guess I am so lucky to be able to drive myself where I want to go in my own vehicle!

So sorry this happened to you. There are a lot of sick people out there. This is NOTHING about you.

[Valfreyja]

OMG, you poor girl!!! What a sick bastard!! I agree, don't let him control what you do to your hair. It's YOUR hair, I doesn't belong to him ... if you can, I'd describe him to the police ... they might not be able to do anything, but at least he's on file then ...

What is WRONG with some people!!????

[SwordWomanRiona]

Thanks Nae. You are right. I shouldn't cut it. BAs a big f-you to that guy!:mad:



Thanks Lissandria!



I wish I could just quit the metro and take the bus, but most of the time I need to use both to get where I need to go :(

I don't know if I'll cover my hair up even more... I would have thought just wearing it in a bun it would be enough... I like having my hair uncovered.

You guys are right... I shouldn't let this creep get me down!

I'm sorry you're forced to use the metro! Is there some sort of security when you're riding it, some emergency button or the like? Maybe you can make sure you stand as close to it as possible, just in case...The bus is better because you have the conductor close, but the metro is so anonymous, some people get the feeling they're allowed to do what they want...:(

Don't let them get you down! I would tell you not to get paranoid, but to be in constant vigilance when you have to ride the metro, ready to confront a creep if you must. What a life!
I also find that the attitude you choose to act upon can do wonders...A firm-looking attitude, somewhat aloof, even, can get some people at a distance...I don't have much experience on the subject as no one has dared to go that far when I go in the bus, though...I would definitely get impetuous, firm and angry if someone crosses the line and touches you, though. If you shout in anger, you can also draw more attention from the rest of travellers, and maybe they can back you up.

[piffyanne]

There's one more suggestion I've got, and it's just what I would do: ask your husband to kiss your hair, or stroke it, or do something else that's a pleasant way for it to feel "reclaimed" for you both. I would't let a creep to have the "last word" as to who can touch my hair in any way that's construable as intimacy, especially when you and your husband share the real kind.

He thought he could hurt you, but you're a stronger woman than he bargained for. Hugs and vibes! (I agree with the vast camp of "report him" people. It's inappropriate, and unacceptable.)

[SwordWomanRiona]

Why would a girl need to cover up her hair and be punished for looking nice? Just because a creep cannot keep his manners? No, HE needs to be shamed and punished, that is something that cannot be tolerated.

I agree!!! This gets me SO angry. Why, indeed, would a woman need to cover herself up because a filthy creep can't keep his hands to himself? What we need is more self-defence courses and less 'protective parapets', which demean women's power and make them paranoid about males having access to them, imo. And more security, and less permissiveness.

Gods, I'm so angry I want to run and give that creep a punch in the nose :mad:! Unfortunately, I'm a bit far away...

[PinkyCat]

Ugh how TERRIBLE! You poor thing. I'm so sorry - I can't imagine how utterly freaked out you must be! :grouphug:

I notice from your postes that a lot of really strange stuff happens to you on public transportation. Is there any possibility in the future for you guys to get a car? Maybe the family can help, as a baby gift or something?

[SwordWomanRiona]

I wish I had thought of that before washing my hair.

There was no one else in the car but him and I. And no one who came on said anything to me, or anything to me when I was on the bus.

I would also advise trying not to be alone in a metro car. If there are more people, you can get support if a creep turns up. If there's no other way but to be alone with a person, then evaluate that person, and if you don't like the feel of them, sit away from them so that you have a clar view of what they're doing. Never with your back to them. And if you can carry a pepper spray or anything, then so much the better.

Hugs again!

[bumblebums]

I would also advise trying not to be alone in a metro car. If there are more people, you can get support if a creep turns up. If there's no other way but to be alone with a person, then evaluate that person, and if you don't like the feel of them, sit away from them so that you have a clar view of what they're doing. Never with your back to them. And if you can carry a pepper spray or anything, then so much the better.

Hugs again!

Speaking of support in a crowded subway car, this is one of my favorite "you see the darndest things on the NYC subway" video (the link takes you to a Gothamist story with the video you can click on):

http://gothamist.com/2010/11/22/video_subway_flasher_gets_verbal_ab.php

[Scarlet_Heart]

I'm trying to resist cutting it like I did before... It's hard though... :(

Fight the feeling, because I'm sure you'll instantly regret it. You may even feel over time that by doing it, you let this a-hole get the best of you and every day you look in the mirror will be a reminder of what happened. Find other ways to deal with this. Talk to someone (in addition to the police). Hell, go to a shooting range or a self-defense class. Get your anger out so you don't take it out on your beautiful hair.

:grouphug: I'm sorry this happened to you. It's disgusting but you are strong and you have a major life change right around the corner to think about and be positive about. You've totally got this. :heartbeat

[Amethyste]

( I know it's a skewed way to look at this but ...)

Think of your hair as a shield, thank god it protected you from this sicko's improper behavior. It would have been so gross if you turned around and saw *IT* or worst, ended up on your face! *shudder*

[didrash]

This is just.... horrible! You are not silly to cry! This IS assault, not all that different from r@pe. This sick pervert pig deserves jail time! I would go to the police, you washed out the evidence but at least to describe the animal so they are on the lookout if other victims report the same.

