advice on curly hair

[nostalgic]

i don't actually have curly hair... my dbf does: with my new hair obsession he's also trying to care for his hair better. unfortunately, whatever works for me is pretty much guaranteed NOT to work for him! as of right now i've got him CO-ing and he'll do a CWC every couple of weeks. So my question is: is there anything that he can incorporate into his routine that will help with curl definition and moisture? from what i can tell he's a 3a/3b depending on where the curls on his head are, M/C, and absolutely NO idea what volume of hair: it's too short to put in any kind of ponytail and i think the volume of curls might be misleading but i'm pretty sure it's normal at least, possible thick. i've lurked around the forum a bit but really don't know where to begin. i should probably stress that he's a GUY and not inclined to spend too much time on his hair :p. thanks in advance to anyone who can give me some input!!!!

[Pierre]

I'm not sure what's best for his hair, but I do WO and detangle in the shower. I don't spend that much time on my hair either; I keep it braided for several days.

[nostalgic]

he doesn't really have the option of putting in up hahaha. he usually wears a hat but it's not really appropriate all the time. thanks for the WO thoughts though... not sure how that'll go over ;)

[Siava]

For curl definition he can use a tad of gel or mousse on wet/damp hair. When it's dry (which it should dry quickly since it's so short) he can scrunch the hardness out. For moisture, maybe he can try an SMT?

[Honey39]

I'm a newly discovered curly, and I find that CO-ing and then scrunching in some Boots Curl Creme is all that it takes. I comb when it's wet, add the cream, scrunch it lightly in, and then DON'T TOUCH it again! That seems to be a rule with curlies, the leaving it alone once you've put your product in. Once it's dry, you can lightly scrunch out any 'crunchiness', and the curl holds for the rest of the day. It's very fast and easy, with no frizz.

[liseling]

If he doesnt want to have to buy any mousse/gel/hairspray/creme etc., he can just try leaving conditioner in.

During his CO have him leave a bit of conditioner in (so it's not rinsed squeaky clean) and then get out of the shower and GENTLY dry his hair by squeezing/blotting (rather than rubbing) his hair with some kind of fabric that's smooth, like an old clean t-shirt or one of those suede-finish microfiber towels.

When he's gotten the excess water out he can part his hair in the middle and take some of his conditioner (the same he used in the shower) and wipe it gently through each side and fingercomb it through the damp hair till it looks like the hair is in clumps and there are few stray hairs sticking out.

How large the clumps are will determine the volume/frizzyness when it's dry. Smaller clumps usually mean more volume later.

Then, as Honey39 said, let it dry without touching it or leaning the head back on things etc. When it's dry if it looks like there are some hairs out of place he can put a bit more conditioner on his fingers and wipe them into place. How much conditioner to put in after the shower really depends on the hair, so he can experiment with less or more and find out the right amount.

When I discovered that all I needed was conditioner it was a revelation - saves me money and works better than my gel! And conditioner both moisturizes and provides definition. What more could you ask for?

[Riot Crrl]

I too would start with leaving in some conditioner. Doesn't have to be fancy either, I just leave in some o' my rinse out conditioner. If it's too difficult to gauge how much to rinse, he can just rinse it all then rake some back in. If it doesn't seem to be doing anything, add more next time. You may be surprised how much it can stand up to.

Scrunch it a little then yes, do not touch until dry. Then scrunch again.

If he seems to be maxing out on leave in conditioner and still not getting enough definition or too much frizz, he can then escalate to a styling product in addition to the leave in conditioner. I'm partial to gel. Rake it in over the conditioner, scrunch, don't touch until dry. Don't worry if it dries hard and wet looking. Scrunch again when all the way dry to remove that.

[nostalgic]

thanks everyone for the tips!!!! now that i have a direction, we can start experimenting :D. i'm going to do an SMT before the weekend and probably just make extra and attack him with it (he's actually trying to talk me into doing it sooner but i'm lazy). the boot's cream sounds sooo much better than regular gel... now to find somewhere around here that carries it.....

[wavestogrow]

A lot of the things I would suggest have already been said. One other thing I can add is that if he wants moisture..adding a tiny dab of honey to the conditioner in the shower can really help with moisture. Or doing a final honey rinse-which is great for shine. (as weird as it might sound) If he wants help with his curls www.naturallycurly.com is filled with great advice!

[nostalgic]

wavestogrow: the honey tip sounds good but haven't i heard that it has lightening effects? his hair color is basically the same as mine....

[wavestogrow]

Yes, some people have reported that it has lightening effects. I have been using honey for years and have never noticed it. When I've colored my hair, I have noticed it lightening that color though. If you don't want to risk it, molasses is supposed to work the same as honey but is safe for those with dark hair. I've never used it myself but I've heard from dozens of others that it worked for them.
It's so sweet of you to help him with his curly hair. I hope you two have fun experimenting together. :)

[nostalgic]

so i guess the honey in the SMT won't do anything, lol. thanks for the firsthand tip... i think we'll start with the SMT and some product... thanks!

[Siava]

From what I've read, when you do the SMT with honey and don't want to risk lightening you have to heat it up (not much, about 15 seconds). Doing so destroys the natural peroxide in the honey. Plus, the warm SMT feels lovely on the scalp.

