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View Full Version : Why should my hair be for everyone else to see? Why can it not be just for me?



Venefica
March 11th, 2012, 09:17 AM
Why should my hair be for everyone else to see? Why can it not be just for me? I am hearing it again and again, why do you keep growing your hair, it is so long you have to wear buns, then no one will see how pretty it is. If you kept it at waist it would still be long but you could wear it loose. That is what so many say. What I answer is that I am growing out my hair for me. Now when that is said I have always liked the look of buns, even when I was a little girl I loved buns and wanted for hair long enough to do them, and quite a few buns even if they do not look it require a fair bit of length to pull off, especially if you have thick hair like I do. But the second point I try to argue is that my hair is for me, why should it be a given that I am growing it out for everyone else to look at. I know I have it, I know it is pretty and it makes me feel good, why should not that be enough? Why do every part of my appearance have to be for everyone else?

Kinkycurlygurl
March 11th, 2012, 09:23 AM
Somehow, it seems to me, that women's bodies are community property. What we do with them has to be approved and/or regulated by the society.

Kelikea
March 11th, 2012, 09:24 AM
It can be just for you, it is your hair and your decision. I think you should take it as a compliment that they want to see your hair. They think it is pretty and miss seeing it.

blondie9912
March 11th, 2012, 09:30 AM
I agree with Kinkycurlygirl. Very true. It doesn't have to be that way, though. Like Carolyn's siggy states- "I am not here to decorate your world"...Figuratively OR literally :)

Madora
March 11th, 2012, 09:54 AM
The majority of people who make comments like that don't know diddly squat about caring for long hair..or how creative it is when you wear your hair up.

Just ignore them and enjoy your hair. Wear it proudly, like a badge of independence!

HylianGirl
March 11th, 2012, 10:07 AM
Somehow, it seems to me, that women's bodies are community property. What we do with them has to be approved and/or regulated by the society.


That seems to be true unfortunatelly... I have actually heard many times "you can't have long hair, you're too short, it'll make you look even shorter" among other stuff :rolleyes:

Another thing that bothers me is that it seems society makes women always try to change tehmselves, like want to loose a few pounds or straighten their hair, etc.. and if if a woman feels good about her looks (not braging about it, just feels good being who she is and doesn't want to change that) she is seen as self centered.

trolleypup
March 11th, 2012, 10:34 AM
Somehow, it seems to me, that women's bodies are community property. What we do with them has to be approved and/or regulated by the society.
By a segment of society, at least. And gods forbid that a woman is strong and competent and independent...that segment will do everything possible to drag her down and destroy her. At least, this beknighted attitude is less common in some areas, and being strong and competent is actually sometimes appreciated.

It is none of anyone else's damned business how you wear your hair. Do what you please, it isn't your job to decorate their world.

And it is a sucker bet anyway, if you kept it down, you'd get the "too long and gross" comment anyway.

rock007junkie
March 11th, 2012, 10:37 AM
I think that depends on you. You can totally make it just for you. I started asking myself that exact same question not too long ago because I was wearing my hair up all the time. Then I was like "hold up, I like my hair and I like seeing it down from time to time". So now, I just wear my hair how I feel for the day. It's mine. I may not be able to control a lot of things but my hair is the one thing that people should butt out and let me be.

Chromis
March 11th, 2012, 10:56 AM
So depending on how much I like the person and the tone they use, I will either tell them off or point out that I like getting to try lots of different updos and cool hairtoys and how much I like making both a part of my outfits and.... Basically I motormouth! Flood em with info without taking any breathes in between and tell them far more than they ever wanted to know about as little as possible. The normal response is to back away slowly in hopes you will just stop talking. Much better than harping on at me!

SunlightShines
March 11th, 2012, 11:11 AM
I've got a few people like that at work. They actually grab and shake it or pull on it and ask me why I'm putting it up!! ...and it isn't even long right now!

spidermom
March 11th, 2012, 11:13 AM
And I hope you tell people exactly that when they make comments.

Not often, but I have gotten the comment "why grow it long if you're going to wear it up all the time?" and I said something like "because when I want to enjoy long hair, all I have to do is take it down."