[hellucy]

:grouphug: You poor thing.... I don't know what to suggest, but I hope you are able to put this disgusting 'event' out of your mind without feeling you have to cut your hair in anyway this time. :grouphug:

[woolyleprechaun]

Speaking of support in a crowded subway car, this is one of my favorite "you see the darndest things on the NYC subway" video (the link takes you to a Gothamist story with the video you can click on):

http://gothamist.com/2010/11/22/video_subway_flasher_gets_verbal_ab.php
Best link ever. 'I SEE HIS PENIS OUT!!!!' good on the angry lady!
Im just distressed stuff like this happens. Somebody spat in my hair when I was younger, and I shaved my head because I couldnt cope with the thought of it.
Please dont cut your beautiful hair, Amber Maiden! Be strong...:o

[joyfulchiara]

I would also advise trying not to be alone in a metro car. If there are more people, you can get support if a creep turns up. If there's no other way but to be alone with a person, then evaluate that person, and if you don't like the feel of them, sit away from them so that you have a clar view of what they're doing. Never with your back to them. And if you can carry a pepper spray or anything, then so much the better.

Hugs again!


This is such great advice. Weirdos and cowards are less likely to target you face to face. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I just feel sick thinking of it.

[spoonshine]

I'd second all of the above. I'm really sorry this happened to you, and I hope your feelings will allow you to ultimately put all of the blame where it belongs -- that is, on the man who assaulted you. I think there's always a temptation for women to blame ourselves when this sort of thing happens; it's a mental sleight of hand that lets us believe we could have controlled the situation if only we'd done something different -- been somehow smarter, stronger, more conservatively dressed, more covered-up, less friendly, less sexually attractive, less *female*. But really, it's all down to this guy being a perverted *****head who doesn't respect women, and that's a factor outside your control.

The only suggestion I have, aside from echoing everyone who said to report the incident to law enforcement, is to not be afraid to tell people off LOUDLY when they invade your space. An angry >>>:-[ face combined with "You need to back the eff up right now, if you touch me again I'm pulling the emergency alarm / calling police / warning the driver" (as the case may be) can work wonders. A teeth-baring smile with a crazy-lady gleam in the eye doesn't hurt the delivery on that line either. Basically, the craziest person controls reality in this situation, and don't be afraid to let your vindictive bitch flag fly when confronted with this kind of crap.


^All this. I think girls should be given 'vindictive bitch flag flying' and 'crazy-lady gleam in the eye' lessons!

Your reaction is entirely understandable. Amidst the crying try to focus all of your anger on the ****head who assaulted you. You don't deserve any of it. I imagine giving yourself and your hair some serious pampering would be a happy thing to help you take back control of it. Hugs.

[Artisticat]

So so sorry this happened to you! :( But don't be victimized again by cutting your hair because of this criminal b$%*#@d! He deserves someone taking a pair of scissors to his &*#*!

He did wrong. You did nothing wrong.

He is a criminal. You are an innocent.

Understandably you want to cut your hair so that you are not reminded of the offense. But had it happened to another part of you - you cannot cut it out.

Take back your power. Go to the police. Warn other women and children. If you see him - take a picture and report him to the authorities immediately.

You have been sexually violated. You may want to consider some counseling to help you through this so you can feel "safe" once again.

Please take care.

[heidi w.]

Thanks guys. Feeling pretty down about it now... I just feel so gross. I can't stop crying about it- I know it's silly... :(

It is not silly, and you are not silly. People are mean and insensitive and don't care about other people. We have some real wackadoos on the planet. I have never had anyone mess with my hair in public, but I can only imagine the creepy assault violation feelings I would have.

Metro's are tight places and it's hard to find a seat sort of where your back is against the wall so no one can approach you from behind.

That would majorly creep me out, and to feel this kind of gunk in my hair in public and be stuck walking around with it. UGH.

I'm truly sorry this happened to you, but don't cut your hair. Maybe next time you travel if you've gots hubs around, maybe he can stand behind you?

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

OH and next time you feel anyone coming near your hair, definitely turn around or at least move if you can.

What a sicko! Last I heard the Metro is not a pornographic service location.

But I have had guys masturbate on buses right in front of me or beside me. It always grossed me out, and I moved. I've had my fair share of wackadoo public transportation fiasco's, including a time some guy leaned forward from the seat behind me and threatened to cut my throat. YIKES! I got the heck off of that bus ASAP and waited for the next bus. I've even been followed home, unknowingly, twice in my life. Talk about scary and creepy.

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

Does your jurisdiction allow the use of pepper spray in such circumstances, as a weapon in public? You might check with your police.

heidi w.

[Amber_Maiden]

There's one more suggestion I've got, and it's just what I would do: ask your husband to kiss your hair, or stroke it, or do something else that's a pleasant way for it to feel "reclaimed" for you both. I would't let a creep to have the "last word" as to who can touch my hair in any way that's construable as intimacy, especially when you and your husband share the real kind.

He thought he could hurt you, but you're a stronger woman than he bargained for. Hugs and vibes! (I agree with the vast camp of "report him" people. It's inappropriate, and unacceptable.)

THAT is a really good idea! I think that would make me feel better. :)

[holothuroidea]

OH and next time you feel anyone coming near your hair, definitely turn around or at least move if you can.

What a sicko! Last I heard the Metro is not a pornographic service location.

But I have had guys masturbate on buses right in front of me or beside me. It always grossed me out, and I moved. I've had my fair share of wackadoo public transportation fiasco's, including a time some guy leaned forward from the seat behind me and threatened to cut my throat. YIKES! I got the heck off of that bus ASAP and waited for the next bus. I've even been followed home, unknowingly, twice in my life. Talk about scary and creepy.

heidi w.

I have had this happen to me once, in public. I shrieked and yelled, "He's MASTURBATING!!!"

People do stuff like this because they can get away with it, and people get grossed out but keep their mouths shut. As an observer, there is no need for you to be embarrassed, THEY are the ones who should be embarrassed. Call them out, loudly, and watch them scurry like cockroaches in the light.

At times, I am very glad we live in the age of the camera phone. I would take a picture before I yelled. Then send the picture to the police later.

[Amber_Maiden]

Ugh how TERRIBLE! You poor thing. I'm so sorry - I can't imagine how utterly freaked out you must be! :grouphug:

I notice from your postes that a lot of really strange stuff happens to you on public transportation. Is there any possibility in the future for you guys to get a car? Maybe the family can help, as a baby gift or something?

We'd get a car if we had the money, which might happen if we move and DH gets a better job. No chance of getting one as a present- neither of our families have that kind of money.


I would also advise trying not to be alone in a metro car. If there are more people, you can get support if a creep turns up. If there's no other way but to be alone with a person, then evaluate that person, and if you don't like the feel of them, sit away from them so that you have a clar view of what they're doing. Never with your back to them. And if you can carry a pepper spray or anything, then so much the better.

Hugs again!

I know... I really should have moved to where more people were.


Speaking of support in a crowded subway car, this is one of my favorite "you see the darndest things on the NYC subway" video (the link takes you to a Gothamist story with the video you can click on):

http://gothamist.com/2010/11/22/video_subway_flasher_gets_verbal_ab.php

THAT is a fantastic video!!


( I know it's a skewed way to look at this but ...)

Think of your hair as a shield, thank god it protected you from this sicko's improper behavior. It would have been so gross if you turned around and saw *IT* or worst, ended up on your face! *shudder*

That's true... I'd probably be more upset if I had seen it happening...


OH and next time you feel anyone coming near your hair, definitely turn around or at least move if you can.

What a sicko! Last I heard the Metro is not a pornographic service location.

But I have had guys masturbate on buses right in front of me or beside me. It always grossed me out, and I moved. I've had my fair share of wackadoo public transportation fiasco's, including a time some guy leaned forward from the seat behind me and threatened to cut my throat. YIKES! I got the heck off of that bus ASAP and waited for the next bus. I've even been followed home, unknowingly, twice in my life. Talk about scary and creepy.

heidi w.

Yep... I have to start watching what is going on around me... You'd think I would have learned from my pervious hair encounter... :(


I have had this happen to me once, in public. I shrieked and yelled, "He's MASTURBATING!!!"

People do stuff like this because they can get away with it, and people get grossed out but keep their mouths shut. As an observer, there is no need for you to be embarrassed, THEY are the ones who should be embarrassed. Call them out, loudly, and watch them scurry like cockroaches in the light.

At times, I am very glad we live in the age of the camera phone. I would take a picture before I yelled. Then send the picture to the police later.

True, and will do, if there ever is a next time.

[StPaulaGirl]

I have had this happen to me once, in public. I shrieked and yelled, "He's MASTURBATING!!!"

People do stuff like this because they can get away with it, and people get grossed out but keep their mouths shut. As an observer, there is no need for you to be embarrassed, THEY are the ones who should be embarrassed. Call them out, loudly, and watch them scurry like cockroaches in the light.

At times, I am very glad we live in the age of the camera phone. I would take a picture before I yelled. Then send the picture to the police later.

This happened to me once, too, on a public beach. I went up to the guy who was masturbating and said, "If you don't put that away and leave, I'm going to call the police." I was furious, and let him know it. He was so flabbergasted he practically fell over himself trying to cover himself up. He definitely hightailed it out of there.

These type of people are sick cowards who WANT to get a reaction out of you. They want to frighten and scare you because it makes them feel in control and empowered. You're not silly to feel this way, not at all. I'd be really grossed out and upset too if that happened to me. Ugh.

But don't let this guy win by cutting off your hair. And as others have said, if someone is being a creep in the future, call them on it. Place the power and control back into your own hands.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

:grouphug:

[heidi w.]

Don't feel bad that you didn't move or "do something". Sometimes all we know and have are the circumcumstances we have at the moment.

I've had these problems riding buses, and I've yelled or told the driver or something. One time I insisted the bus stop between stops and he refused, and I kept telling the driver of what had just happened, but he wouldn't stop til there was a bus stop. He just didn't care or didn't believe me or was afraid of losing his job if he stopped between stops. This was the time the dude threatened to cut my throat on the bus. So, sometimes you're stuck.

It's so shocking what is going on that we lose our cool and don't really know what's best to do.

Don't blame yourself. That is the wrong position to take. Today will be better than yesterday. And better the day after, such as tomorrow. I hope your husband understands and is kind to you.

heidi w.

[Amethyste]

I think when we are caught in situations like these, we always nag ourselves after with "I should have done this or done that", because that's what we do. The truth is, you didn't know what he was doing until later when it was "too late". all you can do is to take better precautions so that situation does not happen again. now it's the time to do the "I will do this and will do that" to prepare for something of that sort later. A lot of people freeze in these kind of situations and others just act completely different. you will be fine dear, ask your husband to braid your hair, to kiss is, snuggle it and put lavender in it as a gesture of love and all will be ok... (much love to you )

On a lighter note, I remember going to an ATM machine in Seattle, there was a man behind me waiting in line to get to the machine... so when I was done, I turned around and he opened up his trench coat and he was stark naked. Hair an all! I must have had the most surprised look on my face, and i said " Ewww, that's GROSS!" Scurried out and actually cried. Then 1/2 way through my route to work, I started to laugh histerically.

[HintOfMint]

I knew I shouldn't have opened this thread. I have a severe fear of germs and other people's bodily fluids, so I can imagine how traumatizing this must be for you. I freak out if someone accidentally spits on me when they're talking. I'm so sorry this happened to you.


Great, now I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. You have company!

[Amber_Maiden]

I think when we are caught in situations like these, we always nag ourselves after with "I should have done this or done that", because that's what we do. The truth is, you didn't know what he was doing until later when it was "too late". all you can do is to take better precautions so that situation does not happen again. now it's the time to do the "I will do this and will do that" to prepare for something of that sort later. A lot of people freeze in these kind of situations and others just act completely different. you will be fine dear, ask your husband to braid your hair, to kiss is, snuggle it and put lavender in it as a gesture of love and all will be ok... (much love to you )

On a lighter note, I remember going to an ATM machine in Seattle, there was a man behind me waiting in line to get to the machine... so when I was done, I turned around and he opened up his trench coat and he was stark naked. Hair an all! I must have had the most surprised look on my face, and i said " Ewww, that's GROSS!" Scurried out and actually cried. Then 1/2 way through my route to work, I started to laugh histerically.

I'll get my husband to do that :) He wants to make me feel better... and he can't do what he wants to do which is go find the guy... lol

That's just.. gross!! I'm glad you said that to him!!! Hopefully he was embarrassed and will never do it again!

[Amber_Maiden]

I knew I shouldn't have opened this thread. I have a severe fear of germs and other people's bodily fluids, so I can imagine how traumatizing this must be for you. I freak out if someone accidentally spits on me when they're talking. I'm so sorry this happened to you.


Great, now I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. You have company!

Don't cry!!! I did enough of that on my own!
It would have probably freaked me out even more if I was scared of germs.

[*Seraphina*]

That is just aweful that this happend to you :(
lots of hugs!

[Macaroni]

This is the worst hair story I've ever heard!! I'd wear a scarf over my hair if there was any chance of meeting these wackos while I'm going about my business.

[Venefica]

That is awful that man on the bus must have some serious issues. That is assault one can not go and put...well ones stuff in other people's hair. I understand why you are grossed out. I hope you will fell better son.

[Changling]

Don't feel bad that you didn't move or "do something". Sometimes all we know and have are the circumcumstances we have at the moment.

I've had these problems riding buses, and I've yelled or told the driver or something. One time I insisted the bus stop between stops and he refused, and I kept telling the driver of what had just happened, but he wouldn't stop til there was a bus stop. He just didn't care or didn't believe me or was afraid of losing his job if he stopped between stops. This was the time the dude threatened to cut my throat on the bus. So, sometimes you're stuck.

It's so shocking what is going on that we lose our cool and don't really know what's best to do.

Don't blame yourself. That is the wrong position to take. Today will be better than yesterday. And better the day after, such as tomorrow. I hope your husband understands and is kind to you.

heidi w.

I agree. It is so easy to slip into a pattern of self-blame with this sort of thing. It goes from "I shouldn't be on the metro" to "I shouldn't be attractive" to "I should have done something." Like others have said, this isn't about you...it could have been anyone on that metro car.

Maybe next time you'll wear a hood, move to a different car, yell at the guy, hit an emergency button, or just sit with your back to the wall, but maybe you won't. Maybe you'll be too shocked or unaware or unable for some reason, and it STILL won't be your fault. It will never be your fault, and it wasn't your fault either of the times it's happened.

Really, your a better member of society for being able to ride a metro without filling it with pepper spray every time someone gets too close. And it's despicable that anyone would take advantage of that - does he want everyone to regard each other with suspicion?

Whatever, I'm blathering now. I can't help it, I get upset when an innocent person (a MOTHER, even! jeez) is treated so badly. It's just so WRONG.

[holothuroidea]

Yeah, Amber, don't worry about what you could have done. It's not your responsibility to stop these things from happening.


... On a lighter note, I remember going to an ATM machine in Seattle, there was a man behind me waiting in line to get to the machine... so when I was done, I turned around and he opened up his trench coat and he was stark naked. Hair an all! I must have had the most surprised look on my face, and i said " Ewww, that's GROSS!" Scurried out and actually cried. Then 1/2 way through my route to work, I started to laugh histerically.

Wouldn't it be great if you could vomit on command?

Guy thinks he's so great and going to freak you out by flashing you and you just puke all over his feet. That would be so fantastic.

[Amanah]

Amber Maiden - I'm so sorry this happened to you. :grouphug:

How could this have happened without someone saying something to the guy? didn't anyone see him?:disgust:

this reaffirms my compulsion to have my back to something, and to be aware of who is around me.:pins:

[Chetanlaiho]

It's not silly at all! What he did was disgusting, violating and overall awful, I'm so sorry that happened to you =(

Don't want to believe people do things like that, hell it makes me shudder just reading about it I can't imagine how you feel right now...

Time for a good clarifying and a nice smelling DT maybe?

Edit: also, I understand wanting to cut your hair to try and forget about it perhaps, but every time you'll look in the mirror you'll just be reminded of it that way (even more until it grows back). Don't give up something you love because of something that should never be allowed to happen in the first place :(

[heidi w.]

I think when we are caught in situations like these, we always nag ourselves after with "I should have done this or done that", because that's what we do. The truth is, you didn't know what he was doing until later when it was "too late". all you can do is to take better precautions so that situation does not happen again. now it's the time to do the "I will do this and will do that" to prepare for something of that sort later. A lot of people freeze in these kind of situations and others just act completely different. you will be fine dear, ask your husband to braid your hair, to kiss is, snuggle it and put lavender in it as a gesture of love and all will be ok... (much love to you )

On a lighter note, I remember going to an ATM machine in Seattle, there was a man behind me waiting in line to get to the machine... so when I was done, I turned around and he opened up his trench coat and he was stark naked. Hair an all! I must have had the most surprised look on my face, and i said " Ewww, that's GROSS!" Scurried out and actually cried. Then 1/2 way through my route to work, I started to laugh histerically.

Yep, been flashed in public park in San Francisco one time. It was pretty disgusting, and I just flat out laughed out loud while he stood there. My friend who was with me, on the other hand, was severely upset and couldn't get over it for a long time. She was a super nice lady, too, and I think I lost a friend because I couldn't relate to her upsetness. It was too bad, and I feel bad that I wasn't able to help her feel better. But that was her and that was me.

heidi w.

[leslissocool]

You poor thing :( I am so sorry.

[Manzanilla]

Poor girl :(
I hope you feel better soon! Lots of hugs!

[RecklessCharlie]

I took three diluted shampoos to get out, though I probably could have stopped at two. It didn't want to get out of my hair- sort of became like glue.:(
This here makes me wonder if it is in fact semen. Pretty sure semen washes out quite easy with soap and water...? Perhaps something else got in your hair, or someone spilled something on you and was too embarrassed to mention it. Personally I have drug my hair it stuff and gotten stuff in it and not even noticed until even a day later! Its not that I'm unobservant its just that there's a lot of hair and a lot of it that I can't see!

It is possible that something entirely different happened than what it seems happened. Once I was in a park and there was this guy standing with his back to me and his arms where it front of him and one was moving rhythmically and it TOTALLY looked like he was masturbating and I was all set to go tell him off when he turned around and he was just scraping the label off some sort dog toy, which he then proceeded to give to his dog, obviously not wanting his dog to ingest the paper.

Point being that though there are weird and perverted people out there and it is certainly possible that some perv was doing something awful in your vicinity - and if that's the case he should absolutely be reported and I hope he gets caught next time - it is also possible that it was something else completely.

Either way, don't let the actions of someone else get you down, life's too short to be ruined by weirdos :)

[Aeltt]

Gross. I don't see how you could have guessed what he was doing, it's so.. sick. I think we'll be all more careful in the metro from now on.

Don't cut your hair, it's really pretty :) If we payed attention to all of those weirdo's obsessions, we'd never step out of our houses (or wear burka..). Stay yourself, your hair is definitely not the problem in this story.

[RecklessCharlie]

Yep, been flashed in public park in San Francisco one time. It was pretty disgusting, and I just flat out laughed out loud while he stood there. My friend who was with me, on the other hand, was severely upset and couldn't get over it for a long time. She was a super nice lady, too, and I think I lost a friend because I couldn't relate to her upsetness. It was too bad, and I feel bad that I wasn't able to help her feel better. But that was her and that was me.

heidi w.

Yeah it always seems to be parks doesn't it? Some friends and I were in a park and this guy proceeded to take off his clothes (first mistake, he dropped them on the ground) and run around scaring all the moms and kids. So one of my friends runs over and picks up the pervs clothes and tosses them in a tree then the 5 of us started laughing and yelling at him then took off running straight at him, he turned around and high tailed it, and we chased him across the park! It was a shame all those kids had to see that but it was hilarious when we turned the tables on icky idiot :)

[share801]

Echoing all the I'm sorry that's awful.

Maybe stick a scarf in your pusre for your next metro ride. I'm sure you would feel a lot safer/better know ing it was protected.

[oktobergoud]

OMG that is awful!! :( Some serious violation, yeah! I totally understand you're upset.. *hugs*

[Amber_Maiden]

This here makes me wonder if it is in fact semen. Pretty sure semen washes out quite easy with soap and water...? Perhaps something else got in your hair, or someone spilled something on you and was too embarrassed to mention it. Personally I have drug my hair it stuff and gotten stuff in it and not even noticed until even a day later! Its not that I'm unobservant its just that there's a lot of hair and a lot of it that I can't see!

It is possible that something entirely different happened than what it seems happened. Once I was in a park and there was this guy standing with his back to me and his arms where it front of him and one was moving rhythmically and it TOTALLY looked like he was masturbating and I was all set to go tell him off when he turned around and he was just scraping the label off some sort dog toy, which he then proceeded to give to his dog, obviously not wanting his dog to ingest the paper.

Point being that though there are weird and perverted people out there and it is certainly possible that some perv was doing something awful in your vicinity - and if that's the case he should absolutely be reported and I hope he gets caught next time - it is also possible that it was something else completely.

Either way, don't let the actions of someone else get you down, life's too short to be ruined by weirdos :)

From what my friend have told me it is very hard to wash out with just water- which is what I tried to do, at first. Anything else would have washed out. My husband had to try to wash it out for me- which is how he figured out what it was.

I wish it wasn't it, but it was.

[embee]

OMG, ick yuk, gross, disgusting. :( bleccccch. :( Oh puke.

Let your DH help to reclaim your hair and cleanse it of this pollution.

If you cut, the perv will have won. How bad is that!

Yes, we need to be ready to scream out our rage and disgust when stuff like this happens. We've been brought up to be so nice and polite and quiet. Not the right moves in situations like these. When I was at Uni a strange man (not a student) flashed me - and I responded negatively, loudly, "Are you insane?" and he drove away in a great hurrry. :D

[styric]

I've had guys masturbate on the bus. Most of the time yelling 'HE'S MASTURBATING!! HOW DISGUSTINGLY TINY!' then calling for the bus driver makes the sicko bolt like a bat out of hell. Once the driver stopped the bus and threw the guy bodily off. I think he should have locked the doors and called the cops personally.

Sickos want to scare and traumatize you, it gives them power. Laughing at them or raising a ruckus is not what they want. They ARE cockroaches and they don't like light.

I've never been targeted for my hair (it's only waist length), but oddly enough I've had alot of threats from women on late night buses.

[longcurlygirl<3]

Thanks guys. Feeling pretty down about it now... I just feel so gross. I can't stop crying about it- I know it's silly... :(

You are silly, he's a creepier and disgusted guy. Did you tell him to stop? Besides it's not your hair's fault :( maybe keep pepper spray in your purse to drive creeps away. **Hug** and sorry of what happened:(

[Elenna]

OMG, don't let that awful person get to you. And time does heal.

[RapunzelKat]

I am so sorry! :( What a terrible thing to have happen! :( A big :grouphug: to you. I have gotten some creepy hair comments before, but nothing like that, I can only imagine how you must feel.

Just to echo what others have said... There is nothing silly at all about crying, I know I would in your place! Crying can be very cleansing. And don't blame either yourself or your hair - it is all his fault and in no way yours.

I think the idea of having your husband help you reclaim your hair is a fantastic one, I really hope you will not cut it. Hang in there - you are going to be okay :blossom:

[Bedhead]

:grouphugs:

The metro??? The metro has tons of cameras, chances are he's on video getting on or off the metro. I'll hold your hand if you want to go to the police and report him.

As for you, I know soap and water doesn't wash the experience away. A smudge can be very helpful in taking away the negative energy.

So sorry this happened to you....

[jacqueline101]

People are actively mean.

[Narya]

I agree you should report it, if you haven't already done so. It is not your "fault", and that sick excuse of a being does not deserve that much power: do not cut your hair, shake the feeling of being "dirty" off you. You are stronger than that. I agree that it is a normal reaction, though, so don't feel bad to have reacted this way, just do not get stuck in it.

:grouphug:

I hope they get him and make him pay for being suck a disgusting pseudo-human!

[Amber_Maiden]

I went and reported it today. They didn't take me seriously at all at first, but oh well... At least they have it on file.

[Becky9679]

This is absolutely horrible but you mustn't feel bad about it and definitely shouldn't cut your hair! I don't think you should even wear it covered either to be honest, why should you change just because of this disgusting man? There will always be sick and horrible people in the world regardless of whether you have long hair or not.

I remember when I was 18 I had a job in a nightclub and one particularly crowded night I was collecting glasses in the dance area, my hands were full and some guy comes up and grabs my crotch then disappears into the crowd again. He was just an opportunist who picked on me because my hands were full and I wasn't in a position to defend myself or shove him away (looking back on it I could have smashed the glasses I was holding over his head..... hindsight is a wonderful thing). This wasn't my fault any more than what happened to you was yours. The only thing I did wrong was not to report it, I think at the time I was so shocked it had happened I just froze and then when I'd recovered somewhat I thought "he probably did it because he's drunk, I didn't get a good look at him and security probably won't be able to catch him now anyway" so I didn't mention it to anyone.

:grouphug: You will get through this with the love and support of your husband and definitely report it to the police. There should be CCTV footage showing this guy. Like others have said, if he did it to you he may well have done it to others before, and he may do worse in the future.

ETA: You posted just as I was writing mine - that's appalling that they didn't take you seriously!!! If that wasn't an assault then what do they class as assault?!?!

[Amber_Maiden]

ETA: You posted just as I was writing mine - that's appalling that they didn't take you seriously!!! If that wasn't an assault then what do they class as assault?!?!

They didn't take me seriously at first, but I think I got the point about how serious the situation was.

[carolinaberry]

Wow, that is really gross. What a violation!

[leilasahhar]

I wish I was there..I woulda hit that F***** hard! lol sorry

[Bedhead]

I went and reported it today. They didn't take me seriously at all at first, but oh well... At least they have it on file.

Good for you! It takes a lot of courage to do that. And yes, at least it's on file.

Be gentle with yourself. :)

[long&blonde]

Wow. Just wow.
Because of what happened to you before,
As awful as this was, I know you must feel a zillion times more shook up,
Because it triggers all the feelings & memories from last time.
I totally agree:scarf.
Treat yourself to a pretty one, that makes your eyes pop,
Or with golden threads through it. Then if you're out alone in public? Cover your hair.
Its a shame how sick the world can be,and that you have to live defensively.
But sitting in a scarf,alone,every pervie looking nut you see,you can silently think "Ha Ha. Can't touch this."

[Chetanlaiho]

But sitting in a scarf,alone,every pervie looking nut you see,you can silently think "Ha Ha. Can't touch this."
Super off topic but I totally read that last line with the MC hammer tune xD

[ArienEllariel]

Super off topic but I totally read that last line with the MC hammer tune xD

bahaha me too!:D

[Quetiepi]

This whole story is kind of weird. Why didn't you move away from the guy when he first bumped into you?

[Long_hair_bear]

Sorry about this amber. I hope you don't cut your hair cause of this! It's so lovely! Maybe keep it under a hat in the metro?

[GabrielleRose]

I can't believe this happened to you! That is so horrible and disgusting, no one deserves to have that done to them or their hair.

I am very sorry, and I hope it doesn't make you want to cut your hair because it wasn't yours or your hair's fault. People are just so cruel and disgusting.

I second the scarf wearing as well.

Just know we're all here for you. :grouphug:

[Amber_Maiden]

Super off topic but I totally read that last line with the MC hammer tune xD

haha. Same here :p

[Amber_Maiden]

This whole story is kind of weird. Why didn't you move away from the guy when he first bumped into you?

The benches are back to back, and I get bumped by people quite often. I do usually move, but this time I was tired, and my centre of gravity is off, since I'm pregnant... In hindsight I really should have moved.

And yes, it is weird.

[Quetiepi]

How long were you riding in the car with the guy? Was it a short distance?

I am not a violent person, but I hope his thing falls off for what he did to you. I also think it was a good idea to report him. Pervents escalate their behavior as they are successful. You don't know what he will do to the next woman.
I hope that you take a different route home from now on. This may be his regular route and you do not need to run into him again.

[Amber_Maiden]

How long were you riding in the car with the guy? Was it a short distance?

I am not a violent person, but I hope his thing falls off for what he did to you. I also think it was a good idea to report him. Pervents escalate their behavior as they are successful. You don't know what he will do to the next woman.
I hope that you take a different route home from now on. This may be his regular route and you do not need to run into him again.

I was alone in the car with him about 7-10min. I usually don't even use the metro line I was on, so hopefully I won't see him again.

[Carolyn]

That's just awful :grouphug: Don't let this perverted sicko have power over you. You will be miserable if you cut. It would be a victory for him. Give your hair some pampering. It doesn't deserve to be destroyed because of that creep. Be kind to yourself and your hair.

[Vanilla]

Hugs! I am so sorry this happened to you.

[skaempfer]

I went and reported it today. They didn't take me seriously at all at first, but oh well... At least they have it on file.

I'm so glad you did this. Sometime it's just a matter of having enough similar reports on file until something will be done about.

Don't blame your hair for this. The guy was just a slimeball. Hugs to you and your hair for being brave!

[HappyHair87]

Wow! I would take my hair as is to a police station and get a dna test done on it! That is GROSS! I'm so sorry that happened to you!!

[Charlotte:)]

Wow. Hair rape? I'm so sorry that happened to you :(

[carolinaberry]

I also have to chime in again and say, "Don't start covering your hair!" There is no way you should have to cover your beautiful hair in order to not be violated! It was HIM doing something wrong, not you for not hiding your hair. I'm sorry, but I hate the suggestion (made by some cultural groups more than others- like the Southern Baptist community in which I was raised) that a woman has to cover from head to toe in a tent in order to keep men from doing horrible things-because, don't ya know men just can't control their actions when evil women tempt them by existing!

I don't mean this as offensive to anyone who suggested you cover it, because I know everyone is just horrified for you...but it seems like cutting it or covering it would let him win and let him violate you all over again-because if I were you, and I started wearing a head covering, I would think of the incident every single time I put it on.

Good for you for reporting it though.

[Helix]

*shudders* Ugh! That is revolting. I can't believe other passengers just sat there watching without saying or doing something. Cowards. *Sigh,* trying really hard not to lose my faith in humanity...

[Dragon]

I’m sorry that happened to you :grouphug: I agree to not cutting your hair. Don’t let him win. Hopefully they catch him and do something about it.

[Hairizona]

I really really empathize with you...you poor thing,,,I had a similar experience as a child...

When I was in 5th grade and walking home from school one day, 2 teenagers coming from the opposite direction and therefore toward me, parted and as each walked on each side of me, one of them spit directly on the top of my head!
I was too afraid to say anything or react;I remember feeling mortified and "shamed"... I walked home without saying a word or touching my head. I had to wash my hair. I never told anyone about it after I said something to my mother, who seemed to think it was no big deal. She simply said, " Quit having such a fit and go wash your hair, then..."
Just a note:I am the only one that was interested in and had long hair in my family.... I am the different one....

[SwordWomanRiona]

I also have to chime in again and say, "Don't start covering your hair!" There is no way you should have to cover your beautiful hair in order to not be violated! It was HIM doing something wrong, not you for not hiding your hair. I'm sorry, but I hate the suggestion (made by some cultural groups more than others- like the Southern Baptist community in which I was raised) that a woman has to cover from head to toe in a tent in order to keep men from doing horrible things-because, don't ya know men just can't control their actions when evil women tempt them by existing!

I don't mean this as offensive to anyone who suggested you cover it, because I know everyone is just horrified for you...but it seems like cutting it or covering it would let him win and let him violate you all over again-because if I were you, and I started wearing a head covering, I would think of the incident every single time I put it on.

Good for you for reporting it though.

These are my thoughts as well.


Good for you for reporting! That was the righteous thing to do. Now be kind to yourself, do things you like, give yourself some treats :grouphug:

[blondecat]

(((Hugs)))

[Nae]

*shudders* Ugh! That is revolting. I can't believe other passengers just sat there watching without saying or doing something. Cowards. *Sigh,* trying really hard not to lose my faith in humanity...

Don't lose faith, the OP was alone with the perpetrator at the time of the incident. I am sure other passengers would have said something but there was no one there. He took advantage of that, the scumbag.

[lapushka]

Offering you hugs! :grouphug: I'm so sorry this happened, but at least you took some of the power back and reported the incident. That took a lot of courage!

[DarkSky]

I'm so upset for you :( I think you are brave to just talk about it here imo. The good thing is that you are not likely to get into that predicament again especially since you are not a regular transit user.

[PianoPlaye]

Huge hugs!:grouphug:
Yeuch - Absolutely Not Your Fault & congratulations on reporting it to the police. Let them check security footage & I really hope they can recognise someone for you. That takes courage & you did it & good on you.

Meantime, please don't cut your hair.
Absolutely take the passions out on something else. Here in the UK I advocate scrubbing the bathroom. Mostly as there's a lot of little corners to tackle and by the time the passion has worn off, you also have a spanking clean bathroom. That said, if I had a gun range handy, I'd be pouring ammo down it. The supersoaker I'm allowed doesn't quite cut it.

I am very happy to read your husband wants to prowl the warpath. This is the right site to find the most nurturing, time taking, best applied with at least 4 hands conditioning treatment (I'm guessing you'll have clarified with some thoroughness?) and spend time together cherishing each other and your wonderful hair.

It isn't your fault.

Cry all you need to.

Sometime (soon) repossess the Metro as a place you have Every Right to be.

Hindsight as a tool to beat yourself up with is the wrong tool & should be taken gently from your hands & a cup of tea placed therein instead.

You're pregnant.
You were tired.
Why should you have moved? No ma'am, you are in the right & that shmuck is in the Wrong.

Cover you hair only if you want to.

[MissHair]

Thats such a violation. Whatever you do, don't cut your hair because of that incident. Don't let it get to you!!!! There are lots of pervs on the public transports. Don't let them win!

[Audrey Horne]

:grouphug: omg I'm so shocked to read this! my jaw has dropped......... Please don't cut your hair. There should have been something else cut, which isn't your hair. It's awful, I'm really sorry!

[Yame]

Wow, that's one of the worst hair-related incidents I've ever heard of. You have every right to be upset. This is sexual harassment and abuse, and if you had caught him in the act he would have been in serious trouble for it (I wish you had). This is serious stuff.

What a sick, perverted human being. I can't help but wish you had reported the incident before washing the evidence out, because I want him to be caught. But I can't blame you for not even thinking of that after the trauma.

So sorry this happened to you :(

[Changling]

Good for you, reporting the incident. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to report, with them not even taking it seriously...glad you were able to make them see it was a serious issue.

[Celtic Morla]

Amber Maiden you are allowed to cry you have been violated. And knowing your past yes it is tramatic. I wouls possibly file a report with the company so they are aware that there is a disgusting man around, and start carrying a scarf in your bag to cover your hair whenever you need to. I am sure you are not the first woman who has has this done to her and th ecompany should post it on their busses to possiby discourgae the pervert from ding so and to make women aware fo this issue!

People are disgusting and then they wonder why someone get fed up and goes postal??

[Melanie Marie]

I am SO sorry that happened!!! It is not your fault at all, nor your hair's fault! You have every right to feel violated. There really isn't much you can do at this point besides WASH your hair VERY WELL. ;)