Discouraging!

[kallarina]

Hello, everyone!
I'm still fairly new here, so please excuse any newbie errors. :p

My DBF keeps telling me he would like my hair if I cut it shorter. It's a couple inches shy of tailbone right now, and he wants me to cut it to shoulder!!! Uh, no way!
Any others have this problem with their SO? How do I handle it? It's frustrating to have someone who doesn't appreciate all my hard work on my locks. :mad:

[moxamoll]

Hello, everyone!
I'm still fairly new here, so please excuse any newbie errors. :p

My DBF keeps telling me he would like my hair if I cut it shorter. It's a couple inches shy of tailbone right now, and he wants me to cut it to shoulder!!! Uh, no way!
Any others have this problem with their SO? How do I handle it? It's frustrating to have someone who doesn't appreciate all my hard work on my locks. :mad:

Does he have a specific reason? My DBF didn't like my hair getting up his nose at night, but since I started braiding it at night - no worries! Maybe it's something easy to fix/compromise on? Otherwise, I agree, how hard is it to support you in something so simple?

[leslissocool]

DH is quite the opposite, he panicked with I told him I wanted to get a trim!

Is there a reason why he wants it to be at shoulder? I'd tell him you love your long hair. I think your avatar is GORGEOUS! Do you complain about taking care of it? Because sometimes I do, and DH tells me to "cut it off then" even though he likes it long and he knows I like it long.

[spidermom]

Different strokes for different folks! I wish I could get my husband to grow out his hair, but he keeps it about 1 inch long (at the longest). He told me he would wear his hair how he likes it, thank you very much. You can tell your SO the same.

[kallarina]

My hair was at shoulder when we met, and I've been growing ever since. I never thought much about asking him for his opinion because we don't talk much about it, so maybe he just doesn't know how much I love my hair? I don't think I even complain (at least not to him about it! :p )

Thank you so much leslissocool! I adore your siggy pic!

[kallarina]

Different strokes for different folks! I wish I could get my husband to grow out his hair, but he keeps it about 1 inch long (at the longest). He told me he would wear his hair how he likes it, thank you very much. You can tell your SO the same.

That is a pretty good response! I've never been sure how to respond when he says it!

[Amber_Maiden]

Do what makes you happy- not your SO. You have to be happy. If they don't like you for who you are and what makes you happy, then what is the point? My DH supports me and my hair growing, even though he doesn't really care about hair. He says he likes all hair. But he does say long ahi looks very good on me :)

[white.chocolate]

Uhh... I wouldn't be with my SO if he said "I'd like you more/better if you did..." Do what you like and don't be influenced by what people tell you to do. You must have beautiful hair.

[kallarina]

Thanks for the responses. I am very happy with growing my hair, and will continue to do so because it makes me happy! I guess it's true, I can't change his opinion, just nice to have some support, you know? But I guess that's why I have all you lovely ladies here. :D

[MissHair]

I've never had this problem. My ex-significant others have always wanted me to grow out my hair and discouraged me from cutting it short. Have you asked him why he wants you to cut it shoulder lenght? Maybe you could tell him you would only settle for a trim. Oh... and.. do you think he might want you in short hair because he is afraid someone else might fancy you with long hair? Guys can be silly sometimes. :P

[Littlewing13]

Look If you've been with him since you had shoulder length hair then I would safely say that he loves you for you, not how long your hair is. Sometimes guys just say these things cause they are like "what if?" or "this might get a rise out of her" or even just to remember those early times when you first met & were so happy & in love & it was all new.

Tell him you wont cut it. Maybe if you want to humour him get a short wig. Just like you had your hair when you met. Wear it around the house for him just for funsies.

[afu]

my SO is the opposite, he loves my hair long (i wouldn't mind it being very very short or long, i just don't want it 'inbetween'). I do put it up for bed which i think he appreciates otherwise it just goes everywhere (as well as getting tangly). Like the others suggest - ask him why. Is this something he regularly brings up out of the blue? also, as you say maybe he just doesn't realise how much it means to you, only you can change that by letting him know :)

[GlennaGirl]

My DH would probably like it if I went back to blonde, lost 25 lbs. and wore teddies around the house while feather-dusting but THAT'S not about to happen either. :D

I love long hair on both genders. My DH keeps his hair very, very, very closely shaved. He's done so for the past 10 years. Longer hair is uncomfortable for him. It gets really hot out here. So be it.

It definitely works both ways.

[PixxieStix]

I don't think my SO would be asking me to trim/cut my hair unless it was getting in his way for some reason, and that seems an easy enough fix. I'd just ask him why he wants it at shoulder and go from there. I mean, don't cut your hair because he thinks it would look good or any other reason he would have, but open communication will avoid any hurt feelings over something that could be as simple as him just saying something out loud when he was thinking about when you two first met. He may never be the most supportive person of your hair, but if he loves you and knows it makes you happy, he'll leave it be and you can hang with us for all the "ooooos" and "aaaaahs" over your hair. :D

[spookyghost]

Im very new here too. I love everyones thoughts on this subject. It is amazing how different everyone SO is. Some like blondes, red heads, or brunettes. Some like long hair, short hair, and some dont really care either way! My DH loves long hair-absolutely loves it! And thank goodness I love it too. I will put my hair up when I work out because I work out hard and I cant have it in my face. Now I am not one of those women you see on tv that will take the pin out ouf their hair and it just flows down their body looking absolutely fantastic. No. My hair is this awful sweaty frizz ball that does not flow anywhere. My husband would rather see that nasty frizz ball after I work out than for me to keep it up! He hates my hair up because it looks short. Now this doesnt bother me because we like the same thing. I love long hair and I would never cut my hair. But thank goodness. Because if I ever did cut it, I wouldnt come home!

[Annibelle]

I have the opposite problem... SO never wants me to cut my hair. That's one reason I'm hesitant to part with my too-thin ends... he freaks when I cut them, even a tiny bit! I'm fantasizing about SL hair right now... but I daren't tell him! :p

[mz_butterfly]

I did have an ex boyfriend who was always wanting me to change something. I finally wised up and changed roomies. He was so controlling and I allowed it. Never again. It was not worth it, it's better to be alone sometimes. Now I can grow my hair, eat sardines and have cookies in bed without anyone complaining.

[kallarina]

It is something he brings up out of the blue sometimes. For example, perhaps will be hanging out in the evening, he'll reach over and say, "I think your hair would look good if you cut it to here," and point at my collarbone. Or he will look at actresses with short hair and tell me that my hair would look good like that. It's not as though he is actively telling me what to do, just voicing an opinion, and I've never made much of it until yesterday, when I realized he's said it numerous times. I dot think he's opposed to long hair. Maybe he thinks he's complimenting me? I never know how to react to it. Truthfully, I'm sure if we get into a conversation about hair, he'll think I'm totally bonkers for how obsessed I am! :p
I will talk to him about it in the morn, and let you all know how it goes. Maybe we will get an answer as to why on earth he would ever even dare suggest that I cut my hair! :scandalized:

[Kelikea]

When my husband and I first got together, he would comment how much he liked straight, dark, silky hair. Mine was wavy, long, and dark honey blonde w/natural highlights. Not really "silky", more prone to frizz and tangles. It was also close to TB and all one length. When it was down, he would sit on it or it would get caught in his watch or under his arm. He wasn't used to being around long hair. He would ask me to cut it and tell me if I didn't, he would cut off my braid when I was asleep. I finally cut it, but not a lot. We were both happy. I usually keep it somewhere between waist and BCL. Now, he tells me how beautiful it is and he likes it long and he likes the color, and texture. He has come to appreciate me and my hair for the way we are and for how I like it. It was cut to BSL and layered once and he was so upset. He understands it means a lot to me to have long hair, and it has come to be important to him, too.

Maybe your SO will come to appreciate yours, in time. If he can understand that it is important to you, and you take good care of it, then he shouldn't want you to change it.

[Hyacinth]

I think you're right about saying that he's just expressing his opinion. I used to think my DH opinions meant I should really go out and get it cut the way he likes it. I told him that I love men with beards and he now grows one now and then, but lately he's clean-shaven because HE likes himself that way. I still love him the same, and know he will still love me the same long hair or short. :)

[Safira]

Oh honey, I know how you feel. My dear ex did that same thing. Back then I had long hair, classic-lenght. He hated it and every day he told me to cut it. It didn´t bother me at first but after a year it started. I felt so annoyed, and surprised how he didn´t like so important side of me.
Well, we broke up and after couple of years I did cut, but that´s different story.

I think you should ask him, next time he wants you cut your hair, why is cutting so important to him, beside he loved how you look.
But, cut only when you want, if you want, if you cut your hair because someone else says so, it´s like cutting your fingers off because it pleases someone.

[bluebird77]

My DH would probably like it if I went back to blonde, lost 25 lbs. and wore teddies around the house while feather-dusting but THAT'S not about to happen either. :D

lol :)


I will talk to him about it in the morn, and let you all know how it goes. Maybe we will get an answer as to why on earth he would ever even dare suggest that I cut my hair! :scandalized:

Hehe.. you must.. we demand answers!

I'm lucky, my SO is supportive of my TB goal and talks me out of cutting when I get frustrated and want to hack it all (which isn't much yet) off. But it has to be said that he definitely knows how important it is to me and how obsessed I am because I've bored the poor guy senseless talking about hair for the past few months. I don't think he particularly cares how long my hair is but he knows how much I care.

[Neneka]

Just do what makes you happy. My SO doesn't like the pink tone in my hair but he likes me being happy. That works both ways too. :)

Have you tried faux-bob? You could wear that sometimes instead of cutting your hair for real. ;) Here is an article with instructions: http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/vbjournal.php?do=article&articleid=207

[jacqueline101]

I'd wear my hair as I choose. Its beautiful hair by the way.

[MsBubbles]

He would ask me to cut it and tell me if I didn't, he would cut off my braid when I was asleep.