[jojo]

More a wavy than a curly girly but moisture is a must with my hair, especially my fringe which is more corse and spirally, than the rest of my hair which is very fine and yes do not touch it when drying!

[nostalgic]

oooo, the warming idea sounds great :D! we're going out to dinner for his b-day on saturday, so i think i'll try it tomorrow night... that is, if i can find clear aloe anywhere: would you believe that my grocery store didn't have it?! not even the green stuff!!!!
and jojo; i've been learning the hard way about the moisture! my very straight hair needs more than i could have ever imagined haha. he's switched to co only and even full of cones, his hair is still soooo dry!
he's really excited about this treatment since i guess he likes being pampered almost as much as i do :p
thanks ladies!

[thankyousir74]

Have you gotten him (or yourself, for that matter) into oiling?

[Riot Crrl]

and jojo; i've been learning the hard way about the moisture! my very straight hair needs more than i could have ever imagined haha. he's switched to co only and even full of cones, his hair is still soooo dry!

At the risk of offending the coneheads, I shall now thump my copy of Curly Girl.

You might consider having him try first clarifying, then switch to cone free. If you decide to try this, I would recommend a deep treatment of some sort, perhaps the SMT made with cone free conditioner, after the clarifying.

If you wish to know the whole reasoning behind this, you can read Curly Girl or I can attempt to answer any questions you may have.

It made all the difference in the world to me personally. When I had cones on my hair, deep conditioning just would not go in there.

[nostalgic]

hmmm, that sounds like a good idea... i have non-coney condish, but i don't have any good clarifying shampoo... would acv work? it's my best friend haha. and this might be way out in left field but i think someone actually mentioned listerine?! (in the herbal, henna, etc forum). if not and i actually buy some clarifying shampoo would suave work?
or you could ignore all of these questions and just tell me what you do to clarify :)
his hair is long for your average guy.... he's got the "jew-puff" going on and it's about 5ish inches long pulled out from his scalp.... he wants to maintain for as long as possible and i want to prove that he can look good doing it, not look like a hobo :rolleyes:

[Riot Crrl]

hmmm, that sounds like a good idea... i have non-coney condish, but i don't have any good clarifying shampoo... would acv work? it's my best friend haha. and this might be way out in left field but i think someone actually mentioned listerine?! (in the herbal, henna, etc forum). if not and i actually buy some clarifying shampoo would suave work?
or you could ignore all of these questions and just tell me what you do to clarify :)
his hair is long for your average guy.... he's got the "jew-puff" going on and it's about 5ish inches long pulled out from his scalp.... he wants to maintain for as long as possible and i want to prove that he can look good doing it, not look like a hobo :rolleyes:

ACV does not remove cones. Sulfates do. It doesn't have to be a shampoo labeled as "clarifying," as long as it has SLS, SLES, ALS, or ALES. And, no cones of its own. (Arguably, these could be self-removing when combined with sulfates, but I don't know if it really works out that way, or what.)

[nostalgic]

*toddles off to go read the ingredient list of my new shampoo*
if i come up with any more questions before i pounce on him (next couple of days) i'll post them...
... if not, i'll let you know the results :D

[nostalgic]

update: ok, so we did an SMT with VO5 tea therapy chamomile conditioner, 1/4 part honey, and a little less than 1/4 part aloe (i was nervous about using the kind i'd bought...)
it's GREAT! his hair is so soft and the curls are so defined! i did use some sort of curl cream (can't remember what since i'd bought it ages ago for him), but not much and i think i owe it all to the smt! this is going to have to be a routine thing!!!
also, when he clarified, i made him use my shampoo and conditioner and his hair was still a lot softer after using a cone free conditioner and he said he's switching to mine :D
thank you everyone for all of your help, especially riot crrl for all her 'curly girl' experience!
i'd be happy to hear any more suggestions to develop into a routine!!!

[Riot Crrl]

:D

It is certainly all worth it when I get to hear stories of people embracing their curls and being happy with them!

OK, here's how I would proceed forward. He likes that shampoo and conditioner, and he likes the SMT. So I would just continue with that for a week minimum, especially if the results are good. (Not necessarily SMT all the time, but weekly or every two weeks or something.) If it doesn't get limp or no other bad things seem to happen, re-evaluate in two weeks or even a month.

Curly hair can tend to be temperamental and not like changing too much. Or sometimes it only likes changing. It is freaky. Anyway, my point is, don't introduce too many new things at one time. That is TOTALLY the temptation that all new curl-embracers must run the gauntlet of. But the problem is, if he tried 8 new products in one week, no one can diagnose which one caused a problem.

He's seen improvement, and I would now strive for equilibrium and consistency before seeking the next improvement.

[nostalgic]

sounds like good advice: i've basically talked him into a weekly smt and it was his decision to switch the shampoo and conditioner (he's mostly going to co...). i think that's pretty much all we're going to do unless it starts misbehaving.... why mess with a good thing? plus as i've stated before, he's a guy who really doesn't want to make a commitment to grow his hair, only maintain and this sounds like the perfect plan... at least for now :p
thanks again!