Phalaenopsis
March 11th, 2012, 11:34 AM
The first time I had long hair I always wore it loose or sometimes a ponytail, then the comment was that long hair was boring and you can't do anything with it... It's always something

Good for you that it's just for you, it's your hair so you get to decide :)

Autumn
March 11th, 2012, 11:43 AM
People in my family are always saying stuff like: "Your hair is so pretty, why don't you wear it down?" I try to take it as a compliment (and ignore the advice). I have long hair for ME; I'm the one that cares for it, so I will wear it in a way that is comfortable and convenient for me. As others have already said: "I'm not here to decorate your world!"

Venefica
March 11th, 2012, 12:06 PM
Well I can not wear it down and except for a few moments each day when I sit still watching a movie or typing where I let it loose to let the scalp rest I almost always wear my hair in a bun or a braid, basically when it is loose it catch on anything, it get trapped under my arms, under my boobs, get into my food, get tangles or get sat on. Keeping it up keep the hair and me safe. Also I kind of like to keep some parts of me, just for me if you know what I mean. Not that I have a problem showing off my hair, but I grow it out for me, not for others.

ratgirldjh
March 11th, 2012, 12:23 PM
My hair is just for me! Of course I enjoy it if anyone else compliments it - but really I've always done what I wanted with my hair. I used to shave my head to 1/2 inch frequently even though I got a lot of comments from people it bothered!!! lol - how can MY hair bother someone? But actually that made me want to do it more!!! :D

Same thing with dying it with henna! My dad and now my brother always ask me why I keep dying my hair funny colors! lol My dad and now my brother since my dad passed on always want me to just let my hair be it's natural color which funny enough they think is BLACK!!! My hair has never been black except for when I did commercial dye (YEARS ago) or henna/indigo which I did for years... lol
My natural hair color is dark brown with a lot of red and now a lot of silver!

When I grew out the henna and had my natural color for a while I got comments from kids that my hair looked like a 'calico cat's fur'!!! My brother and dad were happy but then my dbf begged me to henna my hair red again!!! My dbf doesn't like my hair short but then he also doesn't like it when it is so long that I have to wear buns either! And I love buns!!! So I wear them even when my hair is barely long enough for them!!!

My grandmother always told me I looked best with my hair cut in a short bob with bangs and chemically dyed bright auburn!!!

But I have to admit the reason that I stopped shaving my hair was that my dbf was horrified when I would do it and would be embarrassed of me!!! Funny thing though - once I started growing my hair long again I actually encountered quite a few people who missed my 'burr'...

Do what you want with your hair!!! If you try and please other people with your hair you will never be able to no matter what you do!!!

eta: once when I was in high school and my hair was about waist length - i bleached it very blonde! about this time i changed schools and the girls there thought this 'blonde' was my natural color! My dad kept telling me it looked horrible on me and it would turn green when I went swimming - so I dyed it back to my natural color. When I went back to school several girls there started crying because I had dyed my blonde hair brown! lol!!! I tried to tell them that brown was my natural color but they didn't believe me!!!

whatever...:rolleyes::frog:

Jen123
March 11th, 2012, 12:49 PM
When people say stuff like that to me, I just get this really weird smile on my face. Then I take one bobby pin out and stick it on the top of my bun like an antennae, and say it is my communication portal with the mother planet.

1dragonfly2
March 11th, 2012, 01:04 PM
...my granma used to tell me "it will fall in the toilet!" Haha! Never did!

J

melusine963
March 11th, 2012, 01:11 PM
This is exactly how I feel. It annoys me when people act like I somehow owe them to wear my hair down, and that I'm selfish/uncaring to keep it up.

PixxieStix
March 11th, 2012, 01:39 PM
Tell them it's your precious and you only let it down at night to pet it fondly before going to bed. :D

Or, on a less creepy note, kindly inform them that if you were to wear your hair down all the time, it would get so damaged you would have to cut it off, and then you would be unable to do all the special buns and braids you like to do.

Or alternatively, look at them like they are crazy and walk away glancing at them with "that look".

But seriously, it is for you! Don't let anyone make you feel like it has to be for anyone else. My hair is for me, it isn't long yet but it will be some day, and I'm doing it for many, many personal reasons. You do not have to justify yourself to anyone.

Tisiloves
March 11th, 2012, 01:46 PM
It's because people seem to assume that any form of personal adornment is for other people. I have several tattoos that aren't in areas usually seen by the public and everyone asks me why I have them there.