Well that'd be a sure fire way for me to NEVER sleep with that person again! Ever. shudder:

[PixieKitten]

I'm on the oppsote end of the scale here.. Not only is my DBF encouraging me growing out my hair, he's doing it too! We're about the same length, but mine is much thicker and wavier so it looks like more.. And I grow faster than he does, which he's totally jealous of! x] But if he didn't like it and had wanted me to keep it in the bright red pixie, I would have told him tough luck.

What did your DBF say? I think we're all dying to know why he'd ever think lopping off your beautiful tresses would be a good idea!

[leslissocool]

My DH would probably like it if I went back to blonde, lost 25 lbs. and wore teddies around the house while feather-dusting but THAT'S not about to happen either. :D


Hey! Don't hate on the teddies! Except for the blond part, that's totally me after I put the kids to bed! :o I like sexy teddies and night gowns to sleep in, they are so comfortable! I even do the dishes on them :p

[Maelyssa]

Your hair looks lovely I couldn't imagine why he'd want you to cut it unless its because he just remembers falling for the girl with the shoulder length hair.
In the end we need to be happy with our own hair, that's what matters most.

[kallarina]

So, the verdict...
It took me a couple of days to get him to talk enough to pin down an answer. But when I did, he told me that he likes shoulder length hair on me because it reminds him of when we met. Then he apologized for making me think he didn't like my long hair, because he also thinks its beautiful. He told me to never EVER cut my hair just because he makes a comment... And because he'll miss my long hair! I guess he just appreciates it quietly. :p
Thanks for all the support, I guess all is well. :D

[icallitbliss]

I did have an ex boyfriend who was always wanting me to change something. I finally wised up and changed roomies. He was so controlling and I allowed it. Never again. It was not worth it, it's better to be alone sometimes. Now I can grow my hair, eat sardines and have cookies in bed without anyone complaining.

This! I realized my relationship with my ex husband was basically him just wanting me to be his like his ex girlfriend. (ie, wanted me to grow my super short hair really long like hers, be more outgoing and bubbly like her, etc) He never wanted ME, just her. Now that we're apart, I can finally start focusing on myself and how I want to look, feel, and act.

[leslissocool]

So, the verdict...
It took me a couple of days to get him to talk enough to pin down an answer. But when I did, he told me that he likes shoulder length hair on me because it reminds him of when we met. Then he apologized for making me think he didn't like my long hair, because he also thinks its beautiful. He told me to never EVER cut my hair just because he makes a comment... And because he'll miss my long hair! I guess he just appreciates it quietly. :p
Thanks for all the support, I guess all is well. :D

I'm happy it got resolved! Your hair is truly gorgeous :blossom:

[WaterMusic]

Does he have a specific reason? My DBF didn't like my hair getting up his nose at night, but since I started braiding it at night - no worries! Maybe it's something easy to fix/compromise on? Otherwise, I agree, how hard is it to support you in something so simple?


This made me laugh so hard. When I am about to sleep I curl up on one side, and SO curls around me to hug me before he gets back up (he goes to bed much later than me). I put my hair in a cinnabun on the top of my head, but inevitably there are little stragglers that come out, and when some of them are on his face he says, "Hair hair hair!" in this urgent voice. This means that I am to get it out of his face immediately.

He loves my hair though.

[bluebird77]

So, the verdict...
It took me a couple of days to get him to talk enough to pin down an answer. But when I did, he told me that he likes shoulder length hair on me because it reminds him of when we met. Then he apologized for making me think he didn't like my long hair, because he also thinks its beautiful. He told me to never EVER cut my hair just because he makes a comment... And because he'll miss my long hair! I guess he just appreciates it quietly. :p
Thanks for all the support, I guess all is well. :D

Awesome outcome.

[kallarina]

I'm happy it got resolved! Your hair is truly gorgeous :blossom:

Awww, thank you so much! :love:

[Chetanlaiho]

DBF loves that I have long hair, but hates that I put it up all the time ^^; he says he feels like I have shorthair because it's always in a bun. He knows why I do it, I tell him every time but he grumps about it nonetheless :shrug:

Well, have you asked him why he thinks that? Perhaps he things it would take less time to care for it? Does he prefer the way it looks on you? Does it get in the way and does he think SL would be more convenient?

Based on the reason you can take other preventive measures and explain to him that you wouldn't feel good with having your hair shoulder length, he should understand :)

[Mesmerise]

Glad you sorted it out with your boyfriend!! Maybe now you've had the talk he won't bring it up anymore, too.

I am fortunate in that my husband likes my hair however. Well, he may like it better some ways than others, but he doesn't criticise me for what I do with it (although he did tell me he liked long hair with a spiral perm shudder: (and that will never, ever, ever, ever occur as long as I am breathing).

He doesn't like piercings and tattoos however, and is fairly vocal about that :p which is a bit unfortunate for him :D. I never understood people who say "I'd love a tattoo but my husband won't let me get one" :confused:. And umm... hair is the same thing to me! If I had a partner who insisted on me doing something in particular to my hair, or "wouldn't let" me do something else, he'd be an ex pretty quickly!