Unicorn
March 11th, 2012, 05:51 PM
Well I can not wear it down and except for a few moments each day when I sit still watching a movie or typing where I let it loose to let the scalp rest I almost always wear my hair in a bun or a braid, basically when it is loose it catch on anything, it get trapped under my arms, under my boobs, get into my food, get tangles or get sat on. Keeping it up keep the hair and me safe. Also I kind of like to keep some parts of me, just for me if you know what I mean. Not that I have a problem showing off my hair, but I grow it out for me, not for others.
I'd just consider it a compliment and not worry about it.

Unicorn

princessp
March 11th, 2012, 06:04 PM
Somehow, it seems to me, that women's bodies are community property. What we do with them has to be approved and/or regulated by the society.

^ Yup this.

By a segment of society, at least. And gods forbid that a woman is strong and competent and independent...that segment will do everything possible to drag her down and destroy her. At least, this beknighted attitude is less common in some areas, and being strong and competent is actually sometimes appreciated.

It is none of anyone else's damned business how you wear your hair. Do what you please, it isn't your job to decorate their world.

And it is a sucker bet anyway, if you kept it down, you'd get the "too long and gross" comment anyway.
^ and this. Alas....

jacqueline101
March 11th, 2012, 06:21 PM
Somehow, it seems to me, that women's bodies are community property. What we do with them has to be approved and/or regulated by the society.
I agree with this its like the way we dress and the people we associate with its all apart of society. I don't care about the norms I do what feels right. If you want your hair a certain way go for it.

Amber_Maiden
March 11th, 2012, 06:32 PM
It should be for just you! Growing it for someone else is never a good idea... Growing your hair for yourself, or your religious beliefs, is no one else's business but your own! Society is bad about that- letting other people do what they want to do instead of what they are all doing...

ladyshep
March 11th, 2012, 07:54 PM
You know what the beauty of it all is? You Don't have to give people any answers or anymore explanations if you don't want to!!

Fipps
March 11th, 2012, 07:55 PM
I got a similar comment the other day.
"What's the point of growing it that long if you only wear it up?
"Because I LIKE it that way. That is all."

heidi w.
March 11th, 2012, 08:22 PM
A time will come when you are really ready to ignore the comments, and not even bother to argue with them or explain yourself to them. At a certain point, we all get there. Do your best to ignore the commentary and remain calm, and carry on. So what about what they say. They aren't you, now are they?

I love how people like to tell me their pearls of wisdom with almost no care regarding how they say it, what they may in actuality might be communicating (criticism, derision, beration?). I'm glad they think they've got control of everything, so long as they leave me alone.

All you can really do is ignore it. Younger people, and as a generalization, young women, tend to come into the world believing they have to justify their choices and decisions to others. You don't have to explain yourself, justify your reasons, and all that. If they don't have to explain themselves to you; why do you need to explain anything about yourself to others? You decided, it's what you want to do, and as long as you're not committing a crime, and are generally fairly kind and otherwise reasonable, I just wouldn't bother. It's none of their business anyway! NONE. Period.

It takes time to get to this attitude, and when you do, a big relief comes over yourself, and you wonder what the heck took you so long. It takes all of us a while to get there, though.

heidi w.

Kinkycurlygurl
March 12th, 2012, 09:15 AM
A time will come when you are really ready to ignore the comments, and not even bother to argue with them or explain yourself to them. At a certain point, we all get there. Do your best to ignore the commentary and remain calm, and carry on. So what about what they say. They aren't you, now are they?

I love how people like to tell me their pearls of wisdom with almost no care regarding how they say it, what they may in actuality might be communicating (criticism, derision, beration?). I'm glad they think they've got control of everything, so long as they leave me alone.

All you can really do is ignore it. Younger people, and as a generalization, young women, tend to come into the world believing they have to justify their choices and decisions to others. You don't have to explain yourself, justify your reasons, and all that. If they don't have to explain themselves to you; why do you need to explain anything about yourself to others? You decided, it's what you want to do, and as long as you're not committing a crime, and are generally fairly kind and otherwise reasonable, I just wouldn't bother. It's none of their business anyway! NONE. Period.

It takes time to get to this attitude, and when you do, a big relief comes over yourself, and you wonder what the heck took you so long. It takes all of us a while to get there, though.

heidi w.

That's a pearl of wisdom that I'm keeping. Thank